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My consent is just that…mine

I was 25. He was 22. I was in my party phase. We ran in same friends circle. Joked, flirted and hooking up seemed logical. We met up on several weekends after last calls. It was a fling. Just fun. Right? One night we met up. He lived in same apartment building as my friend. We both had been drinking quite a bit. We were messing around. He was a bit more “passionate” than normal. What seemed like passion started to waver into the line of aggression. I told him to slow down. He stopped and looked at me. He said “you want this.” I went to sit up and said “hey calm down… ” but before i could say much else he pushed me down with his arm and held me down. He proceeded to push his other hand inside of me while holding me down. Now, I look back and think… I could… Continue reading »

Never Thought It Would Happen to Me

Dear Survivor, I know the bad days outnumber the good ones. Maybe you haven’t even had a good day since it happened. Maybe you feel like your temptations are the only logical way to escape. Maybe you’re ignoring it. I thought ending my life was the only way to escape. And more than once I acted on these feelings. I’m here to assure you that it isn’t. I’m here to remind you that you are not alone. I’m here to tell you my story. I sat in a chair alone, regretting every decision I had made up to this point. It was too dark to see where the room ended. I glanced up at the clock, it was after midnight. Thirty minutes passed. I dropped my underwear onto the blue-tiled floor behind the thin curtain. This was the only article of clothing left on my shaking body as I held back tears. I was being… Continue reading »

It never seems like Rape to me

Let me start with a Thank You to Linor, the ladies at Brave Miss World, and the Women who Post. Sometimes it could be a small thing, but being there effects so many! I was 10, almost 11 when it happened. I was very well developed for my age, actually, any age! I was playing at my friend’s family home, and it had just stopped raining, and most had gone outside. Her mother had moved out, and they were in the process of divorcing. I found out later that she had been caught cheating. I had to use the bathroom, and when I left, her father was waiting and asked me to come into his room. I don’t know what I expected him to want, but I guess I was too young to think that way. He played with my body, and then took off my clothes. He told me to lie on the bed,… Continue reading »

Anniversary

It was my first love, my first sexual relationship. I gave him everything and broke down all of my walls for him. It was the anniversary of a very hard day for me, and he poured me a glass of wine to share. He insisted I drink more. After we were “cuddling” but he wanted to have sex. I said no, but eventually cracked and let it happen. I told him the entire time. I was uncomfortable but he just kept going. I was crying that I didn’t want to get pregnant the entire time but he just kept going. I feel violated and sick and I need to know I am not alone. I don’t even know what happened to me and I can’t even think about it without dissociating. — Survivor, age 19

Raped Multiple Times

I am an Indonesian, and I was in my third year of college when I was raped, by a good friend who had been a my friend for around 3 years. We hung out a lot back then, mainly because both of us needed some companies while doing our final thesis. Once I was in his place, it was over midnight and the rain was pouring. I could barely see the road. Not being able to go home, he offered me to stay the night. I hesitated but had no other choices. I didn’t feel quite sure why I decided to stay, but I ended up staying. He kindly lent me his tshirt and boxers for me to sleep in. We were just chatting while watching some cables. Then he started to approach me closer. Seeing his intention, I tried to politely declined. Yet he insisted and started to corner me. He grabbed my upper… Continue reading »

I was drunk

I was 19, i was at an acquaintances flat with a friend as he invited us round, persisted to offer and pour us more drinks which i thought nothing of at the time. I ended up wasted and was taken to bed, then i wake up some hours later to find him on top of me having sex. I never consented to this, i was passed out for christ sake. Because i was so drunk i was reluctant to tell anyone yet alone the police because i didnt think they would believe me, my friend and mum prompted me to tell the police which i felt i needed to do to protect anyone else this could happen to although i was terrified. I went to court and had to sit there whilst the judge asked me questions about my past sex life and even divulged into my facebook messages with friends saying how drunk i… Continue reading »

Beyond a story

Dear Linor, I attended your movie showing in Monaco this past weekend. The irony was I attended thinking I was going to see a Princess Grace movie. Something light, beautiful, and with a story. I attended to honour Princesse Grace who is in the hearts of everyone she has touched. Instead, I watched a story unfold that was far from light. It was intense, real and inextricably beautifully revealing moment by moment. The story goes beyond a story. It may be a movie, but each chapter shares the heart, soul, pain and fear counter pointed with family, support, love, friendship and kindness. I didn’t say hello in person. I said hello in silence. In awe of your strength and admiring your lovely sense of humour. I was waiting for the advice and you shared it. Face it and you can leave it.

Took Me, Took my Wedding

Bachelorette parties are for misbehaving, and I went to my friend’s and misbehaved, but only so bad. I got very drunk, and couldn’t drive, and it was rainy, turning to thunderstorms, so when it came time to go home, my fiancé was still at work, so I called a friend to drive me home. We got caught in the rain, and a bit wet before getting in, and I thanked him for that I would have gotten absolutely soaked getting home. As it was, I had an almost see-through blouse as it was. He looked at me king of hungry and offered to help me out of the wet things. Then he was on top of me, and we were having sex on the living room floor. I didn’t want it, and was faithful, until then, but once he started, I didn’t have a way to get him to stop. When he was finished, he… Continue reading »

Liar, Liar

8 year old is not the time to have this. I was sent to the store, and on the way home, a guy jumped me, lifted my skirt and raped me. I didn’t have words for it then. He stole the change, and I had words for that too. My mom had words too, she called me a liar. I didn’t think much of it when I started hanging over friend’s houses after school. One had access to some porn, and I said this one happened to me. They called me a liar. By junior high, I turned total goth, where depression fit well. I told my story in poems. No one believed I had it in my background. Actually, no no one. I had this boy who followed me outside when I went for a good cry. He said he believed I had a rape secret. He started to kiss me, I didn’t know… Continue reading »

Rape in supported accomodation

I’ve years ago I was 19 struggling with mental health issues including bulimia. After a long hospital admission I was offered to live in supported accommodation, facilitated by mental health workers. It was in this house, a house I was supposed to feel safe in, I was raped. I was feeling sucidal the night it happened, I had been battling with suicidal ideation and self-harm thoughts from 14 years old. A friend who I shared the house with had a friend of his over that night. I had met this man twice before and felt intimidated by him. He was 40. He knocked on my door, at this point everything becomes fragmented. I was engaging in self harm and embarrassed to let him in, but he push opens my door. I am drinking alcohol. I nurse my cuts and we both sit in the floor drinking. I dissociate and one minute everything is pitch black… Continue reading »