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Assaulted by my neighbor

Am gonna keep this short I definitely don’t remember my childhood much but I do know that,when I was three I was sexually assault by neighbor kids who were three times my age.Being a kid I had no idea what was going on back then but I was still traumatized I stopped eating,fell sick and stopped talking I was always a lively child but after what happened became very quiet my parents were worried but couldn’t figure out what was wrong,I only became myself after moved. I was happy until about five years ago I was almost raped by a neighbor who was around the same age as me I was,l had always had a crush on him so when he started giving me attention I didn’t think much of it until one day he came over when my parents weren’t around to watch a movie were chatting when he suddenly started looking at me… Continue reading »

My Life in Foster Care

No, it’s not the story you Expect. I was not abused in foster care, and there were several group homes run by the same agency, and none of them had a complaint filed in the time I was there. It was the discipline and the perception of how the houses were run that was the issue. I reached the age where dating occurred. My home was strict on curfew, and stricter if you got in trouble while out. If you had an issue outside the house, the solution was not to let you outside. Simple logic if I ever heard it. I was asked out by a boy in another class, and one that I liked a lot! He picked me up on the corner down the street, the common means of hiding where we came from. We did a basketball game, a movie, and a pizza after. Then he drove me home. More like… Continue reading »

My Boyfriend

It happened freshman year of high school during my first relationship. It started by being pressured into doing sexual acts even though I told him I didn’t want to. He would make me feel terrible about myself until I did what he asked me to do. By this point I had been dating him for about three months and already my confidence dropped, I stopped talking to people and I stopped caring about myself. There were times when I would just close my eyes and wait for him to finish. Later he started getting rough. In the beginning there were times when it was consensual but later that all ended. He used to tie my hands to furniture or around my neck and choke me with his hands. I would go to school with marks on my neck and wrists from the night before. It got to the point where every time we saw each… Continue reading »

Is Healing Possible?

I don’t know why I’m writing this here, I probably should have written it in my diary like I use to. I was sexually assaulted when I was a child, molestations most times, attempted gang rapes sometimes. I succeeded in blocking out the memories throughout my teenage years but the signs were always there. Like how I can’t hold eye contact and how hugs makes my heart sink to the lowest portion of my stomach. I can’t sit in a room or car full of guys without wanting to run for my life. Without the memories, I don’t feel pain nor happiness, I feel numb most times. This saw me through my teenage days and I was fine. But last year, things got a little out of hands and most times I was depressed. A Safe Place was recently opened in my community where people with mental illness come together to talk and get help…. Continue reading »

You Were My Brother’s Best Friend

You were my brother’s best friend and you took advantage of me. My parents welcomed you into our home, they allowed you to stay the night, they and my brother trusted you. As an eight-year-old girl, I also trusted you. You were five years older than me and I looked up to you. I wanted to believe that the reason why you first began to touch me was because you liked me. You were mature, so I had to learn quickly what it meant to have a boyfriend. You were the reason my second-grade mind thought that I had a boyfriend and to this day, I find that to be the most despicable part of what happened. In class, my peers would ask me, “Who is your boyfriend…” and I would answer, “He is in the eighth grade, sooo shh, do not tell anyone.” To my peers, it was a childish lie I made up… Continue reading »

But what really happened?

Last week I had decided to go on a night out with a few of my friends. Being 19, clubbing and alcohol is a hobby of mine, I did what I usually do and just go with the flow of the night. We had started off at the pub, I only had 2 pints of cider and 2 sour shots. I was tipsy but fine. We gathered some extra people and decided to go to a nightclub. In a 7 seater taxi I was the only female, I tried to not over think on the situation but I felt worried. There were 2 extra guys that were with us that I had never met, that also looked heavily drugged up on something.. One of the unknown guy sat opposite me, he asked me “What are you doing after clubbing?” I told him how I was going to go round to my boyfriends (who decided to… Continue reading »

Breakin Burgler

I had been sitting listening to my headset, and I needed to go to the bathroom. In the hall, I heard some noise, and figured it was my sister sneaking in from a night out. Heading down the hall, I heard it was grunting, and the like. I got to the living room, and I could see an adult male on top of my sister on the floor. The table was pushed out of the way. I could see some of her clothes were thrown around the room, and he was between her bare legs. She was asking him to stop, and when he did, she was crying on the floor. He grabbed a bag and left. I asked her what she was doing? She panicked and told me not to tell Mom and Dad cause she snuck out again, and was on probation. I asked her what she was doing with him. She explained… Continue reading »

My Safe Place

I have three safe places in my life. Home, church, and school. But I’ve dealt with a lot of crap in my life that over time, caused me to lose these safe places. When was 8/9 I was abused horribly by two older foster girls who were staying with my family. They were only with us for a few months but they messed me up pretty badly. Mostly mental abuse that left me terrified all the time. But the physical abuse is why I never told anyone. They threatened to hurt my sister, she was only six at the time and I couldn’t let anything happen to her. My dad happened to come down one day as they were getting ready to do something. He called the police and made a report, but they stayed with us for several more weeks before being moved. Even then one of the sisters was placed down the street… Continue reading »

What happened to me doesn’t have to define who I am

There are so many times I imagine writing #MeToo on my social media, but I can’t. If my secret came out, it would destroy my family. My Mum would be devastated, and I know she’d blame herself for not noticing. She would feel that she’d failed as a mother, because I didn’t trust her enough to speak out. My Dad wouldn’t understand. He wouldn’t believe me, or worse, he’d just tell me to get over it, because it’s not that bad. My brother? He already knows, because he did it. I haven’t told my younger sibling, because I’m trying to protect him. In my family, no one taught me about sexual abuse, what it is and what you do if it happens. (My brother basically taught me about sex) I thought that sexual abuse was just rape. And rape was something that happened if you walked home alone in the dark. So long as you… Continue reading »

I am a different me

After watching the Simone Biles Movie and seeing the #metoo movement all over I feel it is time to put this out there… I feel like a great disaster. I am so proud of myself for the things I have battled through. On a daily basis I go through cycles of loving myself and insecurities and I go through being happy and sad and mad and crying. I seem to go through emotions faster than most people and I get anxious extremely easy. I sometimes go off the deep end trying to protect myself from my feelings. The way I experience things is different. I’m positive yet when something negative happens I have close to no control over how heavily the bad outweighs all the good. I feel attacked by the little things and even greater by the big things. I haven’t always been like this though. I became a significantly different person at the… Continue reading »