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Love of My Life?

I was 17 years old. My senior year of high school was complete. My boyfriend at the time came down from Stanford to see me graduate. He was caring, supportive, kind, you know, a great boyfriend. He was a sophomore, grade A student, football player, and community activist. Two weeks before my graduation, we decided to move in together when I went to Stanford. At my graduation dinner, he asked me, in front of all my friends and family to marry him, and I said yes. Everything was perfect, until it wasn’t. The first few months of my freshman year in college, we did everything together. Tailgate parties, fraternity parties, walked each other to class, planning one of the greatest days of my life. I was finally 18, and his teammates threw me a surprise party. Everything went well for the first few hours, but then, he started getting a little too drunk. I walked… Continue reading »

Drunken Rape

Just a few months ago, April 1st, 2016, I was sexually assaulted. I am 16 years old, and was 15 when it happened. The man was 52… I haven’t seen my friend for a while and wanted to hangout with her, and we had nothing to do for a few hours, so we went on a walk and said we should call one of her other friends to go hangout too. But when we got there the other friend wasn’t there. But he invited us in to stay. He forced us to drink alcohol and stay for hours. Begging for us to stay over I finally got too drunk and had to lay down for a bit. He brought me up stairs and said to lay down for a while. And when I did I fell asleep right away, I woke up to pressure on my chest and a chill on my legs. I had… Continue reading »

I Remember Being Happy

I remember being happy to bump into you and smiling as I spoke to you. I remember feeling good that u invited me in and were not mad at me for staying away. Then I remember thinking that I must have given you the wrong vibe when u wanted to have sex. So I said no again and again! I even said I was serious while trying to keep a firm hold onto the elastic band of my shorts. It didn’t matter because as hard as I held you pulled harder. My fingers hurt from trying to grip so hard. One of us made a scratch across my right hip bone. I froze, not because I wanted to have sex but because I didn’t think I could stop it. I didn’t feel like the same happy 19yr old and I certainly wasn’t prepared to fight someone I thought was a friend, someone I thought was… Continue reading »

A Wolf Hidden In Sheeps Clothing

It was the second semester of my sophomore year in college. I recently just got out of breakup and was still dealing with a loss in my family. Pretty much a depressing stage of my life that I was so willingly eager to escape. I wanted to take on my second semester by storm and heal but I realized I was still hurting and vulnerable. Classes were in session and I shared this a class with a boy that I always found very interesting and attractive. We often became partners on assignments in class and I grew very closer with him. I started opening myself up to him and he did little by little as well but not so much as I did. We became good associates. He would compliment me on my outfits and hair; and sometimes ask to hangout after class with him. I started to like him, he took so much distractions… Continue reading »

A Story

SUNDAY, JANUARY 23, 2011 The night prior marked the 21st birthday of a friend in the grade above myself. I helped him home, fending off his drunk advances, before returning to my freshmen dormitory where I slept alone that night. The sun rose the next day in Boston and last night’s alcohol woke me up early. My best friend and her boyfriend accompanied me to the dining hall for a lazy breakfast. The hot food does not come out until at least 8 or 9am on Sundays so we enjoyed an appetizer of cold cereal. Through our meal we discussed our plans for the chilly January Sunday which did not involve heading to our training facility for any sort of Sunday session. As athletes, we took this Sunday to enjoy college like normal college students with no obligations. We chose to lounge in the room of my best friend’s boyfriend and watch the movie 21… Continue reading »

An Unknown Face & Hands

I was almost killed. I never thought I would utter those words let alone write them on a public website like this. I’ve written here before but that was a while ago, about a rape that happened almost 3 years ago. It’s happened countless times in my life already, I’ve been beaten, raped, sexually assaulted and nothing happened. No one cared and still today, no one ever will. In January of this year I went to a house party with a few friends, who later, would leave me in a room blackout drunk. The party wasn’t far from my college campus,so i was surprised when I didn’t know anyone besides my friends at the party. I still decided to drink and have a good time though. I don’t remember much about that night, just the drinks and just the smoke in the air from people smoking and doing drugs. That’s the last thing I vividly remember outside… Continue reading »

Feeling Alone

This last February/March I was raped by someone I formally call my friend. After drinking too much one Friday night our friend group was hanging out, we all got up to walk down the hall to another room in our dorm when he grabbed my breast and pulled me into the men’s bathroom. I told him no and he proceeded to say “don’t you dare be telling anyone about this you hear?” And then started raping me from behind and eventually shoved it down my throat too. I was traumatized after that and only told a few close friends. Then another drunk night, 2 weeks later, he struck again. This time coming into my room touching me and then sticking his part into my mouth and choking me. My friends called the cops and they took him away. He is expelled from the college we went to and found guilty by them. But next step… Continue reading »

Abused By My Cousin and Uncle

I think growing up, I was sexually assaulted by my my cousin as well as my uncle, but sometimes I often ask myself if it was really sexual abuse OR not. When I was younger, about 7-8 I lived in a house with my mom, aunt, uncle, and cousins. I can’t remember when the odd behavior started, but all I can really remember is how sometimes he would put his crouch up against me, like if I was laying down on my stomach or something, he’d kinda like rub it against my back/butt area. Even one time when I was playing with his sister he would do it, me and her had our faces under the cover, so she couldn’t see it but I knew what was going on. I was just trying to convince myself somehow it was normal. And there was one time where he told me to lay down on my stomach,… Continue reading »

So Many Times

I was always told how kind I was. Since a young age everyone told me that I had a kind heart. I feel like that’s the reason I have been taken advantage of so many times in my life. My kind heart made me vulnerable and naive to people who can be evil. I was graduating high school when my next door neighborhood who I knew forever raped me. It was in the back of a car and we had been partying. I said no but he still pulled my pants off and when I tried to get out from under him he pushed down harder on me and when I tried to open the door it was locked. It was a nightmare so I just laid there trapped and confused until it was over. Afterwards I told my friends and we went to get the morning after pill since he was not wearing a… Continue reading »

Disappointed

I’m not entirely sure what guys want. If I text my boyfriend good morning and appreciate him when he does something kind, I can put a smile on his face. If I study hard and be respectful and loving, I can make my dad light up. If I work out and stay healthy, my grandpa is pretty proud of me. I have a nice relationship with the men in my life- respect is a two way street and since they’re always willing to give it, I’ve gotten used to expecting it. I know guys want sexual things sometimes and that’s cool and that’s fine by me. I don’t mind loving, respectful physical relationships as long as he asks if what we’re doing is okay with me, if it feels good to the both of us, and neither of us is being coerced or convinced into doing anything we don’t want to do or feel ready… Continue reading »