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Why does this keep happening to me?

I was about…6 I think. The first time it happened. My uncle was living with us after he came back from the islands. The first time he molested me was in our living room. It was in the middle of the night and I was watching a show, everyone were in their rooms getting ready to go to bed. He came in and sat next to me and watched the movie with me, until his hands started to wander. I was 6.. he told me to stay still and so I did. I was silently crying.. This went on for about a year until he finally moved out. I thought that was it, that it would never happen again… I was wrong. Fast forward to a couple years after he moved out.. I was at a family party with my grandparents. I ended up watching tv while everyone was outside, until one of my Aunts… Continue reading »

He took everything

I went out for a night out with work, but I wasn’t nervous or apprehensive despite not knowing very many people that would be present. I worked part time in a shop, and the man who owned it owned a number of others and had a Christmas party for all of his employees. I was excited for the night out and it was about a five minute walk from my friends apartment who said I could stay, just call when I was outside (he regularly stayed up until 3 or 4) The night went on, I was having a fun time. I drank, ate and smoked outside with the few people I knew. I flirted with the cute boy who worked in my shop but I had never actually worked with as we were both students. I remember thinking, this has been such a lovely night nothing big happening just a bit of fun and… Continue reading »

He said he loved me

I’ve always had a messed up version of love. So when a guy that didn’t want to date me but fool around said he loved me It felt good. I knew him.. I was friends with his sister.. but we were down a stair case at school making out and he kept touching me which was alright at the time. Then he took out his penis and kept repeating “kiss it, lick it, suck it” and trying to put my head down there. I kept saying no and that we should leave but he squeezed my shoulder and said “you’re okay” it shook me to the core. Then he pulled down my pants and I kept saying no. But then he put it in and It hurt. I finally got him to go upstairs and I got sick in the bathroom. I told him that I said no and that was considered rape and he… Continue reading »

Finally Sharing

My story is old nearly two decades and yet it as if my rape was yesterday. I have done a lot of healing absolutely but this type of trauma never leaves you – it shapes you. I feel sad about the circumstances around my rape and as others have experienced – it was a crushing blow to trust. I trusted this person and thought we cared about me (in some way). It’s sad that my trust was shattered by some small, tiny minded, insecure man’s need for power and control. My tale is this: while we were not exclusive we certainly were familiar with one another as we worked together, dated a bit, and just were friendly. We had been intimate too and again not exclusive which has it’s own issues, but that doesn’t mean or equal to a set-up for rape. We met at a restaurant and introduced each other to friends. The fete… Continue reading »

Just A Party

He was a guy I liked. Had a crush on him. He was my manger from my work. I only knew him for like 3 months. He would flirt with me and say some sweet things. He would look at me like I was the only one in the room. Anyway he invited me to a party. He said I needed to have some fun. Said I was too uptight. So I went. My first mistake. I didn’t dress to revealing. I just wore something casual but cute. He was the one who picked me up because I didn’t have a car. He told me I looked beautiful. We was at the party. There was drinking and smoking. I only had one drink. I was being curious. I was in a new environment with someone I didn’t know well. We danced and it was very close but there was a lot of people there so… Continue reading »

14 year old raped at school

I was a freshman girl. I was 14. I stayed after school to retake a test and pay my art fee. As I was walking towards the art building, a guy that I’ve only talked to a few times appeared. He told me he had something awesome to show me and I believed him because he was just a friendly dude that I knew around school. He brought me near the outdoors boys locker rooms and he pulled me in there. I was still oblivious. I looked around and he’s standing there taking his “thing” out of his pants. I immediately froze. I had never seen that before. For a 14 year old freshman, I was pretty innocent. I still didn’t fully understand what was happening. I was kinda stupid. He pushed me against the wall and started kissing me. He stole my first kiss and soon stole my virginity. I was frozen in shock… Continue reading »

He was a friend

He was a god friend and coworker of two years. I was going through a rough patch in life and truly needed a friend. I had 4 deaths in my family in a matter of 3 months and felt very alone. My spouse was trying to cope with the loses as well and we were having a rough time together. He was my friend and knew my spouse well. He planted seeds of doubt in my mind about my marriage and my friends made me feel alone and as if he was my only friend. I was 25 while he was 46. He took advantage of all of my weaknesses and made me feel worthless and alone. We had a few drinks one day while hanging out and he told me he had feelings for me and tried to force himself on me. I told him no and that I was married. He said he… Continue reading »

A Night I Can’t Remember

Two years ago I went to one of my friends houses. It started out well enough. My son and her daughter played while we played Jenga and drank beer at the table. I am a beer drinker, I never drink hard liquor, but on this night I did. I don’t exactly remember when, but sometime during this evening her neighbor came over. She ate a cookie that was baked with weed inside it. This sent her off to bed at like 11:00pm. Now, here I am stuck in her apartment, my child was sleeping and so was she. Common sense would have told me to go to bed myself but I was drinking whiskey and common sense did not kick in. I decided to walk downstairs and visit her neighbor. I had hung out with him before and I trusted him. I had no reason to think that this decision would change my life forever…. Continue reading »

My cousins friend

Back in 2013 probably end of summer, hard to recall because it’s all a blur, I was raped. I haven’t told the police nor my family about it as I was so ashamed and felt it was my fault. That night I was heavily drinking with my cousin for her friend’s birthday, she invited me out and I thought he was a nice guy so I decided to go with them and she said I could sleep at hr place as it was close to downtown. Anyways she ran into her ex and didn’t want me over because she wanted alone time with her ex, and my house was too far and a taxi was too expensive for me and I didn’t have the money. So she asked her guy friend who’s birthday it was if I can sleep at his place and he agreed. I remember her telling him to not touch me and… Continue reading »

A secondary survivor

I haven’t suffered through a rape myself, but I found out recently that my partner has. She’s carried it by herself for nearly 10 years. One day she was brave enough to tell me. I don’t know why, but I am glad she found the courage and felt safe enough to do so. I will be forever grateful to her for that. She is going through counselling at the moment, and I can honestly report that it really is helping. She’s able to look me in the eye now when we talk through it. She can use the term rape. The shame, the guilt the misdirected feelings of blame that she’s placed on herself all this time are starting to shift to where they should be. At the rapist. I can’t begin to put into words how proud I am of her and the mountains she’s had to climb to get where she has today…. Continue reading »