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PART 5: My True, Horrid, and Concluded Story of Abuse

“Now I’ve gone for too long, living like I’m not alive, so I’m going to start over tonight…” —Hayley Williams. In the fourteen years of my life, I have found out what it means to love, to lose, to be abandoned, to hate, to love again, and to lose again. I have found out what it means to be lost and to be found, only to be lost again. In the fourteen years of my life I can honestly say that I have experienced true heartache, but with the help of my family—my true family—I have found out what it means to be happy. In the fourteen years of my life, I have learned to not let go; I learned to hold on to happiness tightly and to not let it go because it may never come back. I have learned that love is immortal, and it will exist for years to come. I have… Continue reading »

PART 4: My True, Horrid, and Concluded Story of Abuse

“To be, or not to be: that is the question: /Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer /The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, /Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, /And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep; /No more; and, by a sleep to say we end /The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks /That flesh is heir to, ’tis a consummation /Devoutly to be wish’d. To die, to sleep; /To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub.” —William Shakespeare . When being relocated, I lost so much in my life. I lost my bed that had provided me with comfort even in my most uncomfortable moods. I lost my bedroom, which was where I took refuge in my darkest hours. I lost the familiarity of my bathroom. I lost the people who would honestly make me feel more at home outside of my own house: my friends…. Continue reading »

PART 3: My True, Horrid, and Concluded Story of Abuse

“I’ve never forgotten him. Dare I say I miss him? I do. I miss him. I still see him in my dreams. They are nightmares mostly, but nightmares tinged with love. Such is the strangeness of the human heart. I still cannot understand how he could abandon me so unceremoniously, without any sort of goodbye, without looking back even once. The pain is like an axe that chops my heart. ” —Yann Martel. I woke on October eighth atop of a brown couch in my aunt’s house. Text messages blew up my phone from previous friends: “ Hey when r u comin bck 2 school?”, “I miss u mucho, you better be comin bck soon!”, “Promise that u r comin bck 2 school tomorrow!” Hoping I would, I promised I would be back at school soon. Of course I wanted to go back to school; I had it all: amazing friends, good grades, and sports…. Continue reading »

PART 2: My True, Horrid, and Concluded Story of Abuse

“Behind every beautiful thing, there’s some kind of pain.” —Bob Dylan. Every story has a climax–the part in which the protagonist has to overcome an obstacle they face. To simply put things into perspective, my obstacle was my father. Reaching the middle of my twelfth year, life was great. It was summer outside, and every day my brother and I would enjoy the refreshing summer breeze. With no recent confrontation between parents, life could be described, honestly, as perfect. But as quickly as all beautiful things in my life begin, this simple paradise came crashing down just as fast. *** It is a beautiful August morning, and I am sitting on a tan couch in the back room of my house. Vince is sitting on a couch in the living room watching television. I have no idea where my father is, and just like her mother, Nevaeh is sleeping. I am ambitiously deciding to create… Continue reading »

PART 1: My True, Horrid, and Concluded Story of Abuse

“All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.”—Mitch Albom. Being born second eldest, with my father’s child (my half sister) being born a few years before I, has left me with a sense of guardianship over my younger brother. Lydia, the eldest of us three, was born when my father was in the teen years of his life. Many years ago, I might have even called her my sister, but now I have no idea who or where she is. Vince, my younger brother, is my motivation; he is constantly there pushing me through barriers I thought I would never conquer. I was born when my father was breaking the dawn of his twenties, after he “fell in love” with a woman named Victoria. But when being realistic,… Continue reading »

Childhood Friend

I’m 22, and this is something I’m just now coming to terms with after having sought therapy 6 months ago. Going into therapy, I knew I needed help, but didn’t know why/what was wrong with me. I’ve felt it for years – a darkness whose source was unknown to me. It’s manifested in so many unexpected ways in every aspect of my life. All in all, I had a decent upbringing, your classic suburban household. Some issues with my parents, but nothing too outrageous. So I had no idea why I wanted to die. Self harm, alcoholism, self-sabotage, unstable relationships – I’ve never understood where this chaos stemmed from. And recently, it surfaced: At a very young age, I was molested by my nextdoor neighbor. She was two years older than me, and it happened on and off from the time I was probably 4 to maybe 8ish. It has always been in the very… Continue reading »

Why me?

I was 13 when I met my first boyfriend, he was 2 nearly 3 years older than me so at the time he was 15 soon to be turning 16. After about a month of being together he started to try and pressure me into doing sexual things with him. I remember him messaging me the night before asking me if I was ready and I would say that I was because I wanted to be ready, not for me but for him. But when it came to the day I couldn’t go through with it, I was only 13 after all. When I told him I couldn’t do it he got so angry and left me crying in our favorite spot in our local park/forest. After this day I was determined to not get scared and so the next few weeks we were building up to the “grand finale” but it wasn’t how I… Continue reading »

Scared

I was a happy bubbly 5 year old when my uncle got me to play dress up with him, he made me wear underwear that had a hole in them. He then preceded to show himself to me and then made me sit on him which push him inside me. My whole body went numb. Not long after he started he finished. He then went to the toilet to urinate calling me to the toilet he proceeded to force me to put him in my mouth. A few days passed and he tried to sit next to me and a freaked out and ran out of the room. I ended up telling my other uncle about what his brother did to me and he told my mum and dad. Due to him being to young he never had to face up to what he did. At the age of 11 my dad wanted to show… Continue reading »

I didn’t think she would do this

I didn’t think she would do this. I look back at everything that happened and I hate myself because I didn’t see the signs. It happened 2 times but I don’t remember the first time. The second time I remember. I went to her house to go in her hot tub and when we got up to her room she said that she needed to go change. Later after she changed she came back. The next thing I remember she starts taking my swimming suit. I stood there. I was terrified. I didn’t fight back. I remember screaming in my head begging her to stop but nothing came out. She brought me down to the floor and rolled on top of me. She started groping me and touched me in places I never wanted to be touched. The memory is starting to fade and I wish I could remember but at the same time I… Continue reading »

Your never stop hurting me till your gone

I barely knew you. You only just came back to your family. You were supposed to be a fun loving uncle but instead you hurt me. I was a week away from being 15 and you knew what you were doing was wrong, so why’d you do it. My uncle recently split with his wife and moved back in with my grandma and every one in my family was excited to see him again. Last time I saw him I was 13 and he got my older sister drunk when my parents weren’t around. Before that I hadn’t seen him since I was about 8 so i was excited too. Let me just say that he is a photographer who only takes pictures of dancers about my age. Anyway so while my step day was away for work for 3 weeks my mom sent me and my sisters to my grandmas house for a week… Continue reading »