So I had started the 9th grade in the fall of 2016. There was this one boy who seemed to be a cool guy so I thought I would talk to him and get to know him Now off the bat many classmates( females mainly ) thought he was ugly and a fuckboy but I didn’t care for it that much because I thought he was really funny and I wasn’t trying to date him at the time. So a month goes by and by October we are like best friends, we tell each other everything and we have a bunch of inside jokes and everyone thought we should date because everyone thought we were “goals”. But we never saw each other like that. Around December I was on the phone with him and he was telling me that there was a girl that he was going to try to date because he said he… Continue reading »
Do you remember your first time?
Do you remember your “first time”? That special moment you shared with someone who loved you. Did you feel safe? Comfortable? Was it his first time too? Did it come natural to you, or was it as awkward as people say it can be? These are all questions I will never get to answer. Questions I will never know the answers to. I remember my first time. I think about it everyday. Not in the nostalgic kind of way, but more of a nightmare. I wish I could look back on my childhood and smile. But I just wish I could forget it all. The pain, the confusion, the guilt. Yes guilt. So much guilt. The first sexual encounter I had happened when I was 9 years old. I had no idea what people were capable of, and I had no idea how much it would haunt me. It is hard to say the words… Continue reading »
My sexual assault will not define me
To all those who have been sexually assaulted, I know what it’s like to feel like you lost a part of yourself that you weren’t ready to give up. I know what it’s like to not recognize who you see in the mirror. I know what it’s like to cry until your eyes swell shut. I know what it’s like to forget who you used to be. I know what it’s like to want to end all of the pain and escape the horrors of your new reality. I know what it’s like to long for the days when you weren’t haunted by the worst night of your life. I know what it’s like to think you’re ok and then find yourself crying yourself to sleep 6 months later. I know what it’s like to be blamed for something that ruined your life. I know what it’s like to lose your best friends because it’s… Continue reading »
Raped at 14
I was raped when I was 14. I was at a friends house and he was a guy. His mom went out to go shopping for a little bit and left us there. I didn’t think anything was gonna happen because we were friends. 2 of his friends came over and sat on the couch right next to me on each side. They got really close and I tried to get up and move but they pulled me back down. I asked them if they could scoot over a little bit and they came closer. One started to unzip his pants and I knew what was happening. I screamed as loud as I could and then my friend covered my mouth. I couldn’t believe he was helping them. I was held down and raped by both of them. Once they were done, They told me if I told anyone they would hurt me and I… Continue reading »
Politeness Serves No One
I had just started college; this was about ten years ago. I was leaving a frat party on my own. A male friend of a friend texted me to ask what I was doing and if I needed someone to walk me back to the dorms. I had only met him once, but I was a little drunk, and he seemed nice the one time I met him. Also, he knew my friend from high school so I assumed he was trustworthy. I had a couple beers at the party. He met me outside the house, and it was dark outside. He said he had to stop by the liquor store, and he bought a six pack of Smirnoff Ice along with a couple other things. He asked if we could stop at his place first for a drink before he dropped me off at my dorm. I said sure and was fake nice and… Continue reading »
Memories
I am a 23 y/o male. For the longest time, the memory of my rape remained untouched in the corners of my mind. I can’t quite remember the age that I was, but based on the context clues of my memory I would put myself around age 10. I had just showered, it was morning and I walked through the house to the second level bedroom I shared with my brother who is two years older than me. I remember laying down on my stomach on top of my sky blue towel down on the bedroom floor. My next memory is of my brother commenting on the way I looked, before I know it he is behind me and he is grappling for an article of clothing that he had stolen from some classmate of his and tells me to “put it on so that I look more like a girl” In what seemed like… Continue reading »
I blamed myself for so long
Rape. That’s something that I always heard of, but never really thought that it would happen to me. Everyone assumes rape is forced and you’re being held captive, it’s not all that. When I was 14, I started dating this guy. He had asked me multiple times before if I wanted to have sex with him, I told him no and left it be. I went over to his house a lot, and this one time a few weeks later, I decided that I wanted to have sex. I was 14 and a virgin. We went to his bedroom, and we had sex. I didn’t think much of it, well every week he would ask me if I wanted to have sex, I told him no multiple times and he would keep asking. I gave in every time, and we ended up having sex every time I went to his house. This one specific time,… Continue reading »
Semper Fi
My husband is in the military, a Sergeant in the Marines(I am Terrible, I can’t remember which of the many Sergeants he is!), and we are apart for many long months while he is stationed overseas. We make a silly looking couple, as he is tall and strong, and I am tiny and weak, except for 1(more like 2) areas that keep him interested. We have been together since Jr. High, and he is the only partner that I have been with(except for a little kissing, No Further). He is a very considerate lover when he gets leave, evidence our 2 kids. When we can arrange it, we talk over Skype and it takes a load of scheduling to do it, but he has privacy cubicles, so we can talk a little dirty, or even flash him the girls to get him excited to get home. It had been a while since he had leave,… Continue reading »
Not all friends are true
I grew up such a trusting and open person. I cared about everyone who crossed my path and I would give the shirt off my back to anyone who needed it. So when I got a call at 11:30 from a guy friend saying he needed a place to crash because he was too drunk to go home, of course I said yes without hesitation. When I went to his friend’s house to pick him up, he reeked of cheap vodka. And kept trying to hold my hand. I’ll admit, I had a little crush on him. So I liked it. And when I parked in front of my dorm, he leaned in to kiss me. I thought I was living out a movie. The boy I wanted, kissing me? So I kissed him. And I loved it. But once I brought him up to my room he had plans that didn’t involve him sleeping… Continue reading »
21
Rape: you think it will never happen to you. You have a right group of friends. People you’d lay your life down on the line for. You have people you trust in your life. People you truly believe could never hurt you. That would rather die before seeing you in pain. But that’s not how real life works. People aren’t all good. You never truly know someone o their intentions. When I met you I got a bad vibe from you. But then we became friends, and I shrugged the vibe away and told myself you were cool. We got closer each day. I told you my secrets. You told me yours. I confided in you when I was dealing with problems. And you listened and you were there for support. You were always there just listening. Being the good friend that I needed. I felt like when we became friends a part of me… Continue reading »