When you are twelve and you are running away from rape, and you are dazzling drunk from drinking out of a red SOLO cup, the world spins and the floor comes up to greet you, gritting it’s sandpaper teeth against your ruddied cheek. You remember the way the fence feels that you lean against, when you’re thoughts aren’t connecting, when you can’t make tangible, this thing that just happened to you, because your mind is too young to agree with it. All of the boys think you’re easy, they know that you have no mother, your brothers run wild in the streets, your father is always working, so there’s no one to monitor you, discipline you. All the boys have to do is show you attention because they’ve heard it’s an easy in. You don’t know this because you’re twelve, because your mind doesn’t work that way, because you’ve just learned the benefits of having… Continue reading »
my story-and where i “took it”…
My story begins when I was 5 or 6…. my parents best friends had a son a few years older than me…. at some point he started molesting me… every time his parents came over or we went over to their house… it started out “easy”.. like he would only touch etc… but than at some poing he started using objects …. i remember i used to watch the floor and pretend all the shapes on it were animals (i was mostly on my stomach)… one day.. my brother came in and “caught us”… he was not all that older than me…. about 2 and a half years… and instead of saying something… he just thought it was a “nice game” and started doing the same…. it went on like that till i was about 12.. and it gradually stoped… no specific reason….than i was blessed with a whole 3 years of freedom…when i was… Continue reading »
Different face, but the same monster
It started when I was 5…he was a trusted friend of a neighbors family…I can still remember his smell, some 20 years later…’If you tell anyone that I touch you, I’ll hurt you’ he would say, and then throw me to the ground and walk away…fast forward 10 years, same monster but a different face…drunk at a friends house…the room spinning, the taste of mexican brandy and pepsi on my tongue…I don’t even know his name…I begged him to stop, fighting and kicking under his weight, crushing me, gasping for air, trying as hard as I could to keep his penis from entering me…not another violation…not again…walking home, crying…another few years go by, and I met the ‘one’…he never hit me at first, not until the week after I gave birth to my son…then the beatings began in earnest…after learning the hard way, after the hitting and punching and choking, I realized that resistance only… Continue reading »
Nothing important…
.. My first answer, when people asked what happened. I was raped at my 25th birthday in Hungary from one of the teachers who helped me with my diploma thesis and his friends, which I never met before. That was his birthday-present for me, beside the cake. I remember him saying “Ulrike I told you: You need a man, now you have a lot. Enjoy it. That’s your birthday-present…“ And then he said to the others which I had never seen before in Hungarian, “and that’s my present for you…“ That was, after he was finished with me, I think. He left me there alone with these animals. I also can remember the sound from laughing girls. This is one of the things which I still know, because I believe I was drugged by GHB or another ‘date rape’ drug. I also heard this from the police and from friends after I told my story…. Continue reading »
army
it was 20 years ago i was a new soldier and on a course for 2 month to a job i wanted very much. my commander pretended to be friendly and i let him know me and other friends were planing to go out without permission in the evening. he didn’t stop us. when we returned he waited for us and took me for a talk threatening that i will lose my job if he will tell what happened then he raped me. i was saying no no stop stop and he was saying you know you like it. repeatedly. i then took an endless shower. i realize this was very low. i was shocked. i climbed a tree and waited the morning. a miluimnik (reserve soldier) that was with us was very angry to hear what happened and went into the office and screamed at him, because he was still threatening to give us… Continue reading »
גבר אלים וחולני
לקראת גיל 15 התחלתי לצאת עם בחור שהיה גדול ממני בשנה, לאחר חודשיים בערך ביחד הייתה בנינו מריבה מטופשת במהלך המריבה הוא נהייה אלים כלפי זאת הפעם הראשונה בעצם שהוא הרים עליי יד, הביא לי סטירה שהפילה אותי על הריצפה וכשאני שוכבת על הרצפה הביא לי מכה חזרה בבטן עם הרגל. אחרי המקרה נפרדנו כמובן והוא התחנן שנחזור ואמר שזו הייתה טעות ושזה בחיים לא יקרה, הייתי ילדה והאמנתי לו. סבלתי מאלימות במשך כמעט שנתיים, הפסקתי ללמוד, עברתי לגור אצלו ולא מרצוני- אנשים שואלים אותי למה נשארת ושופטים אותי על כך, אל תעשו זאת, לא הייתם שם אתם לא יודעים. לאחר שנתיים ברחתי וחברה שלי לקחה אותי למשטרה, כמובן שהוא רדף אחרנו כל הדרך ובכה שאני לא אעשה זאת. חברה שלי נתנה לי הרבה כוחות כן לעשות זאת. הגשתי תלונה הוא קיבל צו הרחקה ממני ולא יותר מזה הגנת המשטרה מזערית. לאחר שבוע שלא ראיתי אותו, הייתי במועדון הוא הגיע לשם חיכה שאלך לשירותים, בשירותים… Continue reading »
innocent
i was only 12 years old when the rape had begun. I finally put an end to the rape around the age of 21 years old. I had never told anybody about the rape and the raper, I was so afraid that someone, and worse of all my parents and especially my father will know anything about me being raped. They don’t know up till now, because I did all I can do to protect them from the on going rape. The raper was almost 2 years older than me and he knew everything about sex. I knew nothing about sex, and so innocent and so afraid that no one will believe me. Traper was the negative leader of my group in the kibbutz. And he had threatened me: “I’ll tell about you” and this was more dangerous than an atomic bomb throwed on me. Becaus a kibbutz is a place in which you are… Continue reading »
Where did I go?
I have waited all my life to be able to tell this to someone I can trust, someone who will not judge me, but most importantly after hearing Linor Abargil and Cecelia Peck I am convinced that our stories may perhaps save others from being traumatized years after our rape. My hope is that by telling our stories, others will go on to live their lives without shame thinking that they are not worthy of a loving relationship. I was 15 years old, violently raped repeatedly for months by two cousins and they were brothers. I feared for my life. My life until that time was full of hopes and dreams and a boy crush who respected me. When my cousins robbed me of my innocence I began to feel dirty and ashamed which caused me to turn my back on my teen crush and I lost interest in all things scholastic. In the years… Continue reading »
First date: Raped after school at 15
I was a freshman in high school. He was a senior boy. He asked me to go for a drive after school and would take me home. I was honored and felt special. A senior boy would ask me, a new freshman girl, to go for a ride and offer to take ME home. I went to an affluent school in an affluent neighborhood. He was from a good family and so was I. I did not know him or his family however. It just goes to show, that rape crosses over and under and through all socio-economic lines.
4 short stories of sexual aggresion
There are those that find themselves Many times over In situations of abuse A pattern, repeated time and again The victim doesn’t understand