More than 10 years ago, I had the chance to spend a semester studying abroad in Crete, Greece. I keep telling everyone, that I had such a wonderful time, that it was such a beautiful experience in my life and that it made me grow and developed my personality. What did never tell anyone before is, that I got raped and that I didnt knew it until this year. We were a group of young people from all over the world, studying the greek language. After class, we spend the time at the beach, enjoyed the beautiful weather and life. On the weekends, we partied a lot. Of course, thats what you do. There was one guy, and we had “a thing”. He was a normal lad, charming, friendly, supportive. One night, we all went out together and got drunk. This night, I drunk a lot, I drunk too much. He spend the night in… Continue reading »
I buried the pain
I was 6 years old when you stole my innocence, took away my childhood and dreams. Hurt me so badly that even after a decade I can’t shake what happened that night. I was in my bedroom at a house party, I was in my bed. My home, a place I should have felt safe and secure. You were a family friend, everybody loved and trusted you and so you took advantage of it. I was trying to sleep when you came into my room, drunk, stumbling up to my Cinderella bed I had made with my nan. I can still smell the stale alcohol on you breath as you began to tear away my childhood and happiness. You took my virginity that night, something I would have hoped to loose to someone I loved dearly, not at the age of 6 crying in pain scared and confused. Trying to scream as your hand covered… Continue reading »
40 years
40 years is a long time. I feel like I am the same age as I was then. I never moved on. Trapped in time. Big huge walls all around. You never get over it. I never told anyone. It wouldn’t have made any difference. I never got to be the person I was meant to be. Now just an emotional wreck. I can’t breathe or even say the words. I can’t even type them. 40 years… — Survivor, age 57
I thought he was a brother
Normal I suppose. A single child, a mostly nuclear family. Mom, dad and my maternal grandparents. My grandmother has been a teacher all her life. Even after retiring she continued tutoring. My neighbor. A boy of 16 had already flunked once, so his parents enlisted my grandmothers’ aid. I was 6. I just considered and treated him like an elder brother. It started out simple. In fact, I’m not even sure how it started. I suppose I don’t remember. I just remember every other day. He would say to my nana(granddad) that “you are old, let me take her to the park so she can play” before I knew it they let him. I don’t know if I blame them. I don’t think I do. They couldn’t have known. They trusted a 16 year old boy. I think I would have too, in their place. So I went. I remember it like it starts in… Continue reading »
What happened to me?
My juinor year of highschool I had been hooking up with this guy I liked. Let’s call him D. We had a lot of classes together and I thought he was attractive and funny. We’ve had sex before and it was comfortable for us. I’m pretty sure he just assumed I was easy since I gave it up to him without dating. Anyways one night D called me up and asked if I wanted to hangout with him, his friend and his friends girlfriend. I agreed and was dropped off at there house. Once I got there it was just the two guys. I assumed I just got there early. About 20 min in D escorted me to a bedroom where we sat on the bed and talked. He left the room and came back anxious. He then proceeded to ask me if all 3 of us could have some fun. I laughed thinking he… Continue reading »
Death before birth
I died before i was born, I know is sound awful but it is the truth, the pure honest and painful truth of my life. The reason i always say i died before i was born, is because i don’t have any good memories of my childhood. All i know is pain and sorrow. I grow up living at my mothers house with my uncles who were never around and my mother was also not around as she was working, so basically i was raised by the nanny. When i was 7 years old i was brutally raped by the family friend, i never told anyone as i was scared and my rapist was also threatening me. The worst part was that he was the most trusted person that my family have, they will leave me with him and that where he will do whatever he wants with me. My friend would be playing with… Continue reading »
Self Worth
When people first meet me they always think im the stereotypical white girl who gets everything given to her. They couldn’t be more wrong. From the day I was born i’ve had to see my mom struggle with crohns everyday, i’ve had to see my dad work three jobs just so we can pay the bills, but worst of all I get forced to go to a place everyday where I have to see my rapist walking through the halls. It was June 12th 2017, and me and my boyfriend of a couple months decided to go to his house after school. When we got there the house was empty, no mom, no brother. I was a little shocked considering they were always there. He led me up to his room which was normal we would alway hang out there, but this time it felt different. We were watching tv when all of the sudden… Continue reading »
I knew and trusted him
It’s taken me a long time to write this, 10 years in fact. But the time is right to share my story in an attempt to move on. 10 years ago today- it’s still as clear now as it was then. The pain, the violation, the same questions-why me? How did this happen? Why didn’t I try harder to get away? To make him stop? Why did I stay? I was 17. A virgin. I still can’t say the word- it makes me feel sick even thinking about it. It was a friend from works leaving party, lots of people from work turned up. Including him. There was a room in a pub booked out where we all met. Dancing and drinking. We all jumped into taxis and went onto a club. We got into the club and continued to drink. It was a great night, when the night drew to an end we walked… Continue reading »
It wasn’t my fault
Last May, i’d just finished my junior year of high school and went to a few graduation parties thrown by my senior friends. My best friend’s boyfriend was a senior and he and his family rented out a huge house and let me and her spend the night, which I was super excited about and it made me feel safe because I didn’t have to worry about going home drunk or high or anything. His parents were there but let everyone do anything they wanted which made me feel safe as well. It was pretty much a typical high school party, everyone was drunk and smoking and being stupid but having fun. I was very intoxicated and was more worried about avoiding a guy I knew from school who I had previously dated than anyone I didn’t know. For most of the night, I stayed close to my friend and we had fun together, but… Continue reading »
Am I really that broken?
My boyfriend and I have been together for five years. We’re in a seemingly happy relationship but there’s a few things that don’t sit right with me. When Kyle and I first met he was a friend of a guy i was talking to. I never thought we would end up dating because he wasnt the guy I was interested in. One of the first nights we hung out we ended up at the same party towards the end of the night kyle asked me for a ride to his friends house(the one I’d been talking to) I was quick to agree it wasn’t far out of the way. We got just down the road from his house and he told me he didn’t have a key so he didn’t think he’d be able to get in so he didn’t know what to do. Since I knew him through friends I figured it was safe… Continue reading »