My father raped me, on average of twice per week, from the time I was 8-17 years old. When I was 10, I was mutilated during one of the rapes (there is no way to describe the pain), and hospitalized (see medical report here:
My father was also physically abusive; requited us to remove our clothes before beatings with sticks or straps, electrical cords, etc. and he also punched, kicked, and strangled us, if we did not “behave”. My hands were put under scalding water, if the dishes weren’t clean enough (my sister & I had to clean house, do laundry, dishes, cooking & take care of the younger children). I was the oldest of 9. He often told us that we were “insignificant specks of humanity”, and that his life, feelings, and existence were more important than ours. I tried to tell a few people, even though my father threatened to cut me up & throw the pieces in the ocean, if I ever told anyone what he was doing. I became desperate, ran away, was caught & brought back home. My other couldn’t listen, didn’t want to know (she looked the other way when we were beaten; the rapes happened when she was at work).
I finally told my mother about the rapes, after I had come home one night when I was 17, and she told me that I had better not sleep with my boyfriend, as I had to be a virgin before marriage (or go to Hell – I was Catholic). I just exploded, and told her about what my father had been doing to my sister & I all those years. Once she realized the truth, she kicked my father out of the house – but allowed him back home after a few days, where he then found the chance to rape my little sister (who was 8). When I found out about that, I told him that I knew, and wasn’t going to let him hurt her anymore. He grabbed my neck, and choked me, bashing my head on the counter, until I almost passed out (& my mother walked into the kitchen). But he never touched my little sister again, & left our house. 20 years later, I confronted him again, after going through decades of my brothers not believing me (my father always said that I was a liar).
What precipitated this was that my brother had molested my daughter, and I wanted him charged for the crime. My father called me a liar again, called my daughter a liar, etc. I had had enough! Wrote a 10-page letter to him, that I copied & sent out to all of my siblings. My father wrote back, admitting what he had done, but trying to minimalize it, and also used the excuse that he and his brothers were molested as children. I then sent copies of his letter to my siblings, where my brothers all realized the truth. My daughter got therapy, my brother served time & got therapy, and I also had to get therapy (had had PTSD for many years, panic attacks, etc.). That is a microcosm of my story.
When I was young, I thought my sister & I were the only ones (my sister was killed in a car accident when she was 16 – I was 17 at the time – so she never got to live the truth). This documentary, along with many other stories, made me realize that we were not alone, that there were and are many who suffer rape every day. My mom, who was an alcoholic, later became sober & apologized for not being there for us all those years. I was able to make my peace with her before she died in 2008. My father was killed in a private plane crash – burned to death in the cockpit, actually – in 2004. One of my brothers died of cancer in 2002, so it has not been an easy road. But as long as I live, I will make sure that the cycle does not continue. Thank you for this documentary, and your time. I hope this made sense. 🙂
– Deb (Hagler) Wong