I don’t know if this is rape because I dont know if I was clear that I didnt want it. I am 19 years old and my boyfriend and I had been dating for 2 years at that time and been in an abusive relationship. I was a mess and didnt know how to get out of it. Closer to the incident (maybe couple months before) we started having rougher sex than normal where he would pin me down or have sex with me when I said no because I would change my mind halfway. This one time we were making out and having fun but all of a sudden I had a mood swing and didnt wannt him to touch me, I evidently said no and for him to stop but he didnt. He took me from behind and just had sex with me while I said no. I dont know if he thought it was just rough sex and misinterpreted me so i dont know if its rape. But i was crying at the end and just stopped fighting him so that it would be over quicker. He saw that i was crying and seemed like he cared after but I feel like it was just an act. But i dont want to label it as rape if its not. I’m so lost. I hate that it happened, and i have panic attacks when i hook up with guys now.
— Survivor, age 19