I had always been close with my family. My family is everything to me. We were kids he was only a year older than me…he was my cousin. He was my first kiss, the first boy to tell me I was pretty and I fell in love with him. It started out as just kissing, making out and I was happy. We knew what we were doing was wrong and hid it from our family. For weeks it was just kissing then one day he wanted more. He fingered me and I remember my brother sitting in front of us watching TV oblivious to what was happening behind him. I still remember the pain, it feeling like someone was ripping my vagina open. I remember just sitting there frozen scared out of my mind. After that it stopped, everything stopped and now I barely see him. For some reason I still love him but I think that’s because he’s family. I’m terrified of people touching my thighs cause that’s something he used to do. I’d say I was fine but even the thought of sex freaks me out and because of that I know I’m not. It’s been about ten years since its happened and I don’t blame him. I do believe to certain extent that if I told him no he would of stopped but who really knows if he would have. I regret not speaking up but he was my family he was my love and it happened and I can’t take it back.
— Destiney, age 18