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Secretly Molested

I lived with my great aunt and uncle since I was about 3 because my mom didn’t have her life together. I think the first time I was molested I was about 7. I was sleeping between them for some reason and woke up to being touched down there. It was dark and I didn’t know who was touching me and didn’t know what to do so I stayed still and pretended to still be asleep. After a few minutes it quit so I just sent to sleep. Then nothing happened for a while. One day I had an much older female cousin stay the night who slept in my bed with me. While we laid there we talked and told secrets and I told her about that night. A few weeks went by before she told anyone. One day I was sitting in class (i was in third grade then) and I got called… Continue reading »

I Need to Tell Someone

I’m not sure how to begin to be honest, I have never gone into depth about it. I was molested and raped by my father and his brother. My father raped and molested me from age 4 until I was 13 his brother molested and raped me from ages 10 to 12. I felt like I couldn’t speak to anyone, I didn’t want to ruin my mothers marriage and I didn’t want to destroy my older brothers role model. I feel disgusting, there is no amount of showering that will get rid of that feeling. My dad’s brother was taken to court after my mum found out about him and he wasn’t convicted because there wasn’t enough evidence. My mum finally found out about my dad when I was 17 and she asked me (due to other family members speaking against him, which leads me to believe he’s done it to other people) she separated… Continue reading »

High School

I am currently 15. A freshman in high school. I excepted my first year of high school rough, but never this bad. Just 2 weeks before school was supposed to start I was raped. It was by a friend. Somebody I trusted. We we all over at his house just hanging out. A bunch of us. Swimming and having fun. People started to slowly leave but I decided to hang around longer. He asked if I wanted to hang out in his room. I knew it was a bad idea. I was 14 and never even had my first kiss, little alone been in a boys room alone with them. But I said yes. We hung out and he started to get touchy. I was uncomfortable but didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to be rude. Things happened fast. He pushed me back on the bed and kissed me. I was shocked. I froze. Once… Continue reading »

The Park

It sounds crazy but in some way it feels kind of good to write this down here. When I was 14 I knew a Muslim boy in school. He was super sweet and we were really good friends with each other. At one point he wanted to have a relationship with me and he was pretty open about it. I said I’d rather just remain friends but he wasn’t very happy to hear that, then he pushed me against the wall and ran off. A few days later on my way to the bus stop, I saw him standing in the park, which i had to go through to get to the bus, along with 2 other friends. They made a game of it. Disgusting. After it happened, I went home acting like nothing had happened. It took me a year and a half to finally to tell someone about it and when I did… Continue reading »

Rape

I was about 16 the first time it happened. I didn’t know the guy, but my mom was dating him so I thought I could trust him. The first time we met, he wanted to see my backside in the swimsuit I was wearing to go to the pool at the hotel we were staying at. After that happened, we went on a ride in his car to go get food. He forced his hand down the front of my pants and he fingered me. I was super uncomfortable but he didn’t stop. It didn’t get extremely serious until the next time we went to see him. While my mom was not in the room with us, he put his hand over my mouth, pulled my pajama pants down, and forced himself inside me. I had never experienced such bad pain in my life. He raped me several times after that day. But then my… Continue reading »

Trusted Friend

It was my friends 21st birthday and we all went out as a big group together and were staying in a hotel. I was drunk but knew what I was doing and when we went back to the hotel the girl I was sharing with had a guy with her so I couldn’t sleep in there. She told me to sleep in the room with this other guy and that she’s done it before and he didn’t try anything or touch her and I trusted him as he’s a good friend. I fell asleep straight away but was woken up maybe an hour later to him touching and rubbing me, I was shocked and felt uncomfortable so pretended to still be asleep hoping he would stop but it didn’t so I moved and tried to pull myself away but instead he took this as she’s awake and now I can make my move. He pulled… Continue reading »

Raped

I’ve been raped three times twice when inebriated. The worst that I keep reliving was my neighbor who coerced me into it. It happened in my house and I’ve just put a word to what he’s been doing terrorizing me. Yesterday the banging was so loud and scary it scared my dog and I’m scared to go out. After a short conversation with a person on app he answered “you’re scared of men” and I think he could be right. Everywhere I go in this small town sometimes I’m scared by women, sometimes men, and I react and call them freak and stared at. I feel so vulnerable. I think he told people things about me. I’ve been stared at by groups of men that become gangs of twenty. I’m thinking of paying for therapy although can’t afford it but a little worried as it’s a man counsellor. — Survivor, age 48

NYC Vacation

I am 27 years old, yet when i think about all of this I feel like a kid. Last year I tried talking with a therapist about it but I quit after one session. I found another therapist and had a few sessions with her but I never did truly talk about it and ended up “running” away from her. I think I didn’t want to talk due to the fact that I wasn’t sure if one of the therapists would end up reporting it. I am not sure if they could have, but it was on my mind. So…. September 12, 2002 is when it happened. I was on a mini-vacation with my sister who was 17 and her boyfriend who was 19. Everybody loved “him” including me. I knew him for nearly 4 years, never had any problems with him. At the time he was a college student, working on becoming a firefighter… Continue reading »

I Said No

They made me do a module on sexual assault and harassment. I listened. I did it. I read 1 in 5 women will be sexually assaulted. I told myself it would never be me. I would never put myself in that situation. And then the storm came. I liked you so much. I said yes. We did it. I still liked you so much. But the second time I said no. You said shut up. Your hands moved from my breasts to my neck to my pussy. I said please. I said stop. I said no means no. You put it inside me. I pushed you away. You pulled me closer. You were stronger than me. It was easier to lay there until it was over. So I did just that. When you were finished, I left. I did not make it halfway home before I broke down. I cried. And cried. And cried. I… Continue reading »

Holding My Feelings In

I’ve been raped twice and attempted rape, which I was coerced into I stopped but it was still very much sexual assault. This is over the past few months. I’m jumpy can’t focus very anxious all the time sleep is when I can I try to sleep and have nightmares sometimes. I’m irritable and have lost a stone I’ve two infections. I did physical cleaning this afternoon. I was better whilst doing it. I’m having trouble even thinking it sounds daft. I’m doubting myself and avoiding meaningful conversations. Am trying to eat to improve my health. Until a few weeks ago, I was drinking when I was going out and overeating anything. I feel like crying sometimes. I live next door to the neighbor that attempted to rape me and they have thrown mad across my door. They bang a lot on the walls and when I was cleaning it off, I had my door… Continue reading »