I was a Junior. I lived in school housing and went to a party at a house 2 blocks from my room. I arrived and one of the guys who lived there asked me to come check out his CD collection. He got aggressive, pushed me against a wall, and I told him I was not interested and I had a long-distance boyfriend. He wasn’t happy, but let me go back to the main room where my friends were. I made it very clear I did not want to have sex with him. I had friends at party and I came with them. About 7 hours later, I “woke up”’ with him inside me. I pushed him off and ran the 2 blocks to my dorm. I still get sick at smell of obsession which was cologne he was wearing. I still can’t handle the smell. My scrunchie (remember when scrunchies where in style?) smelled… Continue reading »
What sent me over the edge
I had just turned 19. I went to a frat party, I was drinking too much because I was stupid and just wanted to fit in. I started dancing and making out with a stranger. He quickly became violent. When I tried to leave, he followed me upstairs and dragged me into a side room. He slammed me against the wall, pulled my leggings down and my shirt up. He held me against the wall with his forearm pressing down on my neck. I completely froze. My screams echoed in my head but I couldn’t make any sound. He started to finger me, then pushed me onto the couch and forced his entire first inside me. Then he got on top of me. I had turned my face into the couch cushions so that I didn’t have to watch. I gave up. I let him spread my legs. He raped me on the couch. He… Continue reading »
Denial
On October 29 2016 I was raped after a Halloween party. I had gone back a dorm with my friend and the guy she had been seeing, I was very intoxicated at the time. I stupidly had a threesome with my friend and the guy. After a little while my friend had gone into the main area for some reason, I can’t remember why, I walked in on them making out in the room, I told my friend that Mark*, the guy she was talking to, wanted her to come back to his room, she went back into the room and when I tried to leave his suitemate, I think his name was Brett*, grabbed me and started to kiss me. I remember trying to leave to but sense I had just had sex with Mark and was intoxicated, I had not put clothes back on when I went to find her. He took advantage… Continue reading »
Say Something
My girlfriends and I were going out to a few bars on a Friday night to celebrate a birthday. We were all a little drunk, but no one was out of control. At the second bar, we met up with a few of our guy friends to keep the celebration going. Among all of the men, there was one guy I had never met or seen before. He introduced himself as Antwon, and we all danced and drank the rest of the night together. When the bar closed, Antwon invited everyone back to his place for an after-party. All of my guy friends were going as well as three of my girlfriends. We all piled into two ubers and met back at his place. At this point I started to realize how drunk everyone else was, and how sober I was becoming. He noticed too. He started throwing shots and beers at me, hoping I… Continue reading »
Was it Really Rape
I still hear the little voice in my head questioning it. He was a good guy and just as drunk as I was. He probably didn’t notice that I blacked out. I was angry. He apologized. It’s ok. I’m just as much to blame. We were in college. We dated. I broke up with him. He just wanted to get back together. I broke his heart. I was the asshole. We’re still friends. That’s so cool. It wasn’t a big deal. It was a mistake. I got an abortion. I made him pay for it. That was payback. That was fucked up of me. I’m a terrible person. It’s my fault. I should have left early. I should’ve brought a friend. I should not have drank so much. I was so stupid. I should have said no before blacking out. Did I want to? I don’t think so, but maybe I did. I can’t remember…. Continue reading »
23 year old virgin
In 1996, I was attending graduate school and lived in my own apartment. I was 23 years old, a virgin, and a Muslim man from Ghana who played soccer on campus. One night, he entered my apartment, pinned me to the ground, and raped me. I saw white light and God said “this is not your body.” When I came to, he was at the door smiling down on me. I screamed, “I was a virgin!” I looked down at all the blood and took a long hot shower. I was shaking and felt cold. I was so angry and am still angry because I was a virgin. Twenty years later, that man was my doctor in the emergency room of another city. He bent over my bare chest and said “let me listen to your precious heart.” Tears rolled down my cheeks as I smelled him. He smells like the cologne TABU. I am… Continue reading »
“Me too” On Facebook
Recently, there’s been a lot of people posting “me too” on social media. That statement is supposed to show others they’re not alone and reveal to the word the size of this epidemic. I can’t help but feel more alone each and every time I see a “me too” status. I feel like I already knew how bad this was. I bet there’s not a girl out there who can truthfully say they’ve never experienced some sort of sexual misconduct. I feel like posting a “me too” status is supposed to make you feel better or stronger or more helpful or supportive or… anything other than the nasty feeling it gives me every time I think about it. If I posted me to…. All three of them would see it. My ex boyfriend who started dating me when I was 14 when he was 17, the one who abused me physically and mentally for three… Continue reading »
Dream / Recall
I was running running running Past the halls, the screams, the stairs My hand was busy on something -Probably the piece of glass I used to cut him. And then she ripped her necklace off Just as they ripped out clothes off Shattered glass -Another way of showing their power-She said And it was oh so violent He grabbed my hair The floor was cold and There was blood everywhere All I had to do was swallow That was just too much All I had to do I would not; I did. And the taste of his sperm I did not bear -I wanna throw up. -Don’t you dare. (-Why won’t he kill me?) I stood up. And it hurt and they pushed me and I fell and I hit myself and I held to the window and someone passed by and broke it (And they broke me) and they smashed my body against the… Continue reading »
My best friend
Senior year of college, I was extremely drunk at a house party. My best friend, who I had hooked up with a few times was there with me, at a certain point I blacked out. I woke up in the morning in his bed with no clothes on, and I remembered nothing. Apparently, I had led him out of the house party back to his place. And we had sex, and then he left me in his bed and went to go hang out with a few friends. But the thing is I went a full 24 hours without knowing. I woke up that morning and saw him asleep on the couch and thanked him for being such a good friend that he knew not to take advantage of me in my drunk state. But that wasn’t the truth. My best friend, who knew what I was like when I was blackout, or even drunk,… Continue reading »
I thought he was a friend
This year I started my first year of uni and there was this guy in one of my classes he was an exchange student, and we became study partners, and I was helping him understand Aussie culture. After the mid-tri break second day back he asked to come over to work on our assessments, two hours later we gave up so I popped on ‘The Giver.’ I made a comment about how I hated waiting for the adds at the start of the movie to be over, next thing I know he’s kissing. I told him to stop and to leave but he just kept going, I said no and I went to say no again but he just slapped me and said if I screamed he’d beat me up and do it anyway. I froze.I just laid there I couldn’t move or speak, I was scared. All I could think about was how much… Continue reading »