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The Summer of 2013

Trauma. This word can describe many things. PTSD. Car accidents. Deaths. Rape. It can mean a variety of situations, each different from the rest. My brother and I both experienced trauma. In the summer of 2013, my brother was molested, and I experienced verbal sexual abuse. And the worst part of it all, was that the abuser was my 13-year-old cousin. She was our baby-sitter for that summer. My brother and I had a great relationship with my two cousins, Amber and Brianna. Brianna being the younger one, the same age as me at that time. Amber was hired by my mother through my aunt, her sister. Occasionally, my younger cousin would tag along for the day, dropped off by my aunt in the mornings. My brother and I were only 9 years old, our minds too young to process that anything that happened that summer was wrong. Amber was to be dropped off at… Continue reading »

Secretly Molested

I lived with my great aunt and uncle since I was about 3 because my mom didn’t have her life together. I think the first time I was molested I was about 7. I was sleeping between them for some reason and woke up to being touched down there. It was dark and I didn’t know who was touching me and didn’t know what to do so I stayed still and pretended to still be asleep. After a few minutes it quit so I just sent to sleep. Then nothing happened for a while. One day I had an much older female cousin stay the night who slept in my bed with me. While we laid there we talked and told secrets and I told her about that night. A few weeks went by before she told anyone. One day I was sitting in class (i was in third grade then) and I got called… Continue reading »

The Park

It sounds crazy but in some way it feels kind of good to write this down here. When I was 14 I knew a Muslim boy in school. He was super sweet and we were really good friends with each other. At one point he wanted to have a relationship with me and he was pretty open about it. I said I’d rather just remain friends but he wasn’t very happy to hear that, then he pushed me against the wall and ran off. A few days later on my way to the bus stop, I saw him standing in the park, which i had to go through to get to the bus, along with 2 other friends. They made a game of it. Disgusting. After it happened, I went home acting like nothing had happened. It took me a year and a half to finally to tell someone about it and when I did… Continue reading »

Raped at age 9 & 15

Rape isn’t love, Rape isn’t sex, Rape isn’t a relationship, Rape isn’t consensual. The only thing that had my dignity written all over it was taken from me, The one thing that meant so much to me was taken from me, the one thing that made me feel more like a women now makes me feel disgusting, the one thing that was suppose to be a beautiful moment to me became a horrific and terrifying moment for me. I was take advantage of and it’s not my fault. I was nine years old when i was raped, i was raped by my cousin who everyone believed was an angel, who everyone believed he was a “shy one”. I remember every single detail like it was just yesterday, i can’t and will never forget it. I was nine when i shared a room with my older cousin and my twin brother, we all had different beds… Continue reading »

Rape

I was about 16 the first time it happened. I didn’t know the guy, but my mom was dating him so I thought I could trust him. The first time we met, he wanted to see my backside in the swimsuit I was wearing to go to the pool at the hotel we were staying at. After that happened, we went on a ride in his car to go get food. He forced his hand down the front of my pants and he fingered me. I was super uncomfortable but he didn’t stop. It didn’t get extremely serious until the next time we went to see him. While my mom was not in the room with us, he put his hand over my mouth, pulled my pajama pants down, and forced himself inside me. I had never experienced such bad pain in my life. He raped me several times after that day. But then my… Continue reading »

Trusted Friend

It was my friends 21st birthday and we all went out as a big group together and were staying in a hotel. I was drunk but knew what I was doing and when we went back to the hotel the girl I was sharing with had a guy with her so I couldn’t sleep in there. She told me to sleep in the room with this other guy and that she’s done it before and he didn’t try anything or touch her and I trusted him as he’s a good friend. I fell asleep straight away but was woken up maybe an hour later to him touching and rubbing me, I was shocked and felt uncomfortable so pretended to still be asleep hoping he would stop but it didn’t so I moved and tried to pull myself away but instead he took this as she’s awake and now I can make my move. He pulled… Continue reading »

A Fighter? Or The Perfect Mask?

I just turned 23 this past Oct. And looking back I have been sexually assaulted more times then I can count (or really want to). The first time that I can remember I was about five years old my cousin, who was about 15 at the time, was put in charge of me for a couple hours while my aunt and mom cleaned the basement out. I remember we were told “no kids downstairs no matter what! If no one is bleeding we don’t wanna hear it”. For awhile all was going well we played several games and laughed and everything. But then things started mellowing out as we couldn’t think of another game after about 10-15 mins I think my cousin looked at me, I can remember the look on his face as he said “I thought of something. Do you trust me?” I nodded yes. And he smiled and began taking his clothes… Continue reading »

Too Young

I was about 8 years old and I was at a festival with my dad. He laid the blanket on the grass before the show started. My dad kept moving his hands towards my shirt. I kept pushing his hand away. We sat on a hill with people there. But not really close to us. The next thing I knew… half of my shirt was unbuttoned…. I was crying and tried to get away from him…. Dad wouldn’t let go of me and was trying to pull my pants down… I begged him to stop. Either people didn’t care or didn’t notice what my dad was doing… The show wasn’t very enjoyable. The worst part was when dad was able to pull my skirt down and his hands was inside of me… He kept telling me it would be over soon… I tired to leave by telling him I needed to pee… he stuck a… Continue reading »

Rape

About two years ago I went to my senior year party it was about twenty girls and about 30-35 boys, It was kind of awkward for me because everyone was there with somebody and I was there with my cousin and best friend. My cousin (female 17) left with her boyfriend and my best friend (female 18) went upstairs with her girlfriend. I wander around looking for a friend to take me home when I ran into my ex Messiah he had been drinking and wanted me to drive him home, I agreed because I lived two houses from him. I struggle to get him into the car but succeed, as I started driving he made certain remarks about my hair being different and how pretty I was. I brushed it off as the alcohol talking. When I got to his house I parked his car in his driveway then helped him into his house…. Continue reading »

NYC Vacation

I am 27 years old, yet when i think about all of this I feel like a kid. Last year I tried talking with a therapist about it but I quit after one session. I found another therapist and had a few sessions with her but I never did truly talk about it and ended up “running” away from her. I think I didn’t want to talk due to the fact that I wasn’t sure if one of the therapists would end up reporting it. I am not sure if they could have, but it was on my mind. So…. September 12, 2002 is when it happened. I was on a mini-vacation with my sister who was 17 and her boyfriend who was 19. Everybody loved “him” including me. I knew him for nearly 4 years, never had any problems with him. At the time he was a college student, working on becoming a firefighter… Continue reading »