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The Night That Changed Me

I apologize for this being a tad on the long side, it is the first time I am sharing my full story with anyone and it was very therapeutic to write out every detail. I thank everyone for taking the time to read my story, and sharing in my healing….. January 30th 2015 is a night I will never forget, but also one I can’t fully remember. It is a night that a man I barely knew took so much from me, and a night that still haunts my dreams 2 years later. To understand my story fully, we need to look back… I have always struggled with my weight even as a child and adolescent. In school, I was often ridiculed for being overweight, I never let it bother me and was even a cheerleader and in many school activities. Like most high school girls, I had boyfriends and was confident in myself and… Continue reading »

16 times

I have been sexually assaulted 16 times. 11 of those are rapes. It started when I was two. The last time I was 23. 3 of those times were by immediate family members, people I loved and relied on to love, protect and take care of me: My father, when I was two, four and 9, my uncle, when I was 4 my brother, when I was 9. 2 of them by people I loved and trusted who were not family: a boyfriend at 23, for two years, and my father’s friend at 6, for 3 years. 4 of those times while I was drunk, by strangers at from 14 years old to 21. 2 of those 4, gang rapes, when I was 19 and 21. and the 2 of the 11 left by distant family members, third cousin, and third uncle, when I was 19. And the remaining 5 by friends, boyfriends, strangers…. I… Continue reading »

Ashly’s story

I found this website, and it has been just so helpful reading other stories I don’t feel so alone. All these survivors so strong. When I was first rapped I didn’t know it was rape I thought it was my fault and I told myself, well you put yourself in that situation so that’s what you get. It was three years ago I was only 19 at the time and my sister 16 and our friend also 16 we were invited to a guy friends house we went to school with. He had an older friend there he was 28. We were drinking all night none of us girls drank so this was new for us. I don’t remember much but what I do remember is the 28 year old took my friend out side and they were out there for awhile my sister went to the guest room to sleep so I was left… Continue reading »

Once? Twice? Five Times?

I’m currently 16 years old as a junior in high school. I have had my best friend of over two years now, but he is very protective of me. He claims that I have been raped five times based on situations I have told him about, but I feel like that could also just be his opinion. I know one of the five were for sure, but the rest I’m not sure about what to think of them. The first time was the summer of 2013 right after my 13th birthday and before eighth grade started. I was no where near ready to lose my virginity or possibly have it taken from me. I was part of a volleyball club and I became friends with people there including a few boys, but there weren’t many boys so they were all around 15-16 years old. One day I went to one of the guys house that… Continue reading »

Prom Night

This happened fourteen years ago but I am just now realizing that I was raped. I can look back and see how it affected me but at the time I thought it was my fault. Back in high school I had a large group of friends that was composed of guys and girls, we hung out at a house down the street from the school. The guy who lived there was always alone, his mom had moved out and his dad worked all the time. We hung out there after school and started having parties there after functions at our high school and then it became every weekend. We drank and hung out. I had a boyfriend in high school, I lost my virginity to him but a few weeks before prom I found out he was cheating on me and I broke up with him and went to senior prom with the friend whose… Continue reading »

Black and Blue

My story is a little different than the ones Ive read. And for a long time I didn’t see it as rape because of what I was reading. I now realize that I was raped an I need to go forward. The first step is to share my story. I was very irresponsible in my first semester of college. I was 18 I attended a community college so the university life was unfamiliar to me. A friend of mine was in a frat so I was invited to many of their events (because I am a girl and they needed more at their events) I didn’t know this was why I was invited at first. I went a few times and knew everyone by name. I remember drinking and taking shots asking a trusted friend if he would take care of me because he only had two beers ( he only drank Corona and there… Continue reading »

My Best Friend’s Boyfriend

My junior year of high school I had class with this guy I had never seen around school before. It turns out he transferred from another school and as time passed he began dating one of my best friends. I had a crush on him but I obviously didn’t purse it. We became friends and talked a lot in class. Eventually him and my friend broke up. And one day he text me asking if I wanted to hang out. I agreed and he came over to my house to watch a movie. He ended up pulling out a bottle of vodka. And of course I wanted him to think I was cool enough to hang out with so I was taking shots with him. We began kissing and making out. But then he started trying to take off my pants. I remember telling him no. But he kept going. He pulled his pants off… Continue reading »

Why Me?

First, I apologize if my grammar is bad. I live in Sweden and english is a little tricky for me. But, I still want to tell my story! I was between 4 – 5 years of age the first time I was assaulted. It was my older brother who did it and I put all the blame of what happened on myself. I didn’t try to tell anyone, I was ashamed even though I didn’t even have any words for what was going on. I was too little to know. It happened numerous times after that, and I remember when I reached puberty how I used to shower for hours and hours after he had raped me. Sometimes he would break into the bathroom and rape me again in the shower. I didn’t feel safe anywhere, not even in my own home. I eventually told a friend when I was 14 and it gave me… Continue reading »

MesS Into A mesSage

Your home detention bracelet is now a permanent pain to my nerves because you maliciously put this around my ankle. You stole my car, you had access to my home, I was sodmized, raped and abused like an animal. It didn’t mean anything to you because you needed it more than I did. You ate my food, you spent my well earned money, I hadn’t been to work for over 3 days, you used my personal mobile phone and my work phone, you abused my work laptop for all your pornography & malicious deals. You laughed and scorned me. I was mistreated, I was naked, you abused me like a helpless rag doll. You thought you loved me, you thought you were protecting me, even your lustful eyes quenched my spirit, held in the hands of something incomprehensible, your fingers fondled my purity, you took my virginity, my innocence and my integrity, my cries were… Continue reading »

Confused by Rape

I would like to start by saying the recent rape is indeed all of my fault and i now feel completely disgusting and hate myself. And please try to understand where I’m coming from before judging me too badly…. I had a hard time with love and figuring it out. My grandparents hate each other, both my parents have had multiple marriages and multiple partners while in those marriages, and i had been introverted.. The first time i was molested i was 11 years old. My neighbors cousin had done it for a year before he moved. The first time i was raped i was 18. I had never dated and i was still a virgin. The rape lasted 2 years before he was caught. Now, and I’m not trying to defend this in any way, I’m thinking it has to do with rape being my only sexual experience, but any time after the rape… Continue reading »