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Not like the rape you always hear about…

It happened the summer going into my sophomore year of high school 2015. I was 15 and I lived in a very small and very bad town. Our middle school, yes I said middle school, was in the top 5 drug filled schools in 2 metroplex areas. Everyone new the drug dealers, even the teachers bought from them. Girls very commonly got pregnant when they entered high school and sometimes even middle school. Although my story doesnt directly deal with drugs, it is important to know what my town was like and how famous drug dealers were there. Although I have never done drugs before, I did have sex once my freshman year with a guy I dated for over a year. Because my inner circle of friends new about the one time I ever had sex, they secretly set me up with a guy. I was invited to my friends house for a movie… Continue reading »

Them

Two times i have been assaulted . One time by someone i didnt knew and one time by someone who i thought he liked me. Was 14 when a stranger molested me. I lost myself completely I was afraid of every man But on the other hand i wanted their attention so bad . Later i realized that i was subconsciously trying to overcome my fear . I hated my body an all my relationships fell apart . It cant be true right ? It was in my mind . I am overreacting . Years of denial till it happend again . Was 17 when a boy asked to date me . I said no . He said he respected that .One day he was seating behing me and he went to get up Doing that he actually pushed his knee into my anus I was in pain . I was devasted because i let… Continue reading »

Alone and depressed

I found this website a few days after everything happened. That was exactly one year ago as of today. I don’t like to admit the words out loud. It makes me feel dirty and makes my chest collapse until I can’t breathe. Over the last year I’ve gotten really good at ignoring the thoughts when they filter through. I can’t do that tonight and I don’t want to talk about it with anybody but at the same time my whole body just wants to release all this horrible shit I’m feeling and move on. I don’t know how to do that. There are days when I can be surrounded by people who love me and I love them back and yet I feel so alone and depressed. Then the complete opposite happens and I’m the happiest person alive. I don’t think I should still be having these drastic mood swings a year later and I… Continue reading »

The times when rape culture has got the better of me…

When at a party, highly intoxicated, a boy thought it was okay to take kissing to mean forceful fingering, to mean trying to have sex even when there was blood everywhere, leaving her with a fear of sex contributing to a psychological problem called vaginismus, preventing her from enjoying sex for the next 4 years. When at work, male staff think it is okay to make jokes about girls looks, breasts, figures, womanhood, sexuality. To make fun of rumour of girls ‘promiscuity’. To inappropriately slap an arse, laugh it off. When back at his, after a girl says enough is enough, she doesn’t want to do anything anymore, just go home, a boy thinks it is okay to consistently tell her not to leave. Stop her from leaving. Convince her to stay the night ‘nothing will happen’, so she can go home ‘safely’ in the morning, then, when the girl is asleep, climb on top… Continue reading »

Molested by my cousin

I was 6 years old girl at the time and I remember everything clearly. the only person that new for a long time was my older sister who was “touched” by him too once. however what made want to talk about it is the fact that I have told my mom recently and she almost cried. Now just you know I wasn’t the only one but I was the one he molested more than once since I was gullible and he was 14teen. he would tell me that he would me play with his video games if I let him do those stuff to me which consisted of him touching my private parts, laying me on the bed, kissing me, making me touch him and so on but thank god no rape. he would kiss me places and I would be okay with it cause he is letting me play with his games even though… Continue reading »

Family of Lies

I remember the day it began. I was 6 and my two older brothers said we would play a game. My mother and father were off at work starting at 4am till 8pm and grandma always took long naps during the day so my brothers who were 17 and 12 would watch over us younger kids. My sisters who were 5 and 2 at the time didn’t really want to play with them but I thought nothing of it. My older brother took me to the bathroom where he sat on the toilet and pulled out his penis. He told me to touch it and then to put my mouth on it. I didn’t want to but he said it was part of the game. So I did what it said. It was horrible and when it was finished he had me clean up and said it he would now get me ice cream and… Continue reading »

Lost My Virginity In Rape By Jehovah’s Witness Boss

I was barely 17. Living on my own and fairly naive. Had a job at chicfila in Clayton Georgia USA. He was 36. Ex con. Jehovah’s witness and my boss. He raped me repeatedly over the course of two years. Forced anal when I said no. Choked me unconscious and took what he wanted when I couldn’t defend myself. If I tried to defend myself it only made it worse. I’m 5’4″ 120lbs. He was 3x my strength. He told me he could and would kill me. Forced me to cheat on my boyfriend when I said I didn’t want to. I was afraid to tell anyone because he was so loved I knew I would lose my job and not be able to get another one as it was a small town and he knew many people. His name was Erick. I finally moved states and now live in a secure military base with… Continue reading »

Dream Job, Turned Nightmare

It had been my goal for three years to join the yachting industry, but I had to finish college and then graduate school first. Finally, in May, I was free to pursue my passion of living life on the sea. I took the expensive required courses, and the day after graduation, I was offered a job on a classic yacht based on an island off the New England coast. We were to be a crew of three: me as the stewardess, a first mate, and the captain. I joined the captain alone for about two weeks, and everything was going great. Captain left for the island, leaving me to move onto the boat, and to pick up the First Mate he had just hired from the airport. FM and I hit it off; he was friendly and very easy to be around. I was not attracted to him, and in any case, I had a… Continue reading »

The Boys Club Continues

I decided to share my story after reading another woman’s story on this site…she was brutally gang raped by police and contemplating suicide. Please “don’t let them win” by Suicide. I know it’s your choice to take your life or survive…. I know the helplessness against the Blue Wall. I too have felt disposable, dismissed & despondent… I was gang raped by a fraternity as a hazing stunt during rush week….thankfully, they drugged me so I don’t remember much…but reporting it, the officers said it was going to be my word against theirs and I didn’t really have a case as I went willingly to the party and did drink and wasn’t a virgin…so…..I didn’t really have a case. I went to counseling immediately, but the lady therapist said I had “issues with my mother, not my rapists, rape didn’t have anything to do with what happened to me” she said…..that all happened when I… Continue reading »

Believe it or Not, It happened to me

was raped 29 years ago. I was Party Raped, Gang Raped, whatever you want to call it. 1989 I was 14, and raped by my ex boyfriend and 2 of his friends (who I had never spoke to). I will save all the details. I was Drunk, beyond drunk, and already passed out on a mattress on the floor, I believe now my ex done this for revenge, I really don’t know. I didn’t report it because I was not supposed to be where I was, and definitely not suppose to be drunk. Also how embarrassing would it be for a 14 year old girl living in the Bible Belt of the South to have to let everybody know what happened, the details are awful enough, I was too drunk to fight, I couldn’t even sit up. And the MESSED up part is I still had feelings for my ex. Long story short,he was my… Continue reading »