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Date Rape

When I was 17 years old, I went to a house party. The boys had just won their hockey finals and decided to celebrate by having lots of people over to drink and party. When I arrived, I noticed that we were the only girls there but living in a small town and knowing everyone I was close with all the boys. So we played drinking games and I knew they were all fighting over who got to hook up with me. I brought four drinks there because that’s how much I knew I could handle. But I already felt super drunk after the 1 drink I was given by one of the boys on the hockey team. I felt awful so I asked to go lie down and the guy who was being so nice to me brought me to his room and told me it was his house. As soon as I lied… Continue reading »

“I’m not gonna have sex with you”

I think about it all the time. The feeling of my legs shaking afterwards and the rest of the night. The mark that was left on my neck. The wave of confusion that I was left with. The feeling of shame and disappointment I had in myself for letting him take me to that empty parking lot. I feel the shame in the pit of my stomach for getting in the back seat of the car. I said it when we first hung out. I said it when he joked about buying condoms. I said it every time we texted. I said it when we got into the backseat of the car. I said it when he pulled out a condom. I said no countless times, yet we had sex. I try to convince myself it was nothing but then I think about what I already know about consent. I know at all points before… Continue reading »

It was just a friend date

I wasn’t planning on cheating. I was in a committed monogamous relationship, and we were both quite happy! I was with B for over 3 years, and I know he was trying to do it all right and save that 3 month wages! I had a lot of friends online, and that was fine, as long as it was only friends, and they knew I was taken. K was in one of my online groups, that B had no interest in. There was a convention in Atlantic City, and I wanted to go, incredibly badly! I originally planned on taking the train up and back, and spend the day gathering free swag, autographs, and overspending on collectables! K offered to pick me up, take me, and return me, and even stop for dinner! This means I get up later, back earlier even with dinner, get dinner, and I could spend the extra cash there! An… Continue reading »

It was in a society that told me that it’s my fault

I was 16, a young homosexual teen who’s society would probably blame me instead of him. He was my first actual “true love”. But we coudn’t publicly show out love (no holding hands/kissing/other form of affection). So one day,my mom went to my grandmother’s house to sleep over. So i invited my 23 years old “boyfriend”. After he arrived we cuddled, watched some movies,all was great until the moment where he started to kiss me and touch me, i first thought it was normal my body was supposed to be his body so he will respect it, but no he just did his thing quickly and woudn’t stop even when i strated pushing him away he didn’t stop. And he just left after that, i never heard of him ever again. After this phase of my life, i tried to comit suicide twice, but without knowing why i was depressed, i was in denial. And… Continue reading »

I loved him

I was 21 when I went out drinking with friends. I woke up in the morning not being able to recall how I got home or anything that had happened that night, I didn’t feel hungover or sick. I wasn’t wearing any clothes and I had bruises on my body. My boyfriend was with me so I asked him if anything happened between us that night, he was adamant that nothing happened. Several weeks later he admitted to me that he had met up with me that night and slipped something into my drink, carried me to my place and raped me while I was passed out. I was so disgusted that I wanted to call the police but he said that no one would believe me because we were dating. This is the first time I’m sharing this story. — Survivor, age 30

My posting

I do not know what to say. I know, or at least see what others have posted. Do I claim that I am different, or expound that I am the same? I have spent a lot of time, effort and money in schools. It would seem I would have the words. I have words, but can I find the right ones? Is it not, or do not want to? To write about it, I have to think about it. Thinking about it means to relive it. More so, it brings my tears. Am I not months past the consequences of the physical act? Or was the damage emotional? Obviously, I can not trust him. Would it be wise not to trust any hims? How many times do I stop writing because of my tears? Should I list what else I stop because of this? What would that solve? Solving is not the same as surviving…. Continue reading »

April 8th, 2016

This date changed my life. This was the date that lifted the rug, and uncovered all of the ill, suppressed memories and emotions that I had brushed under it. This was the date that opened my eyes to the exact number of times that I had been sexually assaulted: 6. Society creates these stigmas, stereotypes and ‘profiles’ of rapists and the victims who fell to them. I believed those stereotypes until this day that opened my eyes forever. I was in love once. He was a genuine, caring, selfless and loving man who knew me and my experiences inside and out. We agreed to stop seeing each other after I received a message from his girlfriend. After time had healed my wounds, I agreed to meet him at ‘our’ bar. This man was the only man that I had willingly given myself to in the past, and I arrived at this realization after I had… Continue reading »

Rape

I was date raped anally by someone that I thought I knew. It was horrible forceful and I couldn’t escape. I reported it to the police but I dropped the charges after phone intimidation and also the lack of support from my family and police. It turned out that he had done it again and I went back to court to support the other victim but due to her health and anxiety issues she didn’t pursue the case. I am still living this nightmare that he will find me and come after me again. — Helen, age 46

My Life in Foster Care

No, it’s not the story you Expect. I was not abused in foster care, and there were several group homes run by the same agency, and none of them had a complaint filed in the time I was there. It was the discipline and the perception of how the houses were run that was the issue. I reached the age where dating occurred. My home was strict on curfew, and stricter if you got in trouble while out. If you had an issue outside the house, the solution was not to let you outside. Simple logic if I ever heard it. I was asked out by a boy in another class, and one that I liked a lot! He picked me up on the corner down the street, the common means of hiding where we came from. We did a basketball game, a movie, and a pizza after. Then he drove me home. More like… Continue reading »

The year that changed me

I had my first kiss and lost my virginity at 19, I was also raped that same year. I wish I could say that my first time was with someone special, someone I genuinely trusted and cared about but that would be a lie. The truth is that I only agreed to sleep with him in fear that if I said no it wouldn’t go over well, that my ‘no’ wouldn’t be heard. That is something I never wanted to tell anyone, I think it was because I was embarrassed… Embarrassed that I was scared, embarrassed that I was dumb enough to even let someone like that into my house and into my life. After that sex had no appeal, I was self conscious after being somewhat verbally abused and belittled by this man and couldn’t think of a situation where sex would actually be enjoyable. My second time was only worse. My second time… Continue reading »