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I didn’t say “no”

I was 15. I had been dating a boy named Ryan for about three months, he was older than me (18) and I trusted him. I was his first kiss and he told me he loved me. He was taking me home from school one day and kept asking for me to give him head in the car. I gave him multiple excuses “I don’t have time”, “I’m tired”, “I don’t want people to see”. He kept asking. About a block away from my house I said okay. About 20 seconds in I realized that I absolutely did not want to be doing that. I tried to get up and tell him. I couldn’t. He held my head down. I started to cry and he didn’t stop. What was probably 10 minutes felt like an enterniry to me. I froze up and I couldn’t move. I couldn’t believe what was happening. When he finished I… Continue reading »

Family rape

I’m so lost. All my life I have seen and herd stories about girls being raped, touched, all sorts of unwanted physical interaction. But never in my wildest dreams did I ever think It was going to be me. I always knew how to prevent situations like those from evolving or getting to that point. But when its someone so close to you, family even. How do you even begin to speak about it. — Survivor, age 17

Speaking Out

It’s hard talking about what no one wants to talk about. It’s hard writing down something no one wants to hear. It’s hard remembering something you wish you would just forget, but here I am, remembering. It has been 15 months since I was sexually assaulted. I know that is a heavy statement to read, because it’s a heavy statement for me to declare. I remember everything vividly, as if it was not months, but days ago. I remember the pain and the fear, I remember the betrayal. I had spent years obsessing over the same boy that was now gripping me so tightly against him that I thought I might shatter. I spent years ignoring the signs that were warning me of the inevitable, and since then, I have spent months blaming myself for it. I never thought this would happen to me, and I never thought that he would be my perpetrator. I… Continue reading »

A Different MeToo

This is the first time relating how I was sexually abused. That is not the story. As a late teen, I ran afoul of a bully. In addition to the cliché treats to beat me, and take my cash, he gave me the high value for letting me give him head. This meant he’d be satisfied, and not rape me for his satisfaction. About once a week or so, he got his protection paid. His group got to watch and comment. It was at one of these displays that his brother visited from foster care, and was invited for an entertaining afternoon. I had just started on the bully, and he announced that he might want to take full sex anyway. He ripped my shirt almost in pieces, and torn my waistband. I had little fighting ability, and figured this was about to be my first time. He grunted, and turned away, as his brother… Continue reading »

Why me?

You hear about it all the time: the girl that was raped at a frat party at her college, the one who met the guy she thought was nice. My story is a little different because I said yes…at first. I was drunk and had met this guy at the bar near my college campus. We hit it off and hung out and got each other’s numbers but when the bar closed we went our separate ways. Then he texted me saying he couldn’t find a ride home and could he come over and hang out. I said yes. He seemed nice enough. I didn’t realize that when he went to lay in my bed he was assuming I’d follow. But I did. Then he took of his pants and mine followed. I said yes at first but then it hurt too much and I told him to stop. He didn’t. He didn’t let me… Continue reading »

It was never…..That

I had the same boyfriend through most of high school. We went to the games. We went to dances. We went to the movies. We ate pizza. The basics, you know? Of course, I had a vagina, and he needed one. So we went to the backseat. We went there. We had handys in the movies, We, I think you get it. It was what he wanted, so I had to do it. I never decided I wanted to, just I was supposed to. I could attend to myself all I wanted when I got home. We separated at graduation, and he went upstate to play football, and pretend to go to school, and I waitress and cashiered my way through community. I graduated to administrative assistant where I answered phones, arranged schedules, and delivered a derriere to be accidently run into to protect the furniture. Everyone told me how beautiful I looked at the… Continue reading »

First Frat Party

All I ever wanted to do was be in a sorority, I wanted those sisters. I grew up with an older and younger brother in West Virgina so when I came to college I knew I wanted to rush. When I got my “BIG SIS” we were immediatly best friends. Baylie was the big sister I had always hoped for. I had only started “going out” my senior year in high school so I didn’t know too much about partying. But Baylie helped me find my comfort zone in it. At first we stuck to small apartment and house parties, then mid October I decided I was ready to go big time, and go to one of the fraternity parties. It was tuesday night, a more low key night for my first one. There were several girls from my sorority there so it was a good time. We were standing in the hallway and Baylie… Continue reading »

Youth Sexual Harrassment

Everybody always talks about how when they got to their 16, 17, 18, and 19 years, and how they faced sexual harassment almost daily, but no one ever talks about how it starts much sooner. I’ve been experiencing sexual harassment since at least fourth grade. In fourth grade (I went to a rough school), kids were discovering twerking, or, as it was called at the time, the “booty dance” (stupid, I know, but we were fourth grade). Guys would go to the curviest girl in the grade (me) and ask them to do the booty dance for them. If we didn’t, they would threaten us. Petty little things, like “I’ll steal your homework and shove it in the toilet” or “I won’t let you out on the playground” but in fourth grade, those were awful threats. So, I learned how to twerk and entertain the boys. In sixth grade, I was walking to my desk,… Continue reading »

Rape Being Considered a “Joke”

Dear Readers, I am anonymous for a reason that me revealing this story is a danger to my life. The reason for this is because the rapist is somebody with high power. They are the son of this (something). I don’t know. I just know that for a fact that they have enough power not to get kicked out of cadets for rape. Now I will begin my story. I’m not sure if you all know but cadets actually features boarding camps. These camps each have a unique feature. The one that I went to was a 6 week camp which featured teaching others to shoot and to do some shooting yourselves. Being in a mass people camp, I was placed in a tent with 9 others who were well decent people. Each of us worked well for the first week, we were mostly good buddies. As you know, the second week was when it… Continue reading »

What now…?

Even as I write this I’m not sure what to do. Last spring I think I was sexually assaulted by my boyfriend of almost three years… We came back to my apartment after a party (he was sober and I was drunk), and went to bed pretty soon after that. I woke up around 4 or 5 in the morning to him slowly picking up my arm and dropping it… seeing if I was asleep. I was in that half awake half asleep sort of state so I ignored him figuring he would just knock it off and go back to bed. After a little bit he stopped what he was doing and I figured he’d just roll over and go back to sleep. But then I felt something against my upper thigh, slowly pushing up my pajama shorts that I was wearing. It took me a moment to realize what was happening and then… Continue reading »