I was taken to only the second formal party I was ever, the first being the Prom. It was a charity affair for education. I didn’t even have an appropriate dress, and rented one, and borrowed shoes, and a clutch. I looked great, but felt bought. My good friend Jim looked excellent in his tux, and if he asked, I might have had trouble staying just friends. I got into some basic party conversation, but I can’t imagine that I couldn’t have looked too young and out of place. Somewhere, about halfway through the evening, my dashing date got in a fight, and they all got thrown out. I must have been in the ladies room, because I didn’t know anything about it. I didn’t get a call or text either. A man I didn’t know who introduced himself as Carl, brought me a wine, and talked for a while, before asking me to dance…. Continue reading »
Rape
I was raped the first time when I was 2. It began a lifetime of torture and abuse at the hands of several perpetrators. I am now 34 and the last time I was raped by one of these men was in 2016. I am trying to speak out but their activities were kept well hidden and as a result, I am called a liar and trying to destroy people’s lives because I’m insane. Even my mother calls me a liar. By the time I was 10 I had been raped over 600 times. More since then. I don’t know what to do. If i speak out I may put myself in danger, but if I remain silent I feel like I am dying inside. No one understands. Like you said no one wants to talk about it. It’s our shameful little secret. I am trying to get help but financially it is such a… Continue reading »
My Story
I was 16 when I had my first kiss, 17 when I met my first boyfriend and lost my virginity. I was a shy girl, the one who blended into the background amongst her more attractive friends. Dennis was tall, blonde and exotic- All of us were drawn to him. I couldn’t believe he would pick me. Maybe he sensed my vulnerability, my shyness and knew I was easy prey. The relationship lasted 2 years. I moved in with him and away from my family. I was isolated and 1500 miles from anyone who cared. I endured 15 months of domestic violence- Broken ribs, broken nose, bruises and blood. The physical pain of physical abuse was tough but the sexual abuse that came was worse…Forced to have sex, NO! that fell on deaf ears, torn, sore tissue, bitten breasts, bruises,muffled cries into pillows, feeling my insides being stretched and violated by foreign objects I didn’t… Continue reading »
My rape story
When I was 10 years old my father raped me in a bathtub and told me it was my fault. Then the next day he sent my brother to my uncles and I was alone with him and his girl friend next thing I know I tied down while he rapes me his girl friend laughs this continually happened until I was 14 my father and his girl friend kept this up and then my father had my cousin join and I hate myself every day because mom tells me sometimes that it is my fault. , and when I finally told my mom and she didn’t want to look at me but she called the cops and they arrested both my father and his girlfriend. And I had always felt that it was my fault so I tried to kill my self. I have bad dreams to this day and I am about to… Continue reading »
But what really happened?
Last week I had decided to go on a night out with a few of my friends. Being 19, clubbing and alcohol is a hobby of mine, I did what I usually do and just go with the flow of the night. We had started off at the pub, I only had 2 pints of cider and 2 sour shots. I was tipsy but fine. We gathered some extra people and decided to go to a nightclub. In a 7 seater taxi I was the only female, I tried to not over think on the situation but I felt worried. There were 2 extra guys that were with us that I had never met, that also looked heavily drugged up on something.. One of the unknown guy sat opposite me, he asked me “What are you doing after clubbing?” I told him how I was going to go round to my boyfriends (who decided to… Continue reading »
It was not my fault
While I sit here trying to find the words to my story it is still difficult to talk and think about it. I am now 23 years old, and everything happened when I was 15, actually around the same time of the year as I am writing this. It took me a long time to be able to accept and understand what happened to me. I spent 6 of the last 8 years in denial and trying to escape every thought or memory that reminded me of that horrible feeling of not being able to defend myself. I was in a bad place back then, young, troubled and struggling with depression. I tried to escape into alcohol and anything that would stop me feeling so empty. In January 2010 I went to spent a semester abroad with a host family. During the Carnival season my “host sister” took me to a rental house with some… Continue reading »
Metoo
Born A Girl When I was 10, I noticed men looking at me differently When I was 10 to 12 men and boys of all ages honked their horns, whistled and yelled profanities at me When I was 13 my friend and I were walking home in the daylight, when a man came out from his backyard and asked us if we wanted to drink beers and join his party When I was 14 a handsome man in his 20’s began spending time with me. I thought he would love me forever if I gave him my virginity. He accepted and took it because he could. He was known for his interests in young girls, yet he stayed quite popular When I was 15, I was intoxicated and walking through a park. I could hardly stand, let alone walk. A man pulled up in his truck, walked up to me and raped me. He left… Continue reading »
The Night That Changed My Life
How nice to know that within the next 7-10 years you will never have touched me. How devastating to know that 5 of you drugged then raped me after mixing something into my drink while I was using the bathroom. How horrible is it that my best friend, someone I trusted with my whole heart, left me in that house, with no one I knew. It was February 12, 2017 and I was visiting a friend at Bloomsburg University for the weekend. Friday night was a blast, and the beginning on Saturday night was even better. I had no idea that my life was going to change forever just a few short hours later. I was at a Frat party with my friends, enjoying myself, having a drink, and mingling with different people. Before I knew it, I was in an unfamiliar house with 6 guys and my “best friend,” and I needed to use… Continue reading »
Still Going
I can barely remember my childhood but Im going to let it go and share what I do remember. Im 33 years old and grateful to have survived. I remember my mothers husband raping me at the age of 7. He was sexually, mentally, physically, and emotionally abusive. He was a well respected man in our community and a sergeant in the military. So when I finally couldnt take anymore I called a hotline. I was done. My own mother allowed him to do this to me. And I was tired of being scared after 5 years. So…after calling the hotline an investigator showed up. Wow. I never thought things could get worse but I was so wrong. They believed. They didnt do a damn thing. They gave him a lie detector test and he passed!!! That comfirmed my fears. He was crazy..he didnt think there was anything wrong with what he did. So I… Continue reading »
Trapped
I don’t know what to call it. Its been a rough year, my cousins lost his sister to suicide, & I know it shouldn’t be an excuse for why I let him do what he does to me. I thought the first time he took advantage of me was going to be the last. I convinced myself that this was never to happen again and it was only because he’s grieving over his sister, i’m just a temporary void for him. But he’s my cousin. Someone I once thought was the closest thing to me getting over his sisters death, the closest memory I have to her in keeping my sanity & not wanting to escape to be with her. I keep telling myself, it’s not a huge thing. I’ll get over it because I’m so use to pretending everything is okay, so I should be able to pretend and fake a smile with this,… Continue reading »