My name is Raymond and it is time to share my experience as a child.
At the age of 10 or 11 years old. I was sexually molested for about 2 or 3 years. was introduced to a man who just came out of the Vietnam War. His name is Michael Patten. He was the son of one of my mother’s drinking partners and her name was Barbara Patten. She would come over our house and her son would come over to visit me.
My mom thought it was a good idea for me to have a older man for me to be my mentor.
He would come over and pick me up and take me places like the beach, drive-in, and just a few fun places to go. During the times we went out, he would take me to the back roads so I could drive his car. I thought it was a big thrill to be able to drive at 11 yrs. old. During that time he would rub my leg and it became close and closer to my private area. Then he started rubbing my private area and asked me if he could do it more and more until finally he was taking it out and then he went further and further until his head was down there doing , well you know what. He started coming over more and more and he would even take my friends and brother sometimes. He never bothered them, but he would always bring me home last and want to do the oral copulation with me. He never forced me, but would keep on begging until finally I would say yes.
This went on for about 2 -3 yrs. I was nieve’ and I would feel bad for him so I would let him do it
I started to grow up and my life changed. I didn’t have to go out with him anymore. (Relief) At 14 yrs. old, I had a girlfriend (Debbie P.) It was a very sexual relationship and I fell deeply in love with her. She left me when I was 15 yrs old after a 15 month long relationship. I was still a little boy in middle school and she started going out w/ guys that had cars and the had hair on their face. I didn’t stand a chance. I was so broken-hearted for years and became angry, lost all interest in school, sports, hobbies, etc. Deeply depressed for at 5-8 years , even though I had a girlfriend all the way though until after high school, but I didn’t love her the way I loved Debbie. I prayed to love this girl and finally I did love her and was happy again. She cheated, so we broke up.
I am 62 yrs. old now I have never married and never found the happiness I craved. I have 2 children that I am grateful for.
I never ever really talked about this child abuse and don’t know what the damage that the molestation has caused, or if it had an impact on the way my life turned out. I just know that I always wanted to be happily married w/ a large family that I could be pround of. It just didn’t happen I still wonder if that messy beginning is the reason why.
I do know that it makes me well aware of child abuse and hate to hear about it. I really do understand these woman victims and I feel and have felt the low esteem, anger, outrage etc. that goes with all this.
Thank you for letting tell my story.
I am a single man with no girlfriend at the age of 62.Never thought it would end up this way
feel a little better that I have toldy story.
Thanks for taking the time to read it.
Can anybody reflect on my story and tell me what the impact of my experience might have had on me during my life and relationships.I do know I have deep love inside that I have only wanted to share, but have been hurt too many times now.