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Trapped

I don’t know what to call it. Its been a rough year, my cousins lost his sister to suicide, & I know it shouldn’t be an excuse for why I let him do what he does to me. I thought the first time he took advantage of me was going to be the last. I convinced myself that this was never to happen again and it was only because he’s grieving over his sister, i’m just a temporary void for him. But he’s my cousin. Someone I once thought was the closest thing to me getting over his sisters death, the closest memory I have to her in keeping my sanity & not wanting to escape to be with her. I keep telling myself, it’s not a huge thing. I’ll get over it because I’m so use to pretending everything is okay, so I should be able to pretend and fake a smile with this,… Continue reading »

First Frat Party

All I ever wanted to do was be in a sorority, I wanted those sisters. I grew up with an older and younger brother in West Virgina so when I came to college I knew I wanted to rush. When I got my “BIG SIS” we were immediatly best friends. Baylie was the big sister I had always hoped for. I had only started “going out” my senior year in high school so I didn’t know too much about partying. But Baylie helped me find my comfort zone in it. At first we stuck to small apartment and house parties, then mid October I decided I was ready to go big time, and go to one of the fraternity parties. It was tuesday night, a more low key night for my first one. There were several girls from my sorority there so it was a good time. We were standing in the hallway and Baylie… Continue reading »

I should’ve tried harder to stop it

It was a year and 4 months ago, on my 16th birthday. I was at a house party of one of my good friends at the time and I was very, very drunk (how cliché of me)! When we first got there, our bags were put in a bedroom, so I assumed we were all sleeping in that room. Early into the morning, after drinking way too much, I went in to lie down. Turns out that was my friend’s brother’s room. He came in and I remember him closing the door. The rest of the night is kinda blurry and very dark and I remember it burned a lot and I could not wait for it to all be over. My friends didn’t understand and were very mad and decided to no longer speak to me. I was depressed for a few months about losing them. I felt like it was my fault for… Continue reading »

It’s my fault

I’m a small town girl living on her own for the first time in a really big city going to college. I’ve been dating my boyfriend (who lives 5 hours away) for almost 5 years and one night I went out with some friends and ended up getting really wasted to where I blacked out for most of that night. Fast forward 7 weeks later I notice signs of pregnancy but didn’t get an ultrasound until 9 weeks in the pregnancy. At the time, I thought it was my boyfriend (it would be impossible to be anyone else’s as I’ve been exclusive with him) but the timeline she gave me didn’t match with the times by boyfriend came out to see me. In fact, she was about 2 weeks off and I assumed it must’ve been a mistake. It wasn’t until I spoke to another friend about this and she mentioned to me that 9… Continue reading »

Party Accident

I was in the second trimester of school and the pressure was beginning to psych myself out. My friends told me about a party, knowing I would more than likely, not go. I bombed my trig test and was disappointed and angry. That night, I snuck out of my house (already have taken a few shots) and my friends picked me up. After a half an hour, I lost my friends in the crowd. I drank and drank and took pills someone gave me. I felt like a different person. A guy was making eye contact with me for a while when I was talking to his friend. After minutes of “eye flirting,” I finally went over to say hi. He genuinely seemed sweet. The room smelled only of weed and sweat. It was filled with music with bass so loud you could feel it. Things escalated out of control, way faster than I wanted…. Continue reading »

Never Thought It Would Happen to Me

Dear Survivor, I know the bad days outnumber the good ones. Maybe you haven’t even had a good day since it happened. Maybe you feel like your temptations are the only logical way to escape. Maybe you’re ignoring it. I thought ending my life was the only way to escape. And more than once I acted on these feelings. I’m here to assure you that it isn’t. I’m here to remind you that you are not alone. I’m here to tell you my story. I sat in a chair alone, regretting every decision I had made up to this point. It was too dark to see where the room ended. I glanced up at the clock, it was after midnight. Thirty minutes passed. I dropped my underwear onto the blue-tiled floor behind the thin curtain. This was the only article of clothing left on my shaking body as I held back tears. I was being… Continue reading »

Ride from the Concert

I had tickets to a concert, and took a good girl friend. While there, we hooked up with 2 guy friends. We did a few recreational pharmaceuticals, more than a few. They offered to ride us home, and we went, why not? Well, they pulled into a park, and the guy was pawing my friend, and she was laughing and responding until he started to undress her, and she started objecting. At this point, the other guy turned on me, and pushed me down in the seat. As my friend was being raped in the backseat, laughing about it, I was yelling RAPE! in the front, while he forcibly penetrated me. The results were the same. They dropped us off at the train, and drove off. She turned to me in the reality of just being raped, and screamed in frustration. She stayed at my house, being alone was not an option. — Autumn, age… Continue reading »

Mistaken Identity

Drunk at a party, I guess one of the most common phrases in the stories. I passed out on the couch, with my head on a good friend’s shoulder, and he was equally passed out. When I awoke, we were still on the couch, but I felt funny. My bra was a bit off, and I felt sore down south. Investigating, by panties were inside out, and I found semen. I woke my friend up, and asked him how could he rape me while I was unconscious! He claimed to know nothing, and I refused to believe that! Needless to say, we were no longer friends, and I told everyone! Never stay silent, Right? He got a bad rep, and lost dates from those that heard. Someone heard and e-mailed me a trio of pics. Aside from showing me being graphically raped on the couch, it showed the rapist could not be my friend, who… Continue reading »

#MeToo I am 1

Entertainment has no monopoly on the casting couch. I was at an upper class party, selling a new company division, rather than just 1 product. I had a dress I couldn’t afford, and borrowed jewelry. A new agency engaged to sit my daughter, and I stopped to pray at my husband’s gravesite. I was up to be the first female Vice-President in the company. Nailing this sale would clear the last of our debts, my daughter could go to the school I wanted, and I could have the self-respect I needed so much. If you have never been to a Good-Old-Boys Club gathering, a woman has to look good, converse, joke, party, more than twice as well as the gentlemen. I brought my ‘A’ game, becoming one of the centers of attention. I also was flagged for a ride home early, though I kept my willpower to not blow the game in the ninth. When… Continue reading »

Proof, but no Witnesses

Drinking at a party is a Bad Idea! I had won a drinking game! Won is a relative term. After throwing most of it to the porcelain altar, I passed out in a chair downstairs. Usually, that would be all, but I skipped one, and then 2 periods, and went in hoodie and sunglasses to buy the stick. I killed 2 in disbelief, as they were both positive! I hadn’t been with a male in over a year! Not being Holy enough for any alternative, I remember passing out at a party, and asked if anyone saw me picking up. No one did, and some uncomfortable questions started to be asked. I don’t know if I’d rather remember or Forget it, and I’d rather not Find the answers.