Upon the eve of my 21st birthday my boyfriend of the time (who was everything to not date in a man) raped me. We went to a bar and were drinking. I am not even a fan of bars. I wanted to go camping, but he insisted. (Side Note: After we broke up I went on dates with four different guys to see what was out there. Every single one of them treated me better than he treated me our entire relationship. Like, the little things they did in comparison, blew my mind. How they thought of me, how kind they were, and how much they payed attention to detail, BLEW MY MIND. It was stuff that shouldn’t have even blew my mind, but did. It did because I was treated like shit emotionally for so long that I didn’t even know anything else. If a man (or my bad, boy) ever makes you question… Continue reading »
It never goes away
July 12 2008. That wasn’t the day I was raped. It was the day I was to be married to my rapist. He developed a drinking problem. He was always verbally abusive, though I didn’t recognize it at first. When he became physically abusive in November 2007, I began my escape. I let him pull me back in though…I always thought if he got help we’d be together and for a moment I thought he had. Social media was advanced enough at that time for me to find out he was falling into old patterns. I ended the rekindling. A few months later he was moving to Louisiana. He needed someone to watch the house he bought and the dog we had. I had been living with my parents and was getting sick of being 22 with a ‘curfew’. He asked me to move back and watch the house and dog. He wasn’t supposed to… Continue reading »
Was i raped?!
So last week I was with my friend and one of her guy friends. We were staying at his place. We all went out for drinks. I got very very drunk and have no recollection of coming home. My next memory is only two seconds long of him naked on top of me. Then my mind goes blank again. I remember waking up a while after completely naked and getting changed into pjs. I was very confused and unsure of what happened. A few days later my friend told me that he told her we had had unprotected sex, but I remember none of it. I was never even slightly attracted to him so I doubt that changed when I was drunk! The next day he was all friendly again as if nothing happened. Did he rape me? — Survivor, age 19
My message to all
As I heard the news that Kavanaugh made it into the supreme court, my heart sank. My husband, who follows politics relentlessly, was furious but I was silent and went on with my day. Getting angry would mean that I would have to really think about what this event means to me… and of course I eventually became angry. The anger is partially about Kavanaugh but mostly about the reaction that men have a scary road ahead. If this is you, please read with an open and heart and mind as this idea may affect those you love much more than you know. I do not know that Kavanaugh is guilty of sexual assault, but if he is I really hope he reads this too. If you believe that all of this sexual assault talk is unfair to men then my counter argument is that it is not fair that I have to push out… Continue reading »
Kidnapped and raped at gunpoint
Hi so my story started in 2001 when an acquaintance kidnapped me at gunpoint and forced me to his home. I was repeatedly raped again and again with him having a gun to my head threatening to kill me. I remember picturing my daughters having to identify my body and survival kicked in. This man told me he had killed before and gotten away with it and he could kill again. He held me a little over 24 hours. He finally started drinking and because he had been up for 24 hours straight he was sleepy. I took this opportunity to convince him I had enjoyed my time with him and that I should go pick us up some hamburgers. Surprisingly he was hungry and gave me a $20 to pay for the food. I walked out the door and it took everything I had in me to remain calm and hold it together until… Continue reading »
Wouldn’t take no for an answer
I was hanging out with my friend and his friend we were all watching a movie and hanging out. Then my friend went upstairs, and he came and sat next to me. He kept asking me to do things to him. I kept saying no but he just kept persisting. Then he started touching me and wouldn’t stop. No matter what I said he wouldn’t stop. He wouldn’t go or leave me alone. I didn’t know what else to do. I felt so alone. Then he raped me. I don’t think he even knew he was raping me. I just wanted to leave, and go somewhere. Anywhere other than there.
Sexual assault/ sex trafficking
My name is kat, I am 17 years old and this is my story. 2 years ago on January 16th, my best friend brought me to a house in Arlington Texas. The owner of this house was a man named Timothy burns, (he does not deserve to be anonymous.) A 43 year old that my once friend had met on a sugar daddy website in which he lied about his age claiming he was 23. We had taken an Uber in which he paid for, knowing we didn’t have transportation, being 14 at the time. Once arriving, he smoked weed with us and insisted we drink. That night he raped us both and the next morning paid us both $500. And with that we left. I understood what happened, but not in the way I should’ve, two weeks after the incident, I sat in class when a police officer came In and called me out…. Continue reading »
Still Terrified
I was scared to write this. But, since I cannot settle my mind, I thought I would just go ahead and write so that I can clear my head and hopefully ease this pressure off my chest. You should know, if I may say, this is not easy, actually it is really very hard. I find myself still waiting for that place I was told comes with time – where you could discuss the bad things and your feelings not be so wrapped up in them to the point that you cannot function or breathe right, or it no longer holds you bound. A time when a thing can just be a thing – I guess that is the sentiment anyway. Nevertheless, here it goes… I was born in Baltimore MD. I was raped by my father starting at 18 months, which is when my mother left, according to her anyway! She said she left… Continue reading »
And It Continues
I’m 22 years old. The first time i was molested I was six years old. Over the years I was molested several more times by different people. Almost as if people could see an invisible target on my back that meant I was easy prey. Each time I vowed that that was the last time. Each time I thought I got smarter, that I got braver, that I got stronger. In December I was assaulted again, and after all the practice I’ve had in this area, I never saw it coming. This guy had been my friend earnestly for 4 years. But we’ve known each other since we were born. Our fathers grew up together and they’re like brothers. So we always were treated as if he and I were cousins. Since we were “like” cousins I felt it was ok to relax with him though because I figured nothing would happen. So I would… Continue reading »
Never thought I could be a victim
Victim. As I live through this new vocabulary, which I had somehow managed to never befriend in all these years of pain, trouble, disappointment, heartbreak, disenchantment, depression even… I struggle to accept, this truth, this world view, this reality which has smacked me right across my face, my soul, my body, my heart, revolts… In anger, no no, rage or with the earth shattering, heart wrenching pain, that clenches around my lungs, making my screams pour through my eyes, my clenched fists, breaking the walls of my silence. Till I can no longer bear them. Victim. I don’t really know, how to react, respond, reach out or search within, Is it resilience or is it avoidance? Is it grieving or is it spiraling? Every answer that I had learnt had not prepared me for these questions, and I fail to reconcile with the me that is, the me that was or will ever be. How… Continue reading »