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Different face, but the same monster

It started when I was 5…he was a trusted friend of a neighbors family…I can still remember his smell, some 20 years later…’If you tell anyone that I touch you, I’ll hurt you’ he would say, and then throw me to the ground and walk away…fast forward 10 years, same monster but a different face…drunk at a friends house…the room spinning, the taste of mexican brandy and pepsi on my tongue…I don’t even know his name…I begged him to stop, fighting and kicking under his weight, crushing me, gasping for air, trying as hard as I could to keep his penis from entering me…not another violation…not again…walking home, crying…another few years go by, and I met the ‘one’…he never hit me at first, not until the week after I gave birth to my son…then the beatings began in earnest…after learning the hard way, after the hitting and punching and choking, I realized that resistance only… Continue reading »

He’s Dead

About a month ago I got a phone call from my brother. He told me that my ex-step dad, the man who molested me during my childhood, was dead, that he had died over a year ago, in October 2009. This day was one of the happiest days of my life. My brother forwarded me his obituary. It read that he was an avionics installer and expert, a U.S. Navy Veteran of the Vietnam War and a member of the Hopewell Baptist Church in Savannah, Tennessee. It read that he was married to a woman eighteen years ago. A woman was one of my mother’s best friends just twenty years ago. The obituary read that he was a disaster relief volunteer for Southern Baptist Convention, did local missions work and was active in Media Ministry at Hopewell Baptist Church. That’s funny, he was Catholic when he lived with us. Even then he was an active… Continue reading »

innocent

i was only 12 years old when the rape had begun. I finally put an end to the rape around the age of 21 years old. I had never told anybody about the rape and the raper, I was so afraid that someone, and worse of all my parents and especially my father will know anything about me being raped. They don’t know up till now, because I did all I can do to protect them from the on going rape. The raper was almost 2 years older than me and he knew everything about sex. I knew nothing about sex, and so innocent and so afraid that no one will believe me. Traper was the negative leader of my group in the kibbutz. And he had threatened me: “I’ll tell about you” and this was more dangerous than an atomic bomb throwed on me. Becaus a kibbutz is a place in which you are… Continue reading »

Where did I go?

I have waited all my life to be able to tell this to someone I can trust, someone who will not judge me, but most importantly after hearing Linor Abargil and Cecelia Peck I am convinced that our stories may perhaps save others from being traumatized years after our rape. My hope is that by telling our stories, others will go on to live their lives without shame thinking that they are not worthy of a loving relationship. I was 15 years old, violently raped repeatedly for months by two cousins and they were brothers. I feared for my life. My life until that time was full of hopes and dreams and a boy crush who respected me. When my cousins robbed me of my innocence I began to feel dirty and ashamed which caused me to turn my back on my teen crush and I lost interest in all things scholastic. In the years… Continue reading »

4 short stories of sexual aggresion

There are those that find themselves Many times over In situations of abuse A pattern, repeated time and again The victim doesn’t understand

My story

Ive been debating telling this story let alone publish it. I was 10 years old when I was continuously raped by a neighbor which lasted 2 years. I blamed myself for years for what happened but now I firmly believe that this person was a monster and there wasnt anything I could do. The first time he actually penetrated me he held me down and no matter how much screaming I did it didnt help.

Just Me………

I was supposed to be a part of the interviews for the Cleveland Rape Crisis Center, but for some reason that did not pan out, so here I am…. My story is probably one of many, but I was a child who was repeatedly molested, and unfortunately grew up to also be raped as an adult. All of my offenders were known to me…it is funny, but people seem to believe that must be easier….

My Story.

I’m Chanel, I’m 12 years old young right? Well here’s my heartbreaking story.. I was hmm.. About 10 or so when it all began. Now MOST people, their stepdads sexualy abuse them, well no. This guy. He was my older brother.. he was about ehh. 14, he KNEW rigt from wrong. he knew it was all wrong, but he really didnt care. My stepfather, has abusive to me, verbaly && hitting wise.

Not Alone

I am 34 years old. I was sexually abused by my ex-step-father for nine years. It ended 20 years ago, and I am only now comfortable and very passionate about using my experience to help others in some capacity. I am only very, very recently learning about ways that I may be able to do this, and am looking for more avenues to help and contribute in some fashion. I feel like my experience would be a complete waste if I did not use it to help others somehow. The abuse began when I was four or five and lasted until I was 14. At age 17, I had a psychotic break and was hospitalized and put into residential treatment for many months. Eventually I got out and tried to commit suicide and got put back into the hospital. I was given up to the state of California as a ward of the court during… Continue reading »

Thank you

I am a survivor of sexual abuse and rape. As a child my father repeatedly raped both my sister and I until we were adopted by my step-father. I suffered from selective amnesia and didn’t remember much of my youth until I was a freshman in college and began having flashbacks. In high school I was raped by a boy I had been dating. I never reported it because I felt guilty for not fighting back enough. Through therapy and the support of friends later on in my life I now know I am not at fault for either of these events and that, unfortunately, I am also not alone. I am so grateful for the opportunity to speak out about my survival and about how I’ve coped because I feel that one of the reason rape and sexual assault are such issues is that they are taboo subjects. I hope by speaking out and… Continue reading »