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When will it be enough?

Why is it not enough? Why is my reluctance not enough to make you stop? Why is my “no” not enough? Why is my “no no no” not enough? Why are my clawing, shoving, desperately-trying-to-pull-my-pants-up hands not enough? Why is my cry of “oh god make it stop, please make it stop” still not enough for you? Why are my tears not enough? Why do I have to be violated and then told that I’m too young to recognize that women want a man who “takes charge in the bedroom”? Why does this have to happen over and over and over again all over the world? I am heartbroken for all my sisters who have endured the same pain. It is not fair that we have lost pieces of our souls after these monsters. It is not fair that the gaping wounds attract more predators, like sharks drawn to blood in the water, who tear… Continue reading »

I will never forget

All this start when i meet a boy when i was 16 he was my dream man who later will be my nightmare,i remember like today the day u do that too me,i was young and silly i believe in this world everybody is like me,naive as i was,i could never forget when i get into your car ,i was crying begging you to stop the car u just don’t listen i was just a sex doll for u not even human,u drive me to that shitty motel and raped me u see my face was covered with tears i was scared but u never care u just care for ur desire and after hours of it u leave me like trash in the middle of nowwhere with no money,u know i could not make a call beacuse of the society we live,in that day u don’t only rape me u destroy me trust in… Continue reading »

I wish I never knew

I don’t remember it or how old I was but in fact I try and block it from my memorise, desperately trying to forget that it ever occured. All I remember was my mum telling me a couple years later a small detail from an incident that happened to me when I was around 3 years old. I was on holiday with my family when my mum decided to pull me over to have a talk, she made sure no else could listen in, especially my brother. She told my that my dad had touched me were he should have not touched me while I was in the bath and that my brother had to watch. At the time I slightly understood but not properly, it helped my understand why my parents always fought, or why once when I was in an argument with my mum she said at least she did not pass me… Continue reading »

Broken

It happened a week ago I was on the train with my sister. After a while I felt someone behind me touching me inappropriately. I was scared and I didn’t knew what to do i was feeling like I was choking I was completely shocked I wanted to scream to say something to move but I was completely frozen I just waited until he left. When I went home I cried. Yesterday I told my friend and she told me that things like that happen and I am overreacting. Ι don’t know am I making a great deal for nothing. I just feel really wrong and anxious and ashamed all the time.

Rubbing my scars

I am six years old. I think. It’s unclear my exact age because my parents never talked about it growing up and the legal records are now sealed. I am six, give a take a few years, and I am sitting on my bedroom floor between my bed and the wall. I’m not wearing pants and my legs are spread apart. He is sitting across from me, his hair is slicked back, in a pony tail. He uses his fingers to spread the lips of vagina apart. He is inspecting it. He has to lower his head to see what is down there, in there. Sticking his fingers inside me, he opens my vagina up. He inspects me with his eyes and fingers. He is ten years older than I am and my babysitter. Where is my younger brother while this is happening? Is he with my parents? Where are they? What are they doing?… Continue reading »

Supe que fue un abuso cuando ya era demasiado tarde…

Cuando tenia 5-6 años, no recuerdo la edad exacta, un primo mio de unos 17 años solia sentarme en sus piernas y frotarse sus partes conmigo. Nunca intentó tener relaciones conmigo pero fue algo que me afectó por años. No sabía si debía contarlo o no porque no sabía ni siquiera qué era el sexo, qué era el placer sexual, no sabía nada de eso. Recuerdo que entendí lo que había pasado cuando recibí educación sexual en la primaria. Pareciera algo sin importancia pero me marco por años. Hoy tengo 35 años y hasta hace poco le conté a mi mamá. Esto afectó mucho mi vida sexual, pero ya no tenía caso enfrentar a mi agresor, solo he evitado tener que verlo. A veces me he dado cuenta de que la mayor parte de mi vida he tratado de pasar desapercibida, nunca me gusto que me alagaran ni llamar la atención. Es algo muy muy… Continue reading »

It was his word against mine

It was a calm night, I was sitting on my couch when I got a text from my step brother saying he wanted me to come over to celebrate his birthday. I drove over there and already had me a few drinks when he told me his friend was coming over. I never met the guy but I heard a lot of stories from my step brother about him. By the time he got there i was beyond drunk. Then my stepbrother gave me a joint and gave me some more drinks. During this time his friend kept on moving closer to me and i kept on moving away. There was a point where I couldn’t even speak so I laid down on the couch. The last thing I really remember was the friend asking me if i was asleep yet. Then I woke up for a split second and felt someone on top and… Continue reading »

I Came Home

I came home from school, funny because it was the same time everyday from the same bus. I walked in our house, and down the hall. The door was open so I could see my Dad was on top of my 5 year old sister, between her legs, and attempting sex. When our Mom passed, she made me promise to do anything to protect my sister. Being 12, I told our Dad to leave her alone. He could have it from me instead. I went to his room, so we could have our rooms to go safely, and got on his bed, removing my underwear. Dad had no issues exchanging partners. When he was finished, I took a shower, and started dinner like nothing was new or different. I treated it like a house chore. Whenever Dad wanted, I would go to his room, and then went to whatever I had to do next. Never… Continue reading »

Hotel

I was out on a Friday night with my best friend at a nice hotel bar in the city. I was a little drunk, but not much. I met a nice man who laughed with me and showed me pictures of his dog. I decided to go back to his hotel with him (a decision that haunts me). Once we were back, I just remember having a bad feeling. I didn’t actually want to have sex. I only wanted to be out of the noisy bar. I felt myself not wanting to be there anymore. I don’t remember how my outfit came off, but I remember being on my back naked and him on top of me. I remember saying no a lot of times before he was inside me. After that, I remember him moving me around where he wanted me, me crying, him covering my mouth and also putting a pillow over my… Continue reading »

you do what you gotta

I was homeless for a while. i was wit a boyfriend and we were suppose to get married, but never got to it. he found a new girlfriend and wanted me out. being he was the only one on the lease i didn’t have a choice. I was worked at a mail fulfillment warehouse, you know you pay shipping and handling, well they are the handling. they changed contracts and layed off half, and i was in that half. i had to survive jobless and homeless. i went through savings in days and ate what i found in trash or left on tables. the day i met him, i was at the Chester buss terminal begging for money. i was having a good day, when a cop threatened to take me in for panhandling. while he argued wit me, a man offered to take me to lunch. this was an offer i couldn’t refuse. we… Continue reading »