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My message to all

As I heard the news that Kavanaugh made it into the supreme court, my heart sank. My husband, who follows politics relentlessly, was furious but I was silent and went on with my day. Getting angry would mean that I would have to really think about what this event means to me… and of course I eventually became angry. The anger is partially about Kavanaugh but mostly about the reaction that men have a scary road ahead. If this is you, please read with an open and heart and mind as this idea may affect those you love much more than you know. I do not know that Kavanaugh is guilty of sexual assault, but if he is I really hope he reads this too. If you believe that all of this sexual assault talk is unfair to men then my counter argument is that it is not fair that I have to push out… Continue reading »

He used me. He left me.

I am 15 years old like a teenager doing my own thing, drama and stuff. one day i was on my snapchat doing SFS which means “shout out for shout out” it’s like you ask someone to post you and say “go add her” sum like that. That’s how you make friends you know. I need friend that time so. LOL I am a good child, made straight A’s, Happy girl ? etc. but then one day this guy added me on snapchat . let’s call him John, so i added John back because why not? we started texting he is funny, hella cute, fine etc. He lives in GA like me but he lives one hour away from me and his 2 years older than me but duh i don’t care we were just texting right? We always talk everyday 24/7, few weeks past by we start liking each other so that time we… Continue reading »

Gang molestation

I have such a long list of incidences where I was violated, throughout my childhood into my adulthood….I can only drudge it up in small doses.. 1975 San Gabriel Valley, grade 1 walking home from school: I was gang molested by several boys; one of them had a baseball bat and it was made clear that I would be hit on the head with it, if I did not comply with their demands; I was frightened. The worst part, was the ring leader, L.B. lived just up the street, from my me, and we had been child friends since diaper-hood.. the latest # is “why I did not report”; I did not have to report, everyone knew and I was to blame; since the boy L.B. lived up the street, he continued to be integrated into my neighborhood community of kids; we played together and with other kids as if he had not hurt me;… Continue reading »

First Encounter

My first encounter with molestation was when I was 5. I am a shy and quiet person by nature so I dealt with the game that she called “doctor” for years. It always made me uncomfortable but I kept quiet about it. When i was 12, I was molested in my own bed by a family member that I had extreme trust for. When it happened, I assured myself that it was okay and he was touching me in that place by accident. This makes NO sense because he is an adult & moved his hand away when my mom opened the door. I was 16 when I consented to have sex with someone that I was just getting to know. When I started to get uncomfortable, he told me he was almost done and wouldn’t let me move until he came. I sat there and took it, then he left me crying in a… Continue reading »

I Was a Fool for Him

I was a starry eyed 15 year old when we first met. He was a mysterious and attractive 18 year old. I should have known what would happen if we got together. We would hang out on weekends with friends and he would flirt with everyone. On his last night in town before he moved to the country, we hung out atbhis place of the moment. It was my best friend, him, and myself. We were all laying in his bed talking for hours in the dark. All of a sudden the two left the room, and he fucked my best friend in his bathroom. I should have known what he was about from that alone. That he had no shame and wanted a nut. After he moved to the country I tried to keep in touch with him. We would talk over messenger and MySpace when we could. But there woukd be times that… Continue reading »

Sexually Assaulted as a Child

Im a 39 year old woman from India. I was sexually abused at 8 years old by my 15 year old cousin for a period of 6 months. My cousin lived with his mother in the same apartment building as my family. We used to visit each other’s homes quite frequently since his mother is my dad’s sister. My parents worked full time and I was in the care of a stay at home nanny. All was well in my childhood till I reached the third grade. Those were days when telephone has recently been introduced across homes in India. My family got a phone as well and as a curious child, I was excited to receive phone calls from friends and relatives. And so it happened one day. I heard the phone ring and it was my cousin on the other side. He asked me to go upstairs to his apartment to “play”. An… Continue reading »

Sexually assaulted at 4

I was born in Bogota, Colombia. I am now 64. When I was 4, me and my same-age friend passed by a nearby carpentry shop that was around the corner. We knew this guy. Everybody called him “Mr. Morris”. He enticed us to go into the shop, and then he took both of us into a small room in the back. He closed the door and sat both of us on a table. Then he took his pants off and showed us his penis. This happened at least twice. The second time that he put some ring(s) around his penis. He told us to stay quiet and not to tell our parents. We said we would, but luckily I told my oldest brother (by that time he was around 19). He told my parents right away. My parents called the other girl’s parents. Suddenly there was a big mob on the street. The guy was… Continue reading »

Kidnapped and raped at gunpoint

Hi so my story started in 2001 when an acquaintance kidnapped me at gunpoint and forced me to his home. I was repeatedly raped again and again with him having a gun to my head threatening to kill me. I remember picturing my daughters having to identify my body and survival kicked in. This man told me he had killed before and gotten away with it and he could kill again. He held me a little over 24 hours. He finally started drinking and because he had been up for 24 hours straight he was sleepy. I took this opportunity to convince him I had enjoyed my time with him and that I should go pick us up some hamburgers. Surprisingly he was hungry and gave me a $20 to pay for the food. I walked out the door and it took everything I had in me to remain calm and hold it together until… Continue reading »

Letter to Senators

October 4, 2018 Dear Senator Susan Collins, Senator Jeff Flake – Member, Judiciary Committee, Senator Joe Manchin and Senator Lisa Murkowski: I said NO. Then I screamed NO. Then I BEGGED. What should have been the happiest moments in my life, college graduation and a dream wedding to my beloved husband turned into nightmare in just one evening. I was raped. I will never forget the smells and sounds in the ER that evening. The flurry of doctors, nurses, policemen and detectives coming in and out of my hospital room, as I lay broken on the exam room table. The physical exam, rape kit, collecting DNA left me shaking and choking back tears. They administered medications to prevent pregnancy and sexual transmitted diseases. My clothes were collected and kept as evidence by the NYPD. I felt as if I couldn’t breathe or move. I was simply BROKEN. The kindness and care these individuals in the… Continue reading »

Only I get to make choices for my body

I’m the one who got myself that last beer that made me black out. I should’ve known my limits. If I really didn’t want it, why would I have let him into my dorm upstairs from the party? Maybe he was black out drunk too. Sometimes when I drink too much I lose my memory while I’m still conscious. Also plenty of people have embarrassing drunk hookup stories and don’t call those rape. Somehow my only clear thought when I woke up, naked in my dorm bed with that pink condom in the trash can, was that “it was the Japanese exchange student.” But maybe it wasn’t the creepy one who was making me uncomfortable at the beginning of the party. I could have just hit it off with one of his friends. And most importantly, I don’t even remember the events, so how dare I compare my experience to the experiences of survivors of… Continue reading »