I meet this guy in 5th grade in summer school, I thought he was cool, awesome and amazing until the very last day he smackes my butt and I had to tell the teacher but the teacher wasn’t available, the assistant however I told her and the assistant went to tell the teacher. I got out of class with him and teacher said “he didn’t mean to and he’s going to apologise” and he did. Few years later, comes my sophomore year and I realized that he goes to my school. One day during dismissal, he calls me “fat ass” and I’m like confused, angry, and very dissatisfied. That affected until now, this year throwed me off by the fear that I overcame. Sometimes I did feel like cutting my hands but thank God I didn’t. On Monday, this same guy attempted me to hug me and so I tired talking to several people about… Continue reading »
The healing process
I dont know how to start.. But.. Here it goes.. This might sound like a book but ill keep it very short to get to the point..i was probably about 8 yrs old when i remember being inappropriately touched by someone who i thought could be trusted..it continued for a while but i didnt mention it because i just didnt know what the hell was going on and that it was wrong. As i grew older it kept happening.. I told my parents and i got in huge trouble because they said “i lied” i got hit for it.. The older i got it kept happening with others and i just didnt get it..when i turned 14yrs old i met a boy.. Well i thought it was a boy he was actually a grown 25yr old man, Who i fell stupidly in love with ,without even knowing what love is. I really lost myself and… Continue reading »
Being weak or stupid
It’s almost 2 years since I last sent my story here about me being ADHD and dyslexic, my horrific mom and my grandpa and his friends who did those things but this is not about them. This is another experience. Another hi to abuse So as stated above I have a horrific mom. My dad is drug dependent so I had to look or find another family member to take care of me. Just to refresh my grandpa abused me from 6 years old and then when I was turning 8 he also encouraged his friends to do the same in which they did without being conscientious. After that I left the house and found my half brother. At first, he guaranteed he would never do the same. He fed my empty stomach and made me bathe for I was too dirty and did not took a bath for days just to find him. I… Continue reading »
We met at the bar
He bought me a drink and we played shuffle board. All the while laughing and flirting. He was very charming. We took an Uber back to his place. We go inside and start making out. The drinks are all hitting me and feeling good. As we start to have sex I start to feel funny and the world slips away. Ow that hurts I say but he doesn’t care and continues biting my leg like it was meat. My body freezes up as if I can’t move, he doesn’t stop after I ask him to and I stare blankly at his red fraternity flag hanging on the wall, as he continues to fuck me harder and rougher a silent tear runs down my cheek. Finally he falls asleep and I am too scared to move. I wait for what seems like hours to make sure he is really asleep before I go to leave. As… Continue reading »
Still Terrified
I was scared to write this. But, since I cannot settle my mind, I thought I would just go ahead and write so that I can clear my head and hopefully ease this pressure off my chest. You should know, if I may say, this is not easy, actually it is really very hard. I find myself still waiting for that place I was told comes with time – where you could discuss the bad things and your feelings not be so wrapped up in them to the point that you cannot function or breathe right, or it no longer holds you bound. A time when a thing can just be a thing – I guess that is the sentiment anyway. Nevertheless, here it goes… I was born in Baltimore MD. I was raped by my father starting at 18 months, which is when my mother left, according to her anyway! She said she left… Continue reading »
And It Continues
I’m 22 years old. The first time i was molested I was six years old. Over the years I was molested several more times by different people. Almost as if people could see an invisible target on my back that meant I was easy prey. Each time I vowed that that was the last time. Each time I thought I got smarter, that I got braver, that I got stronger. In December I was assaulted again, and after all the practice I’ve had in this area, I never saw it coming. This guy had been my friend earnestly for 4 years. But we’ve known each other since we were born. Our fathers grew up together and they’re like brothers. So we always were treated as if he and I were cousins. Since we were “like” cousins I felt it was ok to relax with him though because I figured nothing would happen. So I would… Continue reading »
I was too young to know what sexual abuse was
Aug 20th I was going into freshman year of high school and they had an orientation at the high school to tour around and see where our classes were at. I met a guy named blake ….we clicked right away and we started hanging out more and more i met his parents and his sister. He had the kitchen upstairs and two living rooms one downstairs and one upstairs at first i thought he was an amazing person a person i wanted to have kids with because i saw what i wanted to see i didn’t leave the first time he sexually assaulted me i was 14 i didn’t know what sex even was let alone sexual abuse and assault. I told myself he wouldn’t do it again or oh this is normal as the months passed and he was getting eager and was always leaning towards sex or sexual acts there were times where… Continue reading »
Never thought I could be a victim
Victim. As I live through this new vocabulary, which I had somehow managed to never befriend in all these years of pain, trouble, disappointment, heartbreak, disenchantment, depression even… I struggle to accept, this truth, this world view, this reality which has smacked me right across my face, my soul, my body, my heart, revolts… In anger, no no, rage or with the earth shattering, heart wrenching pain, that clenches around my lungs, making my screams pour through my eyes, my clenched fists, breaking the walls of my silence. Till I can no longer bear them. Victim. I don’t really know, how to react, respond, reach out or search within, Is it resilience or is it avoidance? Is it grieving or is it spiraling? Every answer that I had learnt had not prepared me for these questions, and I fail to reconcile with the me that is, the me that was or will ever be. How… Continue reading »
Dead Inside
I was just a little girl all three of you knew what you were doing was wrong but you didn’t even care i started to blame myself for letting it happen for all those years because i thought by letting it happen to me i was protecting others but that wasn’t the case…you made me hate myself i have very low self-esteem and my mental health issues are destroying me because of you i hate looking into the mirror because of you I’d rather cut myself than acknowledge the pain i feel inside you ruined me. — survivor, age 14
Raped in Foster care
My name is Tobi, and I’m a rape victim. That being the said, I will only discuss how child protection services failed to keep me or my daughter safe in the care of child services in Stone County, Wiggins Mississippi. The address at the time was 718 Newton Street Wiggins Mississippi, 39577. The Judge and child services willingly knew and ignored my pleas for help. Leaving me broken and permanently scarred to this day, with no trust for anyone. Not only did they fail me, they failed my daughter whom was a result of a rape that occurred when I was 15, by a man in his 40’s. His girlfriend at the time said she looked past things he did to give him the benefit of doubt, and that he was a good person. It also happened at her house. I was asleep and woke to him getting from on top of me. It was… Continue reading »