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Hidden Emotions

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over two years. When we first started dating she told me that she had been raped and was very matter of fact about it. The only details she gave me was that it was someone in her family. Fast forward a few months and she introduces me to her mother, step father, and siblings at a family dinner. Her parents where extremely nice and she seems to have a good relationship with both of them. Throughout the night though she seems to get more uncomfortable and when her mom says that we can spend the night (in different rooms) instead of making the almost two hour drive home she freaks out says we have to go. We leave and she doesn’t say anything all the way home. I never pressed her for information until a few a few days ago when we went to visit… Continue reading »

Let’s Fight Back With Love

Hi fellow survivors. The recent posts I am seeing on this site sadden me because we are all strong survivors and we should try to always remember this. I know like me, many of you are still having a hard time processing that a man who is so clearly a rapist was elected as our 45th president. After completely going crazy and telling sweet old ladies in my family who voted for Trump that they have disgusting morals I mustered the strength to accept that ignorance and biases over powered logical decision making. A lot of otherwise intelligent Americans simply did not have the exposer to begin to understand the subtle way biases like sexism and racism creep up and make decisions for us. The truth is under different life circumstances I may have been just as blinded as they were when they voted. It took some time and A TON of emotional strength, but… Continue reading »

Scared Like Crazy

I have never been raped but, I’ve been scared of being raped since I was 14. That’s 7 years of living in fear. My college’s campus is pretty safe but whenever I hangout with my guy friends outside of baseball practice (I’m the team’s #1 fan and photographer) or the cafeteria I get scared that they could rape me. I know that they wouldn’t since we are all close friends but they drink a lot on the weekends that scares me. I’m never with them when they drink but it always worries me. Even when they are sober and walk me back to my dorm room during the night hours I get scared. I often have nightmares of strangers raping me and the guys have to help me but its still scary. I just wish I could over come this fear. I just get scared that I will have to come face to face with… Continue reading »

Brave Miss(es) Indeed

All my life, women have felt they could intimidate me and hurt me. Why? To make themselves feel better? Because I deserve pain and humiliation? Every instance of significant harassment and assault was at the hands of a woman. When I was 13, the girlfriends I had cherished turned on me and abandoned me. They taunted me and told others not to be friends with me, because I wasn’t worth it. I was stupid, retarded, ugly, and I’d never have a boyfriend. No boy could or would ever want me. When I was 24, an ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend pretended to be my friend, pretended to want to get to know me, only to get me drunk and sexually use me to get back at our ex-boyfriend. When I was 32, a Mexican woman (who had moved to America from Mexico) said that she didn’t like the way I looked and that I didn’t belong in her… Continue reading »

I Didn’t See It In Time

I’m just some normal person. That’s what I always think of myself. I have a guy who loves me, and has never hurt me. My best friend, on the other hand, didn’t get the best experience with her boyfriend. Everything went pretty ok with them at first, but I didn’t trust him that well. My friend is always so positive and happy, that I didn’t think anything could break her down. But one day, she Skyped me from her room. She looked like she’d been crying. I asked what was wrong, and she started to tell me, when that “boyfriend” came in and turned it off. He looked angry, and she looked frightened. I was able to get to her house and convince her to report to the police of sexual harassment. I ended up doing it myself, since she was to afraid to. She’s fine now, and lives with me as a roommate. She… Continue reading »

The Fight We Can All Win

On January 23, 2015, I came out and told my very own story, who I once called my father. It was the hardest thing to do, because I had never told a single soul. A year later and a new job later, I found someone I could trust who had been in hard shoes also. I showed her this website, Brave Miss World, and I showed her my story without even having to say a single word. I’m proud to say, she gave me strength to open up to CPS and with great difficulty, they have arrested the man who molested me and my siblings for years on. In a month I will be going into court with my chin up and testifying against him, knowing I have a great deal of people on my side. With great gratitude, I will be forever grateful for Brave Miss World and the help with the two comments… Continue reading »

Darkness With Friends

One day I was just chillin in my room texting a friend from school. Then I get these weird texts all of a sudden. My friend and I then text on another format of texting. We try to figure who’s texting me then we find out. From that day on until today, I met so many people just by that one person. They tell me everything. Their stories to dreams to really deep stuff. They’re great people but the people around them are assholes to them. One is 18 and gets raped all the time by his moms boyfriend of 60. Mom doesn’t give a shit about it. Gets beaten every day by his older sister and she even raped him too. He is a good person but hes always getting into trouble. Getting kidnapped, drugged, and raped by older people. Another is 20 and his parents beat him every day and hurt him so… Continue reading »

Unhealthy Relationship

I already knew this guy, he was a friend of my friends. One day we all hung out and he said he had feelings for me, and that those feelings have been there for quite a while. I thought he was the mos amazing guy ever by the way people and friends would talk about him. He would pick me up from school, and we would go out to where he used to work and we wouldn’t leave there till around 9:00 p.m so everyday I would get home around 9:00 p.m. The first 3 months were great. He was the sweetest guy ever, he would buy me flowers, he was a gentleman and he would treat me like a queen. Later on, he started to change. The first time were at a game and game and there was one of my friends that he didn’t like, he yelled at me and said “Why are… Continue reading »

Can Anyone Help?

Hi fellow survivors. I’ve written on this forum a few times before trying to be encouraging to those who are struggling with post rape trauma and all the crap that comes with it, but I’m reaching out to you for support now. It’s been about 9 months since a stranger raped me in my hotel room and I think I’ve been doing fairly well with recovery but I still have really bad nights. Last night was like any normal night (after an awesome date day/night with my boyfriend) and when the lights turned off and I closed my eyes to sleep all I could see was my rapist raping me over and over and over again. I couldn’t stop crying and had to go to the downstairs bed and take another Klonopin to finally fall asleep. Most nights are fine but I’m tired of these nights when I feel terrorized by my thoughts and I… Continue reading »

Forgotten Memories Submerge

I’m 21 years old, but my story begins from when I was 6 years old. My parents were not really involved in what was going on in my life, and simply, not interested. I was sexually abused spanning from age 6; 10; and 11. The incidents from when I was 6 and 10 are still vague to me, and I don’t often have much flashbacks from then. When I was 11 years old I was raped by my 6th grade teacher. Because I had a shaky family life, I guess he noticed and realized he had found his latest target. He befriended me early into the school year. I didn’t have many ‘nice’ teachers, so for me I actually fell for the rouse almost instantly. He would often times call me to stay back a bit when it was time for break, and simply ‘chat’. He seemed so easy going and ‘cool’, that I would… Continue reading »