You might not remember…I barely do. I was insecure then. I drank a lot…maybe more than I should have. But I didn’t think it would happen to me. I remember being at a party. The next thing I know I was in your bed. You were on top of me. I told you I was a virgin that I didn’t want to have sex. I don’t know if we did. I remember how you smelled. I remember not wanting it. I don’t know what we did. I tried to forget. But I kept seeing you on campus. It came back to me slowly- who you were. But eventually I remembered. I remembered waking up from a blackout with you on top of me. I don’t know how I got home after. I don’t know what you did to me when I was in your room, your bed. The next day my roommates told me I… Continue reading »
Twice a pattern?
If something bad happens once, people usually say it’s bad luck. But to happen twice, just seems stupid. Growing up in a restricted family, I had never been exposed to the sexually explicit content that is out in the world. However, when I turned 17 that all changed for me. The winter months, I remember it now, 19th December, though at the time I did not really understand what had happened. It was my first time. I had started dating a guy on the 10th December, by the 19th we had met twice and we went back to his, so I innocently thought, he could make us food. When we got to his he began immediately on what I can now see as his conquest. He already had a girlfriend, that I didn’t know about until after (which only made me feel the guilty party) but she wasn’t around. No one was. Only him and… Continue reading »
Personal Statement – Written January 2017
Twilight hours of February 25, 2016 are buried in oblivion, bygone, sunk out of my head, perhaps for self-protection. This eclipse of my heart in dead of night. Fraternity boy coolness turns to shadiness at nightfall. His country boy accent is of the coal pitch blackness of the mines, sinking into his swarthiness, and I am sadly a canary in his coal mine. Try to take flight, hasten away from my wails, make a quick getaway. I sink lower, shutting my eyes in this icebox. This is a hard winter and goosebumps grow on my bare skin. He is soulless, like a lone wolf committing acts of terrorism upon me in his below-zero bedroom. He seems so casual – putting on his airs, indifferent, like he could not care less. His 240 pounds are unrelenting against my five-feet. Can a moment be more austere? The stinging feels glacial; I am raw, then numbed. This hole-in-the-wall… Continue reading »
I “needed” to do this!
I am the youngest of 6, and at the time I was to go to mandatory college, the elder 5 either had or were working on Master’s or PhD in various fields. I can only say that a stunningly easy Senior year was bringing me to a 3.0 I applied all over, with my father’s blessing, and with a shoebox getting loaded with rejections, I gained one surprise acceptance at a higher grade institution than I expected. I didn’t belong there, and I knew it. By midterms, I was struggling in a couple of classes. I was asked to a professor’s office to discuss my performance. I just wished that he would expel me, so I could avoid wetting myself. He talked over my grades, and my background, and why I came here, and how I got to this point. I made the mistake of admitting that I couldn’t go home in defeat. He wandered… Continue reading »
He doesn’t even know he raped me
I was very drunk one night at a party and as I swiped through my tinder I matched with this boy. He messaged me really quickly and told me he was a senior and that he thought I was pretty and that we should hang out. I was really drunk but I was over the party and told him he could meet me at my dorm and we could watch a movie. I don’t know what I thought was going to happen but I was drunk and agreed to let a stranger into my home. My friend and her boyfriend walked me half way home and I remember her joking with me to be safe. I actually laughed and told her I would be fine. As I walked up to my dorm, I saw this really tall guy standing at the entrance. I was kinda nervous when I saw him because he was so tall… Continue reading »
A young mother
I came to college a year early, I was seventeen and so naive. I had taken summer school 2 years so I could get out of that small town Kentucky high school. I was so ready to have a fresh start. My first semester was awesome. I joined a sorority and made my 3 best friends. But when I came back after christmas things changed. My best friend Lindsey had dropped out because college wasn’t for her, and my other friend Amara had dropped the sorority because she couldn’t pay. So it was just me and Maya. Maya didn’t like to go out so when I got an invite from a guy a new from a previous class, I went alone. I knew a bunch of the people that were going to be at this small party. It was a fun night but as the night started to die down I realized I wasn’t okay… Continue reading »
A person to trust became my worst fear
It was supposed to be one of the most exiting weeks of my life, a step into adult-hood i had dreamed about all of summer. Freshers week. The week everyone is supposed to let go of all inhibitions and have an amazing time with new friends and people who you will be living with for the rest of the year. I was quite sheltered growing up, so i hadn’t really gone out much, I dressed prettily that night, but not considered ‘slutty’ by any standard. I didn’t even drink much, as i feared i would make a fool out of myself if i did, i sure didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of all of these new people. We had fresher reps just like any university (i assume), they take you from A to B safely, making freshers more fun and safe for everyone. Who knew it was them i had to fear the… Continue reading »
Coming forward turned into a nightmare
6 months ago I was raped while at college. And I still have no idea who by. I was walking by a lake to get some fresh air and he came from behind. I never even saw his face. It all happened so fast that I completely froze. I didn’t fight back, didn’t scream, nothing. I am still so ashamed. Ashamed, because I was out alone when it was beginning to get dark and ashamed because I didn’t fight back. I know it was in no way my fault, but that doesn’t change the fact that I think I could have somehow prevented it. Afterwards, I felt so embarrassed, so dirty. I showered about 3 times and still felt disgusting. I was at school at the time and decided I needed to get the hell away from there, so I left. When I finally got home and told my family, they strongly encouraged me to… Continue reading »
My story
I was 20 just before my 21st birthday. I was in college, out at a party with some friends. We’d been drinking and having a good time. A friend came over to me and said that this guy she’d been interested in had invited her to come over to his house and hang out in his hot tub but she didn’t want to go over there alone and had asked if I would go with her. I said sure, thinking that we’d be together the whole time so everything would be fine. So we picked up our swim suits and she drove us over to his house and hes there with his best friend, we know both of these guys, we were all in the same major so we went to the same classes and saw each other every day. We spent some time in the hot tub talking and drinking a little more. I’m… Continue reading »
Fraternity Men
Hi. I’m really not sure how to go about this and I don’t know how comfortable I feel yet, but I saw your site and I wanted to reach out to share with other women. I was raped by a Fraternity man who I was actually very close friends with. I knew the majority of the men in the Frat and had spent every day with them for months. I considered them to be some of my closest friends. I had told this one particular man that I did not ever plan on hooking up with him. One night, after he bought all of my drinks, he raped me. I do not have any recollection due to alcohol, but I was sore and he told me we had sex…even though I did not give consent. I completely stopped talking to him or hanging out with him as to avoid this from ever happening again. I… Continue reading »