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Six months in the making..

I visited this website one week after I was raped in search of story like mine to convince myself what happened to me was rape. Six months ago I went out for the last weekend at college with my friends for a “girls night”. I was drugged at a local bar at a university I attend and was awoken by a stranger having sex with me. I remember being at the bar for about 15 minutes and then after my memory goes black. I remember parts of night in flashes. I remember the pain being so bad and trying to push him off with tears running down my face, but having no power in my arms. I thought it was my fault for the longest time, that I had somehow drank too much or had done something to make it happen to me. I felt like I was broken and could never be fixed. It… Continue reading »

The Boys Club Continues

I decided to share my story after reading another woman’s story on this site…she was brutally gang raped by police and contemplating suicide. Please “don’t let them win” by Suicide. I know it’s your choice to take your life or survive…. I know the helplessness against the Blue Wall. I too have felt disposable, dismissed & despondent… I was gang raped by a fraternity as a hazing stunt during rush week….thankfully, they drugged me so I don’t remember much…but reporting it, the officers said it was going to be my word against theirs and I didn’t really have a case as I went willingly to the party and did drink and wasn’t a virgin…so…..I didn’t really have a case. I went to counseling immediately, but the lady therapist said I had “issues with my mother, not my rapists, rape didn’t have anything to do with what happened to me” she said…..that all happened when I… Continue reading »

Believe it or Not, It happened to me

was raped 29 years ago. I was Party Raped, Gang Raped, whatever you want to call it. 1989 I was 14, and raped by my ex boyfriend and 2 of his friends (who I had never spoke to). I will save all the details. I was Drunk, beyond drunk, and already passed out on a mattress on the floor, I believe now my ex done this for revenge, I really don’t know. I didn’t report it because I was not supposed to be where I was, and definitely not suppose to be drunk. Also how embarrassing would it be for a 14 year old girl living in the Bible Belt of the South to have to let everybody know what happened, the details are awful enough, I was too drunk to fight, I couldn’t even sit up. And the MESSED up part is I still had feelings for my ex. Long story short,he was my… Continue reading »

I Didn’t Know I Was Raped

Upon the eve of my 21st birthday my boyfriend of the time (who was everything to not date in a man) raped me. We went to a bar and were drinking. I am not even a fan of bars. I wanted to go camping, but he insisted. (Side Note: After we broke up I went on dates with four different guys to see what was out there. Every single one of them treated me better than he treated me our entire relationship. Like, the little things they did in comparison, blew my mind. How they thought of me, how kind they were, and how much they payed attention to detail, BLEW MY MIND. It was stuff that shouldn’t have even blew my mind, but did. It did because I was treated like shit emotionally for so long that I didn’t even know anything else. If a man (or my bad, boy) ever makes you question… Continue reading »

We met at the bar

He bought me a drink and we played shuffle board. All the while laughing and flirting. He was very charming. We took an Uber back to his place. We go inside and start making out. The drinks are all hitting me and feeling good. As we start to have sex I start to feel funny and the world slips away. Ow that hurts I say but he doesn’t care and continues biting my leg like it was meat. My body freezes up as if I can’t move, he doesn’t stop after I ask him to and I stare blankly at his red fraternity flag hanging on the wall, as he continues to fuck me harder and rougher a silent tear runs down my cheek. Finally he falls asleep and I am too scared to move. I wait for what seems like hours to make sure he is really asleep before I go to leave. As… Continue reading »

Feelings After I was Raped 20 plus years

I am always screaming inside. What is Normal. I forgot who I was before I was raped. What is it like to be Happy. I never really sleep. I am always mad. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my Rapist(s). Why I never told anyone. I am Embarressed. I am Ashamed. I am so stupid. I let it happen. Believe me. Don’t believe me. I never really Smile. I don’t know what love really is. I am numb. Trust. Sitting in the Shower. Crying with No Sound. Who am I really. I Never want to Leave my house. Nobody knows. Everybody knows. Worse. Hurt. Pain. Sorrow. I want to die everyday. I want to live. Don’t touch me. Touch me. Where is my Laugh. I am weak. Bury my head im my pillow every night. I want to be left alone. Don’t leave me alone. Breathe. I want to forget. I… Continue reading »

I don’t Know, but I Know

We gathered on a Saturday at my BFFs pool. It went from 4 of us to a couple of dozen! I had some beers, not a lot really, but I fell asleep on a deck chair. I woke up in someone’s room. I was still in my swimsuit, but my shirt was gone. I had wet myself, and felt basically nasty. I had to go to the bathroom, and then washed my suit and myself. I found my shirt on the downstairs banister railing, and got some food. No one said anything as I rejoined, so I just felt I got away with it. It was when they posted to social, that I felt funnier about it. Among all the pics, they had a couple of my BFFs brother, in a Viking helmet, picking me up in his arms. He carried me off, throwing me over his shoulder to get through the door. It was… Continue reading »

Males can be victims too

I’m a male in the north east of England. It’s difficult to talk about but I was raped. I’ve waited over 3 years to finally admit that to myself. Since I am a male, many people dismissed me. The first person I told was my sister who helped me get into contact with the police but they wouldn’t assist me, simply exclaiming males cannot be raped. That means the person (I’ll refer to her as Kayleigh) still has served no justice to this day. It makes me feel angry and alone most days. I try and put it behind me as much as I can but it’s difficult. I was 14 at the time and she was 19 going on 20. I tried the best I could to stop it but I was much younger and we were at Leeds University at the time, a place I was unfamiliar with, so I couldn’t reach out… Continue reading »

More Witness than I Care to Live with

My name is Katherine, and my sex ed started when I went to a playground after a softball game. I was 9, and a man joined me. He intimidated me into masturbating him. I only had my mother and 2 sisters with my father out of the house, so I had no knowledge of male physiology. After the surprise ending, he gave me a box of cookies. I knew what I did was dirty, but didn’t know how to articulate it. In junior high, I was invited to a friend’s party. During the party, I got lost looking for the bathroom, and opened a bedroom door, where another friend was pinned on the bed by an older boy. She was repeating the stop, let me go, no, etc without stop, as was he continuing. I was in shock, and almost peed myself! no one every teaches you what to do if you see this, and… Continue reading »

Healing and releasing painful memories

I was a fashion designer in the Los Angeles area. I opened up my own business and hired a young man that we knew in the garment business as our shipping manager and coordinator. He was someone my ex-husband, now deceased, knew. We became friends with him and his wife. Later to be made their baby boy’s god parents. Everything was fine and no problems at the job. After two years and another baby, I was unhappy about the changes that a silent partner placed on my business. I designed contemporary women’s clothes at a higher price and he wanted to cheapen the clothes and go for the teenie bopper area. I was not going to invest money in something I did not want to be involved in so we closed the business. Gave compensation to all and they understood. In tern, this young man moved his family to Florida and that was that. I… Continue reading »