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I should’ve tried harder to stop it

It was a year and 4 months ago, on my 16th birthday. I was at a house party of one of my good friends at the time and I was very, very drunk (how cliché of me)! When we first got there, our bags were put in a bedroom, so I assumed we were all sleeping in that room. Early into the morning, after drinking way too much, I went in to lie down. Turns out that was my friend’s brother’s room. He came in and I remember him closing the door. The rest of the night is kinda blurry and very dark and I remember it burned a lot and I could not wait for it to all be over. My friends didn’t understand and were very mad and decided to no longer speak to me. I was depressed for a few months about losing them. I felt like it was my fault for… Continue reading »

Childhood abuse and acquaintance rape

I wanted to mention my childhood abuse and acquaintance rape later on in the same story, believing that there is a strong connection between both. I will speculate on a subject some more as the story progresses. First that was my father, who used to tell me amazing bedtime stories after I would jump happily into my parents bed. This evening my mom was at work and I was ready for my fairy tale that turned out to be a nightmare hard for me to shake off 50 years later. Heavy, worm, sticky subject laying on my thigh. I can still pin point the exact place. Feeling of fear and confusion. Subconscious realization that something bad happened but not being able to deal with it being a child- loving and respectfully obedient to adults, to authority. Incomprehension, shame and fear of causing conflict between my parents stopped me from telling my mom. Similar situation happened… Continue reading »

His opportunity

My boyfriend went to California for the weekend, and as soon as I arrived home from the airport, one of his coworkers arrived at the door. He pushed his way inside, and almost picked me up to carry to the bedroom. He forced me to engage in various sexual activities that I wish to leave my own bad memory. I was only happy to see that he left me alive, and relatively undamaged. — Jie, age 19

Broke me

It was my ex. Everyone thought of him as charming, the boy next door. That he could do no wrong. I wish it wasn’t past the statute of limitations because I have learned to be brave. I would want to only stand up to stop him from doing what he did to me, to others. He forced himself on me after I said no. He would use my body whenever he wanted. I was too scared and ashamed to tell anyone. I thought no one would believe me because he was my boyfriend. I hate myself for being weak and for ever trusting him. He broke me. — Survivor, age 24

Home from School

I got home from school, and mom was working. I was 12, and a latchkey kid. I surprised a classmate of mine, who had broken into our home while I was at school. He started it on the couch, and rapidly went for sex. I was a virgin until then. He would not stop or use any protection. He left, and it seems I was the only thing he took. When mom got home, she was mad at me, and wouldn’t call the police, or take me to be examined, or get help. He was in my classes, and I could not get out of them. I soon found he got me pregnant, and I could not concentrate. Mom tried to get me in private school, but it was too expensive. Mom took me for home schooling, and arranged for me to get an abortion. Nobody but us could know what happened. A couple of… Continue reading »

It’s my fault

I’m a small town girl living on her own for the first time in a really big city going to college. I’ve been dating my boyfriend (who lives 5 hours away) for almost 5 years and one night I went out with some friends and ended up getting really wasted to where I blacked out for most of that night. Fast forward 7 weeks later I notice signs of pregnancy but didn’t get an ultrasound until 9 weeks in the pregnancy. At the time, I thought it was my boyfriend (it would be impossible to be anyone else’s as I’ve been exclusive with him) but the timeline she gave me didn’t match with the times by boyfriend came out to see me. In fact, she was about 2 weeks off and I assumed it must’ve been a mistake. It wasn’t until I spoke to another friend about this and she mentioned to me that 9… Continue reading »

Surpris à la Maison

A week after my marriage, I had moved into Pantin, outside Paris, with his mother and son. I had my premier day at new occupation. I remove my stockings, and wanted food. My stepson grappled me to my knees. After a fight, I felt him enter inside me. He only did 2 or 3 entry before he collapses on top of me. He apologized that he dreams of me all day. It might allow unusual thoughts, but I allowed it to pass in secrets, to not cause family dissension. He was young and made an awful mistake. We discussed this, but only for him. Before I moved to US. He wanted to do more complete, but I declined offers. He never did violate again. – Pheobe, age 35

A Lifetime of pain

I have had many experiences with attempted rape before I experienced an actual date rape. It first started as a young child where a family friend would wake me to perform oral sex on him. There was an incident at my school where a cousin of a good friend on two occasions molested me in a lonesome classroom, then one day he tried to rape me, before I knew what was happening to me I was on a bench with my skirt pushed up while he is over me unbuckling his belt, but stopped when he heard footsteps coming down the hallway. My ex, the first guy to take my virginity would use sex as a punishment by applying pain and force. An old friend of mine had a crush on me and so did I, but then one day things got a little out of hand and the next minute I was running for… Continue reading »

My consent is just that…mine

I was 25. He was 22. I was in my party phase. We ran in same friends circle. Joked, flirted and hooking up seemed logical. We met up on several weekends after last calls. It was a fling. Just fun. Right? One night we met up. He lived in same apartment building as my friend. We both had been drinking quite a bit. We were messing around. He was a bit more “passionate” than normal. What seemed like passion started to waver into the line of aggression. I told him to slow down. He stopped and looked at me. He said “you want this.” I went to sit up and said “hey calm down… ” but before i could say much else he pushed me down with his arm and held me down. He proceeded to push his other hand inside of me while holding me down. Now, I look back and think… I could… Continue reading »

Never Thought It Would Happen to Me

Dear Survivor, I know the bad days outnumber the good ones. Maybe you haven’t even had a good day since it happened. Maybe you feel like your temptations are the only logical way to escape. Maybe you’re ignoring it. I thought ending my life was the only way to escape. And more than once I acted on these feelings. I’m here to assure you that it isn’t. I’m here to remind you that you are not alone. I’m here to tell you my story. I sat in a chair alone, regretting every decision I had made up to this point. It was too dark to see where the room ended. I glanced up at the clock, it was after midnight. Thirty minutes passed. I dropped my underwear onto the blue-tiled floor behind the thin curtain. This was the only article of clothing left on my shaking body as I held back tears. I was being… Continue reading »