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Extremely Terrified

So, I don’t know if this will help but I was thinking I should give this writing thing a try because… well I just don’t know what else to do. To start, I do have a great therapist… she has been so good and supportive of me… but the thing is… well… I’ll just share some of my story and go from there. So I am 35 now, I was sexually raped and molested by my father and 4 other members of my family from the time I was 4 years old until I was 11 years old. At 11, I became pregnant with my fathers child and was sent to live with my mother who I never know because she left me at 18 months. I had the baby and she was given up for adoption by the DCF agency that took us from my birth mother when I was 12. Two years ago… Continue reading »

I don’t Know, but I Know

We gathered on a Saturday at my BFFs pool. It went from 4 of us to a couple of dozen! I had some beers, not a lot really, but I fell asleep on a deck chair. I woke up in someone’s room. I was still in my swimsuit, but my shirt was gone. I had wet myself, and felt basically nasty. I had to go to the bathroom, and then washed my suit and myself. I found my shirt on the downstairs banister railing, and got some food. No one said anything as I rejoined, so I just felt I got away with it. It was when they posted to social, that I felt funnier about it. Among all the pics, they had a couple of my BFFs brother, in a Viking helmet, picking me up in his arms. He carried me off, throwing me over his shoulder to get through the door. It was… Continue reading »

Too many to stop it

I was walking home, and a group of a girl and 3 guys started making fun of my cloak/coat. I tried to walk away, but they chased me. They chased me into an abandoned building. They knocked me down, and the girl put her knee in my throat, and held my hands. I then felt my underwear being removed. I was raped by each of the boys, while the girl laughed in my face. I told a couple of close friends, who advised to laugh it off as “only a F___”, but I increasingly found I couldn’t. I discovered by home test that they got me pregnant. I went for options counseling. After another night waking to strong nightmares, I decided on suicide. I awoke in the hospital, and had miscarried. It was eventually determined that my problems were behind me, and I was released. Still unable to escape my own mind, even with drink… Continue reading »

My Story

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter” – Martin Luther King I don’t really know where to start, but I know that I am ready. Ready to finally have a voice. Ready to finally get this burden off of my chest and release it in to a world where it will be amongst millions of stories. Finally, my story will be out there and finally, my words will matter to someone, somewhere who needs that tiny speck of courage to speak up. This is my story. My story starts freshman year. 9th grade. Year 10. I didn’t know much about you, I had never really spoke to you. You was just one face amongst many others in that school. We shared one class together. I will always remember walking in to that science classroom to see your face. Your eyes on me. Having to sit next to you… Continue reading »

Males can be victims too

I’m a male in the north east of England. It’s difficult to talk about but I was raped. I’ve waited over 3 years to finally admit that to myself. Since I am a male, many people dismissed me. The first person I told was my sister who helped me get into contact with the police but they wouldn’t assist me, simply exclaiming males cannot be raped. That means the person (I’ll refer to her as Kayleigh) still has served no justice to this day. It makes me feel angry and alone most days. I try and put it behind me as much as I can but it’s difficult. I was 14 at the time and she was 19 going on 20. I tried the best I could to stop it but I was much younger and we were at Leeds University at the time, a place I was unfamiliar with, so I couldn’t reach out… Continue reading »

More Witness than I Care to Live with

My name is Katherine, and my sex ed started when I went to a playground after a softball game. I was 9, and a man joined me. He intimidated me into masturbating him. I only had my mother and 2 sisters with my father out of the house, so I had no knowledge of male physiology. After the surprise ending, he gave me a box of cookies. I knew what I did was dirty, but didn’t know how to articulate it. In junior high, I was invited to a friend’s party. During the party, I got lost looking for the bathroom, and opened a bedroom door, where another friend was pinned on the bed by an older boy. She was repeating the stop, let me go, no, etc without stop, as was he continuing. I was in shock, and almost peed myself! no one every teaches you what to do if you see this, and… Continue reading »

Scar

When I was 14 years old a complete stranger sexually assaulted me by touching me inappropriately I was devasted. I am afraid of every man I hate myself I am paranoid that this is going to happen to someone I know. I am anxious all the time. When I was 17 a classmate did something similar to me when I was 18 an old guy in a bus touched me inappropriately again. Every time I think about the first time something like that happened to me It’s like it’s happening all over again I know that my story is nothing serious compared to others in this site but 4 years later I think about it more than ever everyday it’s like flashbacks. — Survivor, age 18

It’s been 5 years, and you still haunt me.

t’s been 5 years since I last saw you. 5 years since I found you on a Christian dating website. We had been on one date previous to that night. You invited me over for your birthday party, I went, even though the forecast showed extreme rain and hail. I spent about 3 hours with you and your friends; I was starting to fall for you. When you walked me out to my car, you kissed me very deeply, and I hate to say I enjoyed it. I kissed you back and pretty soon we were in a full blown make out session. You pulled open my passenger door and pushed me on the seat. I tried to get back up but you held me down. You were so much bigger and stronger than I was. As I started to cry, saying that I didn’t want to do this, you shook your head and laughed…. Continue reading »

Rape

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and a lot of research lately. About rape and sexual promiscuity. Basically what it suggests is that out of the women (men get assaulted too, just not in this research) that reported rape, almost 50% of them declined in sexual activity, which is what one would expect. Another almost 40% reported an increase in sexual activity, which raises the question, your question, why? Why would someone open up what had been so sacredly taken from them? I used to wonder why? I wasn’t walking down a street in thigh high boots, I wasn’t at some rager (is that how you even spell it) at a frat house. I was at a ‘apartment warming party’ with a co-worker and her boyfriend who were having issues. I was wearing jeans shorts and a cute shirt, still my go to comfy clothes. There was two other guys and one other girl…. Continue reading »

I now know

When I was 6 I went over to my grandmother’s house and her neighbors kid was over as well. He was 16. He saw me and took me to the room to ‘play’. He sat me on the bed and asked if we wanted to ‘kiss’ I didn’t know what that was so I stayed silent. Then he just started kissing me all over and feeling me up then he started kissing me on the mouth and I just froze. But I thought it was fine. I didn’t know about that this was assault until now. Which has helped me to be more aware and careful thankfully. This is for the new and soon to be parents to tell their kids where you can and can’t be touched. Thank you brave miss world for giving me the courage to share my story.