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Young and dumb?

Now that I am a mother of a teenage daughter I realize that my assault wasn’t just because I was young and dumb. For years I blamed myself for drinking with those guys I hardly knew, and when it happened to my daughter I caught myself thinking “How dumb of her”. But after going thru this with her I realize that it was not our fault for letting our guard down. Even though we were questioned over and over again about her intentions before going out, and hearing them say “Why did you drink so much”. It was not our fault, we were not young and dumb. We were doing normal teenage things, unfortunately around people who were not taught to respect women. I never told my story until the day she told me it was her fault. Her and I have a very strong relationship and have been there to help each other heal…. Continue reading »

Frozen

I went to a guys house who I had mutual friends with while my mom was out of town. He picked me up and we went to his house and played pool and talked. While I came over to just hangout and have fun it was summer. We went to his room and watch tv we both were laying together and just on our phones. Until Jen asks me “can this be our little secret” and in my head I’m thinking he doesn’t want anyone to know that Jen hung out with me. And I was curious as to why. We started making out which I was okay with and he started fingering me. (Before this I had only kissed a boy). He was kissing my neck and went lower and tried to unzip my shorts I just pulled his face to mine to show him I had no interest in anything more. He pined… Continue reading »

I was assaulted twice at the same party

I had just returned from a year of studying abroad, so my 3 best friends decided to throw a small party for me. I had just turned 17. It was a small party for close friends, and the cousin and a couple of his friends of my best friend. Through the night, I got quite drunk. I don’t remember how it happended, but I somehow ended up in a locked bedroom with a friend of the cousin (so I didn’t know the guy). He told me the others had locked us inside. I believed him, since I was quite drunk. I laid down on the bed, I told him, that I was just gonna sleep until they’d lock us out again. He didn’t listen. He started touching and kissing me, even though I kept saying I wanted to sleep. Then he fingered me. It hurt, and it wasn’t pleasurable at all. I didn’t do anything…. Continue reading »

The thief

I was only 5, people say you can’t remember it because you were so small but I do remember everything that happened, I was sexually harassed by my cousin who I loved like a brother, I don’t know but I was so scared to tell anyone so I told the only person I knew I could trust my sister she was 7 at the time and told me he did the same with her, so we decided no one would understand, soon my sister left at the age of 8 about to turn 9 to live with my mom since I had never met my mom I only knew she left when I was one year old and I was left behind with my father, he knew my sister was raped by my cousin but didn’t do anything he KNEW!! And he didn’t even do anything to save me or her, my cousin or should… Continue reading »

Gray area?

The first time I had sex, it was with someone I worked with. I thought I was ready, but as it was about to happen, I realized I wasn’t ready. I tried to tell him no, he held my hands and pinned me down and he forced his way in even though I kept telling him no. I groaned in pain and started bleeding, then he realized i was a virgin. He finally stopped. I was bleeding and was in a lot of pain for the next few days. I didn’t think of it as rape at the time, but instead I felt ashamed that he had to find out I was a virgin (I was 24) I went back to him a few days later because I wanted to convince myself there was something more than sex, and that there were real feelings between us but he just wanted to have sex again. This… Continue reading »

Close of a Brother

Growing up my brother would tell me we had to sick together because we were the only children who’s father was not around. My brother little by little starting age 6 he would kiss me then hump. eventually i was age 7 or 8 he’d begin having intercourse. To this day i hate seeing a man’s eyes roll in the back of his head while he is on top of me. I hated him Pumping on top of me. To make things worst my mother found him on top of me and beat us assuming it was mutual sex I’m guessing because he was only one year older This memory I pushed out of my head for years 20 years and now I’m realizing how much shame I felt I’m aware of the bad choices I made because of it. I’m also stuck because my family just moved my my brother still views me as… Continue reading »

The same guy

To describe this experience in words is probably one of the hardest things someone could ask of me. How am I suppose to describe to people what I felt and make them understand it when I don’t even know that for myself. With that being said I will state the facts and tell what happened. I will do my best to describe my feelings but I’m in no way expecting anyone to understand because every victim goes through different experiences though our feelings may be similar they are still unique to the person and the story. Fact: I was raped by the same guy multiple times. The first time He took me on date to eat at taco casa and then asked me to come watch a movie with him at his home. When we got there his parents were gone and we were on the living room couch. He began to kiss me and… Continue reading »

A Night I Will Never Forget

I was so beyond excited for this night. This night was suppose to be so fun. My best friend asked me and another friend to come to a party. So my friend and I got all dressed up and ready to go. The whole drive there we were so excited to go and jamming in the car. When we got there it started off very fun, everyone was dancing and talking. After being a little intoxicated I told my friend I wanted to kiss a cute boy that night , and to set me up with one of his friends. My friend did as I asked. This taller, blonde, who I thought was cute at the time came up to me and I grabbed his hand and we walked to the front yard. He turned me and kissed me, and that went on for a little while. I do not remember/blocked out much of what… Continue reading »

I didn’t break up with him back then

I was in a relationship with my ex-boyfriend for round about 2 years I guess. We laid in bed and he wanted to have sex. So he started to kiss my neck and to touch me but I wasn’t in the mood so I told him. But he did not stop. He continued, started undressing me and I told him to stop over and over again but that did not stop him. I didn’t dare to fight back because I was afraid he was going to hurt me. ( even though he never put a hand on me before that ) When he was finished I started crying and he didn’t even know why. I never told anyone about this because I felt and still feel ashamed for something that isn’t even my fault. — Survivor, age 17

Being drunk is not consent

It happened at a party, how cliche. I was even warned before I left the house that night. “Be careful I know you’re going through something and you might not be in the right state of mind” “just make good decisions”. Could my decision making skills have changed what happened to me? Or maybe my decision making skills are exactly why this happened to me? Was it karma? Did I have this coming to me? Was this my fault? I tell myself not to think like this, and there’s no way it was my fault. How does one become “at fault” for their own rape/rapes? But I guess it could be argued both ways. I want to be able to write about what happened, but I’m not even sure of the proper order of events and exactly what had happened that night. I’ll do my best though.. it was in September I believe of 2016,… Continue reading »