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He said he’d never do it again

First of all..I’m not a native speaker. I’m from Switzerland and somehow feel more comfortable with writing my story in English because..it feels like it didn’t happen to ME but to someone else. It started when I was 13…my family and my uncle’s family organize a meeting every 2-4 months. First my uncle (he’s 50) just touched my butt. And then it got worse and worse with time. He grabbed my breasts, and genital area and..then he started penetrating me. Only with his finger but it hurt anyway. I told him no and I tried to struggle but..I felt so pathetic because he isn’t even TALLER than me. I should have fought harder or screamed…but I never screamed because I didn’t want anyone to see. I was so embarrassed and felt guilty for my aunt..I mean, he cheated on her because of ME. He took my first kiss, my first sex, my pride and myself… Continue reading »

Raped at the age of 16

Firstly I would like to thank God to save me with his power. I was 16 years old when my friend and I ended up on the tavern`s street until 12 o`clock midnight. My friend and I were not attending the same school. My friend met her school friends and was hanging with them the time I wanted to go home. I met one of the boys whom knew I could walk with until I get close to my home. I was staying with my grandmother and my uncle, and on this day my granny was not at home went to a funeral in Botswana. I decided to leave my friend and walked with this guy until he turned on the other street to go to his home, I asked him to go with me till am more closely to my home. He begged me to go with him to fetch a jacket, because to… Continue reading »

What am I doing wrong

My first experience with sexual abuse was at age 3 or 4, I don’t remember but my mother told me in an almost joking matter about what the 14 year old girl next door made me do. Again almost everyday in the 7th and 8th grade. The school bus was especially a nightmare everyday at 3:45 -4:45 being touched slapped my clothes removed while others watched. I used to scream but the bus driver told me to shut my mouth. My first boyfriend was the main culprit, he lived across the street and made it his job to constantly humiliate me. Bullying me in public physically and sexually. After we broke up he had other boys hold me down and touch me as revenge. I didn’t date again until age 18. a 25 year old I met online and agreed to let him take my virginity. He left me a week after and I met… Continue reading »

Married to Abuser

The evening of December 25th 2015 was the last time I was assaulted by my ex husband. I had a dread in me the entire day knowing what he would be trying to initiate when we arrived home. He had assaulted me on several occasions previously and I knew what was to come. He was a very abusive and mentally exhausting, he would wear me down until finally I would give in. The type to feel he had a right to my body and would flip out, threaten and demean me if I refused. That night he left the house and screamed at me over the phone that he would leave me, take everything I had and fight me for our 2 year old son. I was terrified as I couldn’t take the emotional abuse and stress anymore. I cried silently to myself as he assaulted me that night, just as I had all those… Continue reading »

Be Careful Who You Trust

Be careful who you trust, they could end up betraying you. At least that is what happened to me. My mother had been dating this guy for almost 7 years. They had 2 kids together. I had trusted him life he was my father. I guess I shouldn’t have. When my mom went on a business trip to LA, she was gone for a week. I was left alone with her boyfriend, who i thought i could trust. Two nights after my mom had left, I decided to watch a TV show downstairs. I had intended to finish it, bur i fell asleep. I remember kind of waking up, but not being all the way observant, and feeling myself being touched. Now, i will admit that i have had dreamed that have been real enough that i thought i was being touched. That wasn’t the case here. I told myself that it was just a… Continue reading »

I wanted to get high

It started off, not so well. I wanted to get high, smoke some weed. I wanted to get high because I, I was feeling low. I didn’t have enough money so I went, ‘5’ with some guy. I knew of him, I didn’t think any harm. His dark brown eyes looks so innocent. So we smoked. And it was a different high, and as I asked about what we were smoking, He asked about other things. Avoiding my question. ‘Have you ever kissed, high?’ I was young. Maybe 13. And into girls, but that was my little secret. So I, Not thinking. I said no, So he asked me if I wanted to try, And I continued asking about the blunt that had been already rolled when we met up. He responded by saying It’s something different, something special. And he pulled me. And forced me to kiss him. And other things started happening. He… Continue reading »

My Snowball Effect

My life has been a serious of many many struggles. But, I am grateful that they happened because I wouldn’t be the person that I am today. It started with my parents relationship. It was ever really good. But at the age of nine, I caught my Father cheating on my mom. He was emailing this woman because he knew that Mom had no idea how to use a computer(my mother is from another country). As a child at the age of nine, I instantly told my mom. It felt like a personal attack to me because my father seemed perfect to me. I mean, they fought like a normal couple does, but nothing more. I talked to my dad and it seemed like things were gonna change. I never saw that side of my dad before. Due to this happening, it caused a lot of anxiety, I didn’t trust anyone, and I started to… Continue reading »

Sexual Abuse in a Relationship

I’ve never told a single soul about the things that happened to me, while I was in this relationship. I’m not sure exactly why I’ve just randomly decided to share this, but maybe someone who was going through similar things as I was will read this and realize they are not alone. You can be in a relationship and still be sexually abused, despite the fact that you are with the person. I was in a very toxic relationship, for many reasons, this being one of them. It started out slowly. The guy I was with would get very aggressive and on more than one occasion he would force himself on me. Try to hold me down, he didn’t care how rough he was being. And I always had told him no, that I didn’t want to do anything, to get off. He never listened, he just kept going. I tried getting him to stop,… Continue reading »

These Men are More Protected Than We Are

I can’t tell names. I can’t publicly announce who they were because they’re protected by a law that says I could be sued for defamation. This makes me so angry! I was the one that was harassed, manipulated, attacked. And yet every one of them walks free. These men. Many men. As young as I can remember, it was my brother. My mother swept it under the carpet and I was never allowed to speak up. We pretended he never. He got away with it. Then there was my step father’s friend. I was only a pre-teen. He was an older Hungarian man. Then my horse back riding teacher and friend. I was 15. He was 35. I got pregnant. My mother called me a little slut and took me to have an abortion. I can still hear the beating heart. My mother is still friends with this man. I worked at a cellphone company…. Continue reading »

A Stong Woman

I just wanted and needed to tell you a story if I hadn’t told you already, please feel free to talk about the shame, the hurt, the life changing experience I endured. Did I ever tell you the story about the 3 year old little girl who was molested almost every night at the hands of her older sister to the point of being able to still smell her body on the little girls body even to this day, which now the lil girl is 44 she lived with this secret pretty much all of her life because as a child she thought as a child to the point of thinking this behavior was normal because not only did her older sister hurt her, it seemed as if the lil girl was a target for so many others, from her female cuz. Next door to the brother of the female cuz next door to several… Continue reading »