I tried sharing my story before, but haven’t tried it for some time. I think it’s time to try it now again. I’ll start therapy again in a few months, hopefully this time will be different, hopefully this time they’ll help. I’ve been hurting for a long time, and each time I seek help I’m demotivated because of the responses I get. But first, let me start to share my story.. I was a very quiet and shy girl. Being picked on a lot for being autistic and timid. I’m a great listener and can talk hours about subjects I like, but most of the time I’m quietly sitting and listening and observing. Especially in high school which was very hard for me. They said things to me, laughed at me, made me fall during gym class. I tried to ignore them and focus on school. I did have good grades, but not many friends…. Continue reading »
My Daughter’s Story
One day, I hope my daughter is able to share her story but for now, she is but a child. As her mother, this has been the most traumatizing thing I have ever experienced. It was my greatest fear and it came true. My ex husband and I have been divorced for almost ten years. He has never been in my children’s lives very much. He was kind of a deadbeat- didn’t pay child support, didn’t see them very often. About two years ago, he started getting in trouble with the police because he has a drug addiction and was stealing to pay for drugs. While he was in jail, he started calling the kids. It was the first time their dad had ever called them to talk to THEM in their lives and they were very happy. When he was released from jail, I made him work up the trust before I would let… Continue reading »
Sexual Abuse of Minors
Firstly I would like to thank you for sharing your story, I watched the series on Netflix and am astounded at the amount of abuse there is in the world. I am a woman of 56 years old and my sister is 59 years old. We grew up in Zeekoevlei in Cape Town after our mother left us with my father who then remarried. Our abuse was horrific as from the age of 4 and 8 years old we where forced to do manual labour, not allowed to sit on furniture, no be allowed in the house during the day, could not enter the home through the front door, clean beer bottles all day during the holidays. All our this mental / physical abuse was horrendous but the worst was to come. In 1974 my stepmothers two brothers broke into our room and molested us. I was 11 at the time as was finger penetrated… Continue reading »
Raped At 12 Years Old– Letter to Attacker
To the person who took my innocence, Are you happy with yourself? Did raping me give you the power you were looking for? Do you feel like a man now? 30% of women were between the ages of 11 and 17 at the time of their first completed rape. I was one of those 30%: I was only 12 years-old! I wasn’t even a teenager yet. Because of you, I lost my childhood. I was home-bound for weeks. Weeks turned to months. Months turned into years. You know, I can hardly remember those years. I lost myself completely, and it was all because of you. You made me suffer for years. It took me a long time to figure out what I did wrong. I kept asking myself if I deserved it. I blamed myself. I hated myself. “Worthless.” “Stupid.” “Porque no puedes ser una niña normal?” Countless times of suicidal thoughts and attempts. Just… Continue reading »
This will be painful
This will be painful. This will bring up things I don’t want to talk about. But I think it needs to be said. I think it needs to be written out. It’s therapeutic in a sort of way. This is the story of my stolen childhood. It started a little before my eighth birthday, after my brother was born. I remember the first time. Clear as day. I don’t remember how I got there or why I was where it happened. We were in a basement. In a part that was unfinished. He was wearing a green shirt with two dark green stripes, a single blue stripe, and a white stripe in the middle. I don’t remember what I was wearing. He told me he wanted to show me something cool. He sat down in between two pipes. Plumbing of some sort. Maybe goes upstairs? Maybe for a bathroom? The floor was gray concrete. It… Continue reading »
Black Girl
As a black child she grew up with many black women An atmosphere of mostly females and children A plether of differences yet many the same someone points the finger but no one takes the blame Attenion seaking variances of competition with the appearance of being soft For the man and his foundation what the prize that they saught Changing the tone of ebbs that flow like an omen while wrapping herself around his torso with emotion Still times were hard To be a black woman raising A black girl while a black woman is dating But the little black girl noticed the drama placating, Black woman didnt see the lessons she was stating Not with words pursey But with action, not for the black girl because he was the main attraction. Held at a distance so touch and so taught Not telling her what to do but telling her what not Showering love on… Continue reading »
Need help
I had just turned 17. November 1986. My brother had come home from college for Thanksgiving. My parents left us alone. We had a party. After everyone left, my bother’s childhood friend stayed. I was asleep in my parents room. Don crept down the hall. My brother called out to him..he said that he was “using the bathroom.” he went back to whatever room he was asleep in. I got up and locked my parents bedroom door. Sometime later, he picked the lock. I woke up to him using my hand to stroke his penis. He put his hand over my mouth and raped me repeatedly. I would have never have told a soul but I came up pregnant and my mother knew that I was. I told her I was a victim and she never said, “I don’t believe you.” but her actions proved just that. She told me not to tell anyone and… Continue reading »
College Rape
A year ago, I heard the statistic for rape on college campus. I now am a sexual violence advocate at a local nonprofit. But when I was 19, I was invited to a friends party. He was my ex boyfriends best friend. We drank, danced and partied. Nothing was out of the ordinary. I was with my roommate but she passed out in a different room. His other friend was passed out on the couch next to me. I woke up to this “friend” ripping my tights and penetrating me. His roommate came out of his room to grab a glass of water. He put his hand over my mouth and told me to be quiet. I did as I was told because I was frozen and scared. Completely unable to move. I woke up the next morning feeling so horrified with myself for drinking myself to the point where I couldn’t fight back. I… Continue reading »
Why didn’t I do anything?
It was a few years ago, while I was 22, a few weeks before summer vacation. I was working an internship in the field. With protective gear similar to those of construction workers, I didn’t exactly look girly at all. I was traveling home by train for the weekend. After a week working, I was exhausted and dozed off a bit. No one was sitting next to me and the train was very quiet. I had fallen asleep for maybe 10 to 15 minutes, when I woke up by a touch. I woke up but didn’t open my eyes. Someone touched my knee. At first I thought it was accidental but then it happened again and this time the hand softly stroked my knee and upper leg. I was a bit scared, but I did not open my eyes. I did not move, I didn’t do anything. I have been assaulted and raped one time… Continue reading »
No one owns your story but you
Two years ago, I was sexually assaulted and raped by a man I barely knew. I met him on a dating app. I invited him into my home. We chatted, had a couple drinks, and I offered to him that he stay the night. Not once did we ever kiss, and the topic of sex never came up. In the middle of the night, I woke up to find he had his finger inside me. I was shocked. I felt like I was paralyzed. That moment felt like it went on for an eternity. He took his finger out of me and tried to get on top of me. I was able to turn away from him, but lay awake in the dark trying to figure out if what just happened actually did happen. I’m not sure how I fell back asleep that night. In the early morning, we woke up and he started to… Continue reading »