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An older cousin

I was a friendly, feisty little girl. The youngest of four. With two older brothers and an older sister, I learned how to take care of myself and appear tough. I was 5 when I learned my only power against bigger, stronger boys was to hit them in their crotch. Both of my parents were full time working parents. My siblings and I were on our own during the day in the summers. We had a lot of freedom that I wouldn’t give to my children, but it was a different time. I don’t know what year it was. I don’t know the month. I don’t know what day of the week or the time of day. But I do remember what I was doing, where I was and what he said. I was sitting in my brothers’ bedroom on their bed, playing Mario on the Nintendo. He came in and sat next to me…. Continue reading »

I’ve survived sexual abuse

As a kid I was a molested from the time I was 5 until 15. I married to leave my house. Got pregnant and divorced soon after. Then I found myself in a very controlling relationship. Found myself pregnant again which are lost that child due to a DUI driver almost lost my life but God seem to be there for me because he saved my life. I was severely emotionally unstable. I thought to help with my pain that carrying life inside me what to help ease it somehow. That made things worse I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me with someone very close to me after he choked me till I passed out and took me and dumped me in my parents driveway and left me now I was pregnant with one child and single and dealing with the life of a death of a child still not have dealt with… Continue reading »

My rape story

When I was 10 years old my father raped me in a bathtub and told me it was my fault. Then the next day he sent my brother to my uncles and I was alone with him and his girl friend next thing I know I tied down while he rapes me his girl friend laughs this continually happened until I was 14 my father and his girl friend kept this up and then my father had my cousin join and I hate myself every day because mom tells me sometimes that it is my fault. , and when I finally told my mom and she didn’t want to look at me but she called the cops and they arrested both my father and his girlfriend. And I had always felt that it was my fault so I tried to kill my self. I have bad dreams to this day and I am about to… Continue reading »

sexual assault

I remember i had not long broken up from my first love Oliver and not long after i was used for a one night stand i met Aaron, at first things were going well, or so i thought, there was a couple of times that he had tried to force his private parts into my mouth but i remember i kept saying no because i don’t like doing oral. But i remember on the 3rd of July 2 years ago i had, had a few drinks in my dads house and i remember i felt quite drunk and i remember i was in my bed on my phone but trying to sleep and i remember him coming into my room and he stripped down to his boxers and climbed on top of me and pulled his boxers down a bit so his privates were showing and i remember he kept trying to put them into… Continue reading »

The One I Called Papa

I was born from a marriageless relationship. My mother decided to stop any connection with my biological father due to cultural & religion differences which will make things difficult for both of them & realised she is having me, later. As she was growing up, my mother was given away from one relative to another, raised by her aunt who couldn’t give her proper love, she grew up strong & independant, protecting & supporting her family during extreme poverty. She decided to keep me as she believe a child belongs to grow & receive love from a mother which she didn’t get to experience. After having me, she continued working & I was taken care by my grandmother (my mothers aunt who took care of her). When I was between age 1-6 y/o, she met my step-father. I became instantly attached to him & called him papa. My mother wanted me to feel how is… Continue reading »

Grandpa

I cant say how old i was when it started for sure. Ive been having nightmares alot lately about it. I have spoken to anyone professionally about it but I am considering it more and more these days. I can remember being really young and him licking my privates. Or taking me in the back bedroom of the trailer when he babysat my older sister and I, he would take me in there and touch me or force me to touch him even tried to penetrate me. He never touched my sister just me. We could have family around and I could feel him staring and if we sat across from each other in the living room he had a way of pulling his privates out where i would see them even if other people were around. We were babysat by him for years and he would come at night too wearing his bikini underwear… Continue reading »

My first boyfriend in the US

It was 2010, and I had just moved from my birth country without a clue about where I was standing. I was hopeful because it was an opportunity that made me think I was blessed. it was my freshmen year in high school, and on my first day at lunch you found out about me, the new Colombian girl in school. you were Colombian too. we connected just because we both thought we had a lot in common. you were two and a half years older than me. God, if I could go back in time I would tell myself to run, tell myself to just say no when you asked me out for a date, or to not go to Laura’s house. I thought it was nice that you were affectionate, I never expected that I would mean you could force me to go into a bathroom in an empty apartment and orally rape… Continue reading »

Assaulted by my neighbor

Am gonna keep this short I definitely don’t remember my childhood much but I do know that,when I was three I was sexually assault by neighbor kids who were three times my age.Being a kid I had no idea what was going on back then but I was still traumatized I stopped eating,fell sick and stopped talking I was always a lively child but after what happened became very quiet my parents were worried but couldn’t figure out what was wrong,I only became myself after moved. I was happy until about five years ago I was almost raped by a neighbor who was around the same age as me I was,l had always had a crush on him so when he started giving me attention I didn’t think much of it until one day he came over when my parents weren’t around to watch a movie were chatting when he suddenly started looking at me… Continue reading »

Is Healing Possible?

I don’t know why I’m writing this here, I probably should have written it in my diary like I use to. I was sexually assaulted when I was a child, molestations most times, attempted gang rapes sometimes. I succeeded in blocking out the memories throughout my teenage years but the signs were always there. Like how I can’t hold eye contact and how hugs makes my heart sink to the lowest portion of my stomach. I can’t sit in a room or car full of guys without wanting to run for my life. Without the memories, I don’t feel pain nor happiness, I feel numb most times. This saw me through my teenage days and I was fine. But last year, things got a little out of hands and most times I was depressed. A Safe Place was recently opened in my community where people with mental illness come together to talk and get help…. Continue reading »

You Were My Brother’s Best Friend

You were my brother’s best friend and you took advantage of me. My parents welcomed you into our home, they allowed you to stay the night, they and my brother trusted you. As an eight-year-old girl, I also trusted you. You were five years older than me and I looked up to you. I wanted to believe that the reason why you first began to touch me was because you liked me. You were mature, so I had to learn quickly what it meant to have a boyfriend. You were the reason my second-grade mind thought that I had a boyfriend and to this day, I find that to be the most despicable part of what happened. In class, my peers would ask me, “Who is your boyfriend…” and I would answer, “He is in the eighth grade, sooo shh, do not tell anyone.” To my peers, it was a childish lie I made up… Continue reading »