In retrospect, we are a happy, normal couple. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, what feel like less. I love him and he adores me. He loves me. He respects me. I think?
So I may have had too much to drink one night when the “rape” happened. I was tired & barley conscious, but that didn’t stop him.
He began pulling down my underwear and began sexual acts with out my consent. I said no, and he didn’t listen, rather. After he felt I was “ready ” he began to take off his pants.
I couldn’t really move, but I was just laying there, deadweight. He just started & I thought, “I’m knowingly not very conscious, but he still keeps going” he started taking off my shirt as i layed on the bed, belly up, just watching him. He’s my boyfriend, I shouldn’t feel as if it was rape. But I just layed there as he just pinned me down. As he was about to finish, I jump up as I didn’t want him to finish in me, he then held me down and kept repeating “it’s okay, I’ll clean it. It’s okay, I’ll clean It.”
Immediately after, I turned my head, eyes closed and balled. Tears just wouldn’t stop as I layed there naked and immobilized. He came back with a paper towel, wiped me and left to shower. I held onto a stuffed animal the whole night facing away from him.
But this isn’t the first time It’s happened. The first I’ve cried, Yes, but I don’t understand why. The next day was just a regular day and feel. So I have to wonder,
Was it rape if it’s my boyfriend?
— Survivor, age 21