I’m 22, and this is something I’m just now coming to terms with after having sought therapy 6 months ago. Going into therapy, I knew I needed help, but didn’t know why/what was wrong with me. I’ve felt it for years – a darkness whose source was unknown to me. It’s manifested in so many unexpected ways in every aspect of my life. All in all, I had a decent upbringing, your classic suburban household. Some issues with my parents, but nothing too outrageous. So I had no idea why I wanted to die. Self harm, alcoholism, self-sabotage, unstable relationships – I’ve never understood where this chaos stemmed from. And recently, it surfaced: At a very young age, I was molested by my nextdoor neighbor. She was two years older than me, and it happened on and off from the time I was probably 4 to maybe 8ish. It has always been in the very… Continue reading »
Why me?
I was 13 when I met my first boyfriend, he was 2 nearly 3 years older than me so at the time he was 15 soon to be turning 16. After about a month of being together he started to try and pressure me into doing sexual things with him. I remember him messaging me the night before asking me if I was ready and I would say that I was because I wanted to be ready, not for me but for him. But when it came to the day I couldn’t go through with it, I was only 13 after all. When I told him I couldn’t do it he got so angry and left me crying in our favorite spot in our local park/forest. After this day I was determined to not get scared and so the next few weeks we were building up to the “grand finale” but it wasn’t how I… Continue reading »
Scared
I was a happy bubbly 5 year old when my uncle got me to play dress up with him, he made me wear underwear that had a hole in them. He then preceded to show himself to me and then made me sit on him which push him inside me. My whole body went numb. Not long after he started he finished. He then went to the toilet to urinate calling me to the toilet he proceeded to force me to put him in my mouth. A few days passed and he tried to sit next to me and a freaked out and ran out of the room. I ended up telling my other uncle about what his brother did to me and he told my mum and dad. Due to him being to young he never had to face up to what he did. At the age of 11 my dad wanted to show… Continue reading »
I didn’t think she would do this
I didn’t think she would do this. I look back at everything that happened and I hate myself because I didn’t see the signs. It happened 2 times but I don’t remember the first time. The second time I remember. I went to her house to go in her hot tub and when we got up to her room she said that she needed to go change. Later after she changed she came back. The next thing I remember she starts taking my swimming suit. I stood there. I was terrified. I didn’t fight back. I remember screaming in my head begging her to stop but nothing came out. She brought me down to the floor and rolled on top of me. She started groping me and touched me in places I never wanted to be touched. The memory is starting to fade and I wish I could remember but at the same time I… Continue reading »
Your never stop hurting me till your gone
I barely knew you. You only just came back to your family. You were supposed to be a fun loving uncle but instead you hurt me. I was a week away from being 15 and you knew what you were doing was wrong, so why’d you do it. My uncle recently split with his wife and moved back in with my grandma and every one in my family was excited to see him again. Last time I saw him I was 13 and he got my older sister drunk when my parents weren’t around. Before that I hadn’t seen him since I was about 8 so i was excited too. Let me just say that he is a photographer who only takes pictures of dancers about my age. Anyway so while my step day was away for work for 3 weeks my mom sent me and my sisters to my grandmas house for a week… Continue reading »
sexual assault
I was twelve years old and in 7th grade.. My mom was involved with a man who we used to call uncle… I thought he was a great man.. I always asked for money and he will give it to me.. I did not know that he was planning something on me. One day my mom and him started to have some fights. Then the was this other day that I was alone with him in the kitchen.. He offered me money so that he could sleep with me and he said I should not scream I was afraid and scared then he began to kiss me and tried to touch my body.. Then I got a chance to run away.. So this is my first time saying this in public even my mom does not know that I was nearly raped by her ex.. — Survivor, age 18
When will it be enough?
Why is it not enough? Why is my reluctance not enough to make you stop? Why is my “no” not enough? Why is my “no no no” not enough? Why are my clawing, shoving, desperately-trying-to-pull-my-pants-up hands not enough? Why is my cry of “oh god make it stop, please make it stop” still not enough for you? Why are my tears not enough? Why do I have to be violated and then told that I’m too young to recognize that women want a man who “takes charge in the bedroom”? Why does this have to happen over and over and over again all over the world? I am heartbroken for all my sisters who have endured the same pain. It is not fair that we have lost pieces of our souls after these monsters. It is not fair that the gaping wounds attract more predators, like sharks drawn to blood in the water, who tear… Continue reading »
I will never forget
All this start when i meet a boy when i was 16 he was my dream man who later will be my nightmare,i remember like today the day u do that too me,i was young and silly i believe in this world everybody is like me,naive as i was,i could never forget when i get into your car ,i was crying begging you to stop the car u just don’t listen i was just a sex doll for u not even human,u drive me to that shitty motel and raped me u see my face was covered with tears i was scared but u never care u just care for ur desire and after hours of it u leave me like trash in the middle of nowwhere with no money,u know i could not make a call beacuse of the society we live,in that day u don’t only rape me u destroy me trust in… Continue reading »
I wish I never knew
I don’t remember it or how old I was but in fact I try and block it from my memorise, desperately trying to forget that it ever occured. All I remember was my mum telling me a couple years later a small detail from an incident that happened to me when I was around 3 years old. I was on holiday with my family when my mum decided to pull me over to have a talk, she made sure no else could listen in, especially my brother. She told my that my dad had touched me were he should have not touched me while I was in the bath and that my brother had to watch. At the time I slightly understood but not properly, it helped my understand why my parents always fought, or why once when I was in an argument with my mum she said at least she did not pass me… Continue reading »
Rubbing my scars
I am six years old. I think. It’s unclear my exact age because my parents never talked about it growing up and the legal records are now sealed. I am six, give a take a few years, and I am sitting on my bedroom floor between my bed and the wall. I’m not wearing pants and my legs are spread apart. He is sitting across from me, his hair is slicked back, in a pony tail. He uses his fingers to spread the lips of vagina apart. He is inspecting it. He has to lower his head to see what is down there, in there. Sticking his fingers inside me, he opens my vagina up. He inspects me with his eyes and fingers. He is ten years older than I am and my babysitter. Where is my younger brother while this is happening? Is he with my parents? Where are they? What are they doing?… Continue reading »