it was my first bonfire party and i was so excited. i live overseas during the school year so summer is when i get to reconnect with friends. i drank, a bit, not enough to do any damage and i found myself talking to the boy that everyone was whispering about. from our conversation, i learned that he was also visiting and that he had lived here before. it was such a nice coincidence to find out he lived next door to me as a child. he was handsome and charming, he didn’t need booze to face the social obstacles of a party. i planned to sleep at my friend’s house that night since my parents did not know where i was. he was supposed to stay at his friend’s but whoever it was bailed on him and he was homeless for the night. luckily for him, my friend offered him the couch at hers…. Continue reading »
Dream Job, Turned Nightmare
It had been my goal for three years to join the yachting industry, but I had to finish college and then graduate school first. Finally, in May, I was free to pursue my passion of living life on the sea. I took the expensive required courses, and the day after graduation, I was offered a job on a classic yacht based on an island off the New England coast. We were to be a crew of three: me as the stewardess, a first mate, and the captain. I joined the captain alone for about two weeks, and everything was going great. Captain left for the island, leaving me to move onto the boat, and to pick up the First Mate he had just hired from the airport. FM and I hit it off; he was friendly and very easy to be around. I was not attracted to him, and in any case, I had a… Continue reading »
Scars
I can still remember it so clearly. The taste of alcohol on my breath the morning after. The humiliation I was putting myself through. I couldn’t bring myself to accept it, I had read about it before and had even taken an online class before attending college, I remember thinking “I’m smart I would never let anything bad happen to me.” I was 17 years old, right out of highschool and ready to get away from home and finally have some freedom. I didn’t grow up in a bad home, but I’ve always been the person to get away from home, get away from something familiar and start somewhere new. So I decided to go to college 6 hours away from home. I was really scared, but I knew it would be the first step to gaining my independence. Freshmen year was something I was determined to remember, I met a lot of cool people… Continue reading »
Losing my virginity
I was on my first ever night out when I got speaking to a group of boys who then took me back to their house. I do not remember willingly making the decision to go back to the house. When we arrived one boy took me to this room and I remember being on the floor when he raped me. I kept falling in and out of consciousness and awaking to see a man on top of me raping me. I didn’t try and move I just let it happen. This is how I lost my virginity. Afterwards I tried to convince myself that it was what I wanted and that it was consensual, it took me a day to realise what had actually just happened. A year later it affects me in so many different aspects, I never thought it would affect me the way it has and from reading other peoples stories I… Continue reading »
Raped by My Ex
I loss my first virginity back in April 22, 2018 from my ex boyfriend. When I first loss my virginity I felt mad, sad, depressed, stupid, and confused. The next day when I woke up around 7 o’clock in a morning he raped me again I still felt confused, tired, denial, exhausted, and trapped. He became very possessive, controlling, and abusive torch me. The next day I called in for work to tell my boss what is going on. I got a ride to an emergency Ride Out Hospital to do a raped kit then I reported him to the cop. The next day he left me a voicemail he was very piss off by making a threated. He wanted me to meet him at the bus stop in my neighborhood I refuse to show up. On May 24th 2018 I file a 5 years restraining order so can stop coming by my neighborhood. Right… Continue reading »
Married to my Rapist
I was married to who I thought was a good man. We were together for 8 years, and I knew that he had once had a drinking problem but had conquered it. He began drinking again shortly into our marriage and, unbeknownst to me also started a cocaine habit that would last 6 years. His habit was to go out on the weekends and drink and then come home and pass out. At first, I went with him…afraid of him driving home drunk but after awhile I realized I was enabling the behavior and giving up my time and my life walking on eggshells around him. So I stopped driving him and it was his choice if he went out or not. He would come home drunk and try to make love but he stunk of whisky and half the time couldn’t perform and I would refuse because of the drunkenness. Once, he came home… Continue reading »
Rape by family
Growing up in the country with my mom and her boyfriend with my brother. My mom always let her boyfriend do anything he wanted to me when I was younger. She wound take me to my grandfather’s house and it would be the same way as it was at home he could do as he pleased. At age 11 I ended geting pregnant and my mother told the doctor that i didn’t know who the dad was but in all odds I knew who the dad was. But i was told to keep my mouth shut and that the baby would be given away to the adoption sence i was so young. And had no say so in what happens to the baby. But after the baby was born nothin seemed to change expect her make sure I was placed on birth control. Then started being raped again by her boyfriend on the daily bases… Continue reading »
Victim Shaming
SVU’s Detective Benson & Tutuola vs. Real NYPD Detectives By: Tiffany V. Stiles 10/19/2018 Along with millions of avid viewers, I’ve been a fan of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit for almost 20 years. The compassion these characters have for victims of sexual assault is unparalleled to the strong burden of shame and fear felt. You’re offered a comforting blanket and a cup of warm cocoa; another way to let you know you’re safe now. One in four women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime and one in six women will experience attempted or completed rape in their lifetime (site this). Of those women, there’s been dialogue of why they don’t come forward after being attacked…but what about us women who do & are then dismissed? This is my story: After over three hours of waiting, two detectives from NYPD’s Special Victims Division walked into my hospital room. A male and a female… Continue reading »
The Boys Club Continues
I decided to share my story after reading another woman’s story on this site…she was brutally gang raped by police and contemplating suicide. Please “don’t let them win” by Suicide. I know it’s your choice to take your life or survive…. I know the helplessness against the Blue Wall. I too have felt disposable, dismissed & despondent… I was gang raped by a fraternity as a hazing stunt during rush week….thankfully, they drugged me so I don’t remember much…but reporting it, the officers said it was going to be my word against theirs and I didn’t really have a case as I went willingly to the party and did drink and wasn’t a virgin…so…..I didn’t really have a case. I went to counseling immediately, but the lady therapist said I had “issues with my mother, not my rapists, rape didn’t have anything to do with what happened to me” she said…..that all happened when I… Continue reading »
Healing My Faded Scars
CH came into my life cleverly disguised as the man who would make my dreams come true two years later. He eventually sought out opportunities to deliberately inflict harm on me. His public plastic mask covered up his icily calculating eyes and a sickening smirk that said otherwise. He knew how to cut me down with his well-chosen malicious words in a matter of seconds. CH made me feel lonely in his arms and feel an ache for genuine affection instead. He denied me of my sincere feelings and numbed my heart by subtly belittling and disrespecting me. CH was only protective when it suits his needs and desires and nothing else by projecting his insecurities onto me. He had digital women I knew nothing about as he silently battled his pornography addiction alone but I had no chance of ever measuring up to them. I was automatically reduced to a victim of subtle abuse… Continue reading »