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Not like the rape you always hear about…

It happened the summer going into my sophomore year of high school 2015. I was 15 and I lived in a very small and very bad town. Our middle school, yes I said middle school, was in the top 5 drug filled schools in 2 metroplex areas. Everyone new the drug dealers, even the teachers bought from them. Girls very commonly got pregnant when they entered high school and sometimes even middle school. Although my story doesnt directly deal with drugs, it is important to know what my town was like and how famous drug dealers were there. Although I have never done drugs before, I did have sex once my freshman year with a guy I dated for over a year. Because my inner circle of friends new about the one time I ever had sex, they secretly set me up with a guy. I was invited to my friends house for a movie… Continue reading »

Them

Two times i have been assaulted . One time by someone i didnt knew and one time by someone who i thought he liked me. Was 14 when a stranger molested me. I lost myself completely I was afraid of every man But on the other hand i wanted their attention so bad . Later i realized that i was subconsciously trying to overcome my fear . I hated my body an all my relationships fell apart . It cant be true right ? It was in my mind . I am overreacting . Years of denial till it happend again . Was 17 when a boy asked to date me . I said no . He said he respected that .One day he was seating behing me and he went to get up Doing that he actually pushed his knee into my anus I was in pain . I was devasted because i let… Continue reading »

Alone and depressed

I found this website a few days after everything happened. That was exactly one year ago as of today. I don’t like to admit the words out loud. It makes me feel dirty and makes my chest collapse until I can’t breathe. Over the last year I’ve gotten really good at ignoring the thoughts when they filter through. I can’t do that tonight and I don’t want to talk about it with anybody but at the same time my whole body just wants to release all this horrible shit I’m feeling and move on. I don’t know how to do that. There are days when I can be surrounded by people who love me and I love them back and yet I feel so alone and depressed. Then the complete opposite happens and I’m the happiest person alive. I don’t think I should still be having these drastic mood swings a year later and I… Continue reading »

New Years Eve

Almost two years ago now, I was raped on new years eve. One of my best friends from high school was having a house party and I was home from my first year in college. All of my close high-school friends went. Before the ball drop, S (what I will call him) showed up. S was a guy that I had a crush on for two years in high school. I had hooked up with him before but we had never had sex or a relationship. I also took him to the Sadie’s dance my sophomore year of high school. We just didn’t go together so I moved on. So he shows up to my friend’s party with some of his friends. I remember sitting on the counter talking to him. I had been drinking but not too much. Right as the ball dropped for the new year, he kissed me and thats when my… Continue reading »

The times when rape culture has got the better of me…

When at a party, highly intoxicated, a boy thought it was okay to take kissing to mean forceful fingering, to mean trying to have sex even when there was blood everywhere, leaving her with a fear of sex contributing to a psychological problem called vaginismus, preventing her from enjoying sex for the next 4 years. When at work, male staff think it is okay to make jokes about girls looks, breasts, figures, womanhood, sexuality. To make fun of rumour of girls ‘promiscuity’. To inappropriately slap an arse, laugh it off. When back at his, after a girl says enough is enough, she doesn’t want to do anything anymore, just go home, a boy thinks it is okay to consistently tell her not to leave. Stop her from leaving. Convince her to stay the night ‘nothing will happen’, so she can go home ‘safely’ in the morning, then, when the girl is asleep, climb on top… Continue reading »

Rape without remorse

It’s been 3 weeks and 6 days since that night. 3 weeks and 6 days since you took away my self respect, my self worth and the only ounce of self esteem I had left. This is a letter to my rapist. I never thought it would be someone I knew. How could my perception of you have been so wrong. I thought I was happy to see you when I met you out that night. As impressions go you seemed like a lovely person. I will always regret taking that next shot you bought me because after that the night went completely black. That morning you woke me up and for a minute I was happy that someone I knew had taken care of me that night. That was until I looked down and saw that my trousers were no longer on me, jacket and top still on though. Strange don’t you think? I… Continue reading »

Molested by my cousin

I was 6 years old girl at the time and I remember everything clearly. the only person that new for a long time was my older sister who was “touched” by him too once. however what made want to talk about it is the fact that I have told my mom recently and she almost cried. Now just you know I wasn’t the only one but I was the one he molested more than once since I was gullible and he was 14teen. he would tell me that he would me play with his video games if I let him do those stuff to me which consisted of him touching my private parts, laying me on the bed, kissing me, making me touch him and so on but thank god no rape. he would kiss me places and I would be okay with it cause he is letting me play with his games even though… Continue reading »

Hope after repeated rape

November 18th Thirteen years ago, that date changed everything, even though I didn’t realize it until months later. At 24 year-old, I was a virgin. My best friend’s husband had a childhood best friend, who had been talking on the phone with me for a few months, when everyone pitched in to buy me a plane ticket to go meet him in person. I spent a week, staying where he lived with his mom, while saving up money to buy a place for himself and his two-year old son. In hindsight, there were so many red flags, but I trusted my friends, and I’d also recently been disowned by my dad, who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This guy said everything I’d needed to hear, and couldn’t stop gushing about how great it was to find a “nice, Christian girl”. The last night I was there, we kissed and started making out a little, but I… Continue reading »

Family of Lies

I remember the day it began. I was 6 and my two older brothers said we would play a game. My mother and father were off at work starting at 4am till 8pm and grandma always took long naps during the day so my brothers who were 17 and 12 would watch over us younger kids. My sisters who were 5 and 2 at the time didn’t really want to play with them but I thought nothing of it. My older brother took me to the bathroom where he sat on the toilet and pulled out his penis. He told me to touch it and then to put my mouth on it. I didn’t want to but he said it was part of the game. So I did what it said. It was horrible and when it was finished he had me clean up and said it he would now get me ice cream and… Continue reading »

Six months in the making..

I visited this website one week after I was raped in search of story like mine to convince myself what happened to me was rape. Six months ago I went out for the last weekend at college with my friends for a “girls night”. I was drugged at a local bar at a university I attend and was awoken by a stranger having sex with me. I remember being at the bar for about 15 minutes and then after my memory goes black. I remember parts of night in flashes. I remember the pain being so bad and trying to push him off with tears running down my face, but having no power in my arms. I thought it was my fault for the longest time, that I had somehow drank too much or had done something to make it happen to me. I felt like I was broken and could never be fixed. It… Continue reading »