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I can say it now

My Dad was strict with us girls about sex- If we lost our virginity, we were out on the street. An appeal to Mom just got her to shrug and a reply Don’t. One night my older brother Tim was supposed to stay over at a hot party, but apparently returned home drunk. I awoke to him pulling up my nightshirt, and barely awake I said”Hey, it’s Heather!” but he was already raping me. He mumbled something about his girlfriend”Cleo was already getting laid, so he needed this”, and though I tried but he was too big to push him off, and I was scared to tell. Our little sister Lily woke to watch the scene. When he was done, he said”Thanks” and went to the bathroom to pee, and then to bed. All I could do was console Lily, who was scared. The next morning, after Dad and Mom went to work, Tim just… Continue reading »

Hard Time

Hi, I’m Tayler. I am currently 15. I was raped a month after my 15th birthday. My rapist was my older brother’s very good friend. I have 5 brothers (yes, it’s very difficult.). So whenever they had friend over it was no big deal. my rapist was over often and was friendly. One day he came over while I was home alone. He told me he was just going to wait for my brother to arrive home. I didn’t think anything and went up to my room. Around 10 minutes later he came into my room. He kept making sexual remarks and sat on my bed. His hand would rest on my leg, arm and hips. I became very uncomfortable and tried to find an excuse to leave. It happened fast. Next thing I know, I was being pinned to the bed. I cried. I begged him to stop. I tried to reason with him…. Continue reading »

I guess it was rape

Took me 6 years before I told myself that I was raped. It was valentines day 2011 when I was with my boyfriend, I was with him for maybe 4 months by that time (just a dumb high school relationship). He always pressured me for sex, but I always told him no as I was a virgin and wanted to keep it for marriage. On valentines day I guess I finally gave in, but I would only let him go so far. He just wanted to put the “tip” of it in, nothing more, and with no condom. Why I said OKAY is beyond me, maybe it was my way of hoping that he would stop asking? I was FREAKED OUT about it, wasn’t comfortable with the idea, and was waiting for him to simply get off of me. Instead HE decided on pushing all the way in, something I wasn’t prepared for, and something… Continue reading »

My story

How did I get here? I am not really sure. I can look back and see where things went off the rails but it was a long ways until they came to a full stop. Here I am, 35 years old, sitting in an office that I can hardly pay for, waiting for clients that never call, scheming how I’m going to get my next break. On the surface, I appear calm. Cool. Collected. Intelligent. Under the surface, I’m a volcano waiting to explode. Only a few know. They flee. I have no one. Not one person. Not one person who cares enough to even ask me how I’m doing. MY former friend has this tattoo she got on her arm. Something about being kind always because you don’t know what someone is going through. It’s a bullshit tattoo. Even she left. Just words. Nothing behind it. I lost my mind in the last year…. Continue reading »

Multiple Times

I am a survivor, multiple times over. The first time was 10 years ago. It took me until last year to be able to speak about it. I felt it was my fault. I was in an abusive on again, off again relationship. We were off at the time, and I met this guy (Brandon) on MySpace. I was barely 18 and naive and really, really hurt. My ex had been cheating on me. My mom had recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. I was a mess. He messaged me out of the blue, saying he was looking for friends in the area. I was clear with him about not wanting any form of a sexual relationship…I didn’t feel comfortable with anything but friends. He laughed it off, saying he had a girlfriend and wasn’t “that type of guy.” The first time I saw him, I was drunk. He decided to play the role of… Continue reading »

Not my fault

I was 19 years old, in the military and in Korea. I had an on and off again fling with a co worker and ended up getting pregnant and miscarried. People found out and we sort of had a party to get everyone’s minds off. There was drinking and games and a lot of people coming thru the room of the barracks. One of the the Ncos was being too friendly and touchy throughout the night and I guess I didn’t notice too much until after. We get into a drinking competition and I chug a bottle of Jaeger. I start feeling dizzy and whatnot and he starts to ask me about my life. I get all emotional and continue drinking. Meanwhile, this man is taking sips at a time… well anyway he asks me to get cups and whatnot out his room. I got and he shuts the door. I start to panic and… Continue reading »

He Was A Police Officer

I am a survivor of rape. My assault happened by someone I thought was a person I could trust. We had been childhood friends and he was the pastor’s son at the church I grew up in. He was a police officer in the town I was attending college at and we started hanging out and getting to know each other better, since we hadn’t seen each other in years. To make a long story short, he displayed warning signs of odd behaviors a few months after getting to know each other, but I ignored them because I thought I could trust him. The warning signs included demanding that he was allowed to spend the night at my apartment without asking, following me home or randomly being in the same places I was, getting VERY angry at very small things that happened and then apologizing that he reacted in that way… I thought these were… Continue reading »

I trusted him

I really don’t even know if what happened to me even qualifies as assault or rape. I’m sure the guy sure doesn’t think so. I dated this guy, Kevin, briefly a year ago. We had a sexual relationship at that time but we decided we were both still hung up on past relationships and that we’d be better off as friends. Fast forward to present day, he had recently broken up with his girlfriend so I invited him to come to town to go to an event with me, in my mind as friends, as a change of scenery for him. Kevin and I talked about our current relationship states and I’d told him I was starting to see another guy that I really liked. We had dinner and drinks before the event and more drinks at the event. I got pretty drunk honestly throughout the course of the evening. At the end of the… Continue reading »

My husband was home

I was throwing a Halloween party in 2016. I invited a few coworkers and some friends of my husband and I. We are a very young married couple, at the time 19 and 20. I was very excited that a friend on mine was coming. He was 46 and one of my first new friends at my new job. He was married and I didn’t think I needed to worry. My husband and I like to party, we drank so much. We had never drank that much before. I only remember that night in waves, but what I remember the most was being told I had to go upstairs to find something for my coworker who had come to the party. I tried to be a good host and go get it for him. But I learned he was just trying to separate me from my husband. He forced himself on me in my husband… Continue reading »

A sociopath in disguise

It was a coworker. I was 23. It started almost a year ago. We were both in relationships, there was flirting but what I felt to be harmless. It became a friendship, an odd bond with an odd guy, something was off but I assumed it was his rough child hood and I related to him on this. I’m friends with lots of guys with whom I joke with and tease constantly and vice Versa. It’s how I learned to interact with them. I thought this was the same, I felt safe because he was in a relationship too and we had so much in common. In therapy later on, I’d learn that he was a sociopath. He never cared for our friendship, and likely a lot of his stories were not true, they were used to gain my trust. My story is unlike all the others I read online. I wish I knew of… Continue reading »