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Abuse and Rape

I was sexually abuse by a young man (close to 18) from the time I was 5 until I was 9. Then when I was 16 a man who I considered my big brother raped me. He took me home from a wedding. I had gotten drunk at the wedding. When I got home, I was unable to get the key to work in the lock due to being drunk. As I was fumbling with the key, he reached up under my dress and ripped off my pantyhose. I got him to stop by saying we were too exposed on the front porch. He followed me into the house, pushed me onto the floor and raped me. He called me the next day and said that I should not tell anyone because it would tear apart the family. I believed him and did not tell anyone for close to 40 years. I used to blame… Continue reading »

In Denial of My Rape

When I was fifteen and sixteen, I was in an abusive relationship. He raped me four times, and had me convinced that it wasn’t rape because we were together. He would tell me things like, “I love you so much. I just couldn’t help it.” and “Don’t you love me? This is what people in love do.” after he was done. He also got angry once and shoved me against a door frame afterward because I had “just laid there.” My mother found out about the abuse in November, and made me end the relationship. Even though I realized that I had been abused by him. I was in denial about the rapes until next summer, when I told my family about my boyfriend. I’m very lucky, because they were supportive of me and respected my decision not to report it. Because the state I live in doesn’t offer restraining orders to minors, I had… Continue reading »

Domestic rape

Great for Linor and her support system. Yeehah. I’m really happy someone actually believed her and did something about it. Most women of domestic violence/rape are shunned, embarrassed, ignored, ridiculed, blamed, etc. Even in the good ol’ middle class US of A… mostly by family members and friends. This is very common. Family of the abuser doesn’t want to deal and after the fact, the wife/victim is not their concern even if they have been in the family for years. After years of asking for help. Crying out. Desperate for someone to do something, we end up devastated, ruined and without anything. No one believes us. Nobody! Of course not, the abuser is ALWAYS innocent with his family. You opened up the dirty secret and now you shall suffer! There is rarely help out there.. No one really wants to deal with someone that has been through this trauma… sad to say. Most of us… Continue reading »

Looking for a lawyer & advocate

My name is Schlomit. I was Raped at 3.5 yrs by an 18 year old who was on some kind of drugs. He tied me up and blindfolded me and after all the pain of what he put me through I was lucky to convince him to let me go to find my mother. My mother Rachel was also a rape survivor and the pain she felt to find me raped at such a young age was immense. After spanking me because I had disappeared from the house she realized I was injured somehow so she rushed me to the emergency room where I required stitches from the violation. Telling my mom what happened was the best thing in the long run because my mom found a social worker and had the man was arrested for what he had done. The damage perhaps to my soul is something that I continue to try to heal…. Continue reading »

Gang Raped at 16

5 days after my 16th birthday, I was gang raped. I was taken from a party to an apartment where they took turns raping me for hours. There were around 10 of them, I’m not exactly sure. I remember being left alone for long patches of time, this was when they were watching football. I tried to escape but I had to walk through the area where they were to get to the front door. I fell and the biggest one picked me up and carried me back into the bedroom. I will always remember him saying ‘we’re not finished with you yet’, and how he called me ‘sweetie’ and ‘baby’ while raping me. For years I blamed myself, telling myself I shouldn’t have been drinking. Some of my most creative moments have come from the elaborate rationales I have used to make this my fault. The silence is so isolating. My life was such… Continue reading »

Sexist Families Leave Girls Vulnerable to Rape

Having survived two childhood rapes and two violently sexist ex partners, I would suggest that the current system is totally set up to protect the perpetrators and is hugely biaised against the women and children that are assaulted by men and boys. I did speak out to friends at the time of my rapes when I was a child, but none of them seemed to believe me, even though one of my friends had been in the same bed when we were attacked together and I was digitally raped by four unknown boys. The thing that made me despair was that I was treated as a liar in this instance even though no one treated me as a liar in other circumstances and I couldn’t figure out why or what I’d done wrong in the situation to cause it. That shame and guilt stuck with me in two violent relationships where the guys lied and… Continue reading »

Drugged and Raped at Age 14

I was something of a “wild child” in my teenage years. I grew up in the Los Angeles area and fell in love with live music at a very young age. My mom wouldn’t allow me to go out to any concerts, and we had a venue with lots of bands locally, so I started sneaking out of my house to go and see bands play. I should also mention that my body began to develop much earlier than many of my friends. I looked like I was about 17 or 18 at the age of 13 or 14. Men looked at me and treated me differently because of it. I was looked at as a woman when I was still very much a little girl. One night I had done my usual sneak out and headed to that local venue for some bands. Afterward I ended up at an after party with some friends… Continue reading »

Keeping Faith

I was recently kidnapped and kept in a room where a man repeatedly drugged and raped me. He told me to do everything he said and he would let me go. Blindfolded, with my hands tied behind my back, I did. I prayed so hard and asked God not to leave my side. It is so hard getting my life together. I can fake it very well but my heart, soul and mind are torn. This movie repeating in my head will never go away. I understand that. I just wish this man would have never interrupted my life. I just feel like everything was taken from me. I feel alone and just set off now. Paranoid all the time. I don’t want to go to counseling because I don’t want to feel like a victim. I spoke up and have to go through a lot. He is out on bond and it’s talking it’s… Continue reading »

The summer between 6th and 7th grade

When you are twelve and you are running away from rape, and you are dazzling drunk from drinking out of a red SOLO cup, the world spins and the floor comes up to greet you, gritting it’s sandpaper teeth against your ruddied cheek. You remember the way the fence feels that you lean against, when you’re thoughts aren’t connecting, when you can’t make tangible, this thing that just happened to you, because your mind is too young to agree with it. All of the boys think you’re easy, they know that you have no mother, your brothers run wild in the streets, your father is always working, so there’s no one to monitor you, discipline you. All the boys have to do is show you attention because they’ve heard it’s an easy in. You don’t know this because you’re twelve, because your mind doesn’t work that way, because you’ve just learned the benefits of having… Continue reading »

Nothing important…

.. My first answer, when people asked what happened. I was raped at my 25th birthday in Hungary from one of the teachers who helped me with my diploma thesis and his friends, which I never met before. That was his birthday-present for me, beside the cake. I remember him saying “Ulrike I told you: You need a man, now you have a lot. Enjoy it. That’s your birthday-present…“ And then he said to the others which I had never seen before in Hungarian, “and that’s my present for you…“ That was, after he was finished with me, I think. He left me there alone with these animals. I also can remember the sound from laughing girls. This is one of the things which I still know, because I believe I was drugged by GHB or another ‘date rape’ drug. I also heard this from the police and from friends after I told my story…. Continue reading »