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I Slept Next to Him

During the summer of ’16 I went out downtown like I always did. I went out with two friends and I had been talking to this guy who kind of had an appearance of a “thug” but he was a genuine person. He talked to me for hours, we talked about intimate things and feelings as if we’d been friends for years almost. I’ve written on here before but I honestly didn’t think it would happen again. I was on my guard, I was on high alert. I had a pocket knife, I had extra shoes to go home in, I had a quick call button to 911 on my phone, I even wore a panty liner to make him think I was on my period (as if that would matter to a rapist) and I knew where he lived and how far my house was from his. I did all this, but it still… Continue reading »

Being Raped

With the help of God, I can finally write this down. I watched Brave Miss World the same year I confronted on of the men who raped me. This site has allowed me to find strength and solidarity among the words, the deeply respected and haunting stories of others who have experienced being violated, having their identities stolen or put through crisis; those who wake up with PTSD, anxiety, suffer from panic attacks, substance misuse, depression and social isolation. Some of those, who like me, blamed themselves for something you ask.. couldn’t I have prevented? This is for every girl, who didn’t get to choose, and for every person who loves her and also, didn’t get to prevent what happened to her. It’s also for anyone who has ever raped, violated or participated in anything that led to someone being violated. I hope that you become better than you were, and seek forgiveness. I am… Continue reading »

I Thought I Was Safe

It was sophomore year of college and I was so happy to move back on campus. It had never occurred to me that with the independence and freedom I found in college, there also came many things I needed to be aware of that could compromise my safety. I was naive. I never thought it would happen to me in a place I loved so much. I never thought I was unsafe. I moved back on campus early, as did many of my friends. A couple of nights before classes started, my friend Hannah and I decided to have a quiet night and planned on having a couple of drinks and listening to music. After an hour or so, one of Hannah’s friends (we’ll call him Ted) came in. I knew of him and had seen him around campus, but this was my first time really meeting Ted. We hit it off right away and… Continue reading »

Unbelievable

Honestly kind of nervous to try this. I’ve never told anyone. I think I convinced myself it didn’t happen. That I was dating him so it couldn’t be rape. I was 17 in high school and dating a boy 4 years older than me. He was holding a party for a friend and last thing I remember from the party was sitting on the counter drinking Mountain dew from a red solo cup. I woke up with him and his friend in bed. I couldn’t remember anything but I knew I hadn’t been drinking so I told myself I must have agreed. Later I realized I had been drugged. For years after that I am ashamed to admit I felt used so I let myself be used and every time I couldn’t tell you how it ended. I don’t know if there is an explanation for it. My mind and body seem to freeze and… Continue reading »

Its Got To STOP!

My story and experiences of what I’ve been enduring for over a year now is so fantastic that even I have a hard time getting my mind around it. I am a Caregiver that has worked for the same employer for almost 8 years now. She has a professional Conservator and a lawyer that keep very well insulated as far as her finances go. She is very wealthy, and is in very good physical health. She is 93 and has dementia. I am at her home with her 96 hours a week. My schedule begins on Monday at noon and I remain here at her home until Friday at noon. I spend the night here, and the total hours I am on-duty are 96 per week. I’m not sure where to begin, and trying to go over all the details and circumstances would take writing a book. I’ll try to just be as factual based,… Continue reading »

The Night That Changed Me

I apologize for this being a tad on the long side, it is the first time I am sharing my full story with anyone and it was very therapeutic to write out every detail. I thank everyone for taking the time to read my story, and sharing in my healing….. January 30th 2015 is a night I will never forget, but also one I can’t fully remember. It is a night that a man I barely knew took so much from me, and a night that still haunts my dreams 2 years later. To understand my story fully, we need to look back… I have always struggled with my weight even as a child and adolescent. In school, I was often ridiculed for being overweight, I never let it bother me and was even a cheerleader and in many school activities. Like most high school girls, I had boyfriends and was confident in myself and… Continue reading »

16 times

I have been sexually assaulted 16 times. 11 of those are rapes. It started when I was two. The last time I was 23. 3 of those times were by immediate family members, people I loved and relied on to love, protect and take care of me: My father, when I was two, four and 9, my uncle, when I was 4 my brother, when I was 9. 2 of them by people I loved and trusted who were not family: a boyfriend at 23, for two years, and my father’s friend at 6, for 3 years. 4 of those times while I was drunk, by strangers at from 14 years old to 21. 2 of those 4, gang rapes, when I was 19 and 21. and the 2 of the 11 left by distant family members, third cousin, and third uncle, when I was 19. And the remaining 5 by friends, boyfriends, strangers…. I… Continue reading »

Ashly’s story

I found this website, and it has been just so helpful reading other stories I don’t feel so alone. All these survivors so strong. When I was first rapped I didn’t know it was rape I thought it was my fault and I told myself, well you put yourself in that situation so that’s what you get. It was three years ago I was only 19 at the time and my sister 16 and our friend also 16 we were invited to a guy friends house we went to school with. He had an older friend there he was 28. We were drinking all night none of us girls drank so this was new for us. I don’t remember much but what I do remember is the 28 year old took my friend out side and they were out there for awhile my sister went to the guest room to sleep so I was left… Continue reading »

Once? Twice? Five Times?

I’m currently 16 years old as a junior in high school. I have had my best friend of over two years now, but he is very protective of me. He claims that I have been raped five times based on situations I have told him about, but I feel like that could also just be his opinion. I know one of the five were for sure, but the rest I’m not sure about what to think of them. The first time was the summer of 2013 right after my 13th birthday and before eighth grade started. I was no where near ready to lose my virginity or possibly have it taken from me. I was part of a volleyball club and I became friends with people there including a few boys, but there weren’t many boys so they were all around 15-16 years old. One day I went to one of the guys house that… Continue reading »

Prom Night

This happened fourteen years ago but I am just now realizing that I was raped. I can look back and see how it affected me but at the time I thought it was my fault. Back in high school I had a large group of friends that was composed of guys and girls, we hung out at a house down the street from the school. The guy who lived there was always alone, his mom had moved out and his dad worked all the time. We hung out there after school and started having parties there after functions at our high school and then it became every weekend. We drank and hung out. I had a boyfriend in high school, I lost my virginity to him but a few weeks before prom I found out he was cheating on me and I broke up with him and went to senior prom with the friend whose… Continue reading »