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Just Fine

In sum, I told the front desk nurse at the hospital, that I had driven myself to, who asked me if she could help me, “No, thank you.” My sitting before her with no plausible reason for over an hour left her looking puzzled. So I talked, talking seemed to be helping me lately. I was too self conscious to call it confiding. But still I said to her, “I’m just having a panic attack, and when I’m having a panic attack I trick myself into believing I’m having a heart attack, and if I sit in a hospital I can calm myself down faster.” Her head tilting curiosity pushed me further. “I have panic attacks a lot lately. It’s hard because I’m living by myself, in someone else’s house. I actually don’t know where I’m going to live in a few weeks when my ‘house sitting’ gig is up. But, simple stuff like that… Continue reading »

The thief

I was only 5, people say you can’t remember it because you were so small but I do remember everything that happened, I was sexually harassed by my cousin who I loved like a brother, I don’t know but I was so scared to tell anyone so I told the only person I knew I could trust my sister she was 7 at the time and told me he did the same with her, so we decided no one would understand, soon my sister left at the age of 8 about to turn 9 to live with my mom since I had never met my mom I only knew she left when I was one year old and I was left behind with my father, he knew my sister was raped by my cousin but didn’t do anything he KNEW!! And he didn’t even do anything to save me or her, my cousin or should… Continue reading »

keep it a secret

I’m a 21 years old who never grew up with a father. My mom would often go on dates when I was younger.There was this one man who was really kind, every weekend he would bring the family gifts.My mom loved him so much i think she thought he was the one! One night as he was leaving our apartment i heard him tell my mother that he was going to tell us goodnight so he passed by the bedroom,he went first to my little sister then he went to me( i was pretending to sleep) I was expecting a kiss on the cheek or something normal…but instead i felt his hands down my panties.This continued for a long time.Once he stayed home to babysit i was also very young around 9 years old, he told me to perform sexual acts on him.That’s not all that happened. I’m choosing to forgive that man but I’m… Continue reading »

Molested

I was molested by my grandfather and cousin during all of my early childhood up until I was 9. It all started when I was around 1 or 2 years old. Although I don’t recall these memories from such a young age I know this because my mom said I had an incident at that age. My parents took me to the hospital because they thought I had fallen and hit my private area on the rail of my crib when I was playing. It was so painful that I couldn’t walk or pee. I was even bleeding. When the doctor tried to look at the injury I was hysterical. My mother said it was weird how I reacted because I was usually a very calm baby. My doctor told my parents that the injury didn’t look like it was caused by getting hit and that it looked more like an injury from sexual abuse…. Continue reading »

Close of a Brother

Growing up my brother would tell me we had to sick together because we were the only children who’s father was not around. My brother little by little starting age 6 he would kiss me then hump. eventually i was age 7 or 8 he’d begin having intercourse. To this day i hate seeing a man’s eyes roll in the back of his head while he is on top of me. I hated him Pumping on top of me. To make things worst my mother found him on top of me and beat us assuming it was mutual sex I’m guessing because he was only one year older This memory I pushed out of my head for years 20 years and now I’m realizing how much shame I felt I’m aware of the bad choices I made because of it. I’m also stuck because my family just moved my my brother still views me as… Continue reading »

Torn

I am torn at 24 years old. I was not raised right. My dad was a sicko. I have not let the world know. As young as I can remember he used to touch me, molest me. In the same bed as my mother would be in while she was asleep and I didn’t tell her. I was scared. I was so young. He told me it was the right thing to do. I didn’t tell anyone. I cried a lot of times asking myself why me why I couldn’t be a regular kid? I was not like the other little kids. I cannot believe he did that. He would also check out other girls outside. Idk why he did that. As a result, I was sexually molested at middle school!! I am scarred. I cannot heal. I haven’t told anyone and I can’t. What will that do if the damage is already done? NOTHING…. Continue reading »

Freeing myself of deamons

When i was about 7 or 8 years old i was raped by my neighbour, Richard Grounds. I was sexually abused by other neighbours in our area and neither my parent nor my big sisiter ever noticed a thing. when I was 14 I went with a friend, what I considered my best friend at the time, to her boyfriends friend’s house. I don’t remeber her leaving. she never said goodbye. she didn’t take me with her. I was 14 and left alone with at least two men who were 40+. the man who called himself Mentor (hate that word now) came into the room where I was in bed, he climed in on top of me and started to push himself inside me. i cried and told him no, i told him to stop, that i was a virgin and that I didn’t want to. I remember his nose dripping on me while he… Continue reading »

I am a survivor

The first time I was molested I was about 4 years old. I barely remember it. My birth mother was very poor and lived with who I’m assuming was a boyfriend or pimp. He used to take me in the bedroom and tell me to take off all my clothes. He would touch me and if I backed away or cried he would spray my eyes with a spray bottle so that I couldn’t stop him. I remember him forcing his fingers inside me and there being a lot of blood and pain. I remember this going on for a while until one day he tied me to the bed and raped me. I think I was 5. I don’t remember much of it happening it’s all blacked out. Shortly after my birth mother was doing prostitution and taught me to do oral to men for money as well. I have flashbacks and nightmares of… Continue reading »

I wish I remembered

I have an experience. Regularly. When I feel triggered it is a deeply horrible, bodily feeling. I feel thoroughly unsafe and threatened, as if I might die. It feels real. It doesn’t matter how much my rational brain knows that it’s not happening any more and that I’m safe, my traumatized brain insists on dissociating. The first time it happened, I was about 25 yrs old. Actually, it might have happened once when I was about 12, but I have no earlier reference point so that may have been the initial trauma or the first time I was triggered from the original trauma. At 25, I worked in a treatment facility for adolescent girls. Most of the staff were women, and it was a wonderfully supportive environment. One of my mentors there was surprised to learn in casual conversation that I’d never had a PAP and told me that I really needed to make that… Continue reading »

Ruined

Your Story:: I’m not really good at expressing myself, my feelings or personal b.s. but here it goes…I am 13 years old from the ages of 4(maybe before)-10 i was molested and raped by an uncle and I’ve only ever told one person who is best friend she wanted to tell her mom but i feel stupid for even telling her because i feel so guilty and disgusting. Everytime i see him i just want to run/crawl out of my skin….i deal with self harm ,bipolar disorder,severe depression and ADHD and i don’t even care to tell anymore i just want someone that i can talk to that doesn’t know me so they can’t judge or anything…..this wasn’t put together very well but i tried