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I am still running

…at around 12:30am, May 4, 2017, when I was already sleeping, a man accessed my villa. When I opened my eyes I saw the attacker’s face and a knife. Threatening me with the knife, the intruder forced himself on me and repeatedly raped me. I was trying to escape the villa and once or twice managed to open the door and make several steps outside. However, the rapist took me back to the villa threatening me with the knife. Number of times he said that he would kill me. I was screaming loud but apparently, due to the size of the resort and remote location of my villa no one could hear me. After an hour and a half of our struggle and him rapping me, I managed to escape the villa and run to the hotel reception. It took me almost 20 minutes to get to the restaurant area, where I thought I could… Continue reading »

Less than a Minute of my Life

I was jogging through Fairmount Park, Philadelphia, just like I did twice a week for years, listening to my tunes, in the zone. Suddenly he grabbed me, dragged me into the bushes, and threw me onto the ground cover of ivy. In a second, my pants were off, and he was raping me. The act itself took less than a minute, and he punched me in the stomach, taking off with my electronics and fanny pack. I found someone to call the police, and spent the hours giving statements and being examined. Except for some bruising and soreness, I wasn’t hurt too badly physically. I gave up jogging in the park, and payed for a health club. I caught myself moving to the farthest machine that was unused, or taking my time to not be running next to someone on the indoor track. I had a hard time accepting dates, or going somewhere alone where… Continue reading »

Raped While Traveling

In the US, what happened to me in India is rape. In some other countries rape is defined by penis/vagina contact and this is another form of sexual assault. Either way, it’s hurtful and wrong. My confidence is completely shattered. I feel so violated. I keep having nightmares; I just know that it hit me like a speeding truck. I thought I had put it to the darkest and farthest part of my memory, but that’s the funny thing about your mind. It plays tricks on you. It makes you believe that you’re this fully functioning human being until one day it all comes rushing back and there’s not a damn thing you can do to stop it. Let me tell you about the night I was very sexually assaulted. It was winter, Feb 9th, 2017, my 25th birthday, and it happened in India. I travel alone. I’ve never been nervous about the Bad Things… Continue reading »

Raped

Growing up, I had a wonderful mother who was always around, and I had a father, who was never around but still visited twice a month. This father I had, he loved my little sister, he loved our whole family… except me. I don’t know what I did but, he just hated me. He was abusive, mean, and I showed up to school with bruises. I got made fun of for having too much foundation, but in reality, it was to hide the cuts and bruises on my face. As if that wasn’t enough, I was raped at school when I was 14. I was in Spanish and I had to use the bathroom, to do that I have to walk past the boys bathroom. 3 guys in my grade grabbed me from behind, I only got one scream out before the covered my mouth and dragged me into the bathroom. They covered my mouth… Continue reading »

Anxiety

I am a german girl, 20 years old. A few weeks ago I went skiing with my dad for a few days. After skiing we went to a bar for aprés ski where we met some guys from switzerland. We had a lot of fun and when my dad wanted to go back to our hotel I decided to stay with my new friends. We went to a disco about 1.5 kilometers from our hotel. I think it was about 1 o´clock when I became tired and wanted to go to bed. I decided to walk back to the hotel. Alone. There have been a lot of people in the streets but then I had to go through a tunnel. At the end of the tunnel there was a driveway to the garage of a hotel. Suddenly somebody grabbed my arm and pulled me back at the end of that driveway. I screamed but there… Continue reading »

A Nightmare

I had just broken up with my boyfriend who I found was cheating on me so I went out to a local bar to meet up with someone I considered a close friend who was the bar promoter. Hoping a night of fun drinks,dancing,a cute dress on would be simple way to distract myself from a broken heart. I remember having a few drinks, shots, seeing old acquaintances, then I have no memory. And the next morning I wake up next someone who looked similar to my friend as I was still disoriented but then I realized it wasn’t. When he got up to let his dog out that he was a stranger. Then to my surprise, another strange man comes into the bedroom and says good morning to me and wonders how and when I wound up in there with no explanation as to where I was before. I still wasn’t realizing what happened… Continue reading »

MS13

Until this happened, I had been a divorced, middle class special education teacher and mother. Nothing exciting. I had worked with students in gangs but had never even heard of MS13. R stripped me of my identity, I was apologizing, working on being more submissive, trying harder to please him, trying to avoid “trouble.” My ex husband knew something was wrong and was working with his parole officer. No contact orders were put in place between him and me and him and my daughter. They are in place now as part of his release from prison, but I made sure he knows I didn’t ask for them. I have been treated for PTSD and symptoms of Stockholm syndrome along with my depression. I have sought treatment multiple times inpatient, 4 times partial patient and intensive out patient, personal therapy, psychiatrist, medication, PTSD program daily for about 5 or 6 months, some meditation and aromatherapy, breathing… Continue reading »

Years later… meeting my rapist again

I was abducted when I was nineteen by an acquaintance who stalked me. I tried to report it to the campus police, but they just humiliated me. Also, It was an ordeal that I don’t really remember because he drugged me. But many years later, I moved to a new town, and then he appeared a few months later. He was in that town. He was a respected member of the leaders of that town. He called my name. When I pretended I didn’t know who he was, he said the date that he raped me. After that, I spent a few years feeling terribly afraid. I got physically ill with cancer. I had many flashbacks and realized that he had taken me to a gardening shed, that he had drugged me, that he invited others to come watch what he did to me and took video and photographs. I have had terrible dreams and… Continue reading »

School Rape

I was 8 and I was heading to the girls bathroom. I walked into the biggest stall because I always go for the most spacious. I walked in and locked the door. Three males older than me, (about two or three grades), crawled into my stall from the one next to me. I already had my pants down when they came in. I tried to get out but they had a knife and said if I made any noise they would kill me and I believed them. They pulled their pants down and it looked like their was a balloon on their man part. All three of them took turns raping me. Then they stopped and I was bleeding a lot. The older looking one said to me if I said anything I was dead. I never told anyone, not even my parents about it. It was hard sharing my stories but it feels good… Continue reading »

Drugged

I have been raped multiple times. For the longest time I just acted like it wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t think about it and tried to forget about it all together. However, in reality, I was terrified. The time that scared me the most was when I was at a frat party with my friends. One of the guys took me into the bathroom where five other guys were. At this point they had already given me plenty of drinks and my memory is very foggy. I only remember bits and pieces. I can’t even recall what he looks like. I could be talking with him everyday and I wouldn’t even realize. That’s what scares me the most. He could come after me again and I wouldn’t even know it was him. He drugged me, brought me in a room with his friends, assaulted me, took me to his house, and then raped me… Continue reading »