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My friend assaulted me and another

I wish I knew how to say this in a fleshed out, eloquent way but I just found out so I don’t. My room mate (we’ll call him John) assaulted me a few months ago. I was asleep drunk on the couch and when I woke up he was behind me groping inside of my shirt. I confronted him and he said that we were both drunk and he didn’t know I was unconscious, that I was acting like I liked it and it was probably because we had a sexual relationship awhile ago. I knew something was wrong but I blamed myself because I was drunk which is INSANE because if any other woman told me that’s how she felt, I’d tell her to not blame herself at all. So for the past few months I noticed most of our friends who live in the complex haven’t been coming around as much or John… Continue reading »

My Story

I was raped by my best friend. I’ve been scared to talk about it because I’ve always been a strong, independent woman. Everyday of my life it hurts. I have recently told my boyfriend and he’s been awesome. But I couldn’t tell him for a year. I mean, this guy had been my closet friend for almost two decades, I never expected it. Then when I finally confronted him (he sought me out because I wouldn’t talk to him), he said it was my fault. I am so destroyed by this. I thought that person loved and respected me.

Sexual Assault

I was at work one day and a coworker of mine who is higher up than I was sexually assaulted me. It was horrible and what happened after was also awful. I reported it and was treated like garbage. Although I intern got very frustrated and acted out in my frustration because I was being misled to believe that they were on my side. They ended up blaming the victim which I have come to find out is very typical and a very sad reality. No one should ever feel afraid of their workplace. I know longer work at this facility however he still works there. They let him roam free and I somehow got punished. I’m hoping that by putting my story out there I can feel some relief. Thank you. — Survivor, age 28

A Poem

It was just another rainy day In that fateful month of May The hours faded into Sunday, And I faded away. A million thoughts running through my mind, Only one in yours. The memories we’ve tried to shed Still live on within my head. And the words they’ll never say, Even to this day, The ones i have to hear The ones I’ve always feared ‘I’m sorry’ A confirmation An apology Anything to set me free But you won’t even give that to me.

Why I Am The Way I Am

June 23, 2016 is the day when I lost myself. I am not the same person as I used to be. The happy preppy girl died. Daniel killed that girl. All the people that were involved wont ever be forgiven. Its May 14, 2017 and I still suffer the pain. I have to relive this day over and over again. Its like a never ending roller coaster. It all started so innocent, helping out a friend and then it ended up being violently raped. It was none stop to the point where I stopped fighting. I lost and everything inside me was numb. My mind wasn’t my mind anymore, my body wasn’t mine. Was this the worst part? No. Blacking out and no knowing what happened and telling the cops your story and having to repeat it. The hospital was horrible, I remember having to tell 5 people in the period of one hour. Then… Continue reading »

Learning to Live With My Rape

Five years ago I was a high school student. I was 16 when my life turned for the worst. I began having family issues. My home life was not well. The summer after 11th grade came and my mom decided to move my brother and I into an entirely new school district. I was extremely upset by this move because now I would deal with the family issues without my friends who had become my family. I fought constantly with my brother and mother. Until one day my mother came to me and let me move back to my hometown if I could find a friend to live with. It sounds crazy, but I made the decision based on my program I was invested in during school. This decision to go live with a friend that young should never have been given to me. Eventually I moved in with my friend. From this moment on… Continue reading »

I still don’t know what happened

We were at this reunion after work at a friends house, we were drinking, playing games and eating, the last thing I remember after my black out was playing monopoly with my friends, totally normal. Then I woke up completely naked at his bed thinking ‘what the hell happened?’ I turned around and asked him about it and he just said “we fucked a lot.” I seriously just remember parts of it and that was after I got home, took a shower and slept. I don’t remember saying no, pushing him away or anything like that, just crying in the middle of the night and someone knocking on the door, but he had put the lock on. I have wondered myself if it was my fault for getting so drunk or if it was consensual, and that affected me for weeks. I was doing bad at work, at school, at everything just for thinking about… Continue reading »

When It’s Personal

Rape awareness is at an all time high in this country. But most people only see half the story. There is a lot more to rape than most think about. Or even know about. Or can even understand. But I can. I do. I’ve seen it. I felt it….. Hollywood glam and media spin has led rise to most Americans when they think about rape to associate rape with white college males, university scandals, drugged girls, drunk girls, girls that “asked” for it, and teen guys that go to far. To say any of this is a misnomer is flagrant. These types of acquaintance rape and date rape and assault are very serious problems with devastating impacts on its victims. But that is not all there is to rape. While definitely the most common, it’s not the only way a woman can be raped. And isn’t even close to the worst. Rape is not just… Continue reading »

I called him my friend

It was a dated function. This guy was my friend. I showed up, and was given lots of vodka. Thats all I remember. I woke up. 4am. I’m in his bed, with his clothes on. I turned over and saw him there, staring at me. He climbed on top of me. It happened so fast. He took his pants off, lifted my legs up, and stared me straight in the eyes. He didn’t even try to kiss me. It hurt. All I could do was turn my head. I cried. It ended. I was scared. Did you use a condom? Yes, he said. I closed my eyes. 7am. The A-team was playing. He said, “I saved your ass last night.” Supposedly, I puked everywhere last night… He drove me home. I cried some more. Was I drugged? Did I lead him on? Did he mean to do that? He said sorry when I told him… Continue reading »

“She Didn’t Do Anything”

I was 17. I remember when my best friend and I first started hanging out with these guys; I guess it was hard to make girl friends and I attracted friendship with guys since I was such a laid back person. I did everything I could to avoid conflict, and I never judged a soul. I guess that’s what made me such a vulnerable target. I had a crush on one of the boys, he was tall and a jock from high school. I never thought I’d see the day where I actually hung out with him. Except, he was nothing like I’d imagine him to be. He was confident, he was rude, he was assertive. The rest of the guys were cool, and we all got along so very well. A friendship bloomed between all of us. And that friendship stayed even after what happened to me. I ended up losing my virginity to… Continue reading »