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MS13

Until this happened, I had been a divorced, middle class special education teacher and mother. Nothing exciting. I had worked with students in gangs but had never even heard of MS13. R stripped me of my identity, I was apologizing, working on being more submissive, trying harder to please him, trying to avoid “trouble.” My ex husband knew something was wrong and was working with his parole officer. No contact orders were put in place between him and me and him and my daughter. They are in place now as part of his release from prison, but I made sure he knows I didn’t ask for them. I have been treated for PTSD and symptoms of Stockholm syndrome along with my depression. I have sought treatment multiple times inpatient, 4 times partial patient and intensive out patient, personal therapy, psychiatrist, medication, PTSD program daily for about 5 or 6 months, some meditation and aromatherapy, breathing… Continue reading »

Years later… meeting my rapist again

I was abducted when I was nineteen by an acquaintance who stalked me. I tried to report it to the campus police, but they just humiliated me. Also, It was an ordeal that I don’t really remember because he drugged me. But many years later, I moved to a new town, and then he appeared a few months later. He was in that town. He was a respected member of the leaders of that town. He called my name. When I pretended I didn’t know who he was, he said the date that he raped me. After that, I spent a few years feeling terribly afraid. I got physically ill with cancer. I had many flashbacks and realized that he had taken me to a gardening shed, that he had drugged me, that he invited others to come watch what he did to me and took video and photographs. I have had terrible dreams and… Continue reading »

School Rape

I was 8 and I was heading to the girls bathroom. I walked into the biggest stall because I always go for the most spacious. I walked in and locked the door. Three males older than me, (about two or three grades), crawled into my stall from the one next to me. I already had my pants down when they came in. I tried to get out but they had a knife and said if I made any noise they would kill me and I believed them. They pulled their pants down and it looked like their was a balloon on their man part. All three of them took turns raping me. Then they stopped and I was bleeding a lot. The older looking one said to me if I said anything I was dead. I never told anyone, not even my parents about it. It was hard sharing my stories but it feels good… Continue reading »

Drugged

I have been raped multiple times. For the longest time I just acted like it wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t think about it and tried to forget about it all together. However, in reality, I was terrified. The time that scared me the most was when I was at a frat party with my friends. One of the guys took me into the bathroom where five other guys were. At this point they had already given me plenty of drinks and my memory is very foggy. I only remember bits and pieces. I can’t even recall what he looks like. I could be talking with him everyday and I wouldn’t even realize. That’s what scares me the most. He could come after me again and I wouldn’t even know it was him. He drugged me, brought me in a room with his friends, assaulted me, took me to his house, and then raped me… Continue reading »

I am More than a Victim

I was raped the summer before my sophomore year. I was at a party. I was dancing and talking to everyone that I came into contact with, I wasn’t drinking just having a good time. The friends I was with left to go get a drink and to go to the bathroom for what seemed like only a minute. Then this guy came up to me and started to flirt with me pretty heavily. I didn’t think anything of it. He was cute, I flirted back. He offered me a drink, which I denied, and told him I wasn’t drinking. He offered to go get me a Coke instead, and I accepted. He came back with an open can of Coke. I noticed it was open but I didn’t think anything of it at the time. Actually I thought it was sweet of him to open it for me… but he was far from sweet…. Continue reading »

Nobody Knew

My story starts on Canada Day 2014, I was 16 years old. The day went perfectly. I had my boyfriend with me, whom I thought was perfect in every way. He was older that me, so I thought I had a lot to compete with when it came to other girls and being around his friends. We spent the day celebrating with our friends downtown at the festival. I couldn’t have asked for a better DAY. We had decided to make our way to a local beach where there would be fire works to end off the celebration of Canada Day. We met up with some of his friends that had all been drinking and we joined them. We were both pretty drunk about an hour later. It was dark out at this point, and him and his friends were dancing around and smoking a joint. Tris (his nickname for this story) came up to… Continue reading »

Rape and Crisis

I’ve been raped twice and attempted rape which I was coerced into I stopped but it was still very much sexual assault. This is over the past few months I’m jumpy can’t focus very anxious all the time sleep is when I can I try to sleep and have nightmares sometimes. I’m irritable and I’ve had two infections. I did physical cleansing this afternoon I was better whilst doing it. I’m having trouble even thinking it sounds daft. I’m doubting myself and avoiding meaningful conversations. Am trying to eat to improve my health. Until a few weeks ago I was drinking when I was going out and overeating anything. I feel like crying sometimes. — Bella, age 48

Surviving, Kinda

Help. God help me write this, but I think its time I let it out. This is my story about how a man who completely destroyed me within a matter of minuets, three times. At first I didn’t know it was rape. After years of abuse I just thought it was normal and no one would talk about it. But surely it happens to everyone? Right? Clearly not. I somehow convinced myself that it was my fault and that I asked for it. And that I was wearing the wrong clothes so it could have happend to anyone. That I’m clearly a slut because of this. That no man will ever love me because of what has happened. No one will accept me and my past. But no one should ever feel like that, as it is the hardest thing I have ever had to get out of. And I’m still trying. I was 13… Continue reading »

Quiet for 2 years

I was sexually assaulted almost 3 years ago by a total stranger. I was 16 years old, and I had recently had sex for the first time, with my boyfriend at the time. I’m a quiet person, I never talked much to people I didn’t know and I come off as shy to people. I was in a way pretty innocent looking. And I guess because I looked helpless one night at around 10:30 pm, walking alone down a dirt road no one was on, a random guy decided to use me. I was supposed to be with my boyfriend watching fireworks but we got into a fight so I ended up trying to find my way home by myself. I do not know how old this man was but he couldn’t have been older than 25. He had short brown hair, he was caucasian and wore all black. But that is the extent of… Continue reading »

My First Time

I was 19 and it was my second year in university. It was great, I lived in my new dorm with some really nice girls and I couldn’t have asked for anything more. It was December 19. I came out of an economics lecture and it was relatively late, it was probably around 5pm. Lots of people had dropped out and my class was small, I didn’t know anyone in that class and I liked to sit by myself. I took the same route I always took but I had to walk though a large group of friends who blocked the corridor. Later on when I was on my way home, I got to where the dorms was and went down the small alley way (I guess that’s what you called it) but it was wider and longer than you’d expect. I probably got a third way down and the next thing I know someone… Continue reading »