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It’s my fault

I’m a small town girl living on her own for the first time in a really big city going to college. I’ve been dating my boyfriend (who lives 5 hours away) for almost 5 years and one night I went out with some friends and ended up getting really wasted to where I blacked out for most of that night. Fast forward 7 weeks later I notice signs of pregnancy but didn’t get an ultrasound until 9 weeks in the pregnancy. At the time, I thought it was my boyfriend (it would be impossible to be anyone else’s as I’ve been exclusive with him) but the timeline she gave me didn’t match with the times by boyfriend came out to see me. In fact, she was about 2 weeks off and I assumed it must’ve been a mistake. It wasn’t until I spoke to another friend about this and she mentioned to me that 9… Continue reading »

Party Accident

I was in the second trimester of school and the pressure was beginning to psych myself out. My friends told me about a party, knowing I would more than likely, not go. I bombed my trig test and was disappointed and angry. That night, I snuck out of my house (already have taken a few shots) and my friends picked me up. After a half an hour, I lost my friends in the crowd. I drank and drank and took pills someone gave me. I felt like a different person. A guy was making eye contact with me for a while when I was talking to his friend. After minutes of “eye flirting,” I finally went over to say hi. He genuinely seemed sweet. The room smelled only of weed and sweat. It was filled with music with bass so loud you could feel it. Things escalated out of control, way faster than I wanted…. Continue reading »

Never Thought It Would Happen to Me

Dear Survivor, I know the bad days outnumber the good ones. Maybe you haven’t even had a good day since it happened. Maybe you feel like your temptations are the only logical way to escape. Maybe you’re ignoring it. I thought ending my life was the only way to escape. And more than once I acted on these feelings. I’m here to assure you that it isn’t. I’m here to remind you that you are not alone. I’m here to tell you my story. I sat in a chair alone, regretting every decision I had made up to this point. It was too dark to see where the room ended. I glanced up at the clock, it was after midnight. Thirty minutes passed. I dropped my underwear onto the blue-tiled floor behind the thin curtain. This was the only article of clothing left on my shaking body as I held back tears. I was being… Continue reading »

Ride from the Concert

I had tickets to a concert, and took a good girl friend. While there, we hooked up with 2 guy friends. We did a few recreational pharmaceuticals, more than a few. They offered to ride us home, and we went, why not? Well, they pulled into a park, and the guy was pawing my friend, and she was laughing and responding until he started to undress her, and she started objecting. At this point, the other guy turned on me, and pushed me down in the seat. As my friend was being raped in the backseat, laughing about it, I was yelling RAPE! in the front, while he forcibly penetrated me. The results were the same. They dropped us off at the train, and drove off. She turned to me in the reality of just being raped, and screamed in frustration. She stayed at my house, being alone was not an option. — Autumn, age… Continue reading »

Mistaken Identity

Drunk at a party, I guess one of the most common phrases in the stories. I passed out on the couch, with my head on a good friend’s shoulder, and he was equally passed out. When I awoke, we were still on the couch, but I felt funny. My bra was a bit off, and I felt sore down south. Investigating, by panties were inside out, and I found semen. I woke my friend up, and asked him how could he rape me while I was unconscious! He claimed to know nothing, and I refused to believe that! Needless to say, we were no longer friends, and I told everyone! Never stay silent, Right? He got a bad rep, and lost dates from those that heard. Someone heard and e-mailed me a trio of pics. Aside from showing me being graphically raped on the couch, it showed the rapist could not be my friend, who… Continue reading »

#MeToo I am 1

Entertainment has no monopoly on the casting couch. I was at an upper class party, selling a new company division, rather than just 1 product. I had a dress I couldn’t afford, and borrowed jewelry. A new agency engaged to sit my daughter, and I stopped to pray at my husband’s gravesite. I was up to be the first female Vice-President in the company. Nailing this sale would clear the last of our debts, my daughter could go to the school I wanted, and I could have the self-respect I needed so much. If you have never been to a Good-Old-Boys Club gathering, a woman has to look good, converse, joke, party, more than twice as well as the gentlemen. I brought my ‘A’ game, becoming one of the centers of attention. I also was flagged for a ride home early, though I kept my willpower to not blow the game in the ninth. When… Continue reading »

Proof, but no Witnesses

Drinking at a party is a Bad Idea! I had won a drinking game! Won is a relative term. After throwing most of it to the porcelain altar, I passed out in a chair downstairs. Usually, that would be all, but I skipped one, and then 2 periods, and went in hoodie and sunglasses to buy the stick. I killed 2 in disbelief, as they were both positive! I hadn’t been with a male in over a year! Not being Holy enough for any alternative, I remember passing out at a party, and asked if anyone saw me picking up. No one did, and some uncomfortable questions started to be asked. I don’t know if I’d rather remember or Forget it, and I’d rather not Find the answers.

I still don’t know

I still don’t know if I was anally raped by a former gang member 7 years ago. I think about it more and more as I get older. I was drinking, he was the neighbour of a boy I had just met who I went on to date for quite some time. We were all being social, listening to music etc and all of a sudden I knew I wasnt OK and asked if I could lie down. I remember not a thing until I woke up in the morning and my bum felt bruised, torn, sitting hurt extremely badly. A little blood followed that day. It took almost a week before the pain went away. The man who I believe may have raped me sat with me the next morning. I thought he couldn’t possibly have done anything to me, right? Even though the pain was enough to really concern me I couldn’t remember… Continue reading »

My Ex-husband

I was married once before to a bartender with a drug problem. Many nights he would encourage me to come down to the bar and drink with him and his coworkers after closing up. Many nights I would stumble my way out of the bar after 2 drinks, make it home, and completely black out. The next morning I would always wake up with no underwear on and confused. This was a regular occurrence until I woke up with my husband inside of me. I told him to stop, and he shoved his hand over my face until he finished. For some reason, I stayed after that for 2 months. I tried to make it seem like it never happened, because I was too embarrassed to have to explain how my husband could rape me. The last straw was when we went out drinking, and he decided that he wanted to go buy some drugs,… Continue reading »

Twice

At school I was never taught about consent. I never actually realised to the extent of how little respect that society has for women and their bodies till the day my recent ex boyfriend told me that I was my fault that I was raped, because I didn’t stop it. I shouldn’t have to use brute force to stop a boy from penetrating me when I already told him no. A 17 year old girl who was never taught about consent didn’t realise at the time that rape isn’t the glamorised being pinned down in a dark alley way by a strange scary pervert at night. It is in fact that drunk boy at a party who was pushy. Part of me did think at that time that it was my fault I wasn’t aggressive enough towards him to stop. That is wrong in so many ways. I own my own body so I should… Continue reading »