In sum, I told the front desk nurse at the hospital, that I had driven myself to, who asked me if she could help me, “No, thank you.” My sitting before her with no plausible reason for over an hour left her looking puzzled. So I talked, talking seemed to be helping me lately. I was too self conscious to call it confiding. But still I said to her, “I’m just having a panic attack, and when I’m having a panic attack I trick myself into believing I’m having a heart attack, and if I sit in a hospital I can calm myself down faster.” Her head tilting curiosity pushed me further. “I have panic attacks a lot lately. It’s hard because I’m living by myself, in someone else’s house. I actually don’t know where I’m going to live in a few weeks when my ‘house sitting’ gig is up. But, simple stuff like that… Continue reading »

I’m a 21 years old who never grew up with a father. My mom would often go on dates when I was younger.There was this one man who was really kind, every weekend he would bring the family gifts.My mom loved him so much i think she thought he was the one! One night as he was leaving our apartment i heard him tell my mother that he was going to tell us goodnight so he passed by the bedroom,he went first to my little sister then he went to me( i was pretending to sleep) I was expecting a kiss on the cheek or something normal…but instead i felt his hands down my panties.This continued for a long time.Once he stayed home to babysit i was also very young around 9 years old, he told me to perform sexual acts on him.That’s not all that happened. I’m choosing to forgive that man but I’m… Continue reading »

I was molested by my grandfather and cousin during all of my early childhood up until I was 9. It all started when I was around 1 or 2 years old. Although I don’t recall these memories from such a young age I know this because my mom said I had an incident at that age. My parents took me to the hospital because they thought I had fallen and hit my private area on the rail of my crib when I was playing. It was so painful that I couldn’t walk or pee. I was even bleeding. When the doctor tried to look at the injury I was hysterical. My mother said it was weird how I reacted because I was usually a very calm baby. My doctor told my parents that the injury didn’t look like it was caused by getting hit and that it looked more like an injury from sexual abuse…. Continue reading »

I am torn at 24 years old. I was not raised right. My dad was a sicko. I have not let the world know. As young as I can remember he used to touch me, molest me. In the same bed as my mother would be in while she was asleep and I didn’t tell her. I was scared. I was so young. He told me it was the right thing to do. I didn’t tell anyone. I cried a lot of times asking myself why me why I couldn’t be a regular kid? I was not like the other little kids. I cannot believe he did that. He would also check out other girls outside. Idk why he did that. As a result, I was sexually molested at middle school!! I am scarred. I cannot heal. I haven’t told anyone and I can’t. What will that do if the damage is already done? NOTHING…. Continue reading »

When i was about 7 or 8 years old i was raped by my neighbour, Richard Grounds. I was sexually abused by other neighbours in our area and neither my parent nor my big sisiter ever noticed a thing. when I was 14 I went with a friend, what I considered my best friend at the time, to her boyfriends friend’s house. I don’t remeber her leaving. she never said goodbye. she didn’t take me with her. I was 14 and left alone with at least two men who were 40+. the man who called himself Mentor (hate that word now) came into the room where I was in bed, he climed in on top of me and started to push himself inside me. i cried and told him no, i told him to stop, that i was a virgin and that I didn’t want to. I remember his nose dripping on me while he… Continue reading »

I have an experience. Regularly. When I feel triggered it is a deeply horrible, bodily feeling. I feel thoroughly unsafe and threatened, as if I might die. It feels real. It doesn’t matter how much my rational brain knows that it’s not happening any more and that I’m safe, my traumatized brain insists on dissociating. The first time it happened, I was about 25 yrs old. Actually, it might have happened once when I was about 12, but I have no earlier reference point so that may have been the initial trauma or the first time I was triggered from the original trauma. At 25, I worked in a treatment facility for adolescent girls. Most of the staff were women, and it was a wonderfully supportive environment. One of my mentors there was surprised to learn in casual conversation that I’d never had a PAP and told me that I really needed to make that… Continue reading »