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You Were My Brother’s Best Friend

You were my brother’s best friend and you took advantage of me. My parents welcomed you into our home, they allowed you to stay the night, they and my brother trusted you. As an eight-year-old girl, I also trusted you. You were five years older than me and I looked up to you. I wanted to believe that the reason why you first began to touch me was because you liked me. You were mature, so I had to learn quickly what it meant to have a boyfriend. You were the reason my second-grade mind thought that I had a boyfriend and to this day, I find that to be the most despicable part of what happened. In class, my peers would ask me, “Who is your boyfriend…” and I would answer, “He is in the eighth grade, sooo shh, do not tell anyone.” To my peers, it was a childish lie I made up… Continue reading »

Breakin Burgler

I had been sitting listening to my headset, and I needed to go to the bathroom. In the hall, I heard some noise, and figured it was my sister sneaking in from a night out. Heading down the hall, I heard it was grunting, and the like. I got to the living room, and I could see an adult male on top of my sister on the floor. The table was pushed out of the way. I could see some of her clothes were thrown around the room, and he was between her bare legs. She was asking him to stop, and when he did, she was crying on the floor. He grabbed a bag and left. I asked her what she was doing? She panicked and told me not to tell Mom and Dad cause she snuck out again, and was on probation. I asked her what she was doing with him. She explained… Continue reading »

My Safe Place

I have three safe places in my life. Home, church, and school. But I’ve dealt with a lot of crap in my life that over time, caused me to lose these safe places. When was 8/9 I was abused horribly by two older foster girls who were staying with my family. They were only with us for a few months but they messed me up pretty badly. Mostly mental abuse that left me terrified all the time. But the physical abuse is why I never told anyone. They threatened to hurt my sister, she was only six at the time and I couldn’t let anything happen to her. My dad happened to come down one day as they were getting ready to do something. He called the police and made a report, but they stayed with us for several more weeks before being moved. Even then one of the sisters was placed down the street… Continue reading »

What happened to me doesn’t have to define who I am

There are so many times I imagine writing #MeToo on my social media, but I can’t. If my secret came out, it would destroy my family. My Mum would be devastated, and I know she’d blame herself for not noticing. She would feel that she’d failed as a mother, because I didn’t trust her enough to speak out. My Dad wouldn’t understand. He wouldn’t believe me, or worse, he’d just tell me to get over it, because it’s not that bad. My brother? He already knows, because he did it. I haven’t told my younger sibling, because I’m trying to protect him. In my family, no one taught me about sexual abuse, what it is and what you do if it happens. (My brother basically taught me about sex) I thought that sexual abuse was just rape. And rape was something that happened if you walked home alone in the dark. So long as you… Continue reading »

I am a different me

After watching the Simone Biles Movie and seeing the #metoo movement all over I feel it is time to put this out there… I feel like a great disaster. I am so proud of myself for the things I have battled through. On a daily basis I go through cycles of loving myself and insecurities and I go through being happy and sad and mad and crying. I seem to go through emotions faster than most people and I get anxious extremely easy. I sometimes go off the deep end trying to protect myself from my feelings. The way I experience things is different. I’m positive yet when something negative happens I have close to no control over how heavily the bad outweighs all the good. I feel attacked by the little things and even greater by the big things. I haven’t always been like this though. I became a significantly different person at the… Continue reading »

I was molested and raped at 6

I was taken away from my mother and father at 6 years olds. I lived in 3 different family members home. The last home I moved to, terrible things happened. I was abused physically, from slapping to being punched in the face. Emotionally, from being told my parents were pieces of shit, to being told i was not loved, and sexually, from being touched to being raped. All within 10 months, 3 different family members molested me. One of them had woken me up one night and raped me. He was 13. My aunts husbands son had touched me in my private and made me touch him and perform oral on him. He told me it was okay and not to tell anyone. I was placed back with my mom and I never told her.After years of not telling anyone, I told my current boyfriend and he’s the only one who knows. I didn’t realize… Continue reading »

Memory or a dream?

Like many people that wrote here I too had kept this for years. I’m not sure if this is a memory or a dream but it always haunts me. I had never shared this to anyone.. And I mean not a single one. I hope this would make me feel better. I was still in grade school, always playing with my neighbors. One day at one of my neighbor’s house I remember I was playing with my guy friend with paper dolls next thing I remember his big brother is on top of me, i remember not feeling anything and blank, i can’t remember anything else except my guy friend now is on top of me still feeling nothing and blank again. The only thing that I am sure in this memory is my mom washing me down there and it is aching so bad. At my teenage years I had trouble having a boyfriend… Continue reading »

Chapter 62

Why Chapter 62? Well, that is how old I am now. My abuse was by my dad and grandpa, which, by the way, have no blood in common. So no excuse for my dad. It started when I was 5 and went on through high school years. So, it’s been a few minutes, and I’ve been through counseling, group therapy, medications, spiritual growth, everything. But I still have nightmares. I guess you never really get over the bad stuff. You learn to cope, make good choices, show your children the kind of love every child deserves, but your eyes are open and you carefully watch out for them and try to protect I from the same experience. This week, I had a dream. My dad and I went somewhere together and checked into a motel. He had to leave for a while and I decided to take a shower. As I am getting out of… Continue reading »

Healing

The Little Girl in the Picture Have you ever had that one picture of yourself that you say, “Who is this?” You just stare at it, and it calls your soul. It is like it is telling you to search deep within yourself and remember. How far back can you remember your life? We all have an inner child or inner children. They often get lost as we grow into our adult, fast-paced lives, but they are still there tugging at us in hopes we will remember and visit them. They come out in us from time to time, usually when we have a silly moment, or a thought runs across our minds, or when we see a cartoon and get caught up in it. These moments can be as simple as sitting on a swing and letting our minds take us back to images of ourselves as children. We smile, knowing that inner child… Continue reading »

My Mother’s Life Partner Sexually Harrased Me throughout my childhood

When I was 13 & a half my mother took me out of school & used me as a labor child . She prevented me from going to school , having friends, or ever leaving our home for one full year I worked like an adult DAILY in her clothing factory, I slept on her bedroom floor while she & her husband on a bed. I slept in the bathroom twice as her punishment to me . I had to deal with protecting myself from her husband’s sexual advances towards me especially when she was not around .. eventually I grew tired of my living situation & wanted to be in school like normal kids so I asked her husband my “stepfather” to please talk to her & let me go back to school & he stood up & pulled his pants down & asked that I perform oral sex on him. I never had… Continue reading »