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Every Way Imaginable

I was first sexually abused between the ages of 10 to 12 by a family acquaintance. I did not deal with the abuse until I was in my 40’s. I am now 53. The consequences of being sexually abused at such a young age were staggering. I was extremely promiscuous and had low self-esteem and self-worth. Every relationship I became involved in was abusive in every way imaginable. I have endured multiple physical and emotional injuries. I was first married in 1980 to a demon. The only positive aspect of that disaster was my three beautiful children. However, this demon sexually and emotionally abused all three of my babies. In addition, he sexually, physically and emotionally abused me. After being legally married for 20 years, I finally gained my children’s and mine freedom. My horrible decision making relative to relationships continued. Without going into detail relative to each and every single disaster, I believe the… Continue reading »

The First Man In My Life

Was my father. He was a religious zealot. x 3 every Sunday, morning evening services and Sunday school in between. He helped build a new church roof over many weekends, leaving me with negligent babysitters, some cruel. All Church people. He had my mother committed to a psychiatric hospital 12 years before I was born. Because he insisted on receipts for all house keeping money spent, after being enraged that she bought herself a bottle of oil of Ulay (Olay in America). The lady in the Bakers shop couldn’t provide a receipt to be in compliance with his new law. It was the 1940’s. My mother kept insisting she must have one, but didn’t get it. I remember him shouting at her abusively on many occasions. The lady in the Bakery complained to him his wife had made a fuss. He had the right to have her “sectioned” for making a public nuisance of herself under some antiquated… Continue reading »

Boyfriend Hell

When I was 20 years old I was dating someone I met offline. I would go to his place every other weekend. We’ll the one time I went his him, his friend, and i were all hanging out till about 12 midnight. I got up to go to the bedroom to change i had my shirt off when he came in. He acted all nice to me before walking up to me. He then pulled my shorts down to my ankles and started raping me. I wished it would be over soon 20 minutes later he stopped. Walked out and locked the door not even a minute later he walked in saw me pulling my shorts up grabbed me by the back of my hair hair saying that he wasn’t done with me only to throw me down on my stomach. He continued to rape me for another 40-45 minutes. I bled for three months… Continue reading »

Mi Esposa

Hola, no comprendo muy bien el idioma ingles por eso escribo esta corta historia en español, la persona que fue abusa es mi esposa cuan ella tenia 11 años por el esposo de una tía de ella y el esposo de una prima de ella. Al contarme esto sentí demasiada confianza por parte de ella, no la veo culpable y la amo mucho. Otra tía de ella se entero de lo sucedido, pues ella también había sido abusado por el mismo hombre, osea su cuñado. La mamá de mi esposa se entero y lo que hicieron fue ocultar lo sucedido, ni el papá de ella ni el hermano se enteraron de ese hecho inhumano. Mi esposa dice que ella borro esa parte del pasado, pero creo que esa heria aún sigue abierta. Aveces tenemos dificultades en nuestra relación y veo que ella solo vive el momento o presente y sin darse cuenta todo lo bueno… Continue reading »

My Boyfriend Raped Me

My story I think is quite long, this is the first time I am writing it. I was raped, many times I do not know the number exactly, by my boyfriend of two years. I only realized it was rape after months in therapy trying to come to terms with my change of character, and many other negative things that had occurred in my life, I opened up one day about my boyfriend’s behavior and my therapist just said “that is rape” and that statement both brought my world together and crashing down at the same time. I think I loved my boyfriend the first time I saw him, I was 17 and he had transferred from a different country and had all the things I looked for in a guy- he was adventurous, exotic, fearless and had experienced so much of life. The complete opposite to me: I suffered with anxiety after being sexually… Continue reading »

A Journal of a Wayward Child

I have a long history of abuse and rape in my family and myself (44 years for me) and would like to have the opportunity to share my story with women around the world. Forgiveness has been the first step in healing and am now in a woman’s shelter beginning the first steps of my new life with God’s loving hand upon me! I am so grateful for what Jesus has done for me. With the help of some of the volunteer programs available here I am taking the baby steps to recovering from the wounds and scars and turning them into something beautiful to share with others.

Finally Healing

I never wanted to believe that what I lived with for a decade was rape. I met him when I was 16. He slowly encouraged me to make him my whole world. Turned away my friends and family. I moved in with him at 17. Before that, the assaults were only occasional. Then they began on a daily basis. Temper tantrums, trashing the house and making me clean it up. Forcing me to give him oral sex, hurting me when it wasn’t good enough. Sodomizing me so he could hear me cry. We married when I was 19. He continually told me that as his wife, it was my duty to satisfy him. He told me no one would believe me as we were married. I once asked “What about before we were married?” He said that marriage erases a past and it didn’t happen. After having a baby, he wouldn’t let me nurse him… Continue reading »

Domestic Rape is Real

For many a couple of decades I have denied to myself that a husband can rape his wife but I’ve always known that is exactly what happened. He was angry that I’d been a “bitch” and that was all the excuse that he needed. I am not sure I will ever be ready to force myself to relive what happened deeply enough to tell a coherent story about the events. What I can say is the that my mind remembers the most traumatic bits and the fear. When he choked me and I started seeing stars I thought I was going to die that night. For me the feelings that have resonated ever since and resulted in my sense of shame was the fear he was going to kill me and yet I stayed with him for years after that, the fact I figured no one would believe me, and the thought that I was… Continue reading »

A Long Healing Process

I wonder sometimes why we don’t hear more about “domestic rape”. Is it because we are ashamed to come forward and admit that we were repeatedly raped by a man that was suppose to “love” us? How do you tell a police officer, a friend or your mother that the man that has been in your life for a year or longer has been raping you the whole time. I’ve been asked “why didn’t you leave?” My response, “I would hope he would change or stop like he said he would each time I tried.” Each time I came back it may have stopped for a few weeks but just became worse until I left for good, then the healing process began direct into the arms of another abuser. This is a very condensed version of my life. There is so much more to tell. I’m hoping to be in Miami on March 30th to… Continue reading »

In Denial of My Rape

When I was fifteen and sixteen, I was in an abusive relationship. He raped me four times, and had me convinced that it wasn’t rape because we were together. He would tell me things like, “I love you so much. I just couldn’t help it.” and “Don’t you love me? This is what people in love do.” after he was done. He also got angry once and shoved me against a door frame afterward because I had “just laid there.” My mother found out about the abuse in November, and made me end the relationship. Even though I realized that I had been abused by him. I was in denial about the rapes until next summer, when I told my family about my boyfriend. I’m very lucky, because they were supportive of me and respected my decision not to report it. Because the state I live in doesn’t offer restraining orders to minors, I had… Continue reading »