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Rape or Not?

I just saw Brave Miss World, and it made me think of my past.

It was year 2011 when this happened. I was going to have sex with a boy that I didn’t know so well. We were at the party. At first, I wanted it myself too. Then I found out that he didn’t have a condom. I didn’t want to continue and I asked him to stop. He didn’t. I cried and then I fell asleep because I was drunk. The boy was also drunk and probably on drugs too.

Next day, I felt ashamed. I went straight to pharmacy to get a morning-after pill. Later I went to see a doctor. I wanted to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases. Everything was alright. I had survived.

I’ve really been thinking was this a rape or not. He didn’t hurt me physically. I haven’t heard of him ever since. I’m not angry at him. I feel sorry for him. I know that he won’t success in life, if he continues to behave like that.

I went to see a nurse once. I told her my story and asked what she thinks: is this a sexual abuse? She said that she don’t think so. I was relieved. I aas not raped. On the other hand, my ex-boyfriend thinks this is a rape.

I don’t know what to think. I don’t feel traumatized. Still, I think about it sometimes. I understand that my story isn’t that horrible that most stories written here. Anyway, it has something in common: shame.

Shame that stops us from speaking out loud. And that is the reason I decided to write here. I have been overcome by my shame by writing here.

I want to support all of you struggling with same problems. I want to say to you: write your story here! It helps you to get over it.


  • Alissa Ackerman
  • Jane


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