I have a long history of abuse and rape in my family and myself (44 years for me) and would like to have the opportunity to share my story with women around the world. Forgiveness has been the first step in healing and am now in a woman’s shelter beginning the first steps of my new life with God’s loving hand upon me! I am so grateful for what Jesus has done for me. With the help of some of the volunteer programs available here I am taking the baby steps to recovering from the wounds and scars and turning them into something beautiful to share with others.
Hide & Seek
I’m 35 years old and I never spoke up for this or told anyone. When I was on the fifth grade (10 years old) I played with my brother and my young sister the game “hide-and-seek” all over the house. I remember that it was my sister turn to count and my brother and I ran for a place to hide. My brother took my hand and lead me to the guestroom and then we bend down and he was behind me. He told me to take off my clothes and then he told me that it will be our secret. My brother he 2 years older than me and for more 2.5 years he “slept” with me. I wasn’t sure that you can consider this to a rape cause I liked it. Now I know that what I used to like was the attention and not more, I thought I have special relationship with… Continue reading »
I WAS RAPED BY SEVERAL
WHEN I WAS ONLY 2 YEARS OLD MY FATHER RAPED ME IN THE NIGHT. HE WAS A BASTARD. THEN WHEN I GROW OLDER DAY BY DAY HE RAPED ME TWICE … THRICE AND SEVERAL TIMES IN THOSE YEARS TILL NOW. I HATE HIM. I AM VERY GOOD LOOKING SO MANY MEN GETS ATTRACTED TOWARDS ME EASILY. IT CAUSED ME A LOT OF PAIN. WHEN I WAS ONLY 5 OR 6 YEARS OLD I WAS RAPED BY A RELATIVE OF MY FATHER. IN MY SCHOOL I GET RAPED BY A CLASSMATE IN 2010. ONE DAY AT NIGHT I WAS RAPED BRUTALLY BY A RICKSHAW PULLER IN THE FIELDS . IT WAS SO BRUTAL AND SCARY. I ALWAYS WANTED TO SPEAK OUT BUT NEVER GOT THE COURAGE TO DO SO. THANKS TO MY GOD ALLAHPAK AND TO MY INSPIRATION MISS WORLD LINOR ABARGIL FOR HELPING ME TO DO IT. NOW I FILL VERY VERY RELAXED AND FREE…. Continue reading »
Finally Healing
I never wanted to believe that what I lived with for a decade was rape. I met him when I was 16. He slowly encouraged me to make him my whole world. Turned away my friends and family. I moved in with him at 17. Before that, the assaults were only occasional. Then they began on a daily basis. Temper tantrums, trashing the house and making me clean it up. Forcing me to give him oral sex, hurting me when it wasn’t good enough. Sodomizing me so he could hear me cry. We married when I was 19. He continually told me that as his wife, it was my duty to satisfy him. He told me no one would believe me as we were married. I once asked “What about before we were married?” He said that marriage erases a past and it didn’t happen. After having a baby, he wouldn’t let me nurse him… Continue reading »
Thank You
On New Year’s Day 2005 I was sodomized and assaulted by a friend of a friend whom I had met that evening. He held me down, forced me to give him oral sex, and then anally sodomized me. I was so drunk that night that I felt it would be crazy to go to the cops. They would never believe me, and besides that, I did invite him over expecting to have sex. But what he did to me was not consensual. I tried to push him off of me, tried to call out to my friend in the next room, but he didn’t stop. The next morning I woke up on blood-stained sheets. Almost a year later, he was listed as a suspect in the murder of his girlfriend. She was stabbed and almost decapitated. When I saw his name in the paper, I asked my co-worker (whose boyfriend was a detective with the… Continue reading »
Sexual Assault at 11
I was sexually assaulted when I was eleven years old. It was the summer and my friend had wanted me to go over to her place. While walking to her house there were three boys from school outside and her. She wanted me to go with her to their place and I followed. Once inside they locked the door and said no one is leaving. They than started taking off their clothes, and I became frozen in fear. I didn’t fight, I was only a kid and there were three of them and one of me. I remember when I got home taking a bath and crying. I eventually told my mom weeks later after having fits of rage and her wanting to know what was wrong with me. I went to the hospital and the police, the police investigated but no charges were ever brought to my attackers, even after being reopened five years… Continue reading »
I’m Speaking Out!
I’m really glad to see people like Linor Abigal speaking out against sexual violence. I believe the more of us that speak out the less power we give this crime and we help victims and survivors heal. I experienced childhood sexual abuse from age 8-14 and it took me over two decades to be able to speak about it and find the strength to heal. Having been so fortunate to heal from the trauma, I feel I have an obligation to speak out and help others heal because many survivors can go through their entire life traumatized. Which is very wrong and a tragedy to spend a life time not fully living, and paying for a crime you had committed against you. I spoke out by writing a memoir called “I Woke Up In China”. In the book, I documented what it was like to live for decades traumatized while trying to lead a normal… Continue reading »
Date Rape
I was invited to a barbecue dinner party by a man I’d met at a bar. I anticipated meeting new friends and having a nice evening. The man was the only one there when I arrived. Stupidly on my part I stayed and even flirted with him . He was drinking and chased me to his bedroom , pulled my pants down and raped me and then let me walk out the door. I was so ashamed, I didn’t tell a soul. Blamed myself for being so gullible. I was 26
Domestic Rape is Real
For many a couple of decades I have denied to myself that a husband can rape his wife but I’ve always known that is exactly what happened. He was angry that I’d been a “bitch” and that was all the excuse that he needed. I am not sure I will ever be ready to force myself to relive what happened deeply enough to tell a coherent story about the events. What I can say is the that my mind remembers the most traumatic bits and the fear. When he choked me and I started seeing stars I thought I was going to die that night. For me the feelings that have resonated ever since and resulted in my sense of shame was the fear he was going to kill me and yet I stayed with him for years after that, the fact I figured no one would believe me, and the thought that I was… Continue reading »
He Was My Boss
Unexpectedly he showed up at my apartment. I was 22, he was 55. I was 110 lbs, he was 250 and 6ft seven. He had a six pack of beer. I don’t drink. He told me I owed him because he had allowed me to buy his son’s car for $500 when it was worth way more. I was a whore and he was there to prove it. Something inside of me died. After several weeks I changed jobs, and completely repressed the memory – I never told a soul and I know it’s because I blamed myself. Several years later I went to work for him again, never once recalling the rape. I had even stayed at his house, broke bread with his wife – and not once did those memories surface. I finally remembered 9 years later and that too was devastating – it still is – to know I let him get… Continue reading »