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Was it my fault

It was spring break of my freshman year. I was drinking and having fun until you attacked me. I was a virgin and planned to wait until I found my soulmate. You took that from me. You took me to your hotel room and held me down and had sex with me. I was recovering from an eating disorder and felt like I was finally beating it. I was small, you were big and I couldn’t push you off. I didn’t scream, my whole body froze. I never said yes but I didn’t scream or hit you. Does that mean it was ok or does that mean it was rape? I remember the awful motion of you pushing yourself into me and the horrible pain. I hated every second and those memories still haunt me. My eating disorder came back full force after you assaulted me. What you did was not ok. 10 years later… Continue reading »

Sharing #MeToo’s

We have been discussing the #MeToo campaign, and we each found a disturbing trend to have experienced something. We resolved to Share or stories: I was dating every weekend once I went to college, after a high school of being the last call for every dance. I was careful about sexual assault, but no one tried. My friends discussed that I would just have the next date take it. I was too moral, or too scared to, take your favorite. I met an outgoing guy at a party, and then saw him again about a week later, and he asked me out. Of course, there was no reason not to go! We never made it to the movie, as he pulled me out of the car, and raped me in the parking lot! He was strong, and covered my mouth, and I saw no one heading for their cars, so he just had his way…. Continue reading »

Tulane Law

I was a Junior. I lived in school housing and went to a party at a house 2 blocks from my room. I arrived and one of the guys who lived there asked me to come check out his CD collection. He got aggressive, pushed me against a wall, and I told him I was not interested and I had a long-distance boyfriend. He wasn’t happy, but let me go back to the main room where my friends were. I made it very clear I did not want to have sex with him. I had friends at party and I came with them. About 7 hours later, I “woke up”’ with him inside me. I pushed him off and ran the 2 blocks to my dorm. I still get sick at smell of obsession which was cologne he was wearing. I still can’t handle the smell. My scrunchie (remember when scrunchies where in style?) smelled… Continue reading »

Gang rape and further sexual assaults

May 05 2001 is a date that will always be tattooed on my brain as that was the day I was raped. I was coming home from work and to save a few pounds I decided to take the bus. After a few minutes I realised I was being followed. It was before 8.30 so no shops were opened for me to go into so i kept walking in the hope they would leave me alone but thing then got worse. 2 of the men grabbed me and dragged me down an alley beside a pub. The other 4 guys with them followed laughing and jeering at me. One kept saying you’re going to get it. My clothes were tore from me then they took turns in raping me. When they finished they all were laughing then walked away and left me. I can’t remember how long I lay there for after but I remember… Continue reading »

Please do not be afraid of being “the girl who cried rape”

was 15. And still, until this day I don’t have the courage to call what happened to me “rape”. I call it sexual assault. “I thought u we’re telling people that I raped u witch I didn’t so I was gettin all scared”. My sexual assaulter apologized to me on Facebook the day after. He made it clear that since there was no penetration with his genitals, he didn’t rape me. Afraid of being the girl who cried rape, I told him “I mean I’m a forgiving person. I don’t wanna say it’s ok cause what you did made me cry for three hours. Cause I said no but you still did it out in the open in the marina when you knew I liked [My ex boyfriend]. It’s gunna take time but I’ll eventually forgive you… But I also met you three days ago.” Trying hard to still be a feminist and let him… Continue reading »

I still don’t know

I still don’t know if I was anally raped by a former gang member 7 years ago. I think about it more and more as I get older. I was drinking, he was the neighbour of a boy I had just met who I went on to date for quite some time. We were all being social, listening to music etc and all of a sudden I knew I wasnt OK and asked if I could lie down. I remember not a thing until I woke up in the morning and my bum felt bruised, torn, sitting hurt extremely badly. A little blood followed that day. It took almost a week before the pain went away. The man who I believe may have raped me sat with me the next morning. I thought he couldn’t possibly have done anything to me, right? Even though the pain was enough to really concern me I couldn’t remember… Continue reading »

What sent me over the edge

I had just turned 19. I went to a frat party, I was drinking too much because I was stupid and just wanted to fit in. I started dancing and making out with a stranger. He quickly became violent. When I tried to leave, he followed me upstairs and dragged me into a side room. He slammed me against the wall, pulled my leggings down and my shirt up. He held me against the wall with his forearm pressing down on my neck. I completely froze. My screams echoed in my head but I couldn’t make any sound. He started to finger me, then pushed me onto the couch and forced his entire first inside me. Then he got on top of me. I had turned my face into the couch cushions so that I didn’t have to watch. I gave up. I let him spread my legs. He raped me on the couch. He… Continue reading »

Sexual Assault in my own bed

I was messing around with my ex. I know I shouldn’t have but my friends told me to have fun be a teenager. So I was doing just that. We were friends with benefits. Most of it was just kissing and touching. It was the day that my parents were gone. I invited him over. I knew that it was a booty call but I didn’t want to have sex I just wanted to mess around. I let him in and we went to my room. He took his shirt off and we started kissing. When he reaches for my boobs I told him no. That I don’t want to have sex. He didn’t want to hear anything I said. Next thing I know I am laying on the bed with his crushing weight on top of me. I remember every little detail. From his weight on me to the feeling of his tongue down… Continue reading »

My Ex-husband

I was married once before to a bartender with a drug problem. Many nights he would encourage me to come down to the bar and drink with him and his coworkers after closing up. Many nights I would stumble my way out of the bar after 2 drinks, make it home, and completely black out. The next morning I would always wake up with no underwear on and confused. This was a regular occurrence until I woke up with my husband inside of me. I told him to stop, and he shoved his hand over my face until he finished. For some reason, I stayed after that for 2 months. I tried to make it seem like it never happened, because I was too embarrassed to have to explain how my husband could rape me. The last straw was when we went out drinking, and he decided that he wanted to go buy some drugs,… Continue reading »

The Friend

2 years ago my boyfriend (now fiancé) and a mutual friend he worked with went to a concert. All of us had been drinking. On the way home I noticed my boyfriend texting someone. Of almost 9 months of dating I was furious to know he was texting with his ex. Drunk and mad I messaged the ex on Facebook asking her to leave him alone as he was now my boyfriend. She decided to tell me he was the one intitiating any contact and she had nothing to do with him as he was not good to her in the past. He never had given me a reason to be afraid or even really yelled at me so I inquired to know more about what she meant. She had told me to be careful as in the past he had pushed her a few times and was verbally and physically abusive. Concerned, indirectly confronted… Continue reading »