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Rape and the Aftermath

My story happened 20 years ago, but I do not talk about it and only my friends that new me back then know my story. I met my first husband when I was 18 years old. Shortly after that I got pregnant and we married. The abuse started while I was pregnant, it was more mental abuse then anything else. He would tell me that if I did not have a girl he would leave me. I remember while I was in labour him whispering into my ear that if I didn’t have a girl he was going to leave me. Well I did have a girl and things just got worse from there. He would always tell me that I had nothing and nobody and if I tired to leave him he would make sure that I never day my daughter again, he would force himself on me whenever he like. I remember one… Continue reading »

You Were Suppose To Protect Me

I was…young. Five or six when my brother raped me. I didn’t know what was going on. He had just pulled me into this small hallway that connected the bedroom hallway and kitchen. He had pulled out his penis and told me to touch it. Told me to pump it and to put my mouth on it. ‘Pretend it’s one of those Popsicle you like.’ To this day I can’t eat another Popsicle. He then told me to lay on my back and entered me. It hurt, god it hurt so badly, but i kept quite. I was so confused and he kept saying ‘it feels good right? you said you wanted to do this, didn’t you?’ This killed me. For the longest time I felt this was my fault, because I said yes. But I was six. This happened multiple times. They blur, but I can remember bits and pieces. I remember going to… Continue reading »

The First Man Who Broke My Heart

Unfortunately my childhood has to be the most painful memory I have until now. I grew up in a dysfunctional home, where my father was a drunk, lazy, woman beater who would cheat on my mom continuously. My mother was just a woman who was trying to keep a family together, because she wanted me to have a father around. She would constantly kick him out of the house, place his clothes in garbage bags and ask him to leave. But eventually he would always come back. I was sexually assaulted continuously in my childhood by my own father. I was around 5-9 years old. Ever since I was little, my mother would overwork to fulfill my needs and wants..so my own father would “take care” of me. This seems normal, right? Well, no. He would sexually assault and abuse me on a regular daily basis. I have very few memories about this, because I… Continue reading »

Bad Programming

I don’t know if any of you other survivors have come to a situation that has forced you to just stand back, and stare at that dark private part of your life. Where you ponder exactly when you veered off the road that would have kept you ‘normal’. I’ve had quite a few of those in the prior year. And they made me really question where exactly did I loose my way when it comes to boundaries, and this dreadful place where my lack boundaries would reek havoc in my private life with the relationships I have had. During a normal scuffle with my sister, I was called some really hurtful names.. Stupid, Lazy.. a bitch. Which had me re-evaluating my relationships with family.. I joined a support group for people who are surviving dysfunctional family structures. I never thought it would get me into a therapists office. Had I known I probably wouldn’t have… Continue reading »

Molested

I was a young girl 8 my aunt’s husband started touching me then showed me his penis. I was scared to tell my parents. My dad would have killed him. I think there are things I can’t remember sometimes it like a bad movie in my head. I am a woman now, and got married. When I had two daughters a man came to my door and asked to use phone. I told no. He pushed his way in and raped me. I never told my husband and family saw my bruised body but I told them I got away. When I cried know one knew. My husband was wonderful. Until today, no one knows that sometime I still just get overwhelmed by it all. My aunt doesn’t know. I never let my girls go around him by themselves. Thank you for having the courage that I don’t. You could never understand my life or… Continue reading »

Childhood Trauma

I have been traumatzid one day in the subway in Paris I was 7 or 8 I don’t remember Was with my sister who was 11 or 12 The metro was crowdy and sudenly sme people came in snd we were separated I suddenly felt a hand under my skirt and sudenly in my pant and a finger went into my vagina I felt horrified as I could not move it was for perhaps 1 minute but it was too long I felt dirty and later ashamed I desperataly look at my sister I could no say a word or scream When we arrived at home I dont remember any help from anyone It was 50 years ago and I still feel that nobody helped me to feel good

First Rape

I spent my childhood avoiding my older brother. He leered at me and tried to touch my crotch. I think one time he succeeded but no other. I made sure to be far away in the house or yard or town. But one day I was reading and my little brother came to talk with me. Suddenly he grabbed my crotch. I got away. As an adult I learned my older brother succeeded more against my little sister. He was five years older than she. I always thought I escaped and my story was not such a real story. Now I see how much work it took to simply live safe. I had to hide so hard I did not even talk to my sister.

Doctor Nightmares

I was 25 years old, in love with my boyfriend and living with him in an apartment. He was an artist, a sweet and wonderful man. I had moved to this new city with him, thinking that when he finished school we would get married and start a family as soon as we had enough money. It was 1994-95. We were using birth control, but I found out that I was pregnant. I had no friends, only the girls I had worked with for a few months. I told my boyfriend, and he was not excited. He said nothing. He kept asking, “What are you going to do?” I felt sure that he would not support me, and that if I had the baby, I would lose him. I felt ashamed of the fact that I didn’t think I could support a baby on my own. My own family was shaky, and could not provide… Continue reading »

Rape

I was raped and abused by my father from the age of 6 till 12 years old. The only person that I told my story was my psychiatry. The only reason that I have told him the story was because my mother as said to me ” if you can’t tell me why you are so angry I need you to tell someone.” I was 16 years old! Now when I speak with my mother and ask her why she as sent me to speak with a stranger, she as said that I had change so much in a short amount of time. From a bubbly girl to a angry, aggressive and the most strange to her that she could touch me. She said that I would hug her with no reason to not even let her touch my hair. I’m now 39 years old and I have accepted that this happen to me, but… Continue reading »

Losing My Virginity

When I was 16, I liked to pretend I was a rebel. I snuck out late with my best friend, drank alcohol, got too drunk. My parents were going through a bitter, violent separation and I think I acted out to get away from it all, as clichéd as it sounds. My 15 year old best friend was equally rebellious, and found herself a boyfriend who was 21. He was charming and complimentary, seemed so funny. But in retrospect must have been a loser or a pervert to want to hang out with 15 / 16 year old girls. My friend’s older brother found out she was going out with him and freaked out, told her parents and got her grounded. We had planned to go out that night, and I, not wanting to spend a night in with my family went out anyway. I was out of my depth, everyone at the pub was… Continue reading »