’m in the Army and while I was in training I turned 18. The first time I went out clubbing it was with my sister, who had driven ten hours to see me for my birthday, but a few weeks later on the last weekend of training I was the only girl. It wasn’t uncommon; there was no other girls in my platoon of 50 guys and I. Despite that I felt safe with them after going through hell with them for 3 months. My boyfriend was supposed to be there but he ended up having an inspection and wouldn’t get there until the next day. I went out with a group and we ended up in a club a few hundred meters from the hotel most of us were staying at. It was the first time I’d been drunk enough to have memory blanks. At the end of the night a guy I knew… Continue reading »
Personal Statement – Written January 2017
Twilight hours of February 25, 2016 are buried in oblivion, bygone, sunk out of my head, perhaps for self-protection. This eclipse of my heart in dead of night. Fraternity boy coolness turns to shadiness at nightfall. His country boy accent is of the coal pitch blackness of the mines, sinking into his swarthiness, and I am sadly a canary in his coal mine. Try to take flight, hasten away from my wails, make a quick getaway. I sink lower, shutting my eyes in this icebox. This is a hard winter and goosebumps grow on my bare skin. He is soulless, like a lone wolf committing acts of terrorism upon me in his below-zero bedroom. He seems so casual – putting on his airs, indifferent, like he could not care less. His 240 pounds are unrelenting against my five-feet. Can a moment be more austere? The stinging feels glacial; I am raw, then numbed. This hole-in-the-wall… Continue reading »
*rape
I was 14 when it started happening. The sexual harassment. I didn’t know what was going on at first, I was so naive and young. Freshman year it was so bad. I didn’t know why all of a sudden everything changed. Boys in my classes making gestures, sending unwanted pictures and texts, groping me. Even people I didn’t know. Sophomore year was the worst for me. I wanted to lose my virginity so bad just to fit in so I agreed to have sex with this boy. When we met up I told him I didn’t want to. He kept trying to get me to but I kept saying so he pulled me in. When you don’t know what to do in a situation sometimes you let it happen. Like there’s nothing you can do to prevent it. I tried to convince myself to like it. Like it felt good, but it didn’t. It hurt…. Continue reading »
13 and 16
When I was 13 years old I went to stay with a cousin and her husband. After being there a few weeks off and on the husband started getting close to me and i didnt understand why. One night he came into the room where I was sleeping acting like he had no where else to sleep. Even though I wasn’t comfortable I let him because it was his house. I woke up to him staring at me and just rolled over. He ended up touching me. I don’t know if he thought I was asleep or what. Then through the course of a year he raped me multiple times. More than just vaginally. He liked other things more. He’d used me and be done. He used to tell me he loved me and tried to get me to believe that’s what love was. I believed him. When I final spoke out my mother blamed… Continue reading »
Someone so close to me
This only happened a year ago. My uncle who always would make sexual comments to me from age 6-still today raped me. We had this cookout where we invited our family and my uncle came. About halfway through I went to go use the bathroom and he cornered me and proceeded to take off my Clothes as I tried to fight him off. Me being a small 13 year old at the time, it was no use. My uncle took my virginity as I was crying the entire time. I have never talked to anyone about it in fear that no one would believe me. I see him about once a month and my eyes start watering up when I see him. — Arabella, age 14
Raped by a so called friend
To this day I’ve never spoke up or spoke about this. I fee the need to do so now to move forward. I was a party with friends mostly males I am more of a guy kind of gal love football love a pint. I’m basically one of the boys. On this night one of my so called friends took away something that wasn’t they’re to take. I was a virgin. And he took it from me. I was sleeping in the spare room I was 16 at the time I had a little bit to drink but I was aware of my surroundings this night I woke up with him in side me (my friend) I froze with fear my legs went numb I felt like I couldn’t even scream. I don’t him to get off my he covered my mouth. After he was finished I stood up with a blank feeling in side… Continue reading »
Why does this keep happening to me?
I was about…6 I think. The first time it happened. My uncle was living with us after he came back from the islands. The first time he molested me was in our living room. It was in the middle of the night and I was watching a show, everyone were in their rooms getting ready to go to bed. He came in and sat next to me and watched the movie with me, until his hands started to wander. I was 6.. he told me to stay still and so I did. I was silently crying.. This went on for about a year until he finally moved out. I thought that was it, that it would never happen again… I was wrong. Fast forward to a couple years after he moved out.. I was at a family party with my grandparents. I ended up watching tv while everyone was outside, until one of my Aunts… Continue reading »
He took everything
I went out for a night out with work, but I wasn’t nervous or apprehensive despite not knowing very many people that would be present. I worked part time in a shop, and the man who owned it owned a number of others and had a Christmas party for all of his employees. I was excited for the night out and it was about a five minute walk from my friends apartment who said I could stay, just call when I was outside (he regularly stayed up until 3 or 4) The night went on, I was having a fun time. I drank, ate and smoked outside with the few people I knew. I flirted with the cute boy who worked in my shop but I had never actually worked with as we were both students. I remember thinking, this has been such a lovely night nothing big happening just a bit of fun and… Continue reading »
He said he loved me
I’ve always had a messed up version of love. So when a guy that didn’t want to date me but fool around said he loved me It felt good. I knew him.. I was friends with his sister.. but we were down a stair case at school making out and he kept touching me which was alright at the time. Then he took out his penis and kept repeating “kiss it, lick it, suck it” and trying to put my head down there. I kept saying no and that we should leave but he squeezed my shoulder and said “you’re okay” it shook me to the core. Then he pulled down my pants and I kept saying no. But then he put it in and It hurt. I finally got him to go upstairs and I got sick in the bathroom. I told him that I said no and that was considered rape and he… Continue reading »
Finally Sharing
My story is old nearly two decades and yet it as if my rape was yesterday. I have done a lot of healing absolutely but this type of trauma never leaves you – it shapes you. I feel sad about the circumstances around my rape and as others have experienced – it was a crushing blow to trust. I trusted this person and thought we cared about me (in some way). It’s sad that my trust was shattered by some small, tiny minded, insecure man’s need for power and control. My tale is this: while we were not exclusive we certainly were familiar with one another as we worked together, dated a bit, and just were friendly. We had been intimate too and again not exclusive which has it’s own issues, but that doesn’t mean or equal to a set-up for rape. We met at a restaurant and introduced each other to friends. The fete… Continue reading »