I was just a little girl all three of you knew what you were doing was wrong but you didn’t even care i started to blame myself for letting it happen for all those years because i thought by letting it happen to me i was protecting others but that wasn’t the case…you made me hate myself i have very low self-esteem and my mental health issues are destroying me because of you i hate looking into the mirror because of you I’d rather cut myself than acknowledge the pain i feel inside you ruined me. — survivor, age 14
Raped in Foster care
My name is Tobi, and I’m a rape victim. That being the said, I will only discuss how child protection services failed to keep me or my daughter safe in the care of child services in Stone County, Wiggins Mississippi. The address at the time was 718 Newton Street Wiggins Mississippi, 39577. The Judge and child services willingly knew and ignored my pleas for help. Leaving me broken and permanently scarred to this day, with no trust for anyone. Not only did they fail me, they failed my daughter whom was a result of a rape that occurred when I was 15, by a man in his 40’s. His girlfriend at the time said she looked past things he did to give him the benefit of doubt, and that he was a good person. It also happened at her house. I was asleep and woke to him getting from on top of me. It was… Continue reading »
It still doesn’t feel real…
I was 5 when it happened. I was at my best friend’s house and her ‘grandpa’ was making her take a bath before we could go out and play. When I think back to it, I often wonder if she even needed a bath or if that was just his way of getting me alone. This was the 90’s and they weren’t teaching children as young as we were that there was good touch or bad touch yet. So I didn’t know it was wrong…but I knew it felt wrong…you know? He touched me in ways a grown man should never touch a child. He told me it would be nice. It wasn’t. I was 13 when he died. He had an aneurysm burst while talking to my best friend in their living room. I’d like to say she and I were both broken up about it but the common emotion we shared was relief…. Continue reading »
To protect and serve
As a police officer he had taken an oath to Honor the uniform and badge worn by many; and, to Protect and Serve the citizens of the metropolitan city with whom he swore this oath to protect and serve. As a Deacon with a mega-church, also assigned as its’ Inner-city Youth Bus Minister, he collected donations made to the church as offerings; and, he ensured several school buses filled with young children attended the church regularly. He additionally moonlighted as the Director of Security with an acclaimed international chain of hotels locally; and, he sold homes as a licensed realtor. Other professional endeavors he was engaged in when living are as a radio personality keeping listeners informed by helicopter of rush hour traffic conditions; and then prior to my knowing him, he was a US Navy Seaman. At home he was nothing more and nothing less than pure evil. I was in kindergarten the first… Continue reading »
Feelings After I was Raped 20 plus years
I am always screaming inside. What is Normal. I forgot who I was before I was raped. What is it like to be Happy. I never really sleep. I am always mad. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my Rapist(s). Why I never told anyone. I am Embarressed. I am Ashamed. I am so stupid. I let it happen. Believe me. Don’t believe me. I never really Smile. I don’t know what love really is. I am numb. Trust. Sitting in the Shower. Crying with No Sound. Who am I really. I Never want to Leave my house. Nobody knows. Everybody knows. Worse. Hurt. Pain. Sorrow. I want to die everyday. I want to live. Don’t touch me. Touch me. Where is my Laugh. I am weak. Bury my head im my pillow every night. I want to be left alone. Don’t leave me alone. Breathe. I want to forget. I… Continue reading »
Extremely Terrified
So, I don’t know if this will help but I was thinking I should give this writing thing a try because… well I just don’t know what else to do. To start, I do have a great therapist… she has been so good and supportive of me… but the thing is… well… I’ll just share some of my story and go from there. So I am 35 now, I was sexually raped and molested by my father and 4 other members of my family from the time I was 4 years old until I was 11 years old. At 11, I became pregnant with my fathers child and was sent to live with my mother who I never know because she left me at 18 months. I had the baby and she was given up for adoption by the DCF agency that took us from my birth mother when I was 12. Two years ago… Continue reading »
Males can be victims too
I’m a male in the north east of England. It’s difficult to talk about but I was raped. I’ve waited over 3 years to finally admit that to myself. Since I am a male, many people dismissed me. The first person I told was my sister who helped me get into contact with the police but they wouldn’t assist me, simply exclaiming males cannot be raped. That means the person (I’ll refer to her as Kayleigh) still has served no justice to this day. It makes me feel angry and alone most days. I try and put it behind me as much as I can but it’s difficult. I was 14 at the time and she was 19 going on 20. I tried the best I could to stop it but I was much younger and we were at Leeds University at the time, a place I was unfamiliar with, so I couldn’t reach out… Continue reading »
More Witness than I Care to Live with
My name is Katherine, and my sex ed started when I went to a playground after a softball game. I was 9, and a man joined me. He intimidated me into masturbating him. I only had my mother and 2 sisters with my father out of the house, so I had no knowledge of male physiology. After the surprise ending, he gave me a box of cookies. I knew what I did was dirty, but didn’t know how to articulate it. In junior high, I was invited to a friend’s party. During the party, I got lost looking for the bathroom, and opened a bedroom door, where another friend was pinned on the bed by an older boy. She was repeating the stop, let me go, no, etc without stop, as was he continuing. I was in shock, and almost peed myself! no one every teaches you what to do if you see this, and… Continue reading »
Scar
When I was 14 years old a complete stranger sexually assaulted me by touching me inappropriately I was devasted. I am afraid of every man I hate myself I am paranoid that this is going to happen to someone I know. I am anxious all the time. When I was 17 a classmate did something similar to me when I was 18 an old guy in a bus touched me inappropriately again. Every time I think about the first time something like that happened to me It’s like it’s happening all over again I know that my story is nothing serious compared to others in this site but 4 years later I think about it more than ever everyday it’s like flashbacks. — Survivor, age 18
I now know
When I was 6 I went over to my grandmother’s house and her neighbors kid was over as well. He was 16. He saw me and took me to the room to ‘play’. He sat me on the bed and asked if we wanted to ‘kiss’ I didn’t know what that was so I stayed silent. Then he just started kissing me all over and feeling me up then he started kissing me on the mouth and I just froze. But I thought it was fine. I didn’t know about that this was assault until now. Which has helped me to be more aware and careful thankfully. This is for the new and soon to be parents to tell their kids where you can and can’t be touched. Thank you brave miss world for giving me the courage to share my story.