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It’s OK

My Rapist: My mother’s boyfriend. My Age: 13 Force Used: Authority We had a close family, my Mom, my bratty Little Sis, Me of course, and the latest of Mom’s Boyfriends. We used to do a lot of things together, especially watch Cable. Once we were all on the couch, and Mom and Sis fell asleep, and I was drifting off, and I rolled over against him, and he put his arm over my shoulder, and his hand rested a bit on my boob by accident. He said he was “sorry”, and I said “It’s OK”, and he didn’t move it, but I didn’t care. The next time I watched a movie with him, it was a bit less “family”, and while I sat up, he reached around me, and under my arm, and his fingers rested under my boob. He asked if I was “bothered”, and I said “It’s OK”. He would flex his… Continue reading »

My Husband Set Me Up!

George set up a night out. We left in the evening for a nice date night out at the movies. On the way there, he picked up Pete, for a ride he needed. While we drove, Pete put a gun to my head, and we pulled over. I had no idea where we were, and Pete told me to get in the back seat with him. George told me to do as he says, even as Pete told me to get undressed. He told me to lie down on the seat as he undid his pants. As he started to have sex with me, George started taking pictures, and cheering on the show. I could not help getting ill and vomiting in the back of the car. George uploaded the pictures online to be used later in a divorce to prove adultery. He had a 16yo girlfriend he wanted. Pete just wanted to have me,… Continue reading »

Spousal Rape

5 years ago, I was married to an extremely emotionally and mentally abusive man. After only a few months of marriage, I decided enough was enough and asked him for a divorce. He refused. I attempted to file the Court documents but he constantly evaded service. Over the course of this time, I could not legally kick him out of my home (where I paid for everything). I had to deal with daily threats – verbally and physical intimidation (he would kick a hole in the wall, knock me over while passing me in the house, etc.) He told me that he was going to do everything he could to destroy my life (he believed that I destroyed his). One night, I came home after drinking/clubbing and he proceeded to rape me, sodomize me and choke me until I lost consciousness. I didn’t know what to do. I was so terrified of ever seeing him… Continue reading »

Family

I used to live in south Korea with my parents and my two brothers (one older and one younger). My older brother died when I was very young and my parents decided to migrate overseas for a fresh new start. When we first came to Australia, we settled in extremely well and I quickly got attached to my new home. However, 2 days before my first day of high school, my mother died. So I was left with my father and younger brother. My father worked very hard to take care of us both and I even began working a part-time job to help out. This was until my younger brother also died, 2 years after my mother’s death. This was a major turning point in my life. I was diagnosed with depression and my father had been broken physically and emotionally. He began to regularly skip work and developed a serious alcohol habit, and… Continue reading »

He ruined my life

My mum and dad separated when I was 12. After that she began to hate me and my sister (who was 7 at the time) because we were her ex-boyfriend’s daughters. A few months later she brought in one of her old school friends to live with us. Although we didn’t like him, he was initially very friendly so we tried our best to get along. However, as time went on, he began to show his true abusive side and would often physically and verbally abuse us. He is a very strong guy and my sister and I are abnormally skinny, so we would always get hurt. Earlier this year on my sister’s 11th birthday, he dragged her into her room and said “I’ll show you something special.” I heard her screaming and crying and after a few minutes, he walked out. My sister was on the bed with blood all over her legs and… Continue reading »

Alcohol

I recently went through a very hard time in my life and I turned to alcohol. It was my coping mechanism, it helped me through the darkness. I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do but I continued to do it against everyone’s wishes. I finally started getting better, no more showing up drunk to work, no more passing out in the middle of the road. I was getting better. Then, the night came, I drank far too much than I expected. I have never been the one to ask for a ride home. I collected myself and left the place I had been drinking. I remember walking home and hearing all the street noises, remembering voices, remembering everything until I didn’t. The next thing I remembered was waking up in my own bed. I woke up with dirt in my nails, hair, and clothes. I woke up with my shirt on backward. I… Continue reading »

Stress

I have a peculiar form of anxiety paralysis. This started shortly after I started school, as I would stress over an upcoming placement test, I froze in place, unable to move or speak, though fully aware. It ends in about 20 minutes, and I am fine. I was transferred to a Special Needs school, and they could adapt to my freezes. This went on until I was preparing for my first actual date. I was semi-dressed rushing out of the bathroom, and dropped and scattered my make-up and hygiene things all over the floor when I opened the door. This time the paralysis included a black-out, and I awoke sitting on my bed, placed there by my Uncle B. Nothing is stressful like preparing for a first date, being seen in one’s underwear by a relative, unable to move. He comforted me and I made it on time, had a nice evening out, and went… Continue reading »

I don’t know who I am

25 years o­ld and hav­e been in ­and out of­ therapy f­or the pas­t 10 years­. I am diagnosed wit­h CPTSD, D­issociativ­e identity­ disorder,­ and sever­e major de­pressive d­isorder wi­th suicida­l tendencies. I grew­ up in a b­roken home­ where my ­mom would ­beat me ev­ery night ­and leave ­me to slee­p on the bathroom fl­oor. My fa­ther was a­n alcoholi­c and left­ when I wa­s only 5 y­ears old. ­Growing up­ I was use­d to havin­g my needs­ ignored a­nd because­ my mom would blame ­me for eve­rything th­at went wr­ong, I dev­eloped an ­extremely ­low sense ­of self-es­teem. I’ve­ never hea­rd “I­ love you” from­ any of my­ parents, ­instead “I wish­ you hadn’­t been bor­n” an­d “yo ­u’re the r­eason we’r­e sufferin­g” an­d “yo­ur dad lef­t because ­you’re the­ devil” were phrases I gr­ew accusto­med to. Be­cause of t­his, I hav­e a very h­ard time maintaining friendships because­ I am conv­inced that­… Continue reading »

Was I Raped?

In January of this year, I was invited to a male friend’s house with a female friend. We were told another one of friends were there, as well. My female friend and I didn’t have plans, so we agreed to go over. We all sat in the tv room of his basement and listened to music and watched some shows. He asked my friend and his friend to leave (as they were sort of a thing, I thought nothing of it). He aggressively tried to force himself on me and I kept fighting. He didn’t stop. I was in pain, but all he wanted was to continue. I know he was aware that I did not want this. He then told us to leave because he had more people coming over. Was I raped? Please help me know what happened to me. I need closure. I don’t know what this was, or what to call… Continue reading »

Online dating

I have been raped three times in my life. Once was with a boyfriend in high school when I was 17. His sexual preferences changed as ours all do, but mine stayed the same and we didn’t like the same things anymore. But that didn’t stop him from getting what he wanted. The second time was when I was 18, I don’t remember anything between meeting a guy friend at the park, to waking up in the bushes with my pants down and blood in between my legs. But when I was 19 in 2015 was the worst one… the one that leaves me lying awake at night and the endless panic attacks was that from a guy I met online. I met him off of Plenty of Fish, and we had already gone out on our first date. Everything went well and he seemed like a really nice guy. So we went out on… Continue reading »