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Online dating

I have been raped three times in my life. Once was with a boyfriend in high school when I was 17. His sexual preferences changed as ours all do, but mine stayed the same and we didn’t like the same things anymore. But that didn’t stop him from getting what he wanted. The second time was when I was 18, I don’t remember anything between meeting a guy friend at the park, to waking up in the bushes with my pants down and blood in between my legs. But when I was 19 in 2015 was the worst one… the one that leaves me lying awake at night and the endless panic attacks was that from a guy I met online. I met him off of Plenty of Fish, and we had already gone out on our first date. Everything went well and he seemed like a really nice guy. So we went out on… Continue reading »

I can say it now

My Dad was strict with us girls about sex- If we lost our virginity, we were out on the street. An appeal to Mom just got her to shrug and a reply Don’t. One night my older brother Tim was supposed to stay over at a hot party, but apparently returned home drunk. I awoke to him pulling up my nightshirt, and barely awake I said”Hey, it’s Heather!” but he was already raping me. He mumbled something about his girlfriend”Cleo was already getting laid, so he needed this”, and though I tried but he was too big to push him off, and I was scared to tell. Our little sister Lily woke to watch the scene. When he was done, he said”Thanks” and went to the bathroom to pee, and then to bed. All I could do was console Lily, who was scared. The next morning, after Dad and Mom went to work, Tim just… Continue reading »

Help

Help. God help me write this, but i think its time i let it out. This is my story about how a man who completely destroyed me within a matter of minutes, three times. At first i didnt know it was rape. After years of abuse i just thought it was normal and no one would talk about it. But surley it happens to everyone? Right? Clearly not. I somehow convinced myself that it was my fault and that i asked for it. And that i was wearing the wrong clothes so it could have happend to anyone. That im clearly a slut because of this. That no man will ever love me because of what has happened. No one will accept me and my past. But no one should ever feel like that, as it is the hardest thing i have ever had to get out of. And im still trying. I was 13… Continue reading »

Multiple Times

I am a survivor, multiple times over. The first time was 10 years ago. It took me until last year to be able to speak about it. I felt it was my fault. I was in an abusive on again, off again relationship. We were off at the time, and I met this guy (Brandon) on MySpace. I was barely 18 and naive and really, really hurt. My ex had been cheating on me. My mom had recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. I was a mess. He messaged me out of the blue, saying he was looking for friends in the area. I was clear with him about not wanting any form of a sexual relationship…I didn’t feel comfortable with anything but friends. He laughed it off, saying he had a girlfriend and wasn’t “that type of guy.” The first time I saw him, I was drunk. He decided to play the role of… Continue reading »

He Was A Police Officer

I am a survivor of rape. My assault happened by someone I thought was a person I could trust. We had been childhood friends and he was the pastor’s son at the church I grew up in. He was a police officer in the town I was attending college at and we started hanging out and getting to know each other better, since we hadn’t seen each other in years. To make a long story short, he displayed warning signs of odd behaviors a few months after getting to know each other, but I ignored them because I thought I could trust him. The warning signs included demanding that he was allowed to spend the night at my apartment without asking, following me home or randomly being in the same places I was, getting VERY angry at very small things that happened and then apologizing that he reacted in that way… I thought these were… Continue reading »

He said he’d never do it again

First of all..I’m not a native speaker. I’m from Switzerland and somehow feel more comfortable with writing my story in English because..it feels like it didn’t happen to ME but to someone else. It started when I was 13…my family and my uncle’s family organize a meeting every 2-4 months. First my uncle (he’s 50) just touched my butt. And then it got worse and worse with time. He grabbed my breasts, and genital area and..then he started penetrating me. Only with his finger but it hurt anyway. I told him no and I tried to struggle but..I felt so pathetic because he isn’t even TALLER than me. I should have fought harder or screamed…but I never screamed because I didn’t want anyone to see. I was so embarrassed and felt guilty for my aunt..I mean, he cheated on her because of ME. He took my first kiss, my first sex, my pride and myself… Continue reading »

Raped at the age of 16

Firstly I would like to thank God to save me with his power. I was 16 years old when my friend and I ended up on the tavern`s street until 12 o`clock midnight. My friend and I were not attending the same school. My friend met her school friends and was hanging with them the time I wanted to go home. I met one of the boys whom knew I could walk with until I get close to my home. I was staying with my grandmother and my uncle, and on this day my granny was not at home went to a funeral in Botswana. I decided to leave my friend and walked with this guy until he turned on the other street to go to his home, I asked him to go with me till am more closely to my home. He begged me to go with him to fetch a jacket, because to… Continue reading »

What am I doing wrong

My first experience with sexual abuse was at age 3 or 4, I don’t remember but my mother told me in an almost joking matter about what the 14 year old girl next door made me do. Again almost everyday in the 7th and 8th grade. The school bus was especially a nightmare everyday at 3:45 -4:45 being touched slapped my clothes removed while others watched. I used to scream but the bus driver told me to shut my mouth. My first boyfriend was the main culprit, he lived across the street and made it his job to constantly humiliate me. Bullying me in public physically and sexually. After we broke up he had other boys hold me down and touch me as revenge. I didn’t date again until age 18. a 25 year old I met online and agreed to let him take my virginity. He left me a week after and I met… Continue reading »

Married to Abuser

The evening of December 25th 2015 was the last time I was assaulted by my ex husband. I had a dread in me the entire day knowing what he would be trying to initiate when we arrived home. He had assaulted me on several occasions previously and I knew what was to come. He was a very abusive and mentally exhausting, he would wear me down until finally I would give in. The type to feel he had a right to my body and would flip out, threaten and demean me if I refused. That night he left the house and screamed at me over the phone that he would leave me, take everything I had and fight me for our 2 year old son. I was terrified as I couldn’t take the emotional abuse and stress anymore. I cried silently to myself as he assaulted me that night, just as I had all those… Continue reading »

Be Careful Who You Trust

Be careful who you trust, they could end up betraying you. At least that is what happened to me. My mother had been dating this guy for almost 7 years. They had 2 kids together. I had trusted him life he was my father. I guess I shouldn’t have. When my mom went on a business trip to LA, she was gone for a week. I was left alone with her boyfriend, who i thought i could trust. Two nights after my mom had left, I decided to watch a TV show downstairs. I had intended to finish it, bur i fell asleep. I remember kind of waking up, but not being all the way observant, and feeling myself being touched. Now, i will admit that i have had dreamed that have been real enough that i thought i was being touched. That wasn’t the case here. I told myself that it was just a… Continue reading »