I don’t know when my grandfather started abusing me, I don’t remember there being a time before abuse. I know that I told a teacher in the 4th grade and that’s when it stopped. I don’t remember all the details, but bits and pieces come together all these years later (I am 40 now and just starting to face this since ignoring is no longer working). I remember being made to urinate in jugs while he watched, a massaging vibrating object in my body, and more frightening moments that still make my face turn red with shame although 30 years have passed and he is long dead. I think I need to tell my husband these details, but I am so afraid… I feel as if I cheated on him though I know logically that doesn’t make sense and that he loves me no matter what. I am just starting to mourn the loss of… Continue reading »
My friend assaulted me and another
I wish I knew how to say this in a fleshed out, eloquent way but I just found out so I don’t. My room mate (we’ll call him John) assaulted me a few months ago. I was asleep drunk on the couch and when I woke up he was behind me groping inside of my shirt. I confronted him and he said that we were both drunk and he didn’t know I was unconscious, that I was acting like I liked it and it was probably because we had a sexual relationship awhile ago. I knew something was wrong but I blamed myself because I was drunk which is INSANE because if any other woman told me that’s how she felt, I’d tell her to not blame herself at all. So for the past few months I noticed most of our friends who live in the complex haven’t been coming around as much or John… Continue reading »
Sexual Assault
I was at work one day and a coworker of mine who is higher up than I was sexually assaulted me. It was horrible and what happened after was also awful. I reported it and was treated like garbage. Although I intern got very frustrated and acted out in my frustration because I was being misled to believe that they were on my side. They ended up blaming the victim which I have come to find out is very typical and a very sad reality. No one should ever feel afraid of their workplace. I know longer work at this facility however he still works there. They let him roam free and I somehow got punished. I’m hoping that by putting my story out there I can feel some relief. Thank you. — Survivor, age 28
Gross
She was my babysitter, and I don’t know if I can recall every instance. It happened over a span of two years. I was a toddler and for awhile I knew it had happened but pretended it didn’t. It helped that my mind had forced most of the memories away but recently for reasons unknown they show up. She touched me, made me touch her, and let her boyfriend watch. Once she got me to make out with her little brother who was the same age as me, at times her boyfriend participated in the actions. What hurts the most is she used to tell me she loved me, and I believed her. She used it as a way to punish me for doing bad things, because she was my babysitter. She used it as a way to reward me too, sometimes I hated it but even grosser. What I know for sure is ever… Continue reading »
Learning to Live With My Rape
Five years ago I was a high school student. I was 16 when my life turned for the worst. I began having family issues. My home life was not well. The summer after 11th grade came and my mom decided to move my brother and I into an entirely new school district. I was extremely upset by this move because now I would deal with the family issues without my friends who had become my family. I fought constantly with my brother and mother. Until one day my mother came to me and let me move back to my hometown if I could find a friend to live with. It sounds crazy, but I made the decision based on my program I was invested in during school. This decision to go live with a friend that young should never have been given to me. Eventually I moved in with my friend. From this moment on… Continue reading »
When It’s Personal
Rape awareness is at an all time high in this country. But most people only see half the story. There is a lot more to rape than most think about. Or even know about. Or can even understand. But I can. I do. I’ve seen it. I felt it….. Hollywood glam and media spin has led rise to most Americans when they think about rape to associate rape with white college males, university scandals, drugged girls, drunk girls, girls that “asked” for it, and teen guys that go to far. To say any of this is a misnomer is flagrant. These types of acquaintance rape and date rape and assault are very serious problems with devastating impacts on its victims. But that is not all there is to rape. While definitely the most common, it’s not the only way a woman can be raped. And isn’t even close to the worst. Rape is not just… Continue reading »
Drugged
Before reading: English is not my first language. Be aware before you Judge me. Thank you. I can’t explain how it felt. The hardest part of my story is, that not only did he take away my trust, he took away a part of my memory, a crucial part, that I will never have back. The fact that I know what happened, but will never know, how, when exactly, and why, frustrates me still. And will Always hurt me so much. I trusted you. This one’s for you. I met you in 2015. I had just turned 15 and went on my first holiday with my best friend. Her parents took me with them, and treated me very great, they looked out for me. My mom Always told me that she trusted me, that she knew I would look out for myself. So why are you worried about me? My 15-year old self wondered. ‘I… Continue reading »
My Daddy
The first that I remember being hurt was when I was 4. I stayed home from kindergarten and my daddy came into my room and started rubbing my upper thigh, which turned into him rubbing inside of my panties. He put his fingers inside of me, and I remember screaming. When he finished, he told me that this is what daddy’s do when they love their daughters, but it’s our secret. Not long after that event, he showed me his penis and he made me rub it. He then put it inside of me. That is what started 14 years of being raped and abused about 3-5 times a week. When I was 9 he made me “please” an uncle and two of his friends. I knew that I did not like it, and I knew that it was wrong. But it was normal, my normal. He did not stop until I married at the… Continue reading »
“She Didn’t Do Anything”
I was 17. I remember when my best friend and I first started hanging out with these guys; I guess it was hard to make girl friends and I attracted friendship with guys since I was such a laid back person. I did everything I could to avoid conflict, and I never judged a soul. I guess that’s what made me such a vulnerable target. I had a crush on one of the boys, he was tall and a jock from high school. I never thought I’d see the day where I actually hung out with him. Except, he was nothing like I’d imagine him to be. He was confident, he was rude, he was assertive. The rest of the guys were cool, and we all got along so very well. A friendship bloomed between all of us. And that friendship stayed even after what happened to me. I ended up losing my virginity to… Continue reading »
He Was My Best Friend
Well, I am sitting in an empty cafe supposed to be studying for finals, but I can’t. I’ve been staring out the window while a single spider-web strand blows from the wall and quiet jazz music plays. It’s been 5 months since the first time it happened, and a couple since the second. Same guy. He was my best friend. I’m almost done with my freshman year at college. A supposedly small, conservative, safe campus – and a supposedly respectable, kind gentleman. We never had any romantic contact, he was interested in another girl and I was interested in another guy, which is why it worked out so well. I met him the first day and we hit it off, neither of us knew anyone coming in to college so we helped each other through a lot, and I mean a lot. I took harder classes than I should have, and would get stressed a… Continue reading »