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My first boyfriend in the US

It was 2010, and I had just moved from my birth country without a clue about where I was standing. I was hopeful because it was an opportunity that made me think I was blessed. it was my freshmen year in high school, and on my first day at lunch you found out about me, the new Colombian girl in school. you were Colombian too. we connected just because we both thought we had a lot in common. you were two and a half years older than me. God, if I could go back in time I would tell myself to run, tell myself to just say no when you asked me out for a date, or to not go to Laura’s house. I thought it was nice that you were affectionate, I never expected that I would mean you could force me to go into a bathroom in an empty apartment and orally rape… Continue reading »

Assaulted by my neighbor

Am gonna keep this short I definitely don’t remember my childhood much but I do know that,when I was three I was sexually assault by neighbor kids who were three times my age.Being a kid I had no idea what was going on back then but I was still traumatized I stopped eating,fell sick and stopped talking I was always a lively child but after what happened became very quiet my parents were worried but couldn’t figure out what was wrong,I only became myself after moved. I was happy until about five years ago I was almost raped by a neighbor who was around the same age as me I was,l had always had a crush on him so when he started giving me attention I didn’t think much of it until one day he came over when my parents weren’t around to watch a movie were chatting when he suddenly started looking at me… Continue reading »

I am a different me

After watching the Simone Biles Movie and seeing the #metoo movement all over I feel it is time to put this out there… I feel like a great disaster. I am so proud of myself for the things I have battled through. On a daily basis I go through cycles of loving myself and insecurities and I go through being happy and sad and mad and crying. I seem to go through emotions faster than most people and I get anxious extremely easy. I sometimes go off the deep end trying to protect myself from my feelings. The way I experience things is different. I’m positive yet when something negative happens I have close to no control over how heavily the bad outweighs all the good. I feel attacked by the little things and even greater by the big things. I haven’t always been like this though. I became a significantly different person at the… Continue reading »

The year that changed me

I had my first kiss and lost my virginity at 19, I was also raped that same year. I wish I could say that my first time was with someone special, someone I genuinely trusted and cared about but that would be a lie. The truth is that I only agreed to sleep with him in fear that if I said no it wouldn’t go over well, that my ‘no’ wouldn’t be heard. That is something I never wanted to tell anyone, I think it was because I was embarrassed… Embarrassed that I was scared, embarrassed that I was dumb enough to even let someone like that into my house and into my life. After that sex had no appeal, I was self conscious after being somewhat verbally abused and belittled by this man and couldn’t think of a situation where sex would actually be enjoyable. My second time was only worse. My second time… Continue reading »

I was molested and raped at 6

I was taken away from my mother and father at 6 years olds. I lived in 3 different family members home. The last home I moved to, terrible things happened. I was abused physically, from slapping to being punched in the face. Emotionally, from being told my parents were pieces of shit, to being told i was not loved, and sexually, from being touched to being raped. All within 10 months, 3 different family members molested me. One of them had woken me up one night and raped me. He was 13. My aunts husbands son had touched me in my private and made me touch him and perform oral on him. He told me it was okay and not to tell anyone. I was placed back with my mom and I never told her.After years of not telling anyone, I told my current boyfriend and he’s the only one who knows. I didn’t realize… Continue reading »

It was not my fault

While I sit here trying to find the words to my story it is still difficult to talk and think about it. I am now 23 years old, and everything happened when I was 15, actually around the same time of the year as I am writing this. It took me a long time to be able to accept and understand what happened to me. I spent 6 of the last 8 years in denial and trying to escape every thought or memory that reminded me of that horrible feeling of not being able to defend myself. I was in a bad place back then, young, troubled and struggling with depression. I tried to escape into alcohol and anything that would stop me feeling so empty. In January 2010 I went to spent a semester abroad with a host family. During the Carnival season my “host sister” took me to a rental house with some… Continue reading »

Rape on a Foreign Exchange Trip

When I was 16, I had the opportunity to study abroad in Spain on a full scholarship for a year to further my Spanish-language abilities. I was so excited because I had dedicated my whole life to the language and would finally be living it. My foreign exchange included staying with a volunteer host family for the academic year (my junior year in high school) and attending a public school in Madrid. I struggled through the first half of the school year with the language barrier even though I had studied it for four years, and only really understood my English class (because I’m American and an English speaker). In my English class, we had an American as our assistant English teacher, and it made me so happy to finally make human contact with another native English speaker during my exchange (not many people spoke English that well in Madrid during my exchange). After a… Continue reading »

NO MORE TEARS TO CRY

I’m sure my story starts when I was a baby. A cousin, who is ten years older than I and still molesting and raping little girls, started molesting me and several others in the family. At six years old, my mother would send me to the store a ways away, and he would pick me up, take me to the country and molest me. I had to touch him, put my mouth on him, and he would fondle me. Then, around eight, he started coming to our home at around midnight and fondle me. At nine years old, when he was nineteen and in the Army, he raped me in my bed. His continual mantra was, “If you tell, I will kill you, your Dad will kill me, and your Dad will live out the rest of his life in prison.” I believed him. After nine, he went after my little sisters and younger cousins…. Continue reading »

Metoo

Born A Girl When I was 10, I noticed men looking at me differently When I was 10 to 12 men and boys of all ages honked their horns, whistled and yelled profanities at me When I was 13 my friend and I were walking home in the daylight, when a man came out from his backyard and asked us if we wanted to drink beers and join his party When I was 14 a handsome man in his 20’s began spending time with me. I thought he would love me forever if I gave him my virginity. He accepted and took it because he could. He was known for his interests in young girls, yet he stayed quite popular When I was 15, I was intoxicated and walking through a park. I could hardly stand, let alone walk. A man pulled up in his truck, walked up to me and raped me. He left… Continue reading »

Set Up

This is crazy because this is the first time I’ve ever publicly talked about it. Not even many of my friends know. I always say “something transpired in college.” It’s my way of not dealing with it. Well, by the subject I’m sure you’re wondering what I mean by set up. My “friend” in college set me up for what she said would be a party but that I was the special guest. In college, all you do is party. The crazy thing is I was never the party type because my parents allowed me to have a pretty decent social life so when I got to college I didn’t need to break free. Well, that was all dandy until I met Dee. She was really cool, and so was her family — they are socialites. Dee, who I spent what seemed like every free minute with was trying to get me out of my… Continue reading »