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March 3rd, 2021

My protector, my father, my rapist all...

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I remember the first time like it was yesterday. I was asked if I would like to “play a game”. Come to find out I didn’t like that game. I don’t think I’ll ever like THAT game. I was THREE the first time, and 13 the last. I was raped...
March 17th, 2023

Indigo

I returned to fine art in 1990 when I took at class in indigo dyeing at San Francisco State University. I was lucky that the instructor, Yoshiko Wada, and another student from her class, were in the East Bay so that we could carpool together. We would talk textiles on our weekly journey across the Bay Bridge to the Campus. The other student was an accomplished Quilter named Linda MacDonald. Linda lived in Willits near the famous Mendocino Art Center, but traveled to Berkeley to attend this class once a week. The Indigo vat was made in a 32-gallon garbage can and had to be kept covered between dyeing sessions. Indigo is a unique rich blue dye that develops with an oxidization process when exposed to air. Dipping the fabric several times, and allowing the natural fiber to oxidize before dipping it again, creates darker shades of blue. The dye in the vat is created from a mixture of indigo pigment, various chemicals and a reducing agent to remove oxygen from the dye. It is a rich green color while in the vat, which shows up on the fabric before it is fully exposed to the air. The smell emitted from the dye is unusual, a musky odor in my mind. I like to think that it smells like the color blue. The vat needs to be carefully stirred and maintained between dyeing sessions. There is a “bloom” on the top of the vat created by oxidized indigo, making a bubbly and shiny ball of material reminiscent of a flower. The “bloom” gets moved to the side before entry of the pre-wetted fabric. The process reminds me of baking bread or making yogurt where the steps need to be carefully followed to achieve the desired results. In the process of bread and yogurt making, there are living cultures involved in order to create the product, and with the creation and dyeing process of indigo, it has that same feeling of being alive. In order to create interesting patterns, my classmates and I would use resist techniques on the fabric like pastes, stitching and clamping. Simple household items like clothespins could be used to create patterns by folding and then placing the pins at intervals along the fold lines. Beautiful and surprising results were achieved using these methods. Image of Indigo dye on fabric during the oxidization process. My dream of being a professional artist, all started in early childhood, and the first memories of my creations go back to Nursery School. I loved playing with all kinds of materials, like paint, clay, and crayons, just to name a few examples. Mel (Melanie), painting at Jack and Jill Nursery School, Walnut Creek, California, 1960. In 1974, a neighbor in Marin where I was living at the time and studying art at College of Marin told me about an Art School in Mexico. I ended up sending off slides of my work with an application to the Instituto Allende, and was delighted to hear that I was accepted. I began my journey to study there in San Miguel de Allende by flying to Mexico City in January of 1975. A bus ride completed that journey. When I first arrived, I moved in with a family who had two small children, including a newborn. It seemed like a safe living situation for a 19-year-old woman, but that shortly proved to not be true when the husband started coming on to me. I ended up finding my own place on the other side of town. It was a spacious abode with a wall that was shared with a weaving factory next door. There were 2 adjoined bedrooms, a bathroom, a large living/kitchen area and a small concrete patio out the back door. There was no hot water, refrigerator or a telephone. When I needed hot water for dishes, I would boil some on the stove. For showers, I had to build a fire in a box below a water tank outside to get hot water. I felt much more secure living there and walking a further distance to the Instituto on the other side of town than living with the husband who had made me feel so unsafe. There was the Central Plaza, which was called the “Jardin” that was in the middle of town, and I would pass through it on my walk quite frequently. This was the site of fireworks and festivals, like the celebration of Cinco de Mayo. The streets were cobblestone and many charming shops and galleries were located downtown. The School itself was on a beautiful campus with large ornate doors in front that were closed when school was not in session. Photo of the closed front doors of the Instituto Allende I had heard about you and what you had done to other women before you appeared in my main living space one sunny spring afternoon pointing a gun at me. You had a bandana wrapped around your face and tied behind your head. I had heard you first, in the bathroom. Dressed in a long polyester dress with colorful psychedelic patterns. I wasn’t wearing any underwear or shoes. I walked through the 2 bedrooms and turned left when I saw you standing there. I screamed and shouted, “help me,” thinking that workers at the Weaving Factory would hear me and come rescue me. Nobody came. You said to me “Coyote” which I later learned meant to be quiet or to shut up. You grabbed my shoulders and dragged me out the unlocked back door onto the concrete patio. The tops of my feet got scraped. I gave up. I knew you were going to rape me. I just wanted you to finish as quickly as possible. You took off your belt and put down your gun. Somehow I managed to pick up your gun and threw it over the wall embedded with glass on the top, into the alleyway. The same wall you had climbed over to get into my place through the unlocked back door. Towards the end of this ordeal, I heard a knock on my door. You left, climbing back over the wall. I answered the door. My friend Rhonda had come by to visit me. I told her what had happened and we walked to the Police Station nearby. I had your belt with me. The one you left behind. I went to the front counter, telling the officers behind the counter what had happened to me. They were laughing and playing cards at the time. I showed them your belt. They told me to bring you in if I saw you again. I left with Rhonda and took a bath at the where place she lived. We didn’t talk about what happened. We moved in together shortly after that. I sent a telegram to my father and stepmother about what had happened to me. Nobody came to help me. Rhonda helped me when I got hepatitis A and could no longer go to school. I was on my own when it came to figuring out how to return to the Bay Area. I moved in with my father and stepmother. They didn’t talk to me about what happened to me. They sent me to a doctor who diagnosed me with type 1 diabetes. He showed me how to give myself insulin injections. He told me to practice by injecting oranges with empty syringes. My mother told me years later that “You were never the same again” after what you did to me. I survived. I gave up art for 15 years before realizing that I wanted to go back to art school. In those years, I became so disturbed that I had panic attacks, deep depression and needed to move in with my mother at age 30. I started therapy after becoming self destructive in my 20’s. Depression also called “the blues” has been my long time companion. It has taken me a lifetime to heal. My iPhone predicts the words, depression, PTSD and C-PTSD for my text messages. After my Indigo dyeing class at San Francisco State, I enrolled in the Textiles Fine Art program at California College of Arts and Crafts (now known as California College of the Arts) in Oakland. I was married at the time and had become pregnant with our daughter Emily right before classes started in September. Emily was born on May 13, 1991. By the Fall of 1992, I was a single mom and an art student. An inheritance from my mother who died in 1995, allowed me to graduate and to buy my first home. I continued to work with indigo dyeing and created a large textile piece about my experience in Mexico. After many years of therapy and other healing modalities, I recently started painting on canvas. Part of that process has been a Soul Retrieval session to bring back my 4 year old self who loved to paint. I am feeling uplifted and encouraged after many years of recurring periods of severe emotional pain. Stay tuned for more details about my new work. One of my final pieces was a textile called “Out of the Blues.”
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I returned to fine art in 1990 when I took at class in indigo dyeing at San Francisco State University. I was lucky that the instructor, Yoshiko Wada, and another student from her class, were in the East Bay so that we could carpool together. We would talk textiles on...
August 10th, 2022

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I was 15. I went to stay the weekend with a friend a town over. She bought me to a friends house and they were two older boys; not much older a few years. The place was a really old one bedroom trailer not very big at all. A small...
July 24th, 2019

LOST

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When I was 5 years old, I was sexually assaulted by many men. The next day I tried to kill myself. At the age of 10, I was raped and again tried to end it by ending my life. I also am a survivor of FASD and there for not...
January 3rd, 2024

lucky

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this is my second post and i’m retelling my story better. i’m 15 and i’ve been struggling with substance abuse since 13, including hard drugs. my anxiety and jealousy in my new relationship has caused me to struggle a lot recently and i ended up going to my guy friends...
August 17th, 2019

My/our German “Weinstein” Case

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My name is Jany Tempel. I live both in Germany and Thailand. I turned public now, to end the big silence of our country. Almost twenty years ago I had already written a novel about my arduous life. The book wasn’t published back then, mainly because I reported on crimes...
March 18th, 2015

Playing House

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My name is Sydney. I’m 13 years old. When I was 7, my mom was on drugs, and I knew she was using. We used to go to this lady’s house, and she and my mom would go to a room and smoke and sniff…etc. One day, I was downstairs...
May 6th, 2022

My Ongoing Journey

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When I finally decided to switch my major to psychology and now pursue my career as a therapist, I got a lot of questions. Things like, why do you want to be a therapist? I got this from family, friends, and even strangers back in the time I served tables....
December 23rd, 2014

Blaming Myself

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I am 20 years old and it happened when I was 17. I was at a party, the kind with drugs and alcohol. I got too drunk and passed out in the basement. When I came to the boy I had been flirting with all night was on top of...
September 22nd, 2020

My mom’s boyfriend assaulted me and my...

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I was assaulted multiple times ! I was assaulted by my mom’s boyfriend when I was 13. My parents got divorced then my mom and her boyfriend found an apartment with just one bedroom so the 3 of us had to sleep together. At night when my mom would fall...
July 17th, 2019

Boyfriend Forcefully Sodomized Me

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I had been with my (still current) boyfriend for about a year the night that it happened. We had been staying out of town in the mountains, having a great time. That night, we had a few drinks at a bar across the street from the hotel we were staying...
December 6th, 2020

“My Rape” at University

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I was 21 and at my second year of university. I was at a study group with 3 friends and it was around lunchtime. 2 of them suggested Chinese and decided to order and collect. I was left alone with my “friend”. It felt a little awkward as a week...
April 16th, 2020

3 years on

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I don’t know why I’m writing this out. Maybe so I don’t feel alone, or maybe to just have it in writing, I don’t know. 3 years ago on the 19th I was raped. I can say that now, not that I’m proud of that but I can say it....
December 17th, 2019

dad and mom rape

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PLAYED BASEBALL FOR 3 YEARS IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE WITH MY SON, AND THIS 6TH GRADE GIRL NAMED SAM ,WAS TRYING OUT FOR THE BASEBALL TEAM AT SCHOOL .SHE LIVED 4 DOORS DOWN FROM ME .SHE STARTED TO PLAY WITH US AND GET TO KNOW REAL WELL. ONE DAY...
November 27th, 2021

I was 5.

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Both of my parents worked full-time. On some days during weekdays, they used to send me and my siblings under the care of our neighbour. The lady was a single mother living with her children. My paternal grandmother and all of my uncle and aunts know her. One of her...
April 21st, 2021

A respectable collegue

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The next day I walked down the stairs to the hotel, aware that he was sitting at the table having breakfast. Some things you think would never happen to you, you think that working externally with a colleague (married and with children) is not dangerous. But then in a moment...
December 26th, 2019

Ms.

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I was raped by a co-worker when I was in my mid-20’s. We were at a work function, we were all drinking, then about 10 of us went to his place to continue the party. He grabbed me on my way out of the washroom and dragged me into his...
May 4th, 2019

To my best friend who raped me

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To my best friend who raped me, I am so torn between feeling love for you and feeling hate for what you have done; what you have taken away from me is irreplaceable. On the first of May, I lost hope for all living things to live and breathe and...
March 11th, 2021

was i raped?

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When I was about 4 years old my brother (8yo at the time) got in the tub with me and started asking me if I knew what sex was, I said no as a lot of 4 year olds would say, he asked me if i wanted to know what...
August 18th, 2019

Abusée par un voisin de mes grands...

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Bonjour chère Linor, Je suis en train de regarder Brave Miss World. Merci! Je témoigne car j’en ai peu parlé dans ma vie. J’avais 4 ou 5 ans. Je vivais avec mes grands-parents et ils me posaient parfois le samedi chez la voisine qui me gardait pour aller à un...
September 18th, 2019

Raped in the Air Force

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My first duty stationed 28 years ago, i was sexually assaulted by my first supervisor and violently raped by an officer in my unit. The violence of that raped, ruined me for a long time. Suffer from severe PTSD and after 31 years i am being forced out of the...
April 27th, 2019

Everyone Else Likes You, Too

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I had never been to a bar before. Sure, I’d gone out to Applebees with other coworkers where they’d serve me drinks. But I was 19, and had to drive home. I had never been drunk before, and didn’t push my limits. I went to the bar to see him...
August 10th, 2022

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I was 15. I went to stay the weekend with a friend a town over. She bought me to a friends house and they were two older boys; not much older a few years. The place was a really old one bedroom trailer not very big at all. A small...
June 19th, 2022

I didn’t even know I was pregnant

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When I was thirteen I had one friend. I had a selective mutism and non-white in a very unsafe households, with a single absent mother who was debting, and I was bullied in school. I was already sexually abused every night by my biological father, and was constantly dissociated from...
April 18th, 2020

Gang rape

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I have survived multiple rapes from different men through out my life. I was first raped when I was in college around 19 years old by two men much older than me. I didn’t know them exactly, they were friends of my male friend back then and one of them...
July 16th, 2020

Mental Breakdown

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My life’s a mess at 19, but I don’t like complaining to people (friends + family) because I don’t want to burden someone else with my problems, and to be honest nobody really cares like that, I don’t want to project myself as this ‘weak abused girl’ so later on...
December 23rd, 2022

When school isn’t safe. (Australia)

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I was in year 9. I endured over 6 months of sexual harassment, intimidation and violence every day during school times. The teachers were aware of this, but their only concern was the length of my skirt. Whether I was “asking for it”. Being “overdramatic”. The boys who did it...
December 5th, 2020

Summer 2019

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I got my first job working at a lovely Mediterranean restaurant/cafe one summer because my teacher said she knew the man who ran the place and put in a reference for me. I was 15. He was in his 60s. Two days after I started, the groping began. Only he...
May 3rd, 2019

Nearly 50 years later

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In an odd way, I am a “victim” of sexual abuse, even though I have never met the abuser. Her is my father, but he is also either my grandfather or my uncle. I was adopted as an infant, and my mom and dad always told me I was adopted....
October 15th, 2022

Male dancer

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Hello my Name is Tj. This happen about 4 years ago I was 19 years old at very young age I always tried to see the good in people. I was always happy and felt nothing could break me down went threw cancer as a baby lost my brother and...
June 18th, 2019

My best friends dad

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April 27th 2018. Two weeks prior to this incident I was in Longleaf psychiatric facility. I took over 300 pills cuz I didn’t want to be alive anymore but little did I know the worst was yet to come. Ironically when I decided to take all the pills I called...
May 8th, 2019

UNEXPOSED – AFTER 30 YEARS OF EXTREME...

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Molestation 4-13, dissociation syndrome started, afraid 24/7, PTSD 10, black outs began & were triggered by the smell of certain foods or a male authorities voice. Attempted Rape 15, Physical Abuse 16-31, all my ex-boyfriends. Rape 18, also attempted suicide & started dancing because I needed extra money & no...
July 3rd, 2020

The pain that was never mine to...

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I was a freshman in college. It was first semester and I was there for maybe about a month. One night my friends and I went to a party. As we were there, I started talking to a guy and eventually went back to his appt.  Once we were in...
June 3rd, 2019

I was used. I got left. I...

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15. That’s how old I was. 15. I thought my life was great. I had just got my permit and was loving my life. 15. I got used and then left. During this, I got strong. I have known this guy since I was in sixth grade. We used to...
July 10th, 2019

So drunk I can’t remember

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I was turning 18. I was partying like any teen would. I drank a lot. I threw up, sat down. They picked me up and put me in their car. They said “don’t worry we’ll take care of you. You won’t miss the bus”. I remember lying on the bed...
August 30th, 2019

My story growing up with a secret

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I’m a black South African, I’m 40 years old now, and my son it 20 years old… loved, taught but I still can never live him alone with my nieces as I was left alone and violeted💔💔😭😭 I have spoken about this, but I hate putting this down in writting😭😭...
January 2nd, 2016

It Was the Second

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This story may not be relevant. But when I was 11 yrs old, I was almost raped by my aunt’s, husbands, uncle. I had such an uncomfortable feeling when I was around him…. well, I’ll just get to the point. He was a guest, so my aunt asked me to...
November 4th, 2019

I don’t know anymore

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My high school ends at 10th grade. So you basically start college at 16. As for me, I decided to go abroad and come to the US for college so definitely the rest of the college students were all older than me. I didn’t really fit in. Then one day,...
September 2nd, 2020

This Is Me, my fight song

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College has started, around this time I was a college freshman fully moved in and Saying bye to my parents. I felt so cool living on my own in my own place, doing my own thing and the best part was, I was playing soccer. It was everything and more....
September 23rd, 2020

my teacher grabbed me

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in school i had a teacher reach down my shirt and up my skirt to grab my behind. I’ve had this happen with the same teacher 3 times so my parents removed me from the school and i started a new one where i have lots of mental health support...
April 1st, 2021

Sex doll

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After work one night I was drugged by a co-worker. I woke up in his bed naked. He was not in the room. I felt 2 emotions very heavily and immediately. Shame and wrong. I remember looking around for my clothes in a panic. I don’t remember how I got...
June 21st, 2021

Drugged raped and failed by justice

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On March 31st, 2017, I planned an early evening out wanting to catch up with my good friend Wendy, 35, a teacher for the Santa Clara County Juvenile Detention Center. We went to a place in Downtown Willow Glen. Wendy picked me up from my home about 8 pm. We...
November 15th, 2020

J’avais 13 ans

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J’avais 13 ans j’étais allé avec mon amie chez un gars pour la soirée ils étaient trois gars et c’etait la première fois que je buvais de l’alcool et ce gars qui s’appelle pascal m’a agressé. Je ne l’ai dis a personne et j’ai fait comme si rien ne s’était...
August 17th, 2019

My/our German “Weinstein” Case

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My name is Jany Tempel. I live both in Germany and Thailand. I turned public now, to end the big silence of our country. Almost twenty years ago I had already written a novel about my arduous life. The book wasn’t published back then, mainly because I reported on crimes...
April 25th, 2017

Was it rape? Or my fault?

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I am not sure if what happen is even considered rape… but I am really hoping someone can help me figure this out. It all started when I was 17 years old I was going through a break up and I was not the best version of myself. My brothers...
June 17th, 2019

Sexual abuse

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When I was 4 or 5 my cousin who was six years older than me, started molesting me. When we visited them. When he visited us. When we went to our shared holiday house. I don’t know how long it lasted. I told my parents when I was about 7....
December 17th, 2019

dad and mom rape

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PLAYED BASEBALL FOR 3 YEARS IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE WITH MY SON, AND THIS 6TH GRADE GIRL NAMED SAM ,WAS TRYING OUT FOR THE BASEBALL TEAM AT SCHOOL .SHE LIVED 4 DOORS DOWN FROM ME .SHE STARTED TO PLAY WITH US AND GET TO KNOW REAL WELL. ONE DAY...
September 16th, 2022

Betrayal

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I was sexually assaulted by my best friend/ ex-boyfriend. Sometimes the memory/ flashbacks become so overwhelming. Anyways, my friends and I (him included) planned a trip and the two of us had punched in a day early coz the flight prices were cheap. We were just waiting in the hotel...
May 24th, 2019

The Statistics that Changed Me

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2 sexual assaults and 1 rape… the statistics of my story. I can’t promise that this story is pleasant, but I can tell you that power and growth comes with telling it. So sincerely, thank you for hearing me out. October 2017 I was in Chebut, Argentina(a part of the...
June 27th, 2019

Survivor of child molestation and date rape

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I grew up in a family that was great at keeping secrets. I remembered bits and pieces of a night when my parents had gone out and left my two brothers and I with a male adult. Nothing came about with these brief memories until I was at university and...
August 6th, 2020

I regret not telling

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When I was in high school, I dated someone briefly. He never told anyone about me to his family or friends. I ended things after a month or two, because he was really into kissing and wanted to do more than that. I didn’t want that though as I was...
May 8th, 2019

Spoke out and was blamed

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I am the only girl at a job of 4 men. I am also 20 while these men are 40+. One worker would grab me from behind when I would walk in the back to the bathroom. This would happen often. One day all my coworkers had to go outside...
June 24th, 2020

Too naïve

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I was 16. I had my first job, a lifeguard. I was so excited. I have been a swimmer since I was 5 so this was a very fitting job for me. I was the youngest person working there by far. Most of the kids were in college and one...
June 12th, 2019

A story of a not so perfect...

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When I was growing up my grandfather molested me constantly. When I turned 9 my brother raped me for the first time and it continued until I was 12. My brother raped me 12 times over those 3 years. When I turned 12 I told my parents and they didn’t...
June 8th, 2023

Unethical or illegal?

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Last year my partner and I worked for the same business. It was a small business near a small town and it had no management or HR of any sort – only one man owned and ran it, even though it served thousands of people each year. I hit it...
August 8th, 2020

Will I ever get over it.

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I’m not ready to share my story yet and the first time it happened was 13 years ago the most recent is 6 years ago. Will it ever be easier to talk about or cope with. I feel like I’ve moved on, like I’m over it. Then my husband tries...
October 12th, 2023

Workplace Sexual Harassment

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As I write this story to you, please note that this sexual harassment case is still in progress. It began in December of 2022 when I worked as a contractor for a company named TEKsystems. I do IT work for Nutrien Ag Solutions. The first week I was there, I...
March 14th, 2015

Broken Trust

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I had a friend who I quickly became very close with. I was very depressed at the time and he was too so I spent all my time with him and went to his house everyday. However, when I started falling asleep there, he would touch me and I would...
March 29th, 2015

Rape

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When I was 14 (1 year ago) me and my friends had agreed to go to a party on a Friday night. About a week before the party someone mad an Instagram account and started saying mean things to us like “I’m gonna rape you” and “go die” then the...