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Once When I Was 6, Once When I Was 16

I am a 19 year old girl. I am a lot of things. I am kind. I am honest. I am respectful. I am caring. I am loyal. I am smart. I am everybody’s rock to lean on. I am an athlete. I am a scholar. I am a future nurse. I am a family girl. I am a lot of things. I am broken. I am lost. I am sad. I am confused. But most of all, I am a rape victim. It has been so many years since the day that my innocence was taken away from me, yet I am still sitting here trying to pick up the pieces that were shattered on those nights. People say that it is a tragedy, while others say that it was my fault. Somedays I believe them. I believe that I am not strong. I am not strong enough to put my broken pieces together…. Continue reading »

Lightening Does Strike Twice

I’ve been raped twice. One left left me bruised, one didn’t leave a mark. Both hurt the same. When I was 16 I got a boyfriend. He was older, and cool, and in a band. He took me to parties, and gave me weed, and made me feel cool, too. I’d only had sex once before him, but I liked it. I should have realized we only have sex after he’d given me something. I should have realized after that day I managed to stop him from forcing it into my ass, the day I hadn’t smoked like he thought I had. But I liked him. I did realize one day after smoking a bowl when I felt something very very wrong. My heart was beating out of my chest, I couldn’t move, I wanted to scratch everywhere, and I felt faint at the same time. I asked him what was going on. He laughed… Continue reading »

My Brothers Two Best Friends

On July 23rd 2016, I went bowling with my brother, his girlfriend Destiny and my brother’s two best friends, Chase and Francisco (Paco). We bowled and had a few drinks at the bowling alley. We even had a funny bet that the loser would have to run down Howard Street naked. (It was a joke bet not a real one.) My brother got first place, I got second, Chase got third, Paco got second and Destiny got last. While bowling a few of my other friends showed up, we will just call all of them Nick. They were very intoxicated. Their DD was drunk so he asked me if I could take them home. I wasn’t drunk so I was able to drive. My brother and the others went to my apartment to pick up some alcohol; I drove Nick and his friends to cookout, the gas station and then back to their apartment and… Continue reading »

BC Oilfield Ruined My Life

If it were to ever happen to anyone. I wish it would happen to me again as I don’t wish this on my darkest enemy. It was Friday and I was blessed with a sunny day off. I had went into the dispatch office in the morning asking if there was any work. With a office full of people my dispatch perked up “congratulations here is you’re 2 year bonus. With smiles from the older fellows and another rude comment form Kurt “i wonder whose going to get in you’re pants first”. Not thinking much of the silly game the office plays i went home and set up the hammock in the back yard and played fetch with the neighbors dog Sophie. It was a lazy day and a well needed one at that. It had been a short cold winter but as us working outside can make a person bitter. The fire pit was… Continue reading »

I Thought I was Safe

I was in class and I thought I was safe. It was my freshman year of high school and it was the week of finals. We didn’t have a final in that class so all of us got to play games. I sat next to him bc my friend was friends w/ him and I thought he was nice. everyone at school knows he’s a big time stoner. he was drinking alcohol in class but no one saw. he put his hand on my leg and I froze. he was a junior. i scooted my chair away bc I just thought it was an accident but his hand was on my leg again. I started to shake. I kept moving my chair away but I couldn’t move. he was gripping my leg tight and he started to rub up and down my thigh. I tried to tell him to stop but he wouldn’t. The guy… Continue reading »

A Voice to be Heard

I just want my voice to be heard for once, I want the truth to be heard and to stop having my words twisted. I’m done being silenced. If you have ever been blamed for your rape due to date rape this story is for you.
My name is Erin McKinney, and I was raped on July 6th, 2011. I grew up in Texas but moved to Connecticut in 2005 after my parents divorce. I hadn’t seen my father in almost 4-5 years, or any of my old hometown friends. My father picked me up from the airport with 2 friends, Holly and Ceasar. My father had struggled with a meth addiction and had been clean for almost 1-2yrs. On too of that he had made two good friends that were also free of hard drug use. I had been in Texas for about a week and we were having a BBQ with a couple friends,… Continue reading »

Last Party

I was a freshman in college at a school only a short distance from my home staying on campus to get the “full college experience”. I was never big on going out to parties because I had no interest in getting in trouble, and I hate the taste of beer. I got invited to a house party with some girls from my floor my second semester. It was their weekly routine and they had never gotten busted so I figured why not. It was not my kind of party…blaring music, too many people jammed together in a dirty dingy basement, barely knew anyone there and nothing worth drinking. I had a beer and stuck it out for a while, but I was ready to go. I found one of the girls I went there with to let her know I was going to walk back to campus, just a few blocks. She said she was… Continue reading »

Do NOT Trust Strangers

I was 19 at the time. Moved to a state across the country for a job. Met a few people there I hung out with daily. Went to one of the bars with them one night. We had met up with some people they knew. We had ordered a drink but by the time the drinks came back my friends said they were leaving and were coming right back. I got my drink and was still with the two men who my friends knew. Drank the one drink then about 20 minutes later started feeling so unbelievably sick. I know myself and I know I didn’t feel this way from one drink. Wasn’t a normal drunk. Felt sick. Started sweating, my head was feeling so heavy and my body was loosing control of itself. I had seen a girl who I have met before in town. So I had asked her to help me I… Continue reading »

A Letter to My Rapist

Yesterday I sent this letter to the guy who raped me 33 years ago. —, I never imagined writing this letter. I am sure it will surprise you to receive it. It is a letter long overdue. Maybe you already know this, but in the past few years, more and more women have been courageously coming forward to share their rape stories. I am inspired by their bravery. But when I read the words of the woman in the Stanford rape case, something inside me broke open. I was completely outraged and upset by what happened to her. But really her words made me feel less lonely. She made me feel like I could and should finally tell my story. And you and I, we have a rape story. Saying the word rape is hard. I imagine you haven’t gone through your life thinking, “I raped someone in high school.” For my part, I have… Continue reading »

My Brother’s Best Friend

Being raped by my brother’s best friend was the most confusing thing to ever happen to me. It’s been six years since that night and it still affects me. I want to tell my story because only through reading other survivor’s stories was I able to finally accept what happened, confront my rapist, and move on. This is my story: I was nineteen and one summer night my siblings and I threw a party when our parents were away. The party was my idea and I had never done anything like that before. I was a “good girl” and very reserved throughout high school. When I started college I had my first taste of alcohol, began to rebel a bit, and tested the limits. So that night we had about seventy people at our house, ten of whom were my friends. My brother’s best friend came and I was so happy to see him. His… Continue reading »