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November ’08

Hi, my name is Erica. On November 4th, 2008, the day the results of the presidential election were announced, I was sexually assaulted. It was a Tuesday night. Myself and a couple of friends were at a bar across from Union Station, having drinks while waiting to find out the results of the recent election. I was 19. Obviously Obama was the victor of this election. Everyone at the bar (including myself) was in good spirits upon hearing the news. Eventually, my friend (K) and I ended up going back to my ex-boyfriend’s house to celebrate. After we arrived, we had a few drinks with my ex (R) and his friend Phil. At the time, I was a sophomore at Catholic University (in NE, DC), and I knew R from college. R was also a bartender at a local bar and Phil was an occasional DJ at the bar. Phil was much older (mid 40’s)… Continue reading »

The Friendship I Always Never Wanted

Denny* and I had a turbulent relationship. We had fun, so much fun – until 2009 began to unfold. Surviving Black Saturday traumatized Denny. His uncle had committed suicide a month earlier. He was experiencing his first hardships as an adult, and I was too young and naïve to see how it was destroying him. He became distant from his friends, our friends. They too were blind to the truth. I was burdened with the blame for his absence, from everyone. Even William*. I looked up to William. I wanted so much to be a part of his life. Being shunned by him for consequences outside my actions hurt deeply. I was desperate to befriend him again. To be forgiven for wrongs I had not committed. Denny and I broke up. Years went by. William and I were on the outskirts of one and other, infinitely crossing paths. My grief for our friendship stayed strong…. Continue reading »

Don’t Know What to Call What Happened

A couple months ago I was at a party with my friend. I didn’t expect to get as drunk as I did. I remember everything pretty clearly until I threw up. I do remember throwing up then heading to someone’s room to sleep because I was exhausted. I was just about asleep when some guy walked in and crawled into bed with me. He just said he was sleeping too, and I was too drunk to tell him no, so I just went to sleep. He gradually moved closer, kissed me, then started touching me. I asked him what he was doing and told him no, but I wasn’t forceful enough because I was drunk. All he said was “shh you’re fine” and “it’s okay” the entire time. I blacked out once or twice and I’m not sure for how long. The reason I don’t know how to classify the incident is because I remember… Continue reading »

I still don’t know what happened

We were at this reunion after work at a friends house, we were drinking, playing games and eating, the last thing I remember after my black out was playing monopoly with my friends, totally normal. Then I woke up completely naked at his bed thinking ‘what the hell happened?’ I turned around and asked him about it and he just said “we fucked a lot.” I seriously just remember parts of it and that was after I got home, took a shower and slept. I don’t remember saying no, pushing him away or anything like that, just crying in the middle of the night and someone knocking on the door, but he had put the lock on. I have wondered myself if it was my fault for getting so drunk or if it was consensual, and that affected me for weeks. I was doing bad at work, at school, at everything just for thinking about… Continue reading »

Drugged

Before reading: English is not my first language. Be aware before you Judge me. Thank you. I can’t explain how it felt. The hardest part of my story is, that not only did he take away my trust, he took away a part of my memory, a crucial part, that I will never have back. The fact that I know what happened, but will never know, how, when exactly, and why, frustrates me still. And will Always hurt me so much. I trusted you. This one’s for you. I met you in 2015. I had just turned 15 and went on my first holiday with my best friend. Her parents took me with them, and treated me very great, they looked out for me. My mom Always told me that she trusted me, that she knew I would look out for myself. So why are you worried about me? My 15-year old self wondered. ‘I… Continue reading »

I wanted to get high

It started off, not so well. I wanted to get high, smoke some weed. I wanted to get high because I, I was feeling low. I didn’t have enough money so I went, ‘5’ with some guy. I knew of him, I didn’t think any harm. His dark brown eyes looks so innocent. So we smoked. And it was a different high, and as I asked about what we were smoking, He asked about other things. Avoiding my question. ‘Have you ever kissed, high?’ I was young. Maybe 13. And into girls, but that was my little secret. So I, Not thinking. I said no, So he asked me if I wanted to try, And I continued asking about the blunt that had been already rolled when we met up. He responded by saying It’s something different, something special. And he pulled me. And forced me to kiss him. And other things started happening. He… Continue reading »

These Men are More Protected Than We Are

I can’t tell names. I can’t publicly announce who they were because they’re protected by a law that says I could be sued for defamation. This makes me so angry! I was the one that was harassed, manipulated, attacked. And yet every one of them walks free. These men. Many men. As young as I can remember, it was my brother. My mother swept it under the carpet and I was never allowed to speak up. We pretended he never. He got away with it. Then there was my step father’s friend. I was only a pre-teen. He was an older Hungarian man. Then my horse back riding teacher and friend. I was 15. He was 35. I got pregnant. My mother called me a little slut and took me to have an abortion. I can still hear the beating heart. My mother is still friends with this man. I worked at a cellphone company…. Continue reading »

Freshman Year

I go to a small college in the northeast, and my freshman year I was at a party at one of the sports team houses. It was only October, and I had a group of friends at school and all, but there was also a kid from my high school that went there as well. We were pretty friendly, we studied for a midterm together a couple weeks earlier, and I ran into him at the party. We we’re talking and whatnot, but I was pretty tired and had to be up early the next day for a meeting. He lived in the same building as me, just 1 floor directly below, and offered to walk me back. When we got to the dorm, he asked if I wanted to hang out and I told him i should really get to bed. He insisted I come inside and chill for like “10 minutes” so I… Continue reading »

4 Years Ago

4 years ago when I was 19, during my first year at University I met a guy through my friend. He seemed nice enough, he was a bartender at one of the local bars that we frequented because my friends liked it. We went out to go dance/drink at the bar one night. He kept buying me drinks, I figured was just as friends. He bought me about 7-8 mixed drinks, all drinks with both alcohol and energy drink (that he was making), I figured it was fine. After all he was a friend, and a bartender. Him and I danced a few times. Then my friends and I left to go home. When we got home he started texting me, he asked if I wanted to watch a movie, I said yes. When he got back to the dorms I was still really drunk. We started watching watching Euro trip and just a few… Continue reading »

Years later… meeting my rapist again

I was abducted when I was nineteen by an acquaintance who stalked me. I tried to report it to the campus police, but they just humiliated me. Also, It was an ordeal that I don’t really remember because he drugged me. But many years later, I moved to a new town, and then he appeared a few months later. He was in that town. He was a respected member of the leaders of that town. He called my name. When I pretended I didn’t know who he was, he said the date that he raped me. After that, I spent a few years feeling terribly afraid. I got physically ill with cancer. I had many flashbacks and realized that he had taken me to a gardening shed, that he had drugged me, that he invited others to come watch what he did to me and took video and photographs. I have had terrible dreams and… Continue reading »