I can still remember it so clearly. The taste of alcohol on my breath the morning after. The humiliation I was putting myself through. I couldn’t bring myself to accept it, I had read about it before and had even taken an online class before attending college, I remember thinking “I’m smart I would never let anything bad happen to me.” I was 17 years old, right out of highschool and ready to get away from home and finally have some freedom. I didn’t grow up in a bad home, but I’ve always been the person to get away from home, get away from something familiar and start somewhere new. So I decided to go to college 6 hours away from home. I was really scared, but I knew it would be the first step to gaining my independence. Freshmen year was something I was determined to remember, I met a lot of cool people… Continue reading »
Losing my virginity
I was on my first ever night out when I got speaking to a group of boys who then took me back to their house. I do not remember willingly making the decision to go back to the house. When we arrived one boy took me to this room and I remember being on the floor when he raped me. I kept falling in and out of consciousness and awaking to see a man on top of me raping me. I didn’t try and move I just let it happen. This is how I lost my virginity. Afterwards I tried to convince myself that it was what I wanted and that it was consensual, it took me a day to realise what had actually just happened. A year later it affects me in so many different aspects, I never thought it would affect me the way it has and from reading other peoples stories I… Continue reading »
Raped by My Ex
I loss my first virginity back in April 22, 2018 from my ex boyfriend. When I first loss my virginity I felt mad, sad, depressed, stupid, and confused. The next day when I woke up around 7 o’clock in a morning he raped me again I still felt confused, tired, denial, exhausted, and trapped. He became very possessive, controlling, and abusive torch me. The next day I called in for work to tell my boss what is going on. I got a ride to an emergency Ride Out Hospital to do a raped kit then I reported him to the cop. The next day he left me a voicemail he was very piss off by making a threated. He wanted me to meet him at the bus stop in my neighborhood I refuse to show up. On May 24th 2018 I file a 5 years restraining order so can stop coming by my neighborhood. Right… Continue reading »
Married to my Rapist
I was married to who I thought was a good man. We were together for 8 years, and I knew that he had once had a drinking problem but had conquered it. He began drinking again shortly into our marriage and, unbeknownst to me also started a cocaine habit that would last 6 years. His habit was to go out on the weekends and drink and then come home and pass out. At first, I went with him…afraid of him driving home drunk but after awhile I realized I was enabling the behavior and giving up my time and my life walking on eggshells around him. So I stopped driving him and it was his choice if he went out or not. He would come home drunk and try to make love but he stunk of whisky and half the time couldn’t perform and I would refuse because of the drunkenness. Once, he came home… Continue reading »
Rape by family
Growing up in the country with my mom and her boyfriend with my brother. My mom always let her boyfriend do anything he wanted to me when I was younger. She wound take me to my grandfather’s house and it would be the same way as it was at home he could do as he pleased. At age 11 I ended geting pregnant and my mother told the doctor that i didn’t know who the dad was but in all odds I knew who the dad was. But i was told to keep my mouth shut and that the baby would be given away to the adoption sence i was so young. And had no say so in what happens to the baby. But after the baby was born nothin seemed to change expect her make sure I was placed on birth control. Then started being raped again by her boyfriend on the daily bases… Continue reading »
Victim Shaming
SVU’s Detective Benson & Tutuola vs. Real NYPD Detectives By: Tiffany V. Stiles 10/19/2018 Along with millions of avid viewers, I’ve been a fan of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit for almost 20 years. The compassion these characters have for victims of sexual assault is unparalleled to the strong burden of shame and fear felt. You’re offered a comforting blanket and a cup of warm cocoa; another way to let you know you’re safe now. One in four women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime and one in six women will experience attempted or completed rape in their lifetime (site this). Of those women, there’s been dialogue of why they don’t come forward after being attacked…but what about us women who do & are then dismissed? This is my story: After over three hours of waiting, two detectives from NYPD’s Special Victims Division walked into my hospital room. A male and a female… Continue reading »
The Boys Club Continues
I decided to share my story after reading another woman’s story on this site…she was brutally gang raped by police and contemplating suicide. Please “don’t let them win” by Suicide. I know it’s your choice to take your life or survive…. I know the helplessness against the Blue Wall. I too have felt disposable, dismissed & despondent… I was gang raped by a fraternity as a hazing stunt during rush week….thankfully, they drugged me so I don’t remember much…but reporting it, the officers said it was going to be my word against theirs and I didn’t really have a case as I went willingly to the party and did drink and wasn’t a virgin…so…..I didn’t really have a case. I went to counseling immediately, but the lady therapist said I had “issues with my mother, not my rapists, rape didn’t have anything to do with what happened to me” she said…..that all happened when I… Continue reading »
Healing My Faded Scars
CH came into my life cleverly disguised as the man who would make my dreams come true two years later. He eventually sought out opportunities to deliberately inflict harm on me. His public plastic mask covered up his icily calculating eyes and a sickening smirk that said otherwise. He knew how to cut me down with his well-chosen malicious words in a matter of seconds. CH made me feel lonely in his arms and feel an ache for genuine affection instead. He denied me of my sincere feelings and numbed my heart by subtly belittling and disrespecting me. CH was only protective when it suits his needs and desires and nothing else by projecting his insecurities onto me. He had digital women I knew nothing about as he silently battled his pornography addiction alone but I had no chance of ever measuring up to them. I was automatically reduced to a victim of subtle abuse… Continue reading »
Almost raped, forever traumatized
When I was in my early 20’s, I attended a convention. The last night, there was a ball with alcohol and dancing. I met a guy that seemed nice and he bought my drinks and we danced. When I was ready to go to my hotel room, which the convention was in one of the ballrooms at the hotel, he asked to walk me to my room. I agreed. When we got to my room, I said good night at the door and turned to enter my room. When I did, he forced his way in and pushed me down between the two beds on the floor. He said he’d bought me drinks, so I owed him. I fought with everything in me. I was wearing a dress, slip and panty hose. Between the panty hose and adrenaline, I somehow got up, I’d scratched his face and screamed and kicked till I’d managed to wriggle… Continue reading »
Believe it or Not, It happened to me
was raped 29 years ago. I was Party Raped, Gang Raped, whatever you want to call it. 1989 I was 14, and raped by my ex boyfriend and 2 of his friends (who I had never spoke to). I will save all the details. I was Drunk, beyond drunk, and already passed out on a mattress on the floor, I believe now my ex done this for revenge, I really don’t know. I didn’t report it because I was not supposed to be where I was, and definitely not suppose to be drunk. Also how embarrassing would it be for a 14 year old girl living in the Bible Belt of the South to have to let everybody know what happened, the details are awful enough, I was too drunk to fight, I couldn’t even sit up. And the MESSED up part is I still had feelings for my ex. Long story short,he was my… Continue reading »