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Liar, Liar

8 year old is not the time to have this. I was sent to the store, and on the way home, a guy jumped me, lifted my skirt and raped me. I didn’t have words for it then. He stole the change, and I had words for that too. My mom had words too, she called me a liar. I didn’t think much of it when I started hanging over friend’s houses after school. One had access to some porn, and I said this one happened to me. They called me a liar. By junior high, I turned total goth, where depression fit well. I told my story in poems. No one believed I had it in my background. Actually, no no one. I had this boy who followed me outside when I went for a good cry. He said he believed I had a rape secret. He started to kiss me, I didn’t know… Continue reading »

Believe Her

About a month ago, my live in girlfriend didn’t come home. As it got later, I called and texted her about every 15 minutes. I called everyone I knew to find her. By half way through the night, my friends were trying to be honest: If she didn’t come home, she was somewhere, with someone. I felt like a pile of dung that the beetles wouldn’t touch. I thought things were going so well. Why would she look for someone else, especially when I was home? About 10 minutes until dawn, I got a call from her. She needed a ride. I asked who she was with until dawn. She didn’t want to say it. Why didn’t she answer, because she didn’t get them. I almost told her to do to herself what I knew she was doing to someone else all night. She was in the hospital, please come get her. I rushed over… Continue reading »

“He can’t sexually assault you he’s Christian”

#metoo Christian women are sexually assaulted too. By Christian guys. But we’re not allowed to talk about it. In a culture where men are encouraged to watch porn, pursue women and expect that women want all they attention that they can get (and tell them to lighten up when they say otherwise), Christian men are “outsiders”. Not allowed to engage in this culture but are immersed in it. Christian women are not prepared to deal with the situations that they are so devastatingly put inside. Let me share my story. I am a Christian woman, and I started dating this guy when I was at College. On paper he was great. He was a Christian, we believed the same things, had the same vision for life and were easy friends. In a “why not give it a go?” kinda way we started dating. The abuse started so subtly that I didn’t notice it until I… Continue reading »

He did it again and again

I was 16 when I was raped, still a virgin. I was at school for an evening event and went to the bathroom. The hallways were dark as the event was out in the ground. When I came out of the bathroom, I was heading for the stairs when someone grabbed me from behind. He was a student and one of the hosts for the evening. He covered my mouth with his hand and took me into a dark classroom. I froze. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to scream but I couldn’t. He kept doing it. It hurt. It hurt a lot. He just left me there after. I went home that night and cried all night. I couldn’t tell anyone. I was helpless. That night still haunts me. I still haven’t told anyone. I’ve been carrying this burden for 6 years. — Survivor, age 22

Was it my fault

It was spring break of my freshman year. I was drinking and having fun until you attacked me. I was a virgin and planned to wait until I found my soulmate. You took that from me. You took me to your hotel room and held me down and had sex with me. I was recovering from an eating disorder and felt like I was finally beating it. I was small, you were big and I couldn’t push you off. I didn’t scream, my whole body froze. I never said yes but I didn’t scream or hit you. Does that mean it was ok or does that mean it was rape? I remember the awful motion of you pushing yourself into me and the horrible pain. I hated every second and those memories still haunt me. My eating disorder came back full force after you assaulted me. What you did was not ok. 10 years later… Continue reading »

Gang rape and further sexual assaults

May 05 2001 is a date that will always be tattooed on my brain as that was the day I was raped. I was coming home from work and to save a few pounds I decided to take the bus. After a few minutes I realised I was being followed. It was before 8.30 so no shops were opened for me to go into so i kept walking in the hope they would leave me alone but thing then got worse. 2 of the men grabbed me and dragged me down an alley beside a pub. The other 4 guys with them followed laughing and jeering at me. One kept saying you’re going to get it. My clothes were tore from me then they took turns in raping me. When they finished they all were laughing then walked away and left me. I can’t remember how long I lay there for after but I remember… Continue reading »

Please do not be afraid of being “the girl who cried rape”

was 15. And still, until this day I don’t have the courage to call what happened to me “rape”. I call it sexual assault. “I thought u we’re telling people that I raped u witch I didn’t so I was gettin all scared”. My sexual assaulter apologized to me on Facebook the day after. He made it clear that since there was no penetration with his genitals, he didn’t rape me. Afraid of being the girl who cried rape, I told him “I mean I’m a forgiving person. I don’t wanna say it’s ok cause what you did made me cry for three hours. Cause I said no but you still did it out in the open in the marina when you knew I liked [My ex boyfriend]. It’s gunna take time but I’ll eventually forgive you… But I also met you three days ago.” Trying hard to still be a feminist and let him… Continue reading »

Sexual Assault in my own bed

I was messing around with my ex. I know I shouldn’t have but my friends told me to have fun be a teenager. So I was doing just that. We were friends with benefits. Most of it was just kissing and touching. It was the day that my parents were gone. I invited him over. I knew that it was a booty call but I didn’t want to have sex I just wanted to mess around. I let him in and we went to my room. He took his shirt off and we started kissing. When he reaches for my boobs I told him no. That I don’t want to have sex. He didn’t want to hear anything I said. Next thing I know I am laying on the bed with his crushing weight on top of me. I remember every little detail. From his weight on me to the feeling of his tongue down… Continue reading »

The Friend

2 years ago my boyfriend (now fiancé) and a mutual friend he worked with went to a concert. All of us had been drinking. On the way home I noticed my boyfriend texting someone. Of almost 9 months of dating I was furious to know he was texting with his ex. Drunk and mad I messaged the ex on Facebook asking her to leave him alone as he was now my boyfriend. She decided to tell me he was the one intitiating any contact and she had nothing to do with him as he was not good to her in the past. He never had given me a reason to be afraid or even really yelled at me so I inquired to know more about what she meant. She had told me to be careful as in the past he had pushed her a few times and was verbally and physically abusive. Concerned, indirectly confronted… Continue reading »

On the Way Home

I was at a friend’s party last night, not real wild, not a lot to drink, no boys worth picking up, but fun to hang. I went to go home, and I was not real drunk, but they wouldn’t give me my keys back. I went to walk home, which was a little far, but I only had $20 for a cab, and Uber wasn’t responding. I walked for a while, and then went to hitch, with little on the road. A car pulled up and asked if I called for an Uber, and I figured “Hey, it’s on someone else’s account”, so I said it was mine. He apologized for being late, and said it would be discounted, and I said “Great”, thinking for whoever!. We road off towards my address. I wasn’t paying attention, and he had pulled off in the dark, and ended behind some warehouses or loading docks. He pulled a… Continue reading »