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Is It Rape When It’s Your Husband??

I was married at 16 to a man that was not a good guy. Is it still rape when it comes to your husband?? I had two small children aged about 2 & 3 at the time. I was about 19. He became very mentally ill, crazy if he did not have any marijuana to smoke. I remember just walking on eggshells. I am 50 yrs old now and still have the memories of being de-graded. I pray that my children do not remember some events. I’d do my best to tell them to stay in their room so they would not see him beat and abuse me sexually. One time he stuck a butcher knife into the coffee table and had sex with me on the sofa while my children were there. Other times he’d keep me in the bedroom, unclothed and made to stand in a corner and he’d hit me. We had… Continue reading »

I Kept Saying No

I was raped by a person that I knew who kept asking me out and I kept saying No. One day he offered to drive me home after I had a tiff with one of my good friends, he took me to his place and raped me. it wasn’t violent but I did say No about 10-12 times. I wasn’t able to get away from him and I had been drinking but felt like I couldn’t move. I believe I passed out during or after but then woke up and he drove me to my house. On the way he drove through McDonalds and asked me if I wanted anything? I just responded shortly, “This wasn’t a date”. I told my friends but I was young and didn’t have a lot of support in my life. My family history is not the best either. I have talked to some people in my life about it… Continue reading »

I Think I Was Raped

I was raped when I was 17 years old. I was dating this guy i went to high school with. We had been dating for a few months and I was at his house one night. We were drinking (alcohol) and talking while watching TV. All of a sudden there’s a knock at the door. It was his friend who live a couple blocks away. He comes in and he started to drink with us. I wasn’t big on drinking so it didn’t take much for me to get wasted. The guy i was dating starting kissing me. One thing lead to another and the next thing i remember we were having sex on the floor while his friend watched us. All of a sudden he got up and asked his friend if he wanted to have sex with me too. When I saw his friend get up and starting to walk towards me i… Continue reading »

Trying to Survive

My name is Caryn and for 41 years I have been trying to survive. From birth I have had to endure mental, physical and sexual abuse and not all from one person. I was born unwanted and unloved by a mother who hated me, an alcoholic father and a grandfather that not only molested me for 13 years but also shared me and started raping me at age 8 on my birthday handed willing over to him by a mother who knew what he was. This was the first time he shared me,took pictures of me and then took me to an amusement park. This continued even after finding out he had done this to my oldest sister were Cops and Detectives were involved and he never spent a day in jail. The only one who could put him behind bars since the statue of limitation had ran out for my sister was me and… Continue reading »

Someone Close to You

When I was 15 I moved out from my moms house and decided to live with my father and his girlfriend. I still went to the same school but everything changed. Since I had to wait for my route to be put on the list for a bus I didn’t go to school for a couple weeks. The first couple weeks of living with them. One morning when I was sleeping his girlfriend came into my room. She was obsessed with me. Always wanted to wear my clothes or borrow my things. This morning she decided to come in and clean my room. She was nears the top of the bed when I woke up and asked her what she was doing and asked her to leave but she didn’t. She said “it’s fine go back to sleep” so I rolled over thinking she would leave. I went into my dreams while she took advantage… Continue reading »

He Was a Friend

A few months ago I met a guy called Josh, He was knew to my town. Being a friendly person I befriended him, began to trust him. We hung out a lot at his flat along with other friends there. One night everyone went home I decided to stay a little longer, it never crossed my mind that he’d do anything to hurt me… Stupidly not thinking I don’t actually no this guy well, so I stayed longer. We continued having a few drinks after everybody left as I said goodbye to everyone he had poured me another drink. We were having a laugh, listening to a bit of music whilst the drink was going down pretty easy. After a while I became a little drowsy, didn’t think much of it as I’d had quite a bit too drink, then Josh moved closer, began touching me inappropriately, I told him no and pushed his hands… Continue reading »

2 Years Ago

It happened two years ago. I went out in manhattan with some friends. I was already drunk by the time we got to the third bar. I remember taking a drink from someone and then absolute darkness. I have one faint memory of standing outside the bar alone and the next thing I know it’s the next morning and I’m lying in a foreign bed in a foreign apartment with my dress pulled up. and then it’s blackness again. And then I open my eyes again, but only for a second before I pass back out. I don’t know how many times I awoke and closed my eyes again. I would open my eyes and look down but not be able to move a single part of my body. My body didn’t feel attached to my head, and my head didn’t feel attached to my brain. I couldn’t feel a thing. My brain couldn’t even… Continue reading »

Never Again

When I was 15 I met the most wonderful man ever, or so I thought, and we hit it off. We began a relationship that I kept a secret from my parents. After about 2 months of being together, I was spending the night at a friend’s house and he called to say that he wanted to spend time with me at his house, I said okay and off we went. When we got there, we watched a movie with his family and once it was over they went to bed. He turned off the TV and we began to make out. He started to try to take off my pants and before I could say no, he shoved a hand towel in my mouth. Though I was as tall as he was he was much stronger than I and easily held me down while her raped me. When I tried to tell his family,… Continue reading »

Way Back in 1973

I was young and rebellious, and trying to find my way in a world where men didn’t love you. My father had left the family, but dutifully picked up my sisters and me every Saturday for 1.5 hours, as per the divorce court order. AT age 13 he beat me with his belt because I refused his birthday gift to me of $13. At 16, he beat me again for refusing to go with him and my sisters on his court ordered visit. At 17, my step-father hit me with a telephone for daring to use it. I ran away from home several times, and finally found myself in California. After living for about 2 months in Redondo, I moved to Beverly Hills. I shared a space with a young man and his girlfriend. One beautiful warm afternoon, I was walking down the street, feeling free and alive and safe from my father and step-father,… Continue reading »

Now It’s Too Late

My partner was raped by numerous men several years before I met her. I wish I could tell you more, however I could never bear to hear the details. I was full of hatred and fear that my anger would consume me with thoughts of what I would to do to these men if I knew their names. Her trauma became about me, when she was desperately trying to connect with me on a greater level. Her efforts to tell me about her story always ended with me saying ‘I can’t bear to here’. I forgot that her willingly to share signified the trust she had in me. She needed to share her story with me and my deepest regret is that I never gave her that opportunity. The rape was an unspoken organism in our relationship, that grew. I saw the aftermath in the pain written on her arm. Two small scars that were… Continue reading »