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No Title Will Stop How I Feel

After watching Brave Miss World, I saw how strong victims have been. They’ve been able to share without feeling embarrassment and shame, which is what this movement has been about. I am not so brave as you all. I was molested as a child and stayed away from any human compassion. When I tried to make progress with even a hug, I was unable to with my family because they are who knew it was happening. I did a good job at blocking it out until I went to a house party at a mutual friend’s neighbor’s house party. By then I had not taken any drugs and just dabbled with alcohol. I was 18, I was ignorant. I was vulnerable. Not vulnerable in the way most would think so, but more so naive. A man, 12 years older than myself at the time liquored and roofied my drinks. When it was happening, all I… Continue reading »

Forced, De-flowered

I’ve experienced sexual assault and harassment for as long as I can remember. It mainly started when I was about 3 years old and my brother’s friends molested me. I remember having to see counselors due to becoming violent…they passed it off as ADD. Flash forward over a decade, I lost my virginity at 18 years old to a guy whom I was dating at the time. We started seeing each other on May 15th of 2014 and he raped me on that following July 7th. We were in his house, I said “no” more times than I can even remember, and I tried to leave. I tried to get up off of his bed, I tried to wrestle him off of me…I tried. I eventually relented. I even had consensual sex a few days later. It took a while to consider it a rape. I was thinking that this is what dating was like…. Continue reading »

Couldnt Damage My Spirit

I watched the Brave Miss World documentary and as a survivor myself I never thought to disclose what has happened to me publicly. I had years of abuse with more than one perpetrator. I suffer from complex post traumatic stress I have bouts of it on and off for years and like Linor I found safety with Spirituality (God). It took me until I was 47 to finally reach out for help when my second severe phase of post traumatic stress kicked in. Because I had also been touched by a therapist and was afraid to trust anyone again..So Years later the effects caught up with me. I left my place of employment and went to a hospital got lost in the corridor and crouched down like a child waited for some to come to find me as I couldn’t find an elevator or staircase in my state. When I learned that no one was… Continue reading »

De Los 6 a Los 12

Desperté con su aliento sucio y su lengua dentro de mi boca y, no entendí nada, quedé paralizada, tenía apenas 6 añitos y lo quería y admiraba… era mi abuelo. Esa noche, antes de irnos a la cama y con mi abuelo de visita, lloré desconsolada pues competíamos mis hermanos y yo por dormir con él, pues era la novedad, acababa de llegar de su pueblo y por dios ¡cómo lo queríamos!, era el único abuelo con quien contábamos y me enorgullecía presumirlo con mis primos maternos pues habían muerto los padres de mi madre y mi abuela paterna nunca tuvo muestras de querernos debido a una vieja historia de disputa entre ambas familias. Era mi héroe y el shock del abuso fue tremendo. Luego del abuso, mi mente de niñita bloqueó el horrible evento y al día siguiente no recordaba nada y, al llegar la noche, el pidió que yo volviera a dormir con… Continue reading »

I Was 19

I just finished watching this wonderful story and I was encouraged to, for the first time, speak publicly (albeit anonymously) about my rape at age 19. I’m now 37 years old and in a relationship with a wonderful man but I am wondering if my coping mechanisms at the time when I was a vulnerable young adult might have caused me to suppress my ordeal and hence I haven’t been able to properly heal. In 1996 I was already involved with my first boyfriend for 3 years. I had just moved out from my mom’s house a year earlier and was working, grabbing life with both hands and having fun with my friends and younger sister. One evening we w=all went to a young adults club and a girl friend introduced me to another friend of hers. We chatted throughout the evening and then a bit later, he asked me to accompany him home (about… Continue reading »

My “Uncle” Raped Me

I was molested and raped by my mothers brother. Mom was adopted so he wasn’t a real brother. I am pretty sure he raped my mother too.. He started with me when I was 5 years old and kept it up until I was 11. That’s when I had the strength to fight him. I’ve never told my parents, I did tell my “grandma” who told me to shut up about it or she would never want to see me again. The man himself told me my parents would die if I told anyone. I was really messed up when I was in my twenties, went through years of therapy. The man has luckily died but what he did to me will follow me for the rest of my life.

He Was My Best Friend

I have a hard time accepting the fact that what happened to me happened to ME. I always told myself that I would never let anyone treat me the way that he had. He was my best friend for three years before we started dating. He had been through some horrendous traumas in his life that he had trusted me enough to share with me, and to find comfort in the fact that I knew and that I supported him. I never imagined that our relationship would have turned out to be one of the hardest years of my life. I was a virgin before we started dating. I had planned on saving myself for marriage, but when we began seeing each other in a serious manner, I thought to myself ‘I wouldn’t mind giving this very special moment to him. Of all the men in my life, he deserves it, and I deserve to… Continue reading »

Just a Child

I am twenty-four, and have the unfortune of stating that I was raped twice. The first time i was thirteen years old, just a child, a virgin, with dreams of becoming a writer. I had my first boyfriend. He too was 13. A lot of the girls & boys at my school were having sex, a few of the girls were pregnant. I knew what sex was and knew that i was not ready. But even my protests were ignored that night. He….the boyfriend destroyed me that night. Pushed himself on me, pressing his entire body weight heavy on my tiny frame. I still hear the sounds of my underwear being ripped from my body, the disgusting grunts he made as he invaded my virginal body. After it happened, I never told anyone. Not even my mum, dad, siblings or friends. I knew what he had done. I felt….scared, fear. Above all the shame, disgust… Continue reading »

Erased From Memory

It was many years ago. I was 21. Was new in new country. In Poland they just start marshal law in1981 so I couldn’t go back home. I was looking for any work and place to stay. Some people told me about Polish Club Party. I went there and it showed up to be club of Polish Jews. During the party I met many people. One of them offered me some work to help in some restaurant arranging weddings. I supposed to start in few days. Other guy told me that he has a place to stay for me. I thought that Polish people abroad supposed to help each other. So I trusted him. Told him that I will pay for the room after I earn working in the restaurant. He told me not to worry. Next day in the evening he drove me to my new place away from the town. I had to… Continue reading »

Is It Really Rape?

One week ago at a Halloween party, I blacked out and woke up with a woman from the party. I was with her for eight hours, but remember less than 10 seconds. The last thing I remember is feeling somewhat drunk, but still alert and having fun with a big group of people at my friend’s house. Then everything goes black and the next memory I have is of being in a room alone with this unfamiliar woman, apparently interacting with her sexually. I don’t remember what was happening at the time. I felt sluggish and heavy. I don’t know how I got there, how my clothes were removed, or if I was even conscious the whole time. I have a few one second memories, but none of them include giving my consent to be touched. I don’t know if I simply had too much to drink or if I was drugged. There were a… Continue reading »