n the beginning of December last year, I was at my first school prom ever. I was so excited, and had spent the whole day with my mom, looking for the perfect dress. I’d spent hours and hours in front of the mirror, putting on my makeup and fixing my hair, and when I was ready to go, I actually felt really pretty. I went with some of my girlfriends, and after an hour or so there is this guy who comes over and starts flirting with me. I thought he was quite handsome, and he seemed like a nice guy, so I ended up talking with him for a while.
After we had been talking for a while, he offered me a drink. I’m not the kind of girl that guys usually flirts with, and I was really flattered. I thought he was just being a gentleman, and would NEVER believe that he would drug me. But he did. And the next thing I remember is being almost carried out by three older guys, including the one I talked to. I tried to tell them that I wanted to find my friends again, that I didn’t want to go outside, but they wouldn’t listen to me.
When we got outside, they started ripping up my tights. They pushed me to the ground, and started touching me and undressing me. I was paralyzed. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t talk. They forced me to have oral sex with each and one of them. If I tried to back of or even threw up they would just pull my hair and start kicking me, forcing me to go on. After that I just passed out, and when I woke up again I was all alone. They’d just left me outside, probably hoping I’ll freeze to death or something (there was snow outside, it’s a miracle that I even woke up). I remember I woke up with an intense pain running through my body, and it took me some minutes to actually realize what just had happened. I had blood running down my legs. I was covered in bruises, and had semen all over my dress and my hair. The next day I actually cut of my hair, because I felt like it was still dirty after I had washed it a 100 times. I burned the dress.
I had the worst Christmas ever. I refused to come out of my room and I felt so alone and so demeaned, I have no words. I refused to accept any help, I just wanted to die. I isolated myself from everyone, and drowned myself in dark and miserable thoughts. Last week I saw a therapist for the first time, and I talked about that night for the first time. To be honest, it was one the worst things I’ve ever done. But I’ve come to realize that if I want my life back, I have to take it back, I have to fight for it. I can’t spend my whole life trying to get back what was taken away, I can just decide that I don’t want to give them any more of my life.