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My Untold Story

I don’t know when my grandfather started abusing me, I don’t remember there being a time before abuse. I know that I told a teacher in the 4th grade and that’s when it stopped. I don’t remember all the details, but bits and pieces come together all these years later (I am 40 now and just starting to face this since ignoring is no longer working). I remember being made to urinate in jugs while he watched, a massaging vibrating object in my body, and more frightening moments that still make my face turn red with shame although 30 years have passed and he is long dead. I think I need to tell my husband these details, but I am so afraid… I feel as if I cheated on him though I know logically that doesn’t make sense and that he loves me no matter what. I am just starting to mourn the loss of… Continue reading »


She was my babysitter, and I don’t know if I can recall every instance. It happened over a span of two years. I was a toddler and for awhile I knew it had happened but pretended it didn’t. It helped that my mind had forced most of the memories away but recently for reasons unknown they show up. She touched me, made me touch her, and let her boyfriend watch. Once she got me to make out with her little brother who was the same age as me, at times her boyfriend participated in the actions. What hurts the most is she used to tell me she loved me, and I believed her. She used it as a way to punish me for doing bad things, because she was my babysitter. She used it as a way to reward me too, sometimes I hated it but even grosser. What I know for sure is ever… Continue reading »

Learning to Live With My Rape

Five years ago I was a high school student. I was 16 when my life turned for the worst. I began having family issues. My home life was not well. The summer after 11th grade came and my mom decided to move my brother and I into an entirely new school district. I was extremely upset by this move because now I would deal with the family issues without my friends who had become my family. I fought constantly with my brother and mother. Until one day my mother came to me and let me move back to my hometown if I could find a friend to live with. It sounds crazy, but I made the decision based on my program I was invested in during school. This decision to go live with a friend that young should never have been given to me. Eventually I moved in with my friend. From this moment on… Continue reading »

I’m Not Sure

I was 13, and he was my first boyfriend, it was out of the blue really. He just asked me out and I was quite flattered at the time .. I’m pretty much average looking. We pretty much talked, kissed and that was it. The second time he called me again, this time he took me to a secluded spot we were kissing and kinda went heavy before I knew it my clothes were off and he entered me. I was too shocked, to realized what hat happened but I asked him to stop … The third time he met me directly asked me to undress and lie down and wanted to have sex with me said he’d stop if i hurt.. We kissed wanted to have sex and it hurt like crazy, so I asked him please stop. He just ignored me and continued.. told me to relax when he was done just got… Continue reading »

My Daddy

The first that I remember being hurt was when I was 4. I stayed home from kindergarten and my daddy came into my room and started rubbing my upper thigh, which turned into him rubbing inside of my panties. He put his fingers inside of me, and I remember screaming. When he finished, he told me that this is what daddy’s do when they love their daughters, but it’s our secret. Not long after that event, he showed me his penis and he made me rub it. He then put it inside of me. That is what started 14 years of being raped and abused about 3-5 times a week. When I was 9 he made me “please” an uncle and two of his friends. I knew that I did not like it, and I knew that it was wrong. But it was normal, my normal. He did not stop until I married at the… Continue reading »

He Was My Best Friend

Well, I am sitting in an empty cafe supposed to be studying for finals, but I can’t. I’ve been staring out the window while a single spider-web strand blows from the wall and quiet jazz music plays. It’s been 5 months since the first time it happened, and a couple since the second. Same guy. He was my best friend. I’m almost done with my freshman year at college. A supposedly small, conservative, safe campus – and a supposedly respectable, kind gentleman. We never had any romantic contact, he was interested in another girl and I was interested in another guy, which is why it worked out so well. I met him the first day and we hit it off, neither of us knew anyone coming in to college so we helped each other through a lot, and I mean a lot. I took harder classes than I should have, and would get stressed a… Continue reading »

Childhood Horror

Many people think that rape consists of a man putting their private parts into a woman. It is more than that, rape can be by an object. I remember I was four when it happened to me. The person who did was probably in their late twenties. When she came into the house I was taught that she was a nice person but the day she did it, I knew she was nothing but an evil person. My guardian would go to the supermarket and she would do it to me. When ever my guardian would go somewhere I would beg her but she did not know why. She did it five times. A lot of times I blamed my self and I got therapy. I can say that it was good but the pain still lingers. Even if I was four I still live the pain. I was also molested. Due to this event… Continue reading »

Be Careful Who You Trust

Be careful who you trust, they could end up betraying you. At least that is what happened to me. My mother had been dating this guy for almost 7 years. They had 2 kids together. I had trusted him life he was my father. I guess I shouldn’t have. When my mom went on a business trip to LA, she was gone for a week. I was left alone with her boyfriend, who i thought i could trust. Two nights after my mom had left, I decided to watch a TV show downstairs. I had intended to finish it, bur i fell asleep. I remember kind of waking up, but not being all the way observant, and feeling myself being touched. Now, i will admit that i have had dreamed that have been real enough that i thought i was being touched. That wasn’t the case here. I told myself that it was just a… Continue reading »

I wanted to get high

It started off, not so well. I wanted to get high, smoke some weed. I wanted to get high because I, I was feeling low. I didn’t have enough money so I went, ‘5’ with some guy. I knew of him, I didn’t think any harm. His dark brown eyes looks so innocent. So we smoked. And it was a different high, and as I asked about what we were smoking, He asked about other things. Avoiding my question. ‘Have you ever kissed, high?’ I was young. Maybe 13. And into girls, but that was my little secret. So I, Not thinking. I said no, So he asked me if I wanted to try, And I continued asking about the blunt that had been already rolled when we met up. He responded by saying It’s something different, something special. And he pulled me. And forced me to kiss him. And other things started happening. He… Continue reading »

My Snowball Effect

My life has been a serious of many many struggles. But, I am grateful that they happened because I wouldn’t be the person that I am today. It started with my parents relationship. It was ever really good. But at the age of nine, I caught my Father cheating on my mom. He was emailing this woman because he knew that Mom had no idea how to use a computer(my mother is from another country). As a child at the age of nine, I instantly told my mom. It felt like a personal attack to me because my father seemed perfect to me. I mean, they fought like a normal couple does, but nothing more. I talked to my dad and it seemed like things were gonna change. I never saw that side of my dad before. Due to this happening, it caused a lot of anxiety, I didn’t trust anyone, and I started to… Continue reading »