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Just little girls

I was a toddler; my sister 3 years older. While my parents were drinking with the wife, the husband “Ray” messed with us in the back room, and out in a garage. He got in there. For me, since I was only 3, I did not understand what was happening. My sister did. For that, she has been date raped in her life and took orders from men. I, on the other hand, have become an Amazon. An added note: I worked for the Dept. of Veterans Affairs. Almost every woman I met was sexually assaulted in the military. Some brutally. And what happened? They were ostracized and thrown both literally and figuratively into a garbage dump. — Nancy, age 69

Too scared to tell

I was probably 8 or 9 years old and used to love to go and spend the day at my dad business. He had a car shop it was very spacious and it was very easy to ride my bike there. I only have a 2 slight memories and I’m not sure if I’m blocking the rest of the memories. One time my dad ask me to get something from the warehouse when I was there one of his employees started a conversation with me next thing I remember is him grabbing me and started touching me after that all I remember is feeling really afraid and scared and him telling me to be quiet. The other memory I have is with my parents and him going to the constitution site of our house. I run out of the car and started going thru through house next thing I know he was holding me again… Continue reading »

The healing process

I dont know how to start.. But.. Here it goes.. This might sound like a book but ill keep it very short to get to the point..i was probably about 8 yrs old when i remember being inappropriately touched by someone who i thought could be trusted..it continued for a while but i didnt mention it because i just didnt know what the hell was going on and that it was wrong. As i grew older it kept happening.. I told my parents and i got in huge trouble because they said “i lied” i got hit for it.. The older i got it kept happening with others and i just didnt get it..when i turned 14yrs old i met a boy.. Well i thought it was a boy he was actually a grown 25yr old man, Who i fell stupidly in love with ,without even knowing what love is. I really lost myself and… Continue reading »

Being weak or stupid

It’s almost 2 years since I last sent my story here about me being ADHD and dyslexic, my horrific mom and my grandpa and his friends who did those things but this is not about them. This is another experience. Another hi to abuse So as stated above I have a horrific mom. My dad is drug dependent so I had to look or find another family member to take care of me. Just to refresh my grandpa abused me from 6 years old and then when I was turning 8 he also encouraged his friends to do the same in which they did without being conscientious. After that I left the house and found my half brother. At first, he guaranteed he would never do the same. He fed my empty stomach and made me bathe for I was too dirty and did not took a bath for days just to find him. I… Continue reading »

Still Terrified

I was scared to write this. But, since I cannot settle my mind, I thought I would just go ahead and write so that I can clear my head and hopefully ease this pressure off my chest. You should know, if I may say, this is not easy, actually it is really very hard. I find myself still waiting for that place I was told comes with time – where you could discuss the bad things and your feelings not be so wrapped up in them to the point that you cannot function or breathe right, or it no longer holds you bound. A time when a thing can just be a thing – I guess that is the sentiment anyway. Nevertheless, here it goes… I was born in Baltimore MD. I was raped by my father starting at 18 months, which is when my mother left, according to her anyway! She said she left… Continue reading »

And It Continues

I’m 22 years old. The first time i was molested I was six years old. Over the years I was molested several more times by different people. Almost as if people could see an invisible target on my back that meant I was easy prey. Each time I vowed that that was the last time. Each time I thought I got smarter, that I got braver, that I got stronger. In December I was assaulted again, and after all the practice I’ve had in this area, I never saw it coming. This guy had been my friend earnestly for 4 years. But we’ve known each other since we were born. Our fathers grew up together and they’re like brothers. So we always were treated as if he and I were cousins. Since we were “like” cousins I felt it was ok to relax with him though because I figured nothing would happen. So I would… Continue reading »

Dead Inside

I was just a little girl all three of you knew what you were doing was wrong but you didn’t even care i started to blame myself for letting it happen for all those years because i thought by letting it happen to me i was protecting others but that wasn’t the case…you made me hate myself i have very low self-esteem and my mental health issues are destroying me because of you i hate looking into the mirror because of you I’d rather cut myself than acknowledge the pain i feel inside you ruined me. — survivor, age 14

Raped in Foster care

My name is Tobi, and I’m a rape victim. That being the said, I will only discuss how child protection services failed to keep me or my daughter safe in the care of child services in Stone County, Wiggins Mississippi. The address at the time was 718 Newton Street Wiggins Mississippi, 39577. The Judge and child services willingly knew and ignored my pleas for help. Leaving me broken and permanently scarred to this day, with no trust for anyone. Not only did they fail me, they failed my daughter whom was a result of a rape that occurred when I was 15, by a man in his 40’s. His girlfriend at the time said she looked past things he did to give him the benefit of doubt, and that he was a good person. It also happened at her house. I was asleep and woke to him getting from on top of me. It was… Continue reading »

It still doesn’t feel real…

I was 5 when it happened. I was at my best friend’s house and her ‘grandpa’ was making her take a bath before we could go out and play. When I think back to it, I often wonder if she even needed a bath or if that was just his way of getting me alone. This was the 90’s and they weren’t teaching children as young as we were that there was good touch or bad touch yet. So I didn’t know it was wrong…but I knew it felt wrong…you know? He touched me in ways a grown man should never touch a child. He told me it would be nice. It wasn’t. I was 13 when he died. He had an aneurysm burst while talking to my best friend in their living room. I’d like to say she and I were both broken up about it but the common emotion we shared was relief…. Continue reading »

To protect and serve

As a police officer he had taken an oath to Honor the uniform and badge worn by many; and, to Protect and Serve the citizens of the metropolitan city with whom he swore this oath to protect and serve. As a Deacon with a mega-church, also assigned as its’ Inner-city Youth Bus Minister, he collected donations made to the church as offerings; and, he ensured several school buses filled with young children attended the church regularly. He additionally moonlighted as the Director of Security with an acclaimed international chain of hotels locally; and, he sold homes as a licensed realtor. Other professional endeavors he was engaged in when living are as a radio personality keeping listeners informed by helicopter of rush hour traffic conditions; and then prior to my knowing him, he was a US Navy Seaman. At home he was nothing more and nothing less than pure evil. I was in kindergarten the first… Continue reading »