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Raped in College

I was 20 when I moved into my first apartment in college, I was date raped by my down stairs neighbor. I went to better myself with big thoughts of changing the world. I was drugged and raped by my down stairs neighbor. I tried to tell my best friend about it and she blamed me saying I did something to provoke the incident. I have never felt so alone so I didn’t tell anyone else, not even my family. When I tried to open up to my boyfriend he blamed me. I am 31 years old now and still struggle with relationships. I have seen Brave Miss World and it gave me strength to be more vocal about what happened to me. I’m am working through the depression and relationship issues. My family still doesn’t know because my mom died before I could tell her and I don’t know how to tell my big… Continue reading »

Losing My Virginity to a Campus Rape

My first night out at the bars in college was one that began with much excitement and anticipation. It was a freedom that I had never felt before. I felt old. I was in a new place with people who had absolutely no opinions of me. I was ready to establish myself in a way that I was never able to in high school. I wanted everyone to like me and, selfishly, I wanted everyone to be jealous of me. I wanted the other people in my class to think I was “cool” and mature and ready to take on anything the world could throw at me. I really was just trying to convince myself and my multitude of buried insecurities that those things were true. My roommate and I got ready together in our new dorm room that we had spent the day decorating. I wore a floral skirt and a cream spaghetti strap… Continue reading »

Why Me Over and Over?

I see stories of women being raped once when they are young adults or even teenagers and I kind of understand that was bad luck and that it could happen to anyone. I also hear stories of girls that were sexually abused when they were little and I guess that happens a lot in our culture. Sad and terrible but common. They get the chance to meet people with similar stories and empower themselves to use these experiences to become better people….I am also trying to do the same but by myself. I guess my story is not that common and I feel anxious just to remember about it or even think I need to right it down. In general, I was sexually abused since I was a baby, then raped as a kid by 2 different men. Again during my adolescence I got raped, drugged and raped for almost 2 days by different men… Continue reading »

Young and Unaware

I’m 19 now and it took 4 years for me to process what had happened. I really only became aware of it 1 year ago. But when I was 14, I was dating a boy who was 17. I had lied about my age and he thought I was 15, I guess I thought you seemed cool dating boys who were older than you. One afternoon I told my mum I was going to hang at one of my girlfriends houses so I left and caught a cab to hang with my boyfriend at his friends house. It seemed pretty cool, they were all smoking weed, chatting and laughing. One of the boys had pre-mixed a 1.5L bottle of Solo and vodka and began to egg me into sculling it with the words “we thought you were cool, come on! Oh you wouldn’t be able to do it, would you”. So I got peer pressured… Continue reading »

The Night My Life Changed

I felt so lost and alone. It was so scary. My “friends” we’re having a party in one of the dorms so I thought I would go to hang out. It was cool in the beginning no pressure. Just drinking and eating and having a good time. Until things turned for the worse. I was dancing with my girlfriends and this guy comes to dance with us which was ok until he came behind me and wouldn’t let me go. I told him to get off of me but he wouldn’t. My “friends” thought we were playing so they ignored us. He whispers in my ear to go to the bedroom or he would make it even worse for me. I fought him trying to drag me into the bedroom and ended up banging my head on the wall and being punched in my ribs. I felt so helpless. We get into the room and… Continue reading »

Lightening Does Strike Twice

I’ve been raped twice. One left left me bruised, one didn’t leave a mark. Both hurt the same. When I was 16 I got a boyfriend. He was older, and cool, and in a band. He took me to parties, and gave me weed, and made me feel cool, too. I’d only had sex once before him, but I liked it. I should have realized we only have sex after he’d given me something. I should have realized after that day I managed to stop him from forcing it into my ass, the day I hadn’t smoked like he thought I had. But I liked him. I did realize one day after smoking a bowl when I felt something very very wrong. My heart was beating out of my chest, I couldn’t move, I wanted to scratch everywhere, and I felt faint at the same time. I asked him what was going on. He laughed… Continue reading »

I Thought I was Safe

I was in class and I thought I was safe. It was my freshman year of high school and it was the week of finals. We didn’t have a final in that class so all of us got to play games. I sat next to him bc my friend was friends w/ him and I thought he was nice. everyone at school knows he’s a big time stoner. he was drinking alcohol in class but no one saw. he put his hand on my leg and I froze. he was a junior. i scooted my chair away bc I just thought it was an accident but his hand was on my leg again. I started to shake. I kept moving my chair away but I couldn’t move. he was gripping my leg tight and he started to rub up and down my thigh. I tried to tell him to stop but he wouldn’t. The guy… Continue reading »

What Is Success?

I’m not a doctor or a lawyer, a CEO, athlete nor a celebrity of any kind. I don’t own a boat of any sort or make six-figures. But I am a success. Here’s how… The first time it happened, I knew what it was, I said no. I was 18 and it was the week before thanksgiving break in my dorm room. I showered for two hours after it happened. The university I was going to wanted to make him the poster boy for date rape, the police wanted to put him away. But I knew him, I knew his family, his extended family, I had grown up with him, we were in Sunday school together, we had many of the same friends (who I lost anyways), I didn’t want to ruin his life even though he had ruined mine. The next time it happened, it was the following year, after leaving school second semester… Continue reading »

Rape Shaming

5 Years ago I attended Boarding School in the UK. I was a good student. Sociable. I was having the time of my life. After breaking up with my boyfriend, who had moved to a different continent, at the beginning of my last semester I fell into depression. It was really just the last drop. I was very unwell for months. I slept most of the time and when I wasn’t sleeping, I was crying. I went to see the school councillor but she couldn’t help me. In this time, I had made friends with a guy in my school. He came from a very wealthy, strict family in western Africa. We had hooked up a few times, but never slept together. One night, when I had been drinking with my friends, he asked me to come see him in his dorm. I was so tired. All I wanted was to be comforted and sleep…. Continue reading »

The Cliche

Rape is an ugly word. Short, finite, guttural. The word reflects its own nature, the lasting impact a few moments can have on your life. And yet often so many of us refuse to use it. For so many years I did. Because I thought of rape as an extreme word to use for extreme circumstances. But often the circumstances aren’t extreme. Mine was a cliché. 14 years old, dressed in what I’d now consider a top, tight black and showing off legs which haven’t yet found their curves. I went to my first proper high school house party; no parents, buckets of booze. Summer encourage us to take risks, bare our skin and relax. My cousin who I tagged along with had a fight with her boyfriend and left me. I sat flirting with boys whose names I’ve long forgotten. Showing off how quickly I could finish beers and Bacardi breezers. Then I began… Continue reading »