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Being Raped

With the help of God, I can finally write this down. I watched Brave Miss World the same year I confronted on of the men who raped me. This site has allowed me to find strength and solidarity among the words, the deeply respected and haunting stories of others who have experienced being violated, having their identities stolen or put through crisis; those who wake up with PTSD, anxiety, suffer from panic attacks, substance misuse, depression and social isolation. Some of those, who like me, blamed themselves for something you ask.. couldn’t I have prevented? This is for every girl, who didn’t get to choose, and for every person who loves her and also, didn’t get to prevent what happened to her. It’s also for anyone who has ever raped, violated or participated in anything that led to someone being violated. I hope that you become better than you were, and seek forgiveness. I am… Continue reading »

I Thought I Was Safe

It was sophomore year of college and I was so happy to move back on campus. It had never occurred to me that with the independence and freedom I found in college, there also came many things I needed to be aware of that could compromise my safety. I was naive. I never thought it would happen to me in a place I loved so much. I never thought I was unsafe. I moved back on campus early, as did many of my friends. A couple of nights before classes started, my friend Hannah and I decided to have a quiet night and planned on having a couple of drinks and listening to music. After an hour or so, one of Hannah’s friends (we’ll call him Ted) came in. I knew of him and had seen him around campus, but this was my first time really meeting Ted. We hit it off right away and… Continue reading »

I Said No

They made me do a module on sexual assault and harassment. I listened. I did it. I read 1 in 5 women will be sexually assaulted. I told myself it would never be me. I would never put myself in that situation. And then the storm came. I liked you so much. I said yes. We did it. I still liked you so much. But the second time I said no. You said shut up. Your hands moved from my breasts to my neck to my pussy. I said please. I said stop. I said no means no. You put it inside me. I pushed you away. You pulled me closer. You were stronger than me. It was easier to lay there until it was over. So I did just that. When you were finished, I left. I did not make it halfway home before I broke down. I cried. And cried. And cried. I… Continue reading »

You Can’t Trust Anyone

At the time he was my boyfriend of about 6 months. my first boyfriend in high school had cheated on me with my best friend, that relationship doesn’t hold much meaning to me because first loves to me can be first mistakes I was very young and should have seen it coming. But regardless I didn’t and I moved on. He was older, about four years captain of the basketball team I was a freshman in nursing school with a whole Future ahead of me. I had taken two online classes for him to help him pass his senior year of college. I refuse to hold myself accountable for being til giving because I will never discredit someone for being too giving. To give is to receive and I learned immensely from the process. It was a few months after he graduated I was soon to enter my sophomore year. His birthday was in early… Continue reading »

Ready to Share

I was 18 years old. As with many of these stories, I was a freshman in college. I was drunk. It is embarrassing to admit that I was so drunk that I fell off of a 5′ loft bed into a mini fridge, resulting in a moderate to severe concussion (later diagnosed by medical professionals). I am now even more aware of this because I am a mental health professional. Back then, I didn’t know so much. I saw myself as an over-sheltered youth “breaking free” from my parents’ shackles. So, I drank…a lot. This particular night, I was so disoriented that had to be carried up the stairs by a few friends, including one young man who decided to stay with me for the night to “make sure I was okay.” That night, I lost my virginity. I lost everything. He made sure that I knew he was my first. Nothing, not even time,… Continue reading »

Black and Blue

My story is a little different than the ones Ive read. And for a long time I didn’t see it as rape because of what I was reading. I now realize that I was raped an I need to go forward. The first step is to share my story. I was very irresponsible in my first semester of college. I was 18 I attended a community college so the university life was unfamiliar to me. A friend of mine was in a frat so I was invited to many of their events (because I am a girl and they needed more at their events) I didn’t know this was why I was invited at first. I went a few times and knew everyone by name. I remember drinking and taking shots asking a trusted friend if he would take care of me because he only had two beers ( he only drank Corona and there… Continue reading »

Out of Control

I’m a 19 y/o freshman in college, and this was the first New Years Eve that I haven’t spent with my parents. I went with two of my friends to a frat party at our state college. I told my parents I was staying at a girl friends dorm afterwards, when in reality I was staying at the house of an older guy I’ve been hanging out with. He’s 24 and I’ve known him for about six months. We casually make out sometimes but he knows I don’t want to take things further than that. I’ve made it clear I don’t want to have sex with people I’m not dating. My friends and I stopped by his house beforehand for some pre-party drinks, then caught a cab to the frat house. The party was really fun, the people were all really nice, and we danced and drank and celebrated the new year. Multiple guys flirted… Continue reading »

Roommates

He was my roommate. Someone I barely knew, an acquaintance. I had moved back to campus after living about a year 20 minutes out from school. I was desperate to be around people my own age again and get out of my current living situation. I took on random roommates in the same building as all my friends. I knew ahead of time they’d be guys I didn’t know but I never thought much of it because I had always made friends with guys easier. Before moving in, I became married during my last semester of school. I couldn’t wait to move into my new place and have the best last semester of college ever. Little did I know, it would hands down, be my worst. My roommate was friendly off the back but I assured myself, he was only being nice. He added me on all my social media and messaged me on facebook… Continue reading »

Salted Wound

When you ask someone who knows me well how to describe me, the first word that comes to their mind is strong. And yes, I have proven I am strong throughout my life by defying obstacles and haters like the powerful creature that I am. However, there is one part of my life that no matter how hard I try, it will always bring my weakness out: sexual assault. It was the night of my 19th birthday. An appropriate time to celebrate with friends, reflect on prominent memories in life, eat cake and ice cream, and of course, drink alcohol! What better way to celebrate than go to a college party? Little did I know, someone was going to blow out the candles for me. About two hours into the party, my mind was grainy and my actions could not a test to anything I would do when I was sober. I was officially drunk…. Continue reading »

The Girl Who Went To College

It was early into my first year of college in New York City. (I’m from a really small Midwest town and grew up as a painfully awkward band geek and was going through my first ever breakup with my then-long-distance HS boyfriend back home but we were trying to stay friends). I actually vividly remember the beginning of this night and I was curled up in sweats and a sweater in my dorm room, drinking peppermint tea and working on a paper I needed to write for my theatre history class (I went to a very small acting school). And one of my dormmates came into my room to convince me to go to a party on one of the floors in our dorm building that night. I was really new to parties and had only drank alcohol one other time but I was excited to make friends. So, I threw on a sweater, a… Continue reading »