גדלתי מילדה ונערה לאישה – אבל בתור אחת שהיו לה קצת רגשי נחיתות וכזו שהסתובבה בעיקר עם חברים בנים ושלושת אחיי הגדולים – הייתי טיפה רחוקה מהנשיות שלי- היה בי משהו מעורב בין נסיכה ביישנית לבין טום בוי חוצפנית- וכך יצא שעד גיל 21 עוד הייתי בתולה -מחוסר בחיבור לגוף ולנשיות שלי – אז אני והחברות שלי (שהיו קצת כמוני – אחת יותר, אחת פחות) יצאנו למסיבות הרבה.. רקדנו – בחורים התחילו איתן – והיינו מצחקקות , לפעמים מעיזות .. עד שהגיע הזמן שבו התחלתי קצת יותר להקרין נשיות, קצת יותר זמינות, וגם איתי התחילו – אני בחורה יפה , ופתאום הבנתי את זה.. וזה גרם לכל מי שסביבי להבין את זה.. שכבתי עם מישהו – ככה בשבילי – בשביל כמו להיפטר מזה .. הרגשתי שזה מעיק עליי ויוצר אצלי רגשי נחיתות.. ואת זה עזבתי בצד.. באחת המסיבות שהלכנו אליה – רקדנו בכיף ומישהו שם התחיל איתי .. פעם ראשונה סירבתי בנימוס.. בפעם השניה בדיוק… Continue reading »
גבר אלים וחולני
לקראת גיל 15 התחלתי לצאת עם בחור שהיה גדול ממני בשנה, לאחר חודשיים בערך ביחד הייתה בנינו מריבה מטופשת במהלך המריבה הוא נהייה אלים כלפי זאת הפעם הראשונה בעצם שהוא הרים עליי יד, הביא לי סטירה שהפילה אותי על הריצפה וכשאני שוכבת על הרצפה הביא לי מכה חזרה בבטן עם הרגל. אחרי המקרה נפרדנו כמובן והוא התחנן שנחזור ואמר שזו הייתה טעות ושזה בחיים לא יקרה, הייתי ילדה והאמנתי לו. סבלתי מאלימות במשך כמעט שנתיים, הפסקתי ללמוד, עברתי לגור אצלו ולא מרצוני- אנשים שואלים אותי למה נשארת ושופטים אותי על כך, אל תעשו זאת, לא הייתם שם אתם לא יודעים. לאחר שנתיים ברחתי וחברה שלי לקחה אותי למשטרה, כמובן שהוא רדף אחרנו כל הדרך ובכה שאני לא אעשה זאת. חברה שלי נתנה לי הרבה כוחות כן לעשות זאת. הגשתי תלונה הוא קיבל צו הרחקה ממני ולא יותר מזה הגנת המשטרה מזערית. לאחר שבוע שלא ראיתי אותו, הייתי במועדון הוא הגיע לשם חיכה שאלך לשירותים, בשירותים… Continue reading »
innocent
i was only 12 years old when the rape had begun. I finally put an end to the rape around the age of 21 years old. I had never told anybody about the rape and the raper, I was so afraid that someone, and worse of all my parents and especially my father will know anything about me being raped. They don’t know up till now, because I did all I can do to protect them from the on going rape. The raper was almost 2 years older than me and he knew everything about sex. I knew nothing about sex, and so innocent and so afraid that no one will believe me. Traper was the negative leader of my group in the kibbutz. And he had threatened me: “I’ll tell about you” and this was more dangerous than an atomic bomb throwed on me. Becaus a kibbutz is a place in which you are… Continue reading »
two years ago
two years ago i came home from a club in paris, and took the nightbus, suddenly a few guys started making fun of me, i dropped my earphones and said: ok enough! than the one guy stood up and started beating me, at first nobody in the bus helped me, so i got really hurt finally a man stood up and i ran towards the busdriver, but he really didnt care, he just wanted me to leave the bus, when i got out of the bus i didnt recognize the guy had also left the bus at the same station, i started walking when i feld him push my arm and and trying to pull me, i was extremely scared and had pain everywhere
Where did I go?
I have waited all my life to be able to tell this to someone I can trust, someone who will not judge me, but most importantly after hearing Linor Abargil and Cecelia Peck I am convinced that our stories may perhaps save others from being traumatized years after our rape. My hope is that by telling our stories, others will go on to live their lives without shame thinking that they are not worthy of a loving relationship. I was 15 years old, violently raped repeatedly for months by two cousins and they were brothers. I feared for my life. My life until that time was full of hopes and dreams and a boy crush who respected me. When my cousins robbed me of my innocence I began to feel dirty and ashamed which caused me to turn my back on my teen crush and I lost interest in all things scholastic. In the years… Continue reading »
Most recently was when I lived with my ex-fiance. I was the first girl he’d slept with and I naturally had a much lower libido than him, but usually went with it anyway. One day he wanted sex when I was feeling really unwell. I told him I felt crappy and wanted to have a nap. He kept pressing; finally he called me selfish and hit me.
Rape inside marriage is still rape…
I was married. I had a child. My husband was going through some midlife crisis of sorts. He drank more and more frequently in greater quantities. When he drank he wanted sex. I knew he didn’t want me because my weight repulsed him. And yet when he drank he wanted sex. It became more aggressive. I accepted it because I thought if I did he would eventually snap out of it and realize he loved me and we would be ok.
First date: Raped after school at 15
I was a freshman in high school. He was a senior boy. He asked me to go for a drive after school and would take me home. I was honored and felt special. A senior boy would ask me, a new freshman girl, to go for a ride and offer to take ME home. I went to an affluent school in an affluent neighborhood. He was from a good family and so was I. I did not know him or his family however. It just goes to show, that rape crosses over and under and through all socio-economic lines.
4 short stories of sexual aggresion
There are those that find themselves Many times over In situations of abuse A pattern, repeated time and again The victim doesn’t understand
My story
Ive been debating telling this story let alone publish it. I was 10 years old when I was continuously raped by a neighbor which lasted 2 years. I blamed myself for years for what happened but now I firmly believe that this person was a monster and there wasnt anything I could do. The first time he actually penetrated me he held me down and no matter how much screaming I did it didnt help.