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An Orphanage

I was raped in a Romanian orphanage. I was born in Romania and I was in the orphanage until I was 8 years old. I am now 25. I was abused a lot. I got adopted by people from the UK. I now have an amazing family in Scotland. I graduated last year from Oxford university and I was one of the few women to get a first class honors degree in law. You can survive rape and overcome it. Do not let the rapists win. Live your life to the full. Be amazing. Do everything you can to be happy and open up your heart. My heart was so numb but love cures everything. I have a boyfriend and good friends and I am very grateful for everything. You have already won because you survived rape. I just wanted to share my story because you can overcome the worst experiences in life. I was… Continue reading »

Camilla’s Story

My story begins with me very young living with my Aunt and Uncle and their two sons. I had been removed from my mother’s custody at the age of 18 months old because of her drug use. Around the time I was 5 or 6 was the first time I remember the oldest son touching me. He said he would tell on me for various reasons in order to keep me quiet and to not tell anyone. It wasn’t long before the other son also began touching me using the same methods to keep me from telling anyone. As the years went by the behavior continued. The younger son had gotten interested in video cameras and decided to tape him abusing me. He forced me to act and make everything seem as realistic as possible even the body fluids he tried to recreate as there were not any naturally produced. Sometime after that was filmed… Continue reading »

The First Man Who Broke My Heart

Unfortunately my childhood has to be the most painful memory I have until now. I grew up in a dysfunctional home, where my father was a drunk, lazy, woman beater who would cheat on my mom continuously. My mother was just a woman who was trying to keep a family together, because she wanted me to have a father around. She would constantly kick him out of the house, place his clothes in garbage bags and ask him to leave. But eventually he would always come back. I was sexually assaulted continuously in my childhood by my own father. I was around 5-9 years old. Ever since I was little, my mother would overwork to fulfill my needs and wants..so my own father would “take care” of me. This seems normal, right? Well, no. He would sexually assault and abuse me on a regular daily basis. I have very few memories about this, because I… Continue reading »

Bad Programming

I don’t know if any of you other survivors have come to a situation that has forced you to just stand back, and stare at that dark private part of your life. Where you ponder exactly when you veered off the road that would have kept you ‘normal’. I’ve had quite a few of those in the prior year. And they made me really question where exactly did I loose my way when it comes to boundaries, and this dreadful place where my lack boundaries would reek havoc in my private life with the relationships I have had. During a normal scuffle with my sister, I was called some really hurtful names.. Stupid, Lazy.. a bitch. Which had me re-evaluating my relationships with family.. I joined a support group for people who are surviving dysfunctional family structures. I never thought it would get me into a therapists office. Had I known I probably wouldn’t have… Continue reading »

Molested

I was a young girl 8 my aunt’s husband started touching me then showed me his penis. I was scared to tell my parents. My dad would have killed him. I think there are things I can’t remember sometimes it like a bad movie in my head. I am a woman now, and got married. When I had two daughters a man came to my door and asked to use phone. I told no. He pushed his way in and raped me. I never told my husband and family saw my bruised body but I told them I got away. When I cried know one knew. My husband was wonderful. Until today, no one knows that sometime I still just get overwhelmed by it all. My aunt doesn’t know. I never let my girls go around him by themselves. Thank you for having the courage that I don’t. You could never understand my life or… Continue reading »

Rape at 15

I was raped back in 2007 on Halloween. Since that day I’m scared of Halloween and I don’t wanna dress up or celebrate. It was my favorite holiday until I was 15. I was raped by 2 boys who were my age in an alley, which to this day makes me feel disgusting. They asked me to hang out and I thought they were my friends. I was young and naive back then, and they lend me to a gang way and sexually assaulted me. I remember just going completely numb and I couldn’t scream. Afterwards all they said to me “nice working with you”. I had lost my virginity to people who didn’t give a damn how I felt and my self esteem for many years was super super low. I used sex cause I thought I was worthless. Growing up I was nice Jewish girl, but the rape turned me in to monster…. Continue reading »

Hundreds of Times

I don’t remember exactly when it started. I know it started when I was very small, still in diapers. The beginning memories are all light, color, sound, smell-no words, no names or descriptions attached. Then they get more visual, more defined, more acute and sharp and poignantly terrifying. Then they get monotonous, old, repetitive and full of shame, disgust, confusion. And they become intertwined within the hell that was the first 13 and years of my life. I was sexually abused by my father until I was almost 13 and a half. The first time I was raped when I was six, and it continued until a few months until my father was diagnosed with brain cancer when I was almost 14. It was a daily occurrence, happening sometimes multiple times in day, if he had free reign or the time to do it. He was the president of cardiology for my area. He was… Continue reading »

Ignored For a Lifetime

I was sexually abused repeatedly at the hands of an uncle when I was nine years old. My entire family has always chosen to ignore that ever happened, to this day. The ghosts of this traumatic series of events have haunted me for the next 41 years of my life. I have grown deep, emotional scars that have become an ever growing rage which, frequently, consume my soul and my life. I have never sought help, therapy, or any sort of professional assistance. I am strong and always thought I could handle it by not thinking about it and living the life I was meant to live… I was wrong. This abuse took place in Caracas, Venezuela. I was born in Caracas, in 1964. I have one elder brother and my parents were both born in Cuba. They fled Castro’s Communist regime and found a friendly, hospitable, fertile young country where to start their lives… Continue reading »

Incest

Not even sure where to start even though I have told my story before. From ages 1 to 7, I was sexual abused by my father. My uncle also sexual abused me last time when i was 12. I was date raped at age of 20. I am 47 years old now and when my son was born in 1995, it all started to come back to me. I have been working very hard since to make my son and my life livable. I could write how hard it has been, but for now want to make it clear that it still happens. I mean my dad denies it all, and I never confronted my uncle. Every time he does, it feels like the rape is going on again. My sister was the one how came to me saying she always remembered. But 2 years after she said it wasn’t true and took her words… Continue reading »

Halloween Nightmare

I was raped at the age of 22 while in college. It was my senior year and all I was looking forward to was running well and making the grades in school. I was on the varsity cross country and track team for my university and when October came it was almost the end of our season. The last weekend of October I had a lot to look forward to: my last cross country meet ever and the local bar by my college would be closing on the same day. My cross country meet that day went very well and I couldn’t have asked for a better way to end my career. All I could think about when I got back to school was the halloween parties I was going to go to and how excited I was for the night. By the time the evening rolled around I was so excited. I took a… Continue reading »