I was raped by a youtube personality and book author and it kills me that he has fans and followers. I have not said this publicly and have held on to this for about 11 years now. About 11 years ago, I auditioned and worked on a project man was working on based on his book “dating advice” book for men. Though I did not care for his book – for I felt it was so inherently wrong, negative and extremely sexist – at the time I had hoped it was suppose to be comedy, but later learned he took every word he wrote seriously. So, at the time, I admired his accomplishments – he had fans and relative economic success through this book. When the project was ending, he asked me out. I was torn because I was both uncomfortable and flattered. I was open to dating, but at the time, I was mostly… Continue reading »
High School Rape
“Mom, Dad, there’s this party tonight, everyone from school is going, I promise I’ll be safe…can I please go? Please?” I remember asking my parents to go to this party, I remember pleading with them, trying to make deals with them. But they wouldn’t have it. My father looked me in the eyes, and using my childhood nickname, he said “Letti, nothing good happens at those kind of parties, we’re not trying to be mean or strict, we’re just trying to keep you safe.” At the time, I thought that being mean and annoying was their ultimate goal, to make my life boring and miserable. I went to my room and pouted for the rest of the night. I refused dinner and did not answer their good night calls. My phone was blowing up. “Are you coming to the party?” When can you get here?” It’s already insane you need to come!” At first I… Continue reading »
I was sexually assaulted
Two years ago when I moved to LA, I never thought that my life would change forever in one second. One night i got home to find my roommate with a couple of friends drinking and partying. Just wanting to finally connect with my roommate I drank, I honestly don’t remember much about that night. I do remember this random guy coming into my bedroom and sexually assaulting me up until the next morning when i got up to leave and was pushed down multiple times. When I went to the police I felt like they never believed me, and up until this day my rape kit and case sit on a never-ending shelf on never getting any answers. My assault was a stranger assault. Thankfully I had the support of family and close friends, but i still never wanted to get out of bed or would get panic attacks for no reason whatsoever. To… Continue reading »
Survivor
I was raped for two years. And that was only the first person. During that two years there were others who tried and one who succeeded. All of this happened before my 18th birthday. My first relationship began when I was 16, it only took him a week into it to say if I didn’t start having sex he wasn’t going to stay with me. He was the first guy to really pay me any attention, a tale as old as time I know. So I had sex with him. And it was a first time that I don’t wish upon anyone. He picked me up and we drove to his mom’s townhouse. He wasted no time in taking off my clothes and pulling me into his bedroom. With no trace of romance or care he pushed himself inside of me and then got mad at me when I said I was in pain. Angrily… Continue reading »
I Am A Survivor
It’s been 7 months since you raped me. 7 months since you took something so valuable to me. I still feel your hands around my neck and your breath down my neck. I was so scared to tell my own parents because you threatened me you would hurt me if I did. I lived those 7 months trying to forget about what you did to me. The moment you walked through the doors I didn’t know I would have been violated the way you violated me. You grabbed me and threw me on the couch and wrapped your hands around my neck, I felt so lifeless, I could barely breathe, at that moment I thought my life was over. I started to scream and kick and fight for myself but you overpowered me. You put your hand over my mouth and I will never forget that nasty smirk you gave me and you told me… Continue reading »
I forgot, but then I remembered
He hit me in the back of the skull with a beer bottle. I didn’t have much time to prepare–we had gotten into a drunken argument and he lunged towards me. The last thing I remembered was the cold, hard glass snuffing out my consciousness. Everything remained dark for four years after that, until one day I remembered. I remembered laying on the ground, my head throbbing and my lungs fighting to breathe. I faded in and out of consciousness. Every time I came to I could hear his moaning, and felt him pushing himself inside of me. I was too weak to fight back, so I laid there while he took what he wanted from me. Afterwards he left, and I stayed in the same spot for hours until I finally found the strength to stand. I forgot, but then I remembered. Now I can’t seem to let it go. I’ll pray for you,… Continue reading »
How Many Times?
I have been raped, I don’t know anymore whether I admit, or declare it. My first time, also my first time, was on a date with my boyfriend. We were making out, and he went up my shirt, and I stopped him with a no. He kept trying until he got to 2nd base, and then went under the shirt, and an emphatic no didn’t stop his hands. I included a no at each stage, through penetration, intercourse and orgasm. my opinion was clear, and unimportant. On Monday, he had a date with a classmate, and we weren’t committed, in that order. Less than a week later, we had the stereotypical rivals football game, which we lost in the fourth. Walking home, through a playground in the minor creek and woods, I ran into a guy. He was from the other school, from his jacket. He was cute, nicely built, hot butt. He was charming,… Continue reading »
Raped by a work colleague
This starts April 2017 i went for a team meal with work colleagues, a few of us stayed out for drinks. So this “man” decided he would stay out with me and a few girls from our team. As the night went on 1 by 1 girls started to leave so i decided to stay for a few more with this man. This man was on my team he is 20 years my senior, has a daughter a few years younger than me. So what i can remember was going to a few places, he just kept buying drinks, like i struggled to keep up,We was having a laugh. Then all i can remember is a few seconds of me in a taxi with him then it goes black…. I remember being guided into a room,i fall to the floor, it goes black….i wake up its dark i feel beard on my face kissing me,i… Continue reading »
I just wanted a friend
It happened on March 17,2018. I had just broken up with my boyfriend the day before and I just wanted my guy “friend” to come over and hang out with me. I’m 17 and he’s 15. I just wanted to get my mind off of the break up and I stated CLEARLY that I didn’t want to do anything, even before he came over. It was his first time at my house, so I showed him around the first floor. Then he asked what my room looks like so I took him upstairs to show him. He ended up laying on my bed and I tried to coax him off so he’d come downstairs, but he didn’t move. I laid next to him, and I felt so awkward that I put on a movie. I kept the movie playing even when he started to touch me. I didn’t tell him to stop. I never have… Continue reading »
Because of you
i used to be an innocent child that now no longer exists because of you i use to be a happy kid always talking to everyone protect myself from everything and move freely and then you came an took everything from that kid I became afraid of everyone that reminded me of you and what you did to me .I am still blaming myself for what you did i still doubt myself an my actions probably because i didn’t stop you then. 4 year later I still remember your dirty hand on my body in a place full of strangers looking at me with that disgusting look I am still afraid being around a lot of men. But because of you i am a stronger girl I am better and tougher. Because of you i lost a part of me the part of me which thought that the word was a place full of joy… Continue reading »