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Lasting memories

Three things happened in my life. When I was younger I was molested by 3 men in my life, all family. I still blame myself till this day. Every touch, every word so powerful. I grew up a messed up girl from that. Move forward to the future, on April 23, 2017 I invited a friend over, someone I had trusted but I was naive because I didn’t know him crazy long. He forced himself upon me, I said, “no get off”. he pulled my pants down, and I tried to pull them up, he was too strong. He put his wait on me and I told him I was dating someone I can’t do this get off me. “I’m not cheater, I said no now get off.” I said. He told me I wanted it and he knew it. I told him no I really don’t. He needed to leave. He raped me and… Continue reading »

My best friend raped me

I will start out by saying that I am a totally different person now than I was then at 18. I won’t say that what happened made me who I am today because I know better than that. You aren’t broken nor damaged from what happened, you just work on reconciling with your surroundings. It was prom night. I don’t drink, I don’t party. It was my first time going to a house party after the dance. I was so happy to be out with friends for the first time like this. I really felt like I was grown up. But, knowing that some of the people there I didn’t recognize..I was still careful. I drank apple cider from a can and didn’t leave it around. At one point, I hand it to my best friend because I needed to use the restroom. It took me months to remember more of what happened that night,… Continue reading »

He had my pants down

I remember arriving. there was a recycle bin at the door already overflowing with cans. I remember the loud music. I don’t know when who where or how. the why and what were obvious! I looked down and could see between my legs. he didn’t even take the time to pull my pants all the way off. I could see my area and his organ and my blood. even as he went hard I felt nothing. somewhere I threw up and my clothes had blood. I don’t know how I got home or even inside without help or being seen! I asked around on monday and no one but me knew what happened to me. if it was someone I knew no one could name him. even later the friend I came with didn’t know who and didn’t see me with anyone and didn’t believe me. the main reason was that I didn’t get pregnant…. Continue reading »

You are not alone

I was 16 and a virgin. I never had a boyfriend at that point, just once shared a kiss before. A female friend was at that time sexual more experienced and wanted to have drinks at her place with 2 male colleagues of her. We drank alcohol and the next thing I know about is the next morning I wake up in a bed full of blood. I went to the bathroom and everything on the floor was full of blood. I had scratches on my arm and my clothes were torn apart. The guy stubbed out cigarettes on my arm. Later the female friend, what I thought she is in that moment, told me I cried for help and plead him that he should let me stay a virgin. His friend wanted to have sex with me as well after he violated me, but my rapist wanted to have me for him alone. Did… Continue reading »

Lotus

For my 23 birthday I wanted to do something special for myself, and let go of what holds me back. In the last year so many things have happened and changed me as I am. I’m done hiding something that doesn’t define me, that wasn’t my fault. At the young age of 7 years I was raped multiple times. It occurred under my fathers “supervision”, he got drunk and passed out. Giving the monster the perfect opportunity to rape me. This said monster was non other but my fathers stepbrother. I remember everything he did to me. How he smelled, and the look he had in his eyes. It is forever scarred in my memory and body. It happened over the course of two years. The last time I was ever sexually assaulted I was eight and was gang raped by three men. Once again under my fathers “supervision”. They took turns sharing me, nothing… Continue reading »

I’m Disgusted

A few weeks ago, my Boyfriend Alex and I joined up with some others celebrating the Eagles winning their 1st Super Bowl (E-A-G-L-E-S!), and many beers fell in the battles that followed. We ended up at Sue’s house, being a house, had bathrooms, and the only driver who could still get us there, got us there. Alex could walk home from there, and he kissed me goodnight as I couldn’t walk anywhere, and went home to shower and change and use his own bed. I passed out on the sofa watching a movie on cable. I woke up naked in a side room home office on a cot. Now, I might have wandered to the bathroom, but I wouldn’t have wandered upstairs into a closed room. I don’t need NCIS to tell me what happened. This wasn’t my boyfriend, but was by a friend or friends. I’m not a virgin, but I do like to… Continue reading »

Night of Psychedelic Horror

I was just 12 and my family had just moved into a new house in Beverly Hills. I didn’t like it there at first because I didn’t know anyone and my friends were from our old neighborhood, so I rarely saw them anymore. I made a new group of friends quite quickly but unfortunately, they were people who were not exactly the right type of people to be around. It was the early 1970s and the kids I was meeting were doing drugs, going to a lot of parties and generally hanging out with unsavory people. I did make one good friend who was a genuine find, because she and I shared so much in common. She wasn’t into anything bad and also came from a very nice family. I spent a lot of time with her after school and we became very close. Then, one fateful weekend, I was invited to a party by… Continue reading »

Raped

Hey ! I been rape by my long time friend that I trusted an respected..I never thought he cud of done something like this to me but after time past I realised for him it was a normal thing …well it was day like every other day ..he wanted to come an chill..I was home with my other friend/neighbor…when he come he bring with him a bottle of vodka me an my friend was having drink enjoining ourselves surprisingly he didn’t drink at all but I didnt thought nothing of it at the time …then my neighbor decided to go home an after she went home I don’t remember anything else…he spoil my drink ..can’t remember anything at all .i woke up next day …when I was getting dressed I seen bruises all over my body was trying to remember what happened but I couldn’t…like that wasn’t bad enough I came downstairs an started cleaning… Continue reading »

Victimization

I went to San Francisco to help a friend move. Afterwards we grabbed a beer. I didn’t even finish half of my beer and I don’t remember much of what happened. A man named Oleg started chatting with my friend and I. I told him I was married and had a child and he seemed interested in my friend. My guard was down. My friend says I started acting funny and she took my purse because I was so “out of it”. I said I had to go to the restroom and she waited by the door but she didn’t know there was another door. He did and I had been drugged. She waited, had my purse and didn’t know what to do. My only real memory of that night is waking up on the floor and he was standing over me in a white bathrobe. When I woke up in the morning I was… Continue reading »

Someday Soon

Sometimes the people you should trust are the ones to fear. I grew up in a family full of emotional and physical abuse. As a child I would be stripped naked in winter to lay on tiled floors, have wooden spoons and hair brushes broken through beatings, be tied in my room for hours on end, forced to eat soap bars, my mother still gladly goes around telling people she once broke her toe kicking me, that’s not a joke. Yet no one saw and I didn’t see it could become much worse in the future. Here I am, I am still scared to let the words out, I thought the beatings were bad, but it became worse, much worse. When I was 11 and a half my dad began showing my older sister and I pornographic magazines and asking/forcing us to read them and pick out our favourite stories. The stories were terrible and… Continue reading »