I tried sharing my story before, but haven’t tried it for some time. I think it’s time to try it now again. I’ll start therapy again in a few months, hopefully this time will be different, hopefully this time they’ll help. I’ve been hurting for a long time, and each time I seek help I’m demotivated because of the responses I get. But first, let me start to share my story.. I was a very quiet and shy girl. Being picked on a lot for being autistic and timid. I’m a great listener and can talk hours about subjects I like, but most of the time I’m quietly sitting and listening and observing. Especially in high school which was very hard for me. They said things to me, laughed at me, made me fall during gym class. I tried to ignore them and focus on school. I did have good grades, but not many friends…. Continue reading »
He knew what he was doing
It took me two years to write this letter, I’ve read the poems, I’ve read the quotes, I’ve read the stories of those we label as survivors, and heard first hand experiences. But there’s something about being told that no one will believe you, that there is no reason to ruin peoples lives over it that really sticks with you. I let you make me afraid, and if there’s anything I regret it’s that I never saved your future victims. For a long time I stayed quiet, I avoided the conversation, I kept it inside until it drove me mad. But over the last couple months it has been eating at me begging to be heard. So why don’t we start from the beginning? January 20, 2017: —— went home for 2 weeks, you and —- invited me over to hang out. At first I was hesitant but we were friends right? You were a… Continue reading »
Raped by my boyfriend
I was 15 when it happened and my boyfriend was 18. I’d met him as he and his mum worked with my mum. we started dating and were told not to do any funny business, then we went out to watch the Christmas Light switch on and as it finished late he stayed over. when we got back t my house we were laying in bed chatting and it started to get intimate at first I was fine with it but once he started having sex with me I didn’t want to anymore it didn’t feel right I told him no and to get off, I tried to push him off but nothing worked. After a few more thrusts he stopped and got off me and said that id better sort him out later. I was so mortified and embarrassed I didnt report this until a year or so later.
Raped At 12 Years Old– Letter to Attacker
To the person who took my innocence, Are you happy with yourself? Did raping me give you the power you were looking for? Do you feel like a man now? 30% of women were between the ages of 11 and 17 at the time of their first completed rape. I was one of those 30%: I was only 12 years-old! I wasn’t even a teenager yet. Because of you, I lost my childhood. I was home-bound for weeks. Weeks turned to months. Months turned into years. You know, I can hardly remember those years. I lost myself completely, and it was all because of you. You made me suffer for years. It took me a long time to figure out what I did wrong. I kept asking myself if I deserved it. I blamed myself. I hated myself. “Worthless.” “Stupid.” “Porque no puedes ser una niña normal?” Countless times of suicidal thoughts and attempts. Just… Continue reading »
I didn’t realise until now
For years I have been suffering with depression ,anxiety and OCD. I often wondered why I felt like this,There are many reasons but I think this could be one of them and I have just blocked it out, until now I didn’t think about it but after a recent reminder it’s all I can think about and I need to clarify it with at least someone. I was 14, at the time I was meeting up with a friend and her boyfriend, as you do he brought his friends along with him and we went to chill around town. At one point my friends boyfriend said he needed to go home to get changed or something so we tagged along…Why not? I didn’t intend on doing anything with the guys friend as I didn’t find him attractive. I was there simply as friends. He was about 17/18 at the time I think but I’m not… Continue reading »
Need help
I had just turned 17. November 1986. My brother had come home from college for Thanksgiving. My parents left us alone. We had a party. After everyone left, my bother’s childhood friend stayed. I was asleep in my parents room. Don crept down the hall. My brother called out to him..he said that he was “using the bathroom.” he went back to whatever room he was asleep in. I got up and locked my parents bedroom door. Sometime later, he picked the lock. I woke up to him using my hand to stroke his penis. He put his hand over my mouth and raped me repeatedly. I would have never have told a soul but I came up pregnant and my mother knew that I was. I told her I was a victim and she never said, “I don’t believe you.” but her actions proved just that. She told me not to tell anyone and… Continue reading »
College Rape
A year ago, I heard the statistic for rape on college campus. I now am a sexual violence advocate at a local nonprofit. But when I was 19, I was invited to a friends party. He was my ex boyfriends best friend. We drank, danced and partied. Nothing was out of the ordinary. I was with my roommate but she passed out in a different room. His other friend was passed out on the couch next to me. I woke up to this “friend” ripping my tights and penetrating me. His roommate came out of his room to grab a glass of water. He put his hand over my mouth and told me to be quiet. I did as I was told because I was frozen and scared. Completely unable to move. I woke up the next morning feeling so horrified with myself for drinking myself to the point where I couldn’t fight back. I… Continue reading »
I was kidnapped, beaten, knocked out and repeatedly, brutally violated by my ex
He was convicted dec 2018 and is due to be sentenced in the 22nd of January 2019. I keep being told I’m brave. I don’t feel brave. I feel angry and helpless. He told everybody that I made it up so I have been harassed by scumbags I barely know. It is extremely hard to get a rape conviction in NZ due to our “innocent until proven guilty” bullshit which only helps the guilty. Statistics are 1 in a hundred convictions. So I’m supposed to be grateful. He won’t get anywhere near 60 years for brutalising me for hours. He might get 10 years, even though he committed perjury and not one of the 7 female and 5 male jury members believed his outlandish and disgusting claims such as that I demanded that he rape me. My dressing gown had blood splattered all over it but he called it “consensual sex”. Unfortunately there are women… Continue reading »
No one owns your story but you
Two years ago, I was sexually assaulted and raped by a man I barely knew. I met him on a dating app. I invited him into my home. We chatted, had a couple drinks, and I offered to him that he stay the night. Not once did we ever kiss, and the topic of sex never came up. In the middle of the night, I woke up to find he had his finger inside me. I was shocked. I felt like I was paralyzed. That moment felt like it went on for an eternity. He took his finger out of me and tried to get on top of me. I was able to turn away from him, but lay awake in the dark trying to figure out if what just happened actually did happen. I’m not sure how I fell back asleep that night. In the early morning, we woke up and he started to… Continue reading »
He was a trusted friend, until he raped me
One year ago I was supposed to go out with a bunch of friends from work to a holiday themed pop-up bar. I was on antibiotics for a bad infection and I was feeling pretty lousy, so instead I asked my friend Stephen H to drive me home. I was a wreck, and before it was time to go things took a turn for the worse. I started sweating heavily and I threw up and I was so dizzy. I don’t know why I got so sick but it was so bad that I passed out and was unconscious on the office floor. Later he told me that I turned gray and was barely breathing. My Fitbit showed that my heart rate dropped down to 42 bpm. I don’t understand why I wasn’t taken to a hospital. Instead I was taken home. I don’t remember much, just flashes here and there. I remember sitting on… Continue reading »