I tried sharing my story before, but haven’t tried it for some time. I think it’s time to try it now again. I’ll start therapy again in a few months, hopefully this time will be different, hopefully this time they’ll help. I’ve been hurting for a long time, and each time I seek help I’m demotivated because of the responses I get. But first, let me start to share my story.. I was a very quiet and shy girl. Being picked on a lot for being autistic and timid. I’m a great listener and can talk hours about subjects I like, but most of the time I’m quietly sitting and listening and observing. Especially in high school which was very hard for me. They said things to me, laughed at me, made me fall during gym class. I tried to ignore them and focus on school. I did have good grades, but not many friends…. Continue reading »
He knew what he was doing
It took me two years to write this letter, I’ve read the poems, I’ve read the quotes, I’ve read the stories of those we label as survivors, and heard first hand experiences. But there’s something about being told that no one will believe you, that there is no reason to ruin peoples lives over it that really sticks with you. I let you make me afraid, and if there’s anything I regret it’s that I never saved your future victims. For a long time I stayed quiet, I avoided the conversation, I kept it inside until it drove me mad. But over the last couple months it has been eating at me begging to be heard. So why don’t we start from the beginning? January 20, 2017: —— went home for 2 weeks, you and —- invited me over to hang out. At first I was hesitant but we were friends right? You were a… Continue reading »
Raped by my boyfriend
I was 15 when it happened and my boyfriend was 18. I’d met him as he and his mum worked with my mum. we started dating and were told not to do any funny business, then we went out to watch the Christmas Light switch on and as it finished late he stayed over. when we got back t my house we were laying in bed chatting and it started to get intimate at first I was fine with it but once he started having sex with me I didn’t want to anymore it didn’t feel right I told him no and to get off, I tried to push him off but nothing worked. After a few more thrusts he stopped and got off me and said that id better sort him out later. I was so mortified and embarrassed I didnt report this until a year or so later.
Healing in progress
This is not just my story. I was not impaired by alcohol or drugs (I dont use either). Three men raped me — vaginal, oral, and anal. Violated. Robbed of everything I was. Scream. What did I do to deserve this? There were others present. They raped my friend. I couldn’t save her. I fought with everything I could think of… biting, grabbing, scratching, kicking, a headbutt. Disposable. Made it to the hospital wearing a garbage bag. Bloody. Bruised. I had all my torn clothes and one shoe. It seemed like forever before the crisis advocate showed up. Frozen. Worthless. Called my Dad. Ashamed. Cry. Completed SAFE Kit. Horrified. Prescriptions. Speechless. Consented to reporting to authorities and testing of SAFE kit. Robotic. Talked to a counselor. Flood. Told forensic evidence was solid to convict. Assured they would find the men. I believed. Therapy. Traumatic. Work 2 days later. Paranoid. No leads. Therapy was ok until… Continue reading »
My Daughter’s Story
One day, I hope my daughter is able to share her story but for now, she is but a child. As her mother, this has been the most traumatizing thing I have ever experienced. It was my greatest fear and it came true. My ex husband and I have been divorced for almost ten years. He has never been in my children’s lives very much. He was kind of a deadbeat- didn’t pay child support, didn’t see them very often. About two years ago, he started getting in trouble with the police because he has a drug addiction and was stealing to pay for drugs. While he was in jail, he started calling the kids. It was the first time their dad had ever called them to talk to THEM in their lives and they were very happy. When he was released from jail, I made him work up the trust before I would let… Continue reading »
Sexual Abuse of Minors
Firstly I would like to thank you for sharing your story, I watched the series on Netflix and am astounded at the amount of abuse there is in the world. I am a woman of 56 years old and my sister is 59 years old. We grew up in Zeekoevlei in Cape Town after our mother left us with my father who then remarried. Our abuse was horrific as from the age of 4 and 8 years old we where forced to do manual labour, not allowed to sit on furniture, no be allowed in the house during the day, could not enter the home through the front door, clean beer bottles all day during the holidays. All our this mental / physical abuse was horrendous but the worst was to come. In 1974 my stepmothers two brothers broke into our room and molested us. I was 11 at the time as was finger penetrated… Continue reading »
Raped At 12 Years Old– Letter to Attacker
To the person who took my innocence, Are you happy with yourself? Did raping me give you the power you were looking for? Do you feel like a man now? 30% of women were between the ages of 11 and 17 at the time of their first completed rape. I was one of those 30%: I was only 12 years-old! I wasn’t even a teenager yet. Because of you, I lost my childhood. I was home-bound for weeks. Weeks turned to months. Months turned into years. You know, I can hardly remember those years. I lost myself completely, and it was all because of you. You made me suffer for years. It took me a long time to figure out what I did wrong. I kept asking myself if I deserved it. I blamed myself. I hated myself. “Worthless.” “Stupid.” “Porque no puedes ser una niña normal?” Countless times of suicidal thoughts and attempts. Just… Continue reading »
I didn’t realise until now
For years I have been suffering with depression ,anxiety and OCD. I often wondered why I felt like this,There are many reasons but I think this could be one of them and I have just blocked it out, until now I didn’t think about it but after a recent reminder it’s all I can think about and I need to clarify it with at least someone. I was 14, at the time I was meeting up with a friend and her boyfriend, as you do he brought his friends along with him and we went to chill around town. At one point my friends boyfriend said he needed to go home to get changed or something so we tagged along…Why not? I didn’t intend on doing anything with the guys friend as I didn’t find him attractive. I was there simply as friends. He was about 17/18 at the time I think but I’m not… Continue reading »
This will be painful
This will be painful. This will bring up things I don’t want to talk about. But I think it needs to be said. I think it needs to be written out. It’s therapeutic in a sort of way. This is the story of my stolen childhood. It started a little before my eighth birthday, after my brother was born. I remember the first time. Clear as day. I don’t remember how I got there or why I was where it happened. We were in a basement. In a part that was unfinished. He was wearing a green shirt with two dark green stripes, a single blue stripe, and a white stripe in the middle. I don’t remember what I was wearing. He told me he wanted to show me something cool. He sat down in between two pipes. Plumbing of some sort. Maybe goes upstairs? Maybe for a bathroom? The floor was gray concrete. It… Continue reading »
Black Girl
As a black child she grew up with many black women An atmosphere of mostly females and children A plether of differences yet many the same someone points the finger but no one takes the blame Attenion seaking variances of competition with the appearance of being soft For the man and his foundation what the prize that they saught Changing the tone of ebbs that flow like an omen while wrapping herself around his torso with emotion Still times were hard To be a black woman raising A black girl while a black woman is dating But the little black girl noticed the drama placating, Black woman didnt see the lessons she was stating Not with words pursey But with action, not for the black girl because he was the main attraction. Held at a distance so touch and so taught Not telling her what to do but telling her what not Showering love on… Continue reading »