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A Long Healing Process

I wonder sometimes why we don’t hear more about “domestic rape”. Is it because we are ashamed to come forward and admit that we were repeatedly raped by a man that was suppose to “love” us? How do you tell a police officer, a friend or your mother that the man that has been in your life for a year or longer has been raping you the whole time. I’ve been asked “why didn’t you leave?” My response, “I would hope he would change or stop like he said he would each time I tried.” Each time I came back it may have stopped for a few weeks but just became worse until I left for good, then the healing process began direct into the arms of another abuser. This is a very condensed version of my life. There is so much more to tell. I’m hoping to be in Miami on March 30th to… Continue reading »

In Denial of My Rape

When I was fifteen and sixteen, I was in an abusive relationship. He raped me four times, and had me convinced that it wasn’t rape because we were together. He would tell me things like, “I love you so much. I just couldn’t help it.” and “Don’t you love me? This is what people in love do.” after he was done. He also got angry once and shoved me against a door frame afterward because I had “just laid there.” My mother found out about the abuse in November, and made me end the relationship. Even though I realized that I had been abused by him. I was in denial about the rapes until next summer, when I told my family about my boyfriend. I’m very lucky, because they were supportive of me and respected my decision not to report it. Because the state I live in doesn’t offer restraining orders to minors, I had… Continue reading »

Domestic rape

Great for Linor and her support system. Yeehah. I’m really happy someone actually believed her and did something about it. Most women of domestic violence/rape are shunned, embarrassed, ignored, ridiculed, blamed, etc. Even in the good ol’ middle class US of A… mostly by family members and friends. This is very common. Family of the abuser doesn’t want to deal and after the fact, the wife/victim is not their concern even if they have been in the family for years. After years of asking for help. Crying out. Desperate for someone to do something, we end up devastated, ruined and without anything. No one believes us. Nobody! Of course not, the abuser is ALWAYS innocent with his family. You opened up the dirty secret and now you shall suffer! There is rarely help out there.. No one really wants to deal with someone that has been through this trauma… sad to say. Most of us… Continue reading »

Impact of Screening

Last night, I along with a couple of friends, went to the screening Brave Miss World. I had actually seen it in Ventura but totally shut down because I was in the middle of the criminal investigation for my rape. My story, briefly, is I am a psychotherapist and as part of my self-care, I stopped at an upscale Spa in Encinitas California where I have a membership. On July 3rd, I had the last appointment and got a new therapist who had only been there 10 days, Steve. Five minutes into the massage, he began to violently rape me for the next 32 minutes. The only other person in the spa was the young girl in the lobby closing out the day and she said she never heard me scream. I was only able to scream briefly, as I went in and out of reality and he was 6’3″, 320 lbs, and I am… Continue reading »

Intimate Partner Violence

My “husband” was such a romantic, always taking the day off of work to celebrate the anniversary of our first date. Twenty years later, I find him in front of the computer, wearing the same shirt, but his pants are down, and bagged at the ankle. He is masturbating to online pornography. Sex addiction? A convenient term for inexcusable compulsive behavior, which also requires methodical planning and strategizing in an intimate partner relationship. After my “husband” went to treatment, I find out that online pornography was one of the many ways that he acted out. There was a continuum of acting out behaviors that crossed moral boundaries. His victims of sexual assault are countless: prostitutes, porn actors, his children, and soon to be ex-wife. The “buzz” that this behavior is an addiction is misrepresented. It’s abusive. #I am Brave #I am a survivor of Intimate Partner Violence.

Date Rape

I was dating a man I actually liked. Our families were friends. He represented everything I wasn’t. He told me one night that he had bought a building to convert into a store so we could have a future, HE asked me if I wanted to see it. I followed him and when I got to the store the door locked behind me. I wasn’t concerned until I flipped the light switch and the light didn’t come on. He forced me down on the table and raped me. I remember the cold and it was raining storming in fact. That night has haunted me for years.

A Fruit, a Holy Building, and a Sea Creature

There are three things that I’ve been told happens when you lose your virginity: pain, blood, and regret. I experienced none of those things. It was the beginning of my sophomore year and I was fifteen years old. I’d been on and off dating my middle school best friend for over two years. He knew everything about me. He knew my dad was diagnosed with cancer, my sister was recently out of rehab, my parents were no longer happy together, and my wrists were scarred. He knew I was codependent and he was one of two people I told anything to. He knew I’d been sexually abused when I was two. He knew I didn’t know how extensive the abuse was, if I had a hymen or not. Girls were starting to have casual sex around this time. They weren’t girls in my friend group so it was unexpected for me to “give it up”… Continue reading »

He Was My Hero

Hi, I am 15 years old from Netanya, Israel. From age 5 to age 7 I sexual abuse by my neighbor ,who was 17. I was a child, I did not understand, he was my hero … He knew what he wanted and what he is doing .. Every word written in huge weight,Each letter arched feels like a knife enters the stomach! Where to start how to start just pour your heart..Put myself naked in front of a world I do not know,And maybe it is the best solution… Tell my story to those who had no right to judge .. My story really begins from the end .. From that moment I tell my mom all the grief I went through.. It was a holiday week, This year was loaded with anger, guilt, pain… I was sure it was my fault that I could go …But go explain to a small child should… Continue reading »

My Story

When I was 6 years old my male cousin decided to steal my innocence and my livelihood. As a kid since I can remember myself I was fizzed and got beaten up in school. My life was hell and then when the sexual abuse started something died in me. I just became a ghost, I was there but i was not. I can’t remember even going to school. I wasn’t really alive. As I grow older when i was 8, 9 10 the abuse became worst. my heart and soul were raped as my monster took advantage of me. I was just a lil girl, a very lonely one. i wanted friends , i wanted to dance sing and fly. He ripped off my wings and he shut off my voice. My other cousins took advantage of me as well a few times. They took turns on a 9 years old. I felt dead but… Continue reading »

When All Hope is Gone

I’ve been robed from my happily ever after. At 23 I met some one I thought was to be my prince. but he started with emotional abuse telling me how useless; stupid and pathetic I am. I run a way with him and got married to a monster because I started believing his lies that I’m so stupid and pathetic that no one else will want to be with me…. after just 4 months into the marriage the emotional abuse got so bad that I was so afraid of going any where. He would have party’s at home for his friend ( I had no friends with him) and then he would take me to the room wile they were there and raped me. I then had to get up and serve him and his friends after words and I’m not to speak to any one or look at them. one day in 2001 I… Continue reading »