It’s still hard to tell although quite some time passed. i was held against my will and raped for two months by a crazy guy while traveling in europe. i got left pregnant and i bleed for 2 months after my body naturally aborted. he told me he would kill me. how did it happen. he seemed like a nice friendly guy about my age, bright eyes, i went to his house where we smoked a joint that was drugged and etc…the ordeal was horrible, i thought i would die, i remember screaming and it was an apartment complex and the cops never came, i don’t know why. i got really sick with a 40degree fever and my throat got an infection and i started bleeding, we didn’t know i was pregnant i think he got scared and i told him i had to leave that i was really sick and he let me go…i… Continue reading »
Politeness Serves No One
I had just started college; this was about ten years ago. I was leaving a frat party on my own. A male friend of a friend texted me to ask what I was doing and if I needed someone to walk me back to the dorms. I had only met him once, but I was a little drunk, and he seemed nice the one time I met him. Also, he knew my friend from high school so I assumed he was trustworthy. I had a couple beers at the party. He met me outside the house, and it was dark outside. He said he had to stop by the liquor store, and he bought a six pack of Smirnoff Ice along with a couple other things. He asked if we could stop at his place first for a drink before he dropped me off at my dorm. I said sure and was fake nice and… Continue reading »
Ketamine Rape
It was the first semester of my first year of college. I was desperate… desperate for approval, desperate for love, desperate to fit in. Tony seemed like a nice guy, though I had only met him once before. He asked if I would be his girlfriend, and I agreed. Over the next couple of months, he quickly started pushing past my boundaries. He would lay on top of me (he was 280 pounds) and make out with me until I was gasping for breath, give me a minute to breathe, and then start again. I became increasingly uncomfortable, and so broke things off. That night he came to my dorm room and asked to have one last cup of (non-alcoholic) eggnog, which was a tradition of ours. He said he just wanted closure. I didn’t watch him pour it. I took a few sips quickly and realized something was wrong, but by the time I… Continue reading »
A letter to my rapist
I cannot even put into words how much you have hurt me. You have completely broken me and I hope by writing this I can explain at least a bit of how your assault affected my life. What you did to me has shattered the way in which I see the world. I have always had anxiety, I’ve grown up with it and learned to deal with it. However, the anxiety you make me feel is so much more than I have ever experienced. Every time I walk down the street I think about being raped. Sometimes the thoughts are fleeting, they just sweep by and go to the back of my mind. However, on bad days, every time I walk past a guy that looks in any way similar to you I feel sick. Luckily I am good at hiding it, I can force myself to be calm on the outside while on the… Continue reading »
Under the light of the full moon
I am 25 now. This happened a few weeks ago. Just a week before I was reading rape statistics and thinking about how many women know their rapists. I was toying with the idea of going back to school for psychology. I have always felt drawn to people in pain, that it is my job to help whoever I can as often as I can. I smugly thought about how wonderful my community is and how that would never happen to me. But I am no stranger to abuse. My first romantic relationship was with a textbook sociopath who beat, tortured and humiliated me into submission. It took me two years to escape his clutches. After that followed a strange period of time for me. I craved the closeness of a relationship but didn’t feel that I was in any way ready for them. There was a succession of short relationships, if you can call… Continue reading »
November ’08
Hi, my name is Erica. On November 4th, 2008, the day the results of the presidential election were announced, I was sexually assaulted. It was a Tuesday night. Myself and a couple of friends were at a bar across from Union Station, having drinks while waiting to find out the results of the recent election. I was 19. Obviously Obama was the victor of this election. Everyone at the bar (including myself) was in good spirits upon hearing the news. Eventually, my friend (K) and I ended up going back to my ex-boyfriend’s house to celebrate. After we arrived, we had a few drinks with my ex (R) and his friend Phil. At the time, I was a sophomore at Catholic University (in NE, DC), and I knew R from college. R was also a bartender at a local bar and Phil was an occasional DJ at the bar. Phil was much older (mid 40’s)… Continue reading »
The Friendship I Always Never Wanted
Denny* and I had a turbulent relationship. We had fun, so much fun – until 2009 began to unfold. Surviving Black Saturday traumatized Denny. His uncle had committed suicide a month earlier. He was experiencing his first hardships as an adult, and I was too young and naïve to see how it was destroying him. He became distant from his friends, our friends. They too were blind to the truth. I was burdened with the blame for his absence, from everyone. Even William*. I looked up to William. I wanted so much to be a part of his life. Being shunned by him for consequences outside my actions hurt deeply. I was desperate to befriend him again. To be forgiven for wrongs I had not committed. Denny and I broke up. Years went by. William and I were on the outskirts of one and other, infinitely crossing paths. My grief for our friendship stayed strong…. Continue reading »
Don’t Know What to Call What Happened
A couple months ago I was at a party with my friend. I didn’t expect to get as drunk as I did. I remember everything pretty clearly until I threw up. I do remember throwing up then heading to someone’s room to sleep because I was exhausted. I was just about asleep when some guy walked in and crawled into bed with me. He just said he was sleeping too, and I was too drunk to tell him no, so I just went to sleep. He gradually moved closer, kissed me, then started touching me. I asked him what he was doing and told him no, but I wasn’t forceful enough because I was drunk. All he said was “shh you’re fine” and “it’s okay” the entire time. I blacked out once or twice and I’m not sure for how long. The reason I don’t know how to classify the incident is because I remember… Continue reading »
I still don’t know what happened
We were at this reunion after work at a friends house, we were drinking, playing games and eating, the last thing I remember after my black out was playing monopoly with my friends, totally normal. Then I woke up completely naked at his bed thinking ‘what the hell happened?’ I turned around and asked him about it and he just said “we fucked a lot.” I seriously just remember parts of it and that was after I got home, took a shower and slept. I don’t remember saying no, pushing him away or anything like that, just crying in the middle of the night and someone knocking on the door, but he had put the lock on. I have wondered myself if it was my fault for getting so drunk or if it was consensual, and that affected me for weeks. I was doing bad at work, at school, at everything just for thinking about… Continue reading »
Drugged
Before reading: English is not my first language. Be aware before you Judge me. Thank you. I can’t explain how it felt. The hardest part of my story is, that not only did he take away my trust, he took away a part of my memory, a crucial part, that I will never have back. The fact that I know what happened, but will never know, how, when exactly, and why, frustrates me still. And will Always hurt me so much. I trusted you. This one’s for you. I met you in 2015. I had just turned 15 and went on my first holiday with my best friend. Her parents took me with them, and treated me very great, they looked out for me. My mom Always told me that she trusted me, that she knew I would look out for myself. So why are you worried about me? My 15-year old self wondered. ‘I… Continue reading »