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I am More than a Victim

I was raped the summer before my sophomore year. I was at a party. I was dancing and talking to everyone that I came into contact with, I wasn’t drinking just having a good time. The friends I was with left to go get a drink and to go to the bathroom for what seemed like only a minute. Then this guy came up to me and started to flirt with me pretty heavily. I didn’t think anything of it. He was cute, I flirted back. He offered me a drink, which I denied, and told him I wasn’t drinking. He offered to go get me a Coke instead, and I accepted. He came back with an open can of Coke. I noticed it was open but I didn’t think anything of it at the time. Actually I thought it was sweet of him to open it for me… but he was far from sweet…. Continue reading »

Party Time

When I was fifteen I went to my first college party. My friend Katie who was a senior and eighteen at the time had been invited by an older boy and I insisted that we go. She was hesitant but I pushed and she relented. So we got all dolled up and went across the city to this frat house. It was wonderful at first, but I was stupid and didn’t pay attention to anything happening. Before I new it I felt as if I was loosing consciousness and I didn’t know why because I had only had one drink. I realized I was in this guys bed and he was on top of me. I tried to get him off but I was too weak. During the assault Katie barged in but It was too late. I could tell by the look on her face that I looked awful from being hit multiple times… Continue reading »

I Blame Myself

I’ve never really came around to tell many people about my story, only because I’m always too embarrassed to repeat the horrid things that happened this night, but I think it’s time to finally share it. A couple of years ago, it was my senior year in high school. Everything was going to be perfect, it was my last year and I was going to be able to experience what it was like to finally have senior privileges. This year I was given a lot more freedom than what I usually had, and I’ve honestly never been the party type, but I wanted to try out new things. Some guys texted me of a hangout that was going down, and I dragged my bff to go check it out with me. Once we stepped into the house, there was no girls in sight, so of course we thought it was awkward. My bff thought we… Continue reading »

I Repressed Everything… Until Now

I was fourteen and had already lost my virginity to a guy I barely knew, liked, or cared about. I was never one of those girls who saw themselves saving it until marriage. Knowing what I know now, I believe my first sexual assault happened much earlier in my life from my father, but I don’t remember any details so all I can do is speculate. At this point in my life I had already turned to alcohol and drugs as a constant coping mechanism, so when a friend of a friend invited me to a college party I agreed immediately. He was nineteen and a couple towns away from me. I told my dad I was spending the night with a friend and I’d be back the following afternoon. I walked the few blocks to the school, where we had agreed to have him pick me up. I couldn’t wait to get drunk, and… Continue reading »

I Slept Next to Him

During the summer of ’16 I went out downtown like I always did. I went out with two friends and I had been talking to this guy who kind of had an appearance of a “thug” but he was a genuine person. He talked to me for hours, we talked about intimate things and feelings as if we’d been friends for years almost. I’ve written on here before but I honestly didn’t think it would happen again. I was on my guard, I was on high alert. I had a pocket knife, I had extra shoes to go home in, I had a quick call button to 911 on my phone, I even wore a panty liner to make him think I was on my period (as if that would matter to a rapist) and I knew where he lived and how far my house was from his. I did all this, but it still… Continue reading »

Being Raped

With the help of God, I can finally write this down. I watched Brave Miss World the same year I confronted on of the men who raped me. This site has allowed me to find strength and solidarity among the words, the deeply respected and haunting stories of others who have experienced being violated, having their identities stolen or put through crisis; those who wake up with PTSD, anxiety, suffer from panic attacks, substance misuse, depression and social isolation. Some of those, who like me, blamed themselves for something you ask.. couldn’t I have prevented? This is for every girl, who didn’t get to choose, and for every person who loves her and also, didn’t get to prevent what happened to her. It’s also for anyone who has ever raped, violated or participated in anything that led to someone being violated. I hope that you become better than you were, and seek forgiveness. I am… Continue reading »

I Thought I Was Safe

It was sophomore year of college and I was so happy to move back on campus. It had never occurred to me that with the independence and freedom I found in college, there also came many things I needed to be aware of that could compromise my safety. I was naive. I never thought it would happen to me in a place I loved so much. I never thought I was unsafe. I moved back on campus early, as did many of my friends. A couple of nights before classes started, my friend Hannah and I decided to have a quiet night and planned on having a couple of drinks and listening to music. After an hour or so, one of Hannah’s friends (we’ll call him Ted) came in. I knew of him and had seen him around campus, but this was my first time really meeting Ted. We hit it off right away and… Continue reading »

Unbelievable

Honestly kind of nervous to try this. I’ve never told anyone. I think I convinced myself it didn’t happen. That I was dating him so it couldn’t be rape. I was 17 in high school and dating a boy 4 years older than me. He was holding a party for a friend and last thing I remember from the party was sitting on the counter drinking Mountain dew from a red solo cup. I woke up with him and his friend in bed. I couldn’t remember anything but I knew I hadn’t been drinking so I told myself I must have agreed. Later I realized I had been drugged. For years after that I am ashamed to admit I felt used so I let myself be used and every time I couldn’t tell you how it ended. I don’t know if there is an explanation for it. My mind and body seem to freeze and… Continue reading »

Its Got To STOP!

My story and experiences of what I’ve been enduring for over a year now is so fantastic that even I have a hard time getting my mind around it. I am a Caregiver that has worked for the same employer for almost 8 years now. She has a professional Conservator and a lawyer that keep very well insulated as far as her finances go. She is very wealthy, and is in very good physical health. She is 93 and has dementia. I am at her home with her 96 hours a week. My schedule begins on Monday at noon and I remain here at her home until Friday at noon. I spend the night here, and the total hours I am on-duty are 96 per week. I’m not sure where to begin, and trying to go over all the details and circumstances would take writing a book. I’ll try to just be as factual based,… Continue reading »

The Night That Changed Me

I apologize for this being a tad on the long side, it is the first time I am sharing my full story with anyone and it was very therapeutic to write out every detail. I thank everyone for taking the time to read my story, and sharing in my healing….. January 30th 2015 is a night I will never forget, but also one I can’t fully remember. It is a night that a man I barely knew took so much from me, and a night that still haunts my dreams 2 years later. To understand my story fully, we need to look back… I have always struggled with my weight even as a child and adolescent. In school, I was often ridiculed for being overweight, I never let it bother me and was even a cheerleader and in many school activities. Like most high school girls, I had boyfriends and was confident in myself and… Continue reading »