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Camilla’s Story

My story begins with me very young living with my Aunt and Uncle and their two sons. I had been removed from my mother’s custody at the age of 18 months old because of her drug use. Around the time I was 5 or 6 was the first time I remember the oldest son touching me. He said he would tell on me for various reasons in order to keep me quiet and to not tell anyone. It wasn’t long before the other son also began touching me using the same methods to keep me from telling anyone. As the years went by the behavior continued. The younger son had gotten interested in video cameras and decided to tape him abusing me. He forced me to act and make everything seem as realistic as possible even the body fluids he tried to recreate as there were not any naturally produced. Sometime after that was filmed… Continue reading »

Empty

I don’t know how to start this story, I don’t know how to write or even describe the feelings I feel. I’m a 16 year old girl from Sweden. This things happened when I was 12 and I’ve never talked to anyone about it, I tried once to tell my GF but she thought I was making it up, after that I’ve never had the courage to confess what happened. It was back in the time when I’d just started drinking, hang out with older people. My home were a mess, I was kicked out. I saw alcohol and drugs as an escape, a way to be free, a way to not think about everything bad around me. I grew up with an alcoholic psychotic father. My mum worked night and day to take care of us and keep food on our table. She was away from home as much as she could so she… Continue reading »

My Friend’s House

I am 43 years old and I know that the effects if my rape have cut deep. I have never said it before, “my rape” until I am typing it now. It’s been 25 years…I saw your documentary last night so now it’s time. I was 18. It was the summer after I graduated from high school. When, most of my closest friends and I, were at the very large home of my friends. I knew everyone there. We all drank quite heavily and I was with my boyfriend all evening. He was the biggest guy there, the star linebacker of the football team, an innocent sweetheart. We had chosen an attic room and when it was time for sleep, my he and I put two small mattresses beside each other and just crashed, beside one another but separated a bit by the break in the mattresses. I remember being quite intoxicated when we went… Continue reading »

I Am Brave

My raped happened April 29th, 2014 in my home after a party I had thrown. My 3 best friends were there at the house with me when it happened. I was raped by 2 guys that I thought were my friends… I let them into my house not knowing that they had planned on doing this to me. They locked me in my mom’s room and had taken turns raping. I couldn’t do anything, but lay there and feel lifeless. I tried yelling for help and getting up, but was only thrown against the dresser and then having my mouth covered with their hands, I couldn’t breathe when I they did that so I choose to just stay quite and hope it was over soon. My friends finally came to the door and heard me saying “no”. They banged on the door many times, then finally opened the door. They had no shame in what… Continue reading »

Rape and the Aftermath

My story happened 20 years ago, but I do not talk about it and only my friends that new me back then know my story. I met my first husband when I was 18 years old. Shortly after that I got pregnant and we married. The abuse started while I was pregnant, it was more mental abuse then anything else. He would tell me that if I did not have a girl he would leave me. I remember while I was in labour him whispering into my ear that if I didn’t have a girl he was going to leave me. Well I did have a girl and things just got worse from there. He would always tell me that I had nothing and nobody and if I tired to leave him he would make sure that I never day my daughter again, he would force himself on me whenever he like. I remember one… Continue reading »

You Were Suppose To Protect Me

I was…young. Five or six when my brother raped me. I didn’t know what was going on. He had just pulled me into this small hallway that connected the bedroom hallway and kitchen. He had pulled out his penis and told me to touch it. Told me to pump it and to put my mouth on it. ‘Pretend it’s one of those Popsicle you like.’ To this day I can’t eat another Popsicle. He then told me to lay on my back and entered me. It hurt, god it hurt so badly, but i kept quite. I was so confused and he kept saying ‘it feels good right? you said you wanted to do this, didn’t you?’ This killed me. For the longest time I felt this was my fault, because I said yes. But I was six. This happened multiple times. They blur, but I can remember bits and pieces. I remember going to… Continue reading »

The First Man Who Broke My Heart

Unfortunately my childhood has to be the most painful memory I have until now. I grew up in a dysfunctional home, where my father was a drunk, lazy, woman beater who would cheat on my mom continuously. My mother was just a woman who was trying to keep a family together, because she wanted me to have a father around. She would constantly kick him out of the house, place his clothes in garbage bags and ask him to leave. But eventually he would always come back. I was sexually assaulted continuously in my childhood by my own father. I was around 5-9 years old. Ever since I was little, my mother would overwork to fulfill my needs and wants..so my own father would “take care” of me. This seems normal, right? Well, no. He would sexually assault and abuse me on a regular daily basis. I have very few memories about this, because I… Continue reading »

Bad Programming

I don’t know if any of you other survivors have come to a situation that has forced you to just stand back, and stare at that dark private part of your life. Where you ponder exactly when you veered off the road that would have kept you ‘normal’. I’ve had quite a few of those in the prior year. And they made me really question where exactly did I loose my way when it comes to boundaries, and this dreadful place where my lack boundaries would reek havoc in my private life with the relationships I have had. During a normal scuffle with my sister, I was called some really hurtful names.. Stupid, Lazy.. a bitch. Which had me re-evaluating my relationships with family.. I joined a support group for people who are surviving dysfunctional family structures. I never thought it would get me into a therapists office. Had I known I probably wouldn’t have… Continue reading »

Molested

I was a young girl 8 my aunt’s husband started touching me then showed me his penis. I was scared to tell my parents. My dad would have killed him. I think there are things I can’t remember sometimes it like a bad movie in my head. I am a woman now, and got married. When I had two daughters a man came to my door and asked to use phone. I told no. He pushed his way in and raped me. I never told my husband and family saw my bruised body but I told them I got away. When I cried know one knew. My husband was wonderful. Until today, no one knows that sometime I still just get overwhelmed by it all. My aunt doesn’t know. I never let my girls go around him by themselves. Thank you for having the courage that I don’t. You could never understand my life or… Continue reading »

Childhood Trauma

I have been traumatzid one day in the subway in Paris I was 7 or 8 I don’t remember Was with my sister who was 11 or 12 The metro was crowdy and sudenly sme people came in snd we were separated I suddenly felt a hand under my skirt and sudenly in my pant and a finger went into my vagina I felt horrified as I could not move it was for perhaps 1 minute but it was too long I felt dirty and later ashamed I desperataly look at my sister I could no say a word or scream When we arrived at home I dont remember any help from anyone It was 50 years ago and I still feel that nobody helped me to feel good